Chapter 19

What did I get myself into? Mabel is not a fit woman and she must have ran full out to get here.

"Joe what's this I hear about you telling pa you are giving us that big house by the barn? He comes over here to beg to borrow your tractor and you up and give him the house instead," she asked with her hands on her hips and angry as a wet hen.

I let her stew until her hands came off her hips before I answered, "There was no one giving anyone anything. That big house is going to be sitting over there empty with a big barn full of things I have no clue about how to use much less any reason whatsoever to do so. I am going to have to pay to keep them up or take risk on renting to someone I never met and hope they don't destroy the house. Wilbur said how you are smashed into the house like sardines with your oldest and his wife using the couch as their marriage bed. I told him to tell you I was willing to make the same deal on the house as I was the tractor. If you wanted to move over there, you could live there in exchange for keeping the house and barn maintained. If the water heater breaks, then you are responsible for replacing it. Same for the air conditioner, furnace and whatever else is stuck in some corner of that house I didn't explore. I will have to see how it will all work legally by talking to Katie, but I don't think it will any problem. For me I can use it to lower my taxes."

"How does that going to work Joe? Us paying to keep it up," she asked a bit intrigued.

Well now I know who handles the money on their farm.

Trying to make sure I had it close to right, remembering economics from college, I explained, "I rent the place to you for a nominal fee of, say, one dollar a month. Twelve dollars will be my income for the year on the property. From that I subtract the property taxes on the house and land. You will provide me receipts for costs and labor to fix anything in the house. That is a cost you paid out of your pocket that I would have had to pay to maintain the house and barn. I will deduct that as well. Same for the tractor. I rent it out to you. Fuel is your expense for your farming just like seed and feed. You also pay for the oil, tires, maintenance and any work needed on those attachments. Some of that comes off my taxes too. I still need to talk to Katie to be sure I have it all right before I call my business lawyer in Atlanta. Between the two of them, we will get all the tax stuff perfect and clear."

She had to stop think about it for a little while before asking, "What can't we do with the tractor and attachments?"

Uh. Sell it, abuse it willingly, anything that would get me sued? How the hell do I know?

"In what regard? Is there some way to use a tractor for something other than what you need it to do on your farm," I asked.

"Well, the kids will go down to one farm or the other to cut and bail their hay for them. That uses up our gas and wears on our tractor. Even then they get a little bit of their own money after paying the farm back for the tractor time. Could they go do that with your tractor? What about using those fancy attachments? A lot of folks around here don't have the money to do more than keep their old equipment they got running. I know our tractor was on the farm when I met Wilbur in middle school. Most people are just making enough to pay off what they owe the bank from last season with what they can get out of the ground this season. Banks were not wanting to foreclose back when the housing market went bust. Now all that is mostly cleared up. Now they are making the notes come due with no talk about working with no one anymore. They always used to help us because they knew they would get the interest and more when harvest time came. With all those attachments, the kids could go out, turn the ground and plant near everybody for twenty miles around and still have time to do their chores. The man that gone buying what he never knew he don't need bought the biggest and best that would fit in that barn. I don't think you made it to all the other buildings before Sally Mae gone and brained you," she started telling me. "You got both 131 front mounted and 338 rear mounted mower conditioners with three big crates full of replacement knives and disks. That 338 even got a special function that makes it lift up and over something it hits to keep from breaking it. When both front and back are hooked up it will cut thirty feet in one pass. That is all in the barn, but out back you got one of the huge 990 round bailers with the twenty-five knife pre-cutter option and netting attachment. It only takes five seconds for it to kick out a bale when it is done. It can do the cutting too, if you need it. Right beside it is the biggest dang square bailer I ever seen. It has those optional cutting knives too. It kicks out a bale just short of four feet by three feet and over nine feet long. The small bailer in the barn only does about a foot by foot and a half and four feet long. I don't know anyone around here that got three different bailers. Then you got the newest of the planters they offers. It does seed and insecticide all at one time when you plant. You got a whole section that has rows of every size of seed hoppers from the small to three bushel. All of them attachments hooks to computers inside that monster tractor."

She finally had to stop to get her breath and then ran for the bathroom. This stuff really got her going and she screamed out her orgasm before coming back out looking disheveled.

I thought she was going to have me screw her, instead she started right back up on all of the other tractor gadgets I had no clue about. Every now and then she would have her hand rubbing herself off before she could continue. The best I could tell, between the barn and another outbuilding, I had everything needed to do hay, planting about any crop, and till it all under after it was harvested.

"Don't have to harvest any crops that get planted like corn or cotton? Do I have to have some big machine that shoots the stuff out," I asked based only on what I had seen in TV over the years.

