Chapter 46: Spring Break, 1982, Part III

March, 1982, Milford, Ohio

Tuesday started off like usual days had when I visited Milford and after Stephanie went off to school, I played some video games and practiced pool until it was time to go and meet Susan Pollard for lunch. We met at Skyline just before 1:00pm and both of us ordered Five-Way chili. We started out by catching up on our lives. It had been a really long time since we’d talked and said more than just a brief greeting.

Susan was attending Clermont Community College and was working on an Associate Degree in Business. She wanted to eventually be an office manager for a local company and figured a two-year degree would give her a serious leg up. She was seeing a guy named David Potts occasionally, but so far, they weren’t serious. She and Danny had more or less drifted apart Senior year once he decided he was heading to Texas A&M and had no plans to come back to Milford.

I filled her in on how things were going in my life, including school, my business, with my parents and with my sister. She asked quite a few questions about Kara and then we got on the topic of Sweden. She’d really not heard much except second or third hand, so I took her through the year quickly, but with enough detail to paint a good picture. Eventually, she broached the subject of Jeff’s arrest.

“What did your parents say?” she asked.

“Not a thing. My mom threatened to ground Stephanie for a year if she told me, and even said that if I found out, she’d blame Stephanie. If that happens, I may need you to talk to my dad and let him know that you told me. Obviously, don’t implicate Joe. I don’t want him to get in trouble because he talked to you.”

“So they’re really trying to cover it up?”

“It appears so. My dad has a pretty good lawyer, Larry Walsh. I’m sure he was on it instantly. You know my dad has quite a bit of money, so it wouldn’t surprise me if there weren’t some donations to the district attorney’s campaign fund, spread around, of course, so it can’t be traced.”

“Your dad would do that?”

“If I was him, in his position, that’s how I’d do it. But I’m not him. I’d throw a pervert and a possible child molester like that to the wolves, even if it was my own kid. It’s just not acceptable behavior in any way, shape, or form. It’s one thing to have sex with a younger girl, say fourteen; it’s a whole different thing to expose your private parts to nine- and ten-year-olds.”

“Or thirteen,” Susan replied neutrally.

“I really owe you an apology for that, Susan. I put too much pressure on you. You were right to break up with me.”

“You did. But I guess you learned your lesson in that regard?”

“I did. I am sorry. I hope you’ll forgive me.”

“I will,” she smiled. “On one condition.”

I immediately knew what was coming.

“And the condition?” I asked, doing my best to hide my discomfort.

“I’d want to do it with you. I’ve heard the rumors. I’m not steady with David. You’re not steady with Kara, at least not yet. I’m no virgin and I have no thought of us being a couple. And before you say anything, we made out a lot when we dated in seventh grade, and I even let you touch my boobs and you got your hand in my pants once.”

“Yes. And you pushed me away and broke up with me for doing that,” I said gently, not responding to her request.

“I was thirteen, Steve! I know you did it when you were fourteen, but I wasn’t ready until I was seventeen — well, really, two weeks before I turned eighteen.”

For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to have sex with a girl. Usually, that was clear cut, and the decision was, should I, rather than did I want to. This was really a question of desire more than rightness or wrongness. I could, but I wondered whether this fit more into doing what I thought best without worrying about whether or not I actually wanted to do it.

I hadn’t thought of Susan in that way in more than five years. And the more I thought about it, the desire to do it back then was purely physical. Kissing her had made me hard, and I wanted to do something about it. I wondered if the rejection back then was coloring my view and decided that it probably was. If I put that aside, was Susan someone I would want to be with now, if we had no history.

The answer to that question popped into my head and it was a resounding ‘no’. I wasn’t really attracted to her. I also hadn’t made any promises to her, nor even hinted at anything like this. I didn’t believe one person could ‘owe’ another person sex, but even if I had, I didn’t feel like I owed her anything. If I did this, it would be purely casual, purely sex, and solely because she asked. In the end, it just didn’t feel right, even discounting Kara. When I took Kara into account, I was sure it wasn’t right.

I wanted to let her down easily, though. Telling her I wasn’t interested just didn’t feel right, either, if it would hurt her feelings. I wasn’t sure.

“Susan, my situation with Kara isn’t as flexible as you might think. We’re not steady, but she’s moving in with me in July and I have to consider what she’d think about something like this if she found out. She knows I’m having lunch with you and if she were to ask if we did it, I couldn’t lie to her about it. And I don’t think she’d react well.”

Susan was quiet for a moment.

“I did you a huge favor by calling you last week; can’t you do me a favor?”

She had done me a huge favor, but was it worth having sex? Was what she did THAT valuable? Unfortunately, the answer to that question was probably ‘yes’, but I hadn’t asked her for the favor. It was one thing for me to ask Don Joseph for a favor and then owe him. It was a very different thing for her to do a favor and expect a specific favor in return. When I’d asked Don Joseph, through Andreas, I’d known in advance that I could be asked to do something of equal or greater value to the Don. That was a conscious decision. With Susan, the only thing I’d done was answer the phone. She volunteered the information without asking for a quid pro quo.

