Chapter 18: Dreams

It was Friday afternoon and that meant it was payday. Dave had written out all of the paychecks the previous evening knowing that the women would drift into his office one at a time. He was working on the books for the project. It appeared that Andrew couldn't spend the money fast enough. He was going to suggest that Andrew take the women to some exotic locations and maybe they could explore some new twists on old topics.

There was a knock on the door of his office. He looked up from his work to see Amber enter the office. She came in and plopped down in the chair across from him.

"Hello, Amber."

"Hi, Dave."

"I take it you're here for your weekly check," Dave said.

"Right," Amber said.

He shuffled through the folders on his desk to find the one in which he kept the paychecks. It was the third one from the top of the stack. He found her check and handed it over to her.

She checked it to make sure that it was for the correct amount of money. There were seven days at $750 a day which meant her gross was $5250 for the week. She checked that all of the taxes were taken out properly. Satisfied, she folded the check and put it into her purse.

Dave asked, "How are things going?"

"The same old, same old," she answered.

Dave took a moment to examine Amber. She was dressed in her typical out of the house outfit – blue jeans, a blouse, and sandals. Rather than standing straight, she was slouched down a little. Her smile looked forced.

"You seem down."

"Ah ... You know. There are days like that."

"Has Andrew done something to upset you?"

"No."

"Any of the other women being catty?"

"No."

Dave said, "You miss Bambi."

"I don't know. I lived with her for a long time, but I never really got to know her. I was kind of used to having her around. I guess I do miss her a little, but not all that much," Amber said.

"So what's wrong?"

"I don't know. I just feel a little blue today," Amber said.

Dave said, "If there's anything Sue Ellen or I can do for you, let us know. Okay?"

"Sure," Amber said.

After examining the display of goodies available, Amber sat down at the table in the small pastry shop. She put her purse on the floor next to her chair. She looked across the table at her friend.

"Hello, Amber," Maria said.

"Hi, Maria. How's it going?" Amber asked.

"It's going well. My oldest girl is applying to college," Maria said with a satisfied smile.

"I hope she gets to go to the one she wants," Amber said.

Maria said, "She's only applying to community colleges. It's a money issue. We can't afford a real college."

"What about financial aid?" Amber asked.

"Her father and I make too much money for her to qualify."

"That's a shame."

Maria said, "You weren't your normal cheery self this morning for tea."

"I'm just a little blue," Amber said.

"Why?"

Amber said, "My plan to improve my life is nearly complete. I've got more in the bank than I initially planned on getting. I can actually quit working any time I want."

She was now staying at the house out of inertia. Trying to move across the country during the holiday season wasn't all that great. She wasn't sure that she wanted to move in January and try to establish herself in the middle of winter. Her original plans had been to move in the spring.

"You've never told me what you are doing to earn so much money," Maria said.

"I'm working on a special project. It's all kind of hush hush," Amber said.

Maria asked, "Will it hurt the project if you leave?"

"For a little while, but they'll replace me," Amber said with a shrug.

"So why are you down?"

Amber said, "I really don't know what I'll do next. I haven't decided on where I'll go."

The increase in pay had knocked several months off of Amber's original plan. She had been spending her time learning what she felt would allow her to live a nice frugal lifestyle while searching for a husband. She hadn't given much thought as to where she would go upon leaving Andrew's house. That had been an event that was to be far in the future, but wasn't.

"You're leaving?" Maria asked.

"I've got to," Amber said.

Maria said, "I'm sorry to hear that."

Amber said, "I'll never find a good husband here. I wasn't a very good girl when I was younger."

"Lot's of women make that mistake. You can get beyond it without moving away," Maria said.

Amber said, "It's just easier to do it if I move."

"Maybe my daughter could take your place on the project. She could use the money to pay to get into a real college," Maria said.

Amber leaned forward and said, "Maria. Your daughter does not want my job. She wouldn't like it. You wouldn't like her doing it."

"How can it be so bad?"

"Just trust me," Amber said looking Maria directly in the eye.

"So you are selling yourself," Maria declared flatly.

"Yes," Amber answered.

Maria was silent for a moment thinking about what Amber said. She thought about what skills Amber had to bring to the world and knew they weren't all that great.

She said, "I am disappointed to learn that."

"I'm sorry to disappoint you," Amber said.

Maria smiled and said, "It is only a minor disappointment in a life filled with disappointments large and small. It is of no matter."

"That's a very good way to look at things," Amber said thoughtfully.

"So, what are you going to order?" Maria asked cheerfully.

"The lemon tort looks good," Amber said.

"It is," Maria said.

