Chapter 32: Home for the Holidays, Part III

December, 1981, Milford, Ohio

I pulled into the driveway at the Spencers’ and went inside. Melanie was halfway up the stairs and turned to say hello.

“Want to spend some time in the sauna with me?” she asked.

“Only if you promise to behave. I need to make a phone call first, and it may take a bit of time.”

“I do. And I’ll wait. If you want privacy, use the extension in my room. I can read while you’re on the phone.”

I nodded and walked up to her room and shut the door. It hadn’t changed all that much, though the only pictures on her desk were of her and Pete. She’d moved the pictures of me, Birgit, and Karin to a scrapbook. It was kind of fitting, even if it was sad, because we all needed to move on from our past. I dialed the number, and it was answered on the second ring.

“Is everything still set for the 29th?” Jennifer asked after we greeted each other.

“Absolutely! I’ll see you at O’Hare Airport around 1:00pm. Do you have time to talk?”

“Of course. What’s up?”

“I need some advice, and really, you’re the only one I can ask about this.”

“Stephanie,” she said. It was a statement, not a question.

“Of course!”

“I was expecting a ‘God damn it, Jennifer’,” she giggled.

“We both know we still have that ability! Anyway, Stephanie wants to make love again.”

“That’s not really a surprise, is it?”

“I suppose it’s not when I think about it. I was the one who more or less pushed to end it, based on input from Kara and Bethany, and then, over time, Stephanie reconciled herself to it and that’s what more or less brought it to an end when we made love after our threesome with you.”

“That was less of a threesome than me and Stephanie making love, Steve. You were there, but that really was about Stephanie and me more than anything.”

“That’s also true. Have you two kept in touch? I haven’t really talked in detail to Stephanie about it.”

“We talk. I want to see her again and she wants to see me. But it’s complicated, as you well know.”

“I do. So do you have any advice for me?”

“What do you want to do?” Jennifer asked.

“You and I both know what I want do to. I wouldn’t be asking for advice if I didn’t. It’s a question of what I should do.”

“That’s a tougher question. I guess the first thing to ask yourself, and you don’t need to tell me the answer, is what you gain by doing it, and what do you lose? And then ask the other way around. Also, based on your personal guidelines, which choice does the least overall harm? In other words, do you hurt your sister and yourself more by doing it or more by not doing it? And really, knowing you, the question is, which hurts your sister more?”

“Don’t I have to factor Kara into this equation?”

“I don’t know. Do you? What’s the situation with her?”

“We’re still planning on living together next Summer.”

“No, I meant with regard to sex with girls besides her.”

“I’m free to do as I think best. She’s not asking me to tell her or anything. But she’s expecting me to behave. To me, that means not go crazy and screw every available girl, but it doesn’t mean I can’t have sex with Stephie, for example.”

“Then I don’t see a problem. I guess you told her you and Stephanie were done, though.”

“I did. But I actually told her that before my sister and I were with you. That was a special exception.”

“Would this be a special exception? Would you feel OK doing it and not telling Kara?”

“That’s a good question. I guess I would. I mean, I am certainly going to be with Stephie when I get back to Chicago after my trip to DC.”

“And are you going to be with Tatyana?”

“I have no idea. She hinted that something like that might happen, but I certainly don’t want to assume anything at all.”

“Which is something that’s always been good about you. Even when you were acting stupid, you never assumed anything. I assume you and Joyce are still involved, but you and Bethany and Kathy are not?”

“Correct.”

“And is there anything with Elyse?” she said with a lilt in her voice that indicated she assumed that there was.

“Yes, but it’s ending. She has a boyfriend.”

“So, if I understand correctly, you’re slowly reducing the girls you’re with. And by August, it’ll just be Kara?”

“Yes.”

“One last thing to think about — if you start up with Stephanie, is it just once? Does it stop? Or is this something you two will do for the rest of your lives? And if it’s the latter, then you have to think about how that affects any possible marriage.”

“OK. So what’s your advice?”

“My advice is to do what your heart tells you to do, Steve. It’s never, ever steered you wrong.”

“Oh? What about Becky?”

“Set aside the conference for a moment. Do that, and no, other than being too trusting, your heart didn’t steer you wrong at all. You two actually could have made it if you were more mature, Steve. It was your immaturity that ultimately caused the problem. Granted, Becky pushed you too hard for a permanent situation, but if she hadn’t done that? You two would probably be engaged about now. Don’t mistake how she acted after the forced abortion, for how she would have been if she’d had your baby, or if you had never broken up.”