She got so excited she was squeezing her thighs together as she told me, "That man didn't have the room to have them on his farm, so he has them down at the co-op in town. Everything is top of the line too. Pa don't know it, but his wife come to ask me about some deal they was selling them that sounded like old fashioned snake oil. They told that man that if he paid twenty percent more than what they sell for he would get his old attachments replaced with the latest models for twenty years. She told her husband he couldn't use what they were looking to get, but he don't listen none to her. I was down getting some feed last week and saw they just delivered a brand spanking new CS960 cotton machine. It got full four-wheel drive and goes up to nine miles an hour. That don't sound like much when you look at that expensive car you just bought to torment the bus driver, but that is more than twice as fast as the ones people been renting before. You got all the stuff to do corn and other grains too. The co-op rent those out since most people only go harvest once a year. I don't know the deal he had down there, but pa will check it out. All that is yours now too. I bet you got some money waiting down there for you to come get. Other than winterize them machines, they don't do no maintenance until they got people booked to rent them out. Gives the co-op more interest from the bank on the money they put aside to do the repairs. Now if you let my kids use them to go help harvesting around here with them too, it would sure help everyone out around here a lot."

She got off hard enough that I heard her wet juices squirting out around her fingers and then sort of passed out. Her hand was still pushed in tight between her legs inside her clothes. I called over to her house to tell Wilbur she fainted. Not five minutes later he was over waiting for me to come to the door to let him in. He took one look at her and shook his head.

"Shoot Joe," he said bowing his head in shame. "I plumb forgot to tell you not to talk tractors with Mabel. It gets her motor running something fierce. I am so sorry you had to see her lose her control that like that."

Like she weighted nothing, he picked her up off the couch and took her out to the truck. I headed to bed.

I don't remember anyone being here when I went to bed but I woke up with my boner back between someone's legs. Reaching for their chest I found it had to be Juniper, but she was completely naked.

Wasn't she on the rag?

"Morning Joe," she said as I gently rubbed her chest. "Ma came in real late last night and told me to come be here in case you needed something since you didn't get your doctor results yet."

Still puzzled, I asked, "Didn't you have shorts on yesterday because of something going on and you didn't want to chance I might push up inside you in my sleep?"

"Weren't dreaming that Joe. Ma took me in her bathroom to show me all about them tampon things. Said weren't no way you was getting in the front and I don't have to wear no clothes sleeping if I don't want to. Never was going to put nothing up inside me till my husband took my virginity, but I don't know how I gone without these tampons. You really made me sweat a whole bunch last night and it sure feels real nice having you all up touching me all naked too," she told me. "Sure it makes a bit mess though. No sooner than I get in bed with you it was moving between my legs and then spurted all over me. Having clothes on wouldn't stop your sperm from making a baby in me with how much was down there. It felt really nice though. When I come back from cleaning up you did it some more and made me feel really nice too before you stopped to sleep."

She came with me when I went to pee and then did her thing while I went to throw on my hang around the house clothes. Katie said I can't do any work or go anywhere on my own until I was cleared by the doctor. At least I could finally get on my computer to check mail and kick around on the net. Probably need to check all my accounts anyway. Everything was mostly automated, but never hurts to be completely sure, especially after the shit the hospital had tried to pull.

While I ate some real food for breakfast, Juniper was going on non-stop with questions about if I was pulling a joke on her parents about them being able to use the big house and all the farm equipment. She was squirming around like Mabel last night, so I think farm equipment or the house got her motor running too. Unlike her mom, she didn't run off to the bathroom to get relief. She barely got herself together in time to run out to catch the school bus. Of course she would have been fine if she hadn't insisted I cum in her mouth so she wouldn't feel guilty about me having a boner from watching her jill herself off.

Wow. I finally have a moment to myself since nearly having my head bashed in over a damn quilt.

Two hours flew by as I cleaned out weeks of junk mail to finally find the emails with some value. Most of them still promptly went to my junk folder, but sometimes valid ones got in there too and vise-versa. Of course there was one from the doctor that came in around five. It got buried in the junk mail because the idiots in his office didn't put a subject line. It looked like they must have read that dumb post that not having a subject made the emails super secure.

Yeah the damn mail gateways will refuse it or bit bucket it before it gets to the recipient.

I didn't even think about putting my phone handset to my ear for the call. It was on speaker phone. I got on my online medical record site to find exactly what I expected, bureaucratic bullshit.

"To protect your privacy, we are unable to provide details of your procedure(s) completed on..."

Jerks.

So I was on perm-hold with his office waiting to get someone, anyone, on the phone to shove me off onto another extension that will finally hang up on me. I had gone to get a Coke when I had to run back to answer whoever finally picked up the phone, listened a second or two and then put me back on hold.

At least I have a few hundred valid emails to read through and reply to while I suffer this horrid music.

