Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
Yes this on is dated...
Blonde at the Superbowl
Of all the blonde jokes, this one has to be one the best
because it makes football sense!
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the
tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't
understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for
the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was... 'Get
the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm
like ... Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!"
Safety at Home
I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner,
and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service
and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7.
I've never felt safer and I'm saving $49.95 a month.
Distress at 18,000 ft.
An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communications with a small twin engine aircraft.
A moment later the tower landline rang and was answered by one of the employees.
The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone and yelled "Mayday, mayday!! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and travelling at 180 mph. Mayday, mayday!!"
The employee in the tower had put him on speaker phone immediately. "Calm down, we acknowledge you and we will guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!!".
He began his series of questions.
Tower: "How do you know you are travelling at 18,000 feet??"
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the dials in front of me".
Tower: "Okay, that is good, remain calm. How do you know you are travelling at 180 mph??"
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 180 mph on the dials in front of me".
Tower: Okay, that is good. How do you know you're flying upside down??"
Aircraft: "Because the shit in my pants is sliding out of my collar."