“Are you serious Jennifer? Me and Becky?”

“Think back Steve. You loved her. In fact, you loved her enough to make love to her, knowing what would happen between you and me if you did. I knew it, too. I broke up with you because it hurt so bad. I was devastated. I could barely talk to you for months. Then Birgit died, and I knew that would rip your heart out and that you would be hurting even more than I was. I thought maybe we’d be together and it would fix the pain. It did, for a while, but in the end, the only thing that fixed the pain for you was going to Birgit’s grave and then making love with her through Karin. For me, I never got over that hurt and the feeling of being abandoned.”

I started crying. Jennifer had never told me those things. I wondered if it was her therapist who helped bring them out. It probably was. I was a fucking idiot. An asshole. All those names that she’d called me and others had called me over the years.

“I had no idea, Jennifer. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I couldn’t. I was afraid of how you would react. You were so volatile and couldn’t see your own mistakes. Every time I confronted you about things, you freaked out and had one of your dramatic incidents. I don’t know why I stayed with you back then. I should have broken up with you, but for some reason, I came back for more and more abuse from you.”

“Jesus, Jennifer, was I that bad? Was I actually abusive?” I said, sniffing, trying, but failing, to hold back my tears.

“Yes. Not physically, but emotionally. And not just to me, Steve, to Melanie as well. Later, to Bethany for sure, though, that changed late last year. Probably to Karin, though I don’t know for sure. The other girls, I can’t say, but from what I can tell, not to Kara. She’s the unique one in the whole mix. Even when you cheated on her, you didn’t try to make it her problem the way you did for just about everything else.”

“I’m sorry Jennifer. I had no idea,” I sobbed.

“I forgive you,” Jennifer said softly. “You’re not that same person. I was going to talk to you in Chicago about this. It’s why I wanted to come alone. But you kind of brought it up, and I needed to say it. I’m sorry if I was rough on you.”

“If it’s true, then it’s important that it be said. You know me well enough to know that. You also know me well enough that in the past, I would have argued with you. I can’t. I can’t because I know in my heart that you are right. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s OK. You aren’t that person any more. Now, all I can say is think about what I’ve said and make your decision. I’ll see you in a week or so.”

“Thanks,” I said. “Thanks a lot. I mean it. See you in a week.”

“Bye, Steve.”

“Bye, Jen.”

I went across the hall to the bathroom and blew my nose. I went down the hall to turn on the sauna, then went to find Melanie. She took one look at me and knew something was wrong.

“Only three things could have you this torn up. Either you broke up with Kara, but you wouldn’t do that over the phone; you had a fight with your sister, but she was just with you and you wouldn’t have called her; or you talked to Jennifer. So that has to be it.”

“God damn it, Melanie!” I said.

“She and I talked. I knew what she was going to say to you in Chicago. I’m guessing she said it over the phone.”

“Yes. And I owe you a huge apology as well. I guess I had more responsibility for your suicide attempt than I realized.”

“No!” she said quite vehemently. “You have NO responsibility for that in any way, shape, or form. That was me. It was all me. Yes, you treated me badly at times, but nowhere near as badly as you treated Jennifer. But, and I hope Jennifer told you this, you aren’t that same person.”

“She did. But I still feel like shit.”

“Come on, let’s go into the sauna. That always makes you feel better.”

We went upstairs and stripped off our clothes, not even bothering with robes, just like we had many years ago. Melanie gave me a silly grin to let me know that she remembered as well. I ladled a lot of water on to the rocks and breathed in the steam.

“She let you have it with both barrels, didn’t she?” Melanie said when I sat down next to her.

“Yeah, she did. It hurt, but she was right. I needed to hear it.”

She scooted very close to me, almost touching.

“And you need this. No protests, now, do you hear me?”

She put her arms around me and pulled me around so that I was lying across her lap. She held me while I cried, my head resting on her chest. She held me like that for about ten minutes until I’d stopped crying, then she let me go and scooted away.

“Neither Pete nor Kara need to hear about this. There was nothing sexual about it.”

“I know. Thanks. I mean that.”

“Are you going to see Jennifer in Chicago when you go back?”

“Yes. She’s coming to visit.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“You realize that when you needed advice about something, you called Jennifer. I have no idea what it was, but I could tell you were going to call someone for advice.”

“I stopped to talk to Bethany on my way home, as well.”

“Then it’s about Stephanie. Those are the girls you would talk to in that case. But if you’re getting advice from Jennifer, then does that mean you trust her again?”