Penny was going to be really pumped when she got the email copy of the reply I was writing up. It was from some worthless sleazebag lawyer, one so slimy they make ambulance chasers desirable in comparison, telling me to call his office regarding a lawsuit against me personally and my LLC that Gordo had worked for before briefly before his demise. His legalese was archaic and overly difficult to read. Now I had pretty good legal smarts from my time hanging out with Penny and Katie while they studied for the Bar. This was beyond asinine. The gist of it appears to be him trying to sue me over Gordo dying saying it was all my fault and thus had to pay everything I had to him. Some miniscule portion would go do his family.

I wanted to tell him to go ahead and sue. Katie found detailed notes, receipts and emails Gordo had sent out to cause me a lot of grief over the years. She said Penny would have no problems having a piss poor paralegal win a case for harassment for mental pain and suffering. Then there was all of the stuff he did to try to get me sent off to Gitmo before he tried to shoot me in court. Suing someone's family for what they had done was just not right to me, but if she kept going with this crazy lawsuit, then I would let Penny tear her to shreds.

"Mr. Johnson ... Mr. Johnson," someone asked over the phone.

After snapping out of my internal rants at the sleazy lawyer, I found I was talking one of the doctors from yesterday.

"The hole drilled into your skull is knitting back together properly as expected. All of the scans and x-rays are clear. We still want to restrict your activities to working from your home and not driving anywhere until the last of the medicines prescribed clear from your system. We will test you again on Monday," he told me. "If you have any additional headaches, take Ibuprofen or Acetaminophen. Should that fail to relieve the pain in an hour, come in or go to the emergency room."

Ok then. No driving until the illegal drugs clean out enough to be under some limit. Got it.

I kicked off an email to Penny and Katie with my thoughts on both the house and all the farm gear so that they could give me advice on what to do. I killed the rest of the time until lunch digging through emails. After lunch I wired money around to make sure I had everything as it should be for payroll and other automatic charged expenses. It really wore me out, so I took a nap.

Who the hell is jumping up and down on my bed and why?

When I was able to get out of the fog of sleep I found two little girls jumping around and giggling on my bed. I didn't recognize them. When I tried to go back to sleep again they tag teamed me to have one in the air on one side and the other just dropping down on the other. It was like someone was rocking a boat while it was hitting rocks.

"Go away!"

"He's awake. He's awake," the two girl screamed as they jumped down off my bed and went tearing off through my house somewhere.

Heavier footsteps came down the hall before Katie stuck her head in to say, "That is all your fault. You got the whole Lester family wound up with your late night ramblings with Mabel and Wilbur. Get your ass our here and deal with your mess."

They can wait. I have to take a piss.

I took my time before I went out to see what the hell was going on.

Turns out that Katie was weeks ahead of me and knew that I would somehow make sure all my loot on the new property would get used. She had already run through a lot of possible scenarios, just not quite how I had suggested it.

Yeah like it took Katie more than ten minutes to revise and review the modifications to match what I suggested.

Wilbur and Mabel had already signed all of the contracts. Everybody was just waiting on me to make it final. Still not all that happy about how I was woken up, I took the time to read over everything. It was almost like what I had told them last night with a few caveats I didn't expect. It said things like they were responsible for replacing any spare parts they used from the stock in the barn. She had a lot more legal sounding terms for the way the house was their responsibility. Any improvements to the house or property became part of their "rent" of the house, but all of it was considered to belong to me. Things like that.

One thing I hadn't even known to think about of was my getting a paid a portion of anything they made using my equipment. It didn't have to be paid to me in money or all at one time. The way it was worded, if someone growing corn rented the harvesting stuff from the co-op or the Lester kids used it to do the harvest, I would take a fair market price in corn instead. Cotton was a little different because I had no clue what to do with cotton. Instead they could substitute any crop, meat or other product they produced as long as I was getting the fair market value in trade. I could have that sold for real money at the co-op or use it here myself.

I took my time reading that section twice, so Katie said, "Mabel tells me that is how it is done on the farms around here. Pretty much how it was done in towns back in frontier days too."

"Joe, that part I made her write in so that everyone know this is on the up and up. It is part of the original deal they made with the family that sold you their property. The co-op made sure they get what they needed for feed. The rest they sell to keep it from spoiling. All that money went onto their account for when buying the old family here what they wanted from what the co-op had fresh on hand. That don't work none when my kids come use your equipment the way you and Lester agreed," Mabel interrupted. "Folks like us always have to sell our crops or use them as feed on the farm to get by. We don't have much extra to pay people real money, so we trade things instead. When harvest time comes, the co-op gets a bit of the harvest first before it goes on to market so they can sell it locally and cover whatever we owe them. Banks don't have any use for crops so the co-op is what has kept the few of us afloat when no bank wants to loan farmers any money."