Chapter 17

I needed a drink.

I didn't get one. It was way too early in the morning and I hadn't even eaten yet. The women were adamant about that. No beer! They did make me up a pot of coffee and some breakfast before we got down to talking. I made certain that I thanked them for it. I still wanted that beer and a few more, but the coffee and food helped. Once I was done eating, we started talking. Thankfully, Rebecca threw me a lifeline.

"Matilda was always a needy child," she stated as my dishes were being whisked away. "I remember when Angela was born. She'd been weaned for ages by then but it didn't matter to her. She wanted to have a taste. A lot of older siblings do that when a new child comes into a house. They need that kind of reassurance that breastfeeding gives. Most take one suck and forget about it. Not Matilda though. She wanted to nurse every time I put Angela to my teat. I had to finally put my foot down. Tilly didn't like that. For a while she was mad at Angela and me. Thankfully, her dad helped her through it. It cost us a lot of ice cream but eventually she learned that we still loved her even though we weren't giving her what she wanted."

"Do you really think that's what's going on here?" I asked, looking incredulously into Rebecca's face.

"Well," Rebecca said slowly, "it's probably part of it. I also think she got scared."

"Scared?" I repeated, waiting for a clarification.

"Yes," Rebecca continued. "I think that Matilda got scared and panicked. I don't know about the other women here, but I'll admit that I was feeling a little uncomfortable until you drove back into camp yesterday. Your time away reminded me of our trip here and the endless ache of desire that we'd suffered through. That cuddle in the tent helped a lot. At least it helped me to calm down and function. I'm also certain that for some of us, the pleasure that you gave last night probably helped a lot more. Unfortunately, I think it hit Matilda differently. She lost Rodney before her own eyes and she was never allowed to mourn that loss. After that horrible moment came the job of leading us, all the while aching for something that she couldn't get. In many ways I think she suffered more than the rest of us. It was her husband that we'd all lost."

"It still doesn't forgive what she did today," I said firmly.

"No it doesn't forgive it," Rebecca acknowledged, "but it does explain it some."

"True," Emma stated, giving an inch to the benefit of the doubt, "but how can we manage this?"

"I don't know," Rebecca admitted with a sigh. "With time and understanding, I guess."

"Look," I said firmly, first gazing at Rebecca and then at the other women gathered about us, "we need to resolve this today. I've tried my best to meet the needs of this family. That's how I view things around here. While Emma is my wife by marriage, I consider all of you to be my wives. Mindy is going to have my son. That child is going to be John Adam Winslow. He's getting my name and I'm going to be his father. That's my commitment to you women. What I need is for you women to commit to each other. There's obviously going to be some problems that are going to arise from time to time and those problems will need to be resolved. However there are things that have to be lived with by everyone. My daughters will always be my daughters. It's something that will never change, even though one day Sarah, Lizzy, and Karen will be carrying my children and I'll be calling them my wife. The fact is that their children will be siblings to any child born by Tilly or one of you ladies and in reality any child born to any of you ladies will technically be half siblings to my girls. It's a confusing mess but we're going to have to find some way to sort it all out so that we can live together in peace. I need your help. We certainly can't remain 'us' and 'them'."

My little speech fell on sympathetic ears. It didn't resolve our immediate problem, but it did put everyone on the same page. The question however was still what to do about Tilly. Rebecca said she'd speak to her privately. She hoped to resolve it on her own. My mother had an idea that she wanted to try. She didn't tell us what it was, but she promised that it wouldn't hurt. I let her go off with Rebecca trusting that she wouldn't make things worse. I went off to talk to Lizzy. Emma wanted to come along but I told her no. This was my job and I'd take care of it.

"Hi Lizzy," I said softly as I entered the sleeping area.

Lizzy was lying on her air mattress. She sat up immediately upon hearing my voice. I could see that her cheeks were streaked with tears. My heart went out to my baby girl.

"It wasn't my fault!" Lizzy declared before I could even get another word out.