Did it? If so, it was far sooner than I’d thought possible. And yet, I had gone to her for advice. In fact, she’d been the first one I thought of. But I’d gone to Bethany because of something else my sister had said about the connection.

“I guess it does. That surprises the hell out of me!”

“Me too. I thought it would take a lot longer. There’s still a chance for the two of you. Not now, but when she’s finished her therapy and you’ve shown you really have outgrown all that childish bullshit. I let the fact that you could fuck like an adult hide the fact that you were still a little kid. You also had a way of charming people, especially adults. You still do. Heck, you could charm the panties off any girl around. I’d even put money on you being able to fuck Kara’s pastor’s daughter on the altar at her church if you set your mind to it!”

“Ewww! That’s just gross,” I said.

Melanie laughed, “Yeah, but think of the revenge factor! I hear she’s pretty cute, too.”

“Yeah, and probably about as much fun in bed as a tarantula,” I said.

Melanie laughed harder, “Good point. In any event, you had a lot going for you, but you also had some serious problems. Jennifer and I really enabled your bad behavior. We have a bit of responsibility there, but, like with my suicide attempt, the ultimate responsibility is with the person who is behaving badly, not the one who treats them poorly or enables their bad behavior.”

“Do you see me as an adult now?” I asked.

“Actually, yes. And back to my comment about there being a chance for you and Jennifer. You ignored that, but it’s true. That said, listen to me carefully. Stay with Kara. Do NOT mess that up. She is the best thing that ever happened to you. She’s the one who really changed you. You need her. The only way you could ever be with Jennifer is if she’s finished with her therapy and you really have grown up and can be an adult without Kara being with you. I’m not sure you can just yet, and, in fact, maybe never. Maybe she’s the one you need to keep you in line for life. If you want to be the person you’ve claimed all along, you better be damn sure you can do it without Kara before you even think about being with anyone else as your spouse. And, I’m telling you right now, that I do not think that you can. Stay with Kara.”

“Yes, Melanie!” I said, like an obedient child.

“I have one more thing to tell you, and if you ever, and I mean ever, so long as you live, breathe a word of this to anyone, I’ll deny it and then I’ll kill you.”

I chuckled, “And what is that?”

“When I’m teasing you, that’s all I’m doing. I would never, ever cheat on Pete, nor would I ever ask him to do anything he doesn’t want to. But when I tease him about the threesome, you better play along, Buster. Or else!”

“And the kisses?”

“All part of the game, Steve. Oh, I LOVE kissing you. Don’t get me wrong. But it’s part of the game. It keeps Pete on his toes. And, I’ll tell you a secret, it makes him a better lover. If he thinks he has to compete with you, he is FAR better than otherwise.”

I chuckled, “That’s cold, Melanie. And evil. You are a real bitch. But I love it. Sure, I’ll play along! Why the change of heart?”

“Your girlfriend scared the hell out of me with her little tease. It basically called my bluff. I thought she was serious. I didn’t have a choice except to go along. I was afraid Pete would take the chance to screw the most beautiful girl in Milford. Thank God he didn’t. It would have hurt me badly. You remember how upset I got when you suggested a threesome with a girl? Well, that’s why. I wanted what I wanted, but I was scared that Pete might want somebody else.”

“Melanie Marie Spencer. Pete has NEVER wanted anyone else. I’ll tell you a secret. When you broke up with him and he was dating? He only cared about you. Period. He was afraid that you were gone forever. Remember, you had broken up with him and he rushed to Milford to see you when you tried to kill yourself? He’s had plenty of opportunity and he’s never, ever taken it. There was no risk to what Kara did, but if it helped you, then it’s a good thing.

“I knew something was up when you cuddled me like that and didn’t even try anything. I don’t even think your nipples got hard. That’s pretty amazing, actually, considering that up to a few weeks ago you would have fucked me silly at the drop of a hat if you could have. One request. Would you let me tell Kara? I’ll swear her to secrecy, and I’m sure that she’ll never tell Pete.”

“That’s fine! We’ve been in here too long. Let’s go get a shower.”

“Together?” I smirked.

“Why not? We’re just friends!” Melanie smirked.

She turned off the sauna, and we got into the shower together and rinsed off the copious sweat from the sauna, then dried off and walked back to her room. As I was about to grab my clothes, Melanie pulled me into a tight hug, our naked bodies pressed against each other. She gave me one of her searing French kisses and then released me. As she did so, she brushed the back of her hand against my rock-hard erection.