The joint was hopping. It was Friday night and most folks in the area had gotten paid that day. There were groups who were laughing and having a good time. Young couples were there on dates. Older couples were there to get out of the house for a change. There were singles looking to hook up with members of the opposite sex. It was chaotic and loud.

Jim sat at the bar drinking his fourth beer of the evening. He was in a melancholy mood. The day at work had been a little slow which gave him too much time to think. There were too many slow days at work lately. He hoped that it didn't mean that a layoff was coming. That would not be good.

Adding to his blue mood was that he had overheard a woman talking about him earlier that evening. She didn't know that he was anywhere around. She had essentially said that although he was a nice guy and all that, she wanted a whole man. He was half tempted to go over and tell her that he was more man than the limp-wristed dicks she hung out with. One of his coworkers had chosen that moment to come over and drag him off for another beer.

He took another sip of his beer thinking about his life. He had been coming to the bar much too often lately. He tried to remember when he had last missed a night and couldn't come up with a date or even an estimate of a date. There was hardly a visit when he didn't have four beers at a minimum.

He didn't think he was becoming an alcoholic, but he knew that much beer wasn't good for him. It was just that it was better to sit at the bar drinking than to sit at home alone staring at the walls of his apartment. He hadn't fallen into the trap of having a bottle at home to help chase away the loneliness.

The problem was that he couldn't really afford to continue going to the bar every night. He made good money, but to piss over three hundred dollars a month away in beer didn't help the old savings account. He had rent, utilities, car payments, and food to pay for. His paycheck was good, but not good enough to waste that much money.

It was the weekends when he really got depressed. There was nothing for him to do. In the old days, he had been on the company softball team in the summer and played basketball in pickup matches at the YMCA during the winter months. He couldn't swing a bat now and playing basket ball one handed just wasn't fun. He could dribble, but beyond that he couldn't do much.

He had tried fishing, but that had been a lot more difficult than he had thought it would be. He was going to have to relearn how to cast and reel in the line. His first attempt had him dropping the rod into the water when he went to transfer the pole from his right hand to his left hand. He discovered that he really didn't have the control to hold it in his left hand all of the time and kept dropping it. It was little things like that which discouraged him from doing activities he enjoyed.

Now he was adrift without hobbies that he could enjoy, too much time on his hands, and no female companionship. His old friends had acquired families and obligations over the past few years. They weren't willing or able to set aside much time to cheer up a lonely single guy.

He was in a rather foul mood by the time Roxy sat down at the bar next to him. They'd known each other since high school. She'd gotten married right out of high school and divorced three years later after her husband found her in bed with her old boyfriend. Her family had disowned her. They were disgusted by what she had been doing. Unskilled and with no work history, she had since gone on to having sex as a profession in order to put food on the table.

Smiling at him, Roxy said, "How's it going, Jim?"

"It's going, Roxy," he answered without adding the part about it going downhill and picking up speed in the process.

"You look lonely," Roxy said.

"Lonely? Ah ... I'm just sitting here alone. I wouldn't read more into it than that," Jim said knowing what was going to come next.

Roxy said, "If you've got a spare one-fifty, you won't have to be alone all night."

"Nah," Jim said. He smiled and said, "If you've got a spare one-fifty, you won't have to be alone all night."

"Asshole," Roxy spat out.

Jim didn't react to the name calling. He said, "I just thought you'd appreciate knowing how it sounds when someone says that to you."

"I'm not the one who can't find anyone to go home with him," Roxy said sharply.

Jim thought about it for a minute. It didn't matter that just a few minutes ago he was thinking the same thing. Then he realized Roxy was wrong.

He said, "That's where you're wrong."

"Who would go home with you?"

Jim took a swig of his beer. He put the bottle down on the bar and watched the condensation form a circle on the table around the base of the bottle.

She said, "You're just lying to keep from sounding pathetic."

He answered, "Amber. Her name is Amber."

"Who is that?"

"A girl I met a while ago."

"Where is she?"

Jim said, "She lives about four hundred miles from here."

"Why isn't she here with you?" Roxy asked.

Jim answered, "Because there are times when I'm too stubborn and pigheaded for my own good."

"Scratch Amber off your list," Roxy said. "I'm here and all it'll cost you is one fifty."

Jim stood up and held up his beer bottle to the light. It was still half full. He set it down and said, "I better go now. I've got things to do."

Roxy laughed at him. She said, "You're lying, Jim. There's not a woman in the world who would be interested in you."

"That's where you're wrong," Jim said.

Heart pounding in her chest, Amber read the email for the third time. She didn't know what to think. She liked what she read, but she didn't know if she believed it. She wished she could talk to Sue Ellen, but it was late. It was much too late to call her on the telephone.