“Susan, you did do me a huge favor, but I didn’t ask you to do it. If I had, I guess you might be able to claim repayment in the way you want, though the idea of ‘owing’ someone sex bothers me. I’ll owe you a favor, but it has to be one of my choosing, or at least one with which I agree.”

She considered that for a moment.

“Don’t you pretty much just do it with anyone who asks?”

“I used to, sort of. There were people who wanted to be with me, who never got to for various reasons. But that was before I started dating Kara fifteen months ago.”

That wasn’t exactly accurate, but it was close. I’d started turning girls down about that time and I’d been turning down girls that I actually WANTED to fool around with, like Krista, Tracey, and Jackie. That last name popped into my head unbidden. I realized I really did want to be with her, but I’d turned her down, nonetheless.

“Can you make an exception, please? Just for me? For old times’ sake? We did have fun in seventh grade when we were dating.”

That much was true. But as I added up how I should behave and what I should do, and considered everything, this wasn’t an offer I was interested in. If I was going to take someone else up on it, it would be Jackie, Tracey, or Donna. I’d put Anna far ahead of Susan on my list. In fact, she’d be ahead of everyone that I’d turned down in the last year. And if I really wanted variety, I’d just call Jessica, and she’d fuck me nearly to death.

“No, Susan. I’m not making exceptions. Honestly, I’m turning down girls I’ve been with before because of Kara.”

“I’d be a new one! And I think I’m fun,” she said with a smile.

My senses actually told me that wasn’t the case — that she’d be boring as hell. It would be worse than being with Kellie Linden, where it had felt like a business deal rather than mutually satisfying sex. Oh sure, I’d had orgasms, but it felt like work rather than enjoyable sex.

“I’m sure you would be, but no.” I replied, electing not to upset her by disagreeing with her assessment.

Susan frowned, “You’re a real prick, Steve. You’ve done it with half the girls in Milford. I want the real reason you won’t do it with me!”

“Kara IS the real reason, Susan. Calling me names isn’t going to help. Remember, you asked me, completely out of the blue, for something that a lot of people consider very important.”

“You don’t!” she spat.

“In the past, perhaps I didn’t. I’ve changed a lot in the last year. I’m not the same guy who had more than thirty lovers before he turned seventeen.”

“So make an exception,” she demanded.

“No, I won’t,” I said firmly. “I owe you a favor, but screwing isn’t what I owe you.”

She got up, looked daggers at me, hissed, “Bastard!” and stalked away.

I sighed. It would have been one thing if I had led her on recently, or if she’d shown any kind of interest since seventh grade. She’d been a friend, but not even a close one, quickly eclipsed by Melanie, Jennifer, Bethany, and others. I was sure I’d done the right thing, but I sure felt like crap doing it. That said, because I didn’t WANT to have sex with Susan, now, or any time in the future, I hadn’t lost anything. She’d not even really been a friend recently, or even an acquaintance. Anna and I were closer, and I hadn’t seen her in a year and a half before I saw her earlier in the year. Hell, I felt closer to Jessica than I did to Susan, and Jessica was simply a fun sex partner.

I got up and threw away the trash from both of our meals. I had about an hour before I was supposed to meet Mary, and the temperature was in the low 70s, so I took the T-tops off my Trans Am. I pulled a pair of sunglasses and a Reds cap from the glove compartment, put them on and cranked up the radio, and headed east, out of Milford, on Route 50.

The more I thought about the situation at lunch, the more annoyed I became. I realized that I had a little responsibility in that I’d been extremely promiscuous and had, indeed, pretty much screwed any cute girl who’d asked. I didn’t regret it, but it certainly had given some girls the idea that I’d have sex with them just because they wanted it. Even Kathy had fallen into that trap, but fortunately for both of us, we’d worked through that.

As I came around a bend about eight miles out of Milford, I saw a Toyota Celica at an odd angle in the grass next to the highway. It looked disabled in some way, so I slowed and pulled over. I saw the young woman next to the car and almost hit the gas to speed up and leave, but I couldn’t bring myself to do that. I stopped, set the parking brake, and when I got out, I received the greeting I so richly deserved.

“Get back in your car, asshole!” Dona Bingham growled. “I do not need YOUR help!”

I sighed deeply. It just was not my day. In less than a half hour, I’d been called a bastard and an asshole by two different girls. The first one was completely unwarranted. The second one, on the other hand, was completely warranted.

“Look, I may be an asshole, and I won’t debate that with you given what happened between us, but do you need help?”

“No! Just leave!.”

“Come on Dona,” I said, “don’t be foolish. If you need help, let me help you.”

She sighed, “Something broke in the transmission. It’s going to need to be towed. Can you give me a ride back into town?”

“Lock your car and I’ll take you home. You can sort everything out from there.”

She grabbed her purse, a few things from the glove compartment, a couple of cassettes, and an umbrella and tossed them in my back seat, then got into the car.

“Don’t talk to me,” she said, glaring at me. “Just start the car and drive.”