"I know that Lizzy," I replied, walking over to her air mattress and lowering myself down so I could sit beside her.

"Then why am I being punished?" Lizzy demanded to know.

"You're not being punished honey," I informed Lizzy in a reassuring voice. "You were sent here to calm down and relax. The situation had you all wound up and you needed a little private time to let go of all that anger."

"Of course I was angry Daddy," Lizzy declared loudly. "That bitch wouldn't listen to me."

"Lizzy!" I said in reproach. "The name calling has to stop."

"What about her Daddy." Lizzy demanded to know. "You heard what she said about me. What gives her the right to say those things to me?"

"Nothing gives her that right honey," I acknowledged with a sigh. As I did I slipped my arm about Lizzy and pulling her to me. "However, you're not helping me here. We need to resolve this and we need to resolve this now. I'm going to be speaking to Tilly after this and I'll be letting her know how I feel. What I want from you is an understanding. You might not like the situation but you're going to have to accept it. Tilly and her family is now part of our family."

"But Daddy!" Lizzy cried out in protest.

"No," I said sternly cutting her off. "Lizzy you're a big girl now and you have to accept a few realities. One is that our family has grown. Another is that Tilly is carrying my child. That child is actually your brother. It's weird but it's also true and you're going to have to accept it."

"Accept it!" Lizzy growled back at me. "Daddy, I've had to accept a lot of things since getting here. I've accepted that my life has changed forever. I've also accepted that I've got to have sex with you. I know that it really bugged you at the beginning. Well it bugged me too. What girl wants her Daddy to get her pregnant?"

"I'm sorry honey," I apologized, giving my daughter a hug. "I never realized that it bothered you. Everyone told me that they were okay with it. I never thought ... I'm so sorry Lizzy."

"Don't be Daddy," Lizzy replied, returning my hug. "It bugged me for a little bit, but I accepted it. I might not have wanted it before but I do now. That's not the point though. The thing is that I've come to accept the changes that have occurred, however I won't accept that woman pushing me around or anyone else either. I'm your daughter and I love you. I'm actually looking forward to having your baby. I know it's weird for a daughter to want that, but I do."

"I'm glad you do honey," I whispered softly to her, hugging her close to me again.

"But Daddy," Lizzy continued, "I'm still your daughter and I refuse to give that up. I'll call you Adam because it does make things easier, but that's it. I won't let anyone tell me that I can't call you Daddy when I want."

"I understand honey," I said kissing Lizzy on the forehead, "and I promise you this – you, Sarah, and Karen will always be my baby girls, no matter what."

"Will I still be your baby girl when my tits are heavy with milk?" Lizzy said suggestively, smiling warmly into my face.

"Especially when your tits are heavy with milk," I replied enthusiastically, giving Lizzy a peck on the lips when I was finished. "Unfortunately, I need to go and talk to Tilly now. If I didn't, I'd start you on the job of filling up those lovely little tits of yours."

I found Tilly in her family's side of the tent complex. With her were Rebecca and Sally. They were chatting calmly when I walked in. Tilly hung her head when she noticed me.

"I'm sorry," were the first words out of her mouth. I didn't say a thing. Tilly continued when she realized that I was waiting for more.

"I'm really sorry Adam," she told me, still refusing to look up. "I just couldn't control myself."

"You need to learn how," I said coldly.

"Son!" my mother snapped in response, chiding me for my behaviour. I said nothing in response. I just waited for Tilly to go on. After a second, she did.

"You were right," Tilly admitted. "I was behaving like a child. I should have behaved more maturely. I'm sorry for hitting Lizzy. I'm very sorry that I did that Adam; I'm sorry I made a scene. I just lost control. You have to understand. I needed you."

"Needing me isn't an excuse," I stated in reply. "There are a lot of people in this settlement who need me. Some need me for my knowledge as a farmer and others need me for my ability to understand and sympathize when they're having problems that they can't solve or when they have things that bother them, and some people need me for the same reason you need me. I'm there for them and I'm there for you; however, you have to accept that I have just so much to give."