This was the proverbial woman scorned that hell had no fury like. I thought about it for a minute, then decided to try.

“Dona, look, I’m sorry about what happened. Can we at least be cordial?”

She sighed again, “I’m sorry. I guess I should be grateful. How have you been? You’re in college in Chicago, right?”

“Yes, and I’m pretty good. I’m getting all A’s and my business is doing well. How about you? You’re a Junior, right?”

“Yeah, a Junior. Things are going OK. Do you still see Larry?”

“I actually had lunch with him yesterday and saw him last Sunday at his grandfather’s house. He’s at UC and is doing pretty well. How are your parents?”

“Good,” she replied. “They still like you, even if I hate your guts.”

“Maybe I should have stopped you, but seriously, a gorgeous, sexy, naked fifteen-year-old asking to screw is kind of hard to resist! I’m just sorry we couldn’t get past that situation. I really did like you, I just couldn’t commit at that point. I’m still not ready to make any kind of commitment like you wanted to anyone.”

Though I was going to be ready once Kara graduated and moved to Chicago, which wasn’t all that far in the future. Dona was quiet for a minute, as if she was thinking about how to respond.

She sighed, “I pushed too hard, too fast, I guess. Both on the sex and on commitment. You really surprised me with how good you were. Because of how you behaved, I honestly thought you were a virgin. I found out later you had a bit of a reputation. Some of the girls said you were quite the good screw. I knew that to be true, but wondered how they knew. They just told me they heard it from one of your girlfriends.”

“Melanie or Jennifer, probably. They thought it was funny to brag about me.”

“Well, considering how good it was, you can brag, I guess. I really owe you an apology for basically dragging you into bed without considering what you thought. But look at it from my perspective. I thought you were shy and nervous and that you might actually be a virgin. If you had been, things would have been different. Two virgins are a lot different from a virgin and a guy with a ton of experience.”

“So now that we’ve both apologized, can we bury the hatchet? And I don’t mean in my back!” I chuckled.

“Sure, I guess so. I shouldn’t have carried such a grudge. I guess if you liked me that much, I should have just worked with it instead of pushing you away.”

“It’s all water under the bridge,” I replied. “I don’t carry grudges. It’s silly. I kind of did once against my friend Jennifer, but I got over it and learned a lesson from that.”

“You weren’t mad at me?” she asked as I turned onto Route 28.

“No. I was unhappy, but I was never angry. And I was unhappy because I’d failed to talk to you beforehand. You caught me by surprise and I just went with the flow instead of making sure you knew about Jennifer and Bethany.”

“Are you still seeing them?”

“No. Jennifer and I had a huge falling out and she’s actually in California. Bethany has a boyfriend. I’m seeing Kara Blanchard now.”

“The Senior who sits at your old table?”

“I guess. I haven’t been to the cafeteria to know.”

“Are you guys steady?”

That seemed to be the question of the day. The answer was ‘no, but’. And that but carried a lot of weight.

“We’re serious, but not steady. Kind of like I was with Jennifer and Bethany.”

“I see,” she said as I turned left onto Branch Hill-Guinea Pike and then quickly turned left into her driveway.

“Here you are,” I said.

“Thanks, Steve. Want to come in for a Coke? I’m sure my mom would like to see you.”

I checked my watch. I still had twenty-five minutes, and Mary was about fifteen minutes away.

“Sure. I can come in for ten minutes. I’m meeting a friend I haven’t spoken to in a while.”

I got out of the car and followed Dona into the small house.

“Well, hi, Steve!” her mom said as we walked in.

“Hi, Wilma. I found your daughter broken down by the side of the road. Well, her car was broken down, not her,” I added with a grin.

“Thanks for bringing her home. How have you been?”

“Good, thanks. I’m home from Chicago on Spring Break.”

“Sit down! Dona, get Steve a Coke,” Wilma said.

“I can’t stay long,” I said. “Maybe ten minutes.”

“Oh, well, you can take your Coke with you then. If you have time, would you come for lunch before you go back to Chicago?”

“Only if Dona is OK with it. She was pretty upset with me when we broke up.”

“She was. I tried to tell her to talk to you, but she’s stubborn.”

“I know exactly how that is,” I said. “I did the same thing myself one time.”

Dona came back with a Coke and handed it to me.

“I guess I’m OK with it,” she said carefully. “How about Friday? We have a half day?”

“Friday is perfect,” I said.

“See you Friday,” Wilma said.

“Thanks for the Coke. Good to see both of you again.”

Wilma came to the door with me and waved as I pulled away. The encounter with Dona had ended far better than it had started. If I could finish setting things right with her, I’d be pretty satisfied. Of course, on balance, I was no better because now Susan was upset with me, but frankly, she had no right to be upset. Dona did have a right, just as Annie had had a right. So had Anna, for that matter. I’d feel a lot better if nobody was upset with me, but that desire wasn’t enough for me to reconcile with Papiya, let Kellie back into my bed, or take Michelle Bateman to bed, though Michelle wasn’t really angry, just frustrated.