Chapter 7

The morning had begun just like any other morning; I awoke in bed with just me and the dog. He went outside; I used the master bathroom and went into the kitchen for coffee. I rinsed out the pot and filled it with water. Wait, what was I doing? I never drink more than two cups of coffee in the morning. I don't need all of this water or coffee. I dump out all the water except for 4 cups, that I pour into the maker along with a couple of scoops of coffee and hit the button.

woofbarkwoof

I tell you, that dog of mine sure knows how to get my attention. When he is done, he wants in and wants in now. "Ok Caesar. I'm coming." I say to no one. The dog heard it, but he is a dog so that must mean I'm going crazy. Or is talking to your dog a sign of already being crazy?

I lean on the counter watching the coffee drip into the pot. What should I do today? How about a movie? I haven't seen a movie in the theater in a long time. Not since ... Samantha.

No. I can't think like that. I have to keep moving forward I tell myself. I can't sulk. I can't allow myself to get lost in thoughts like that. I have to keep moving forward serving others or I'll go crazy. Then it is decided. I'll go see a movie after breakfast and then, have lunch, then ... I don't know. What day is it?

I check my phone. Sunday. Dang, I completely lost track. I have to get to church.

Coffee forgotten, I get to my room and into the shower. Wet, wash, rinse, dry, teeth brush, hair comb, deodorant for my B-O, dress in slacks and Polo shirt then out the door in my old truck. I arrive at church and one of the men directing traffic motions me down an aisle where there are open spots. I grab one and exit my truck with Bible in hand. I walk up the familiar steps of the church and get a funny feeling that I'm being watched. I look around and notice that several of the people there are watching me. Strange. I usually don't draw that much attention. I spot an old friend Greg. I walk over to him and say Hi.

"Paul, oh my gosh. I didn't expect to see you here. How are you doing?" He gives me a firm embrace. Not a hug, a firm embrace.

"I'm doing ok. Yesterday really wiped me out so I spent the rest of the day and into the night just sitting around."

"Yes, I can understand. The funeral was really special. Cheryl and I were both there, that was really something how you got so many people to show up was amazing."

"I didn't do anything. I really didn't expect so many people to show up. You know, family and close friends, but that place was almost full."

"Well don't be so surprised. When word got out that it was your family, word was spread very quickly. I know that I called at least a dozen families letting them know of the accident. I even reached out to our old church, Raytown, letting them know. I would suspect that most of that church also showed up for you. Samantha was a special woman." He choked back a sob, "Everyone is going to miss her."

Another firm embrace.

Wiping his eyes with the back of his hand and standing straight now, "what are your plans?"

I shrug my shoulders, "for now, church, lunch and an afternoon movie."

"Good, I'm glad to see that you are thinking. Why don't you sit with us today?"

"Thanks that would be nice." I follow him into the sanctuary and we sit among the crowd. The pastor is passing down the aisle heading toward the front of the church and as his habit, he is shaking hands with people sitting on aisle he shakes hands with everyone. Suddenly he stops, and makes a beeline for Greg and the row that we are sitting in. He comes to me and I get another firm embrace. "I am so sorry to hear about your loss. The church is going to take care of you, bring you meals for as long as you need them. We love you and your family and are going to make sure that you know it."

"Thanks Pastor Jerry. That is very generous. A couple of hot meals would be nice." I'm embarrassed by his admission of love. I would never have expected to hear that come from him. We hardly know each other, outside of church and even then we have never really spoken.

He placed his hands on my shoulders, and bowed his head and started praying. "Dear Lord, you have decided to call your children home to be with you for what purpose we do not know. We ask that you send your angels to be with Paul and give him strength to go on with his life, the life you have set before him and lead him in the direction you want him to go. Give peace to his hurting heart, heal him of his sadness and show him renewed joy in you. Through Jesus Christ, your son our savior, I ask these things. Amen."

I look up and there are tears in his eyes and of the other people around us who had also joined in. I didn't even realize that we had drawn a crowd, but there were about five others that had put their hands on me and were praying along with Jerry for me. I felt better.

Jerry looked into my eyes once more, checking to make sure I was ok and then he excused himself again through the crowd of well-wishers and got to the stage to help begin the service.

When church was done, I was again confronted, the only word I could come up with, well-wishers who must have heard that I was there and what had happened to me. They seemed to come from everywhere. I had no idea I was so popular.

I thanked everyone who stopped me and kindly got to my truck. My refuge. I sat there for a moment just trying to calm down. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Ok, I think I'm ready for the day. I fire up the engine, pull out of the parking space and proceed to leave the lot.

I manage to get out of my space, down to the end and make the turn toward the exit when Julie flags me down. Julie, the point of jealousy in my wife's life. She's blonde, skinny, two kids (a boy and a girl), a husband who made really good money and clothes that always seemed to come custom made for her since she ALWAYS looked good. We have had several discussions about her over the years. Never has Samantha felt comfortable around her. It wasn't that she hated her; it was just that she felt inferior to her. Samantha didn't have a very strong self-image of herself. I did my best to encourage her and to love on her, but you just can't get past some things.

"Hi Julie" I say as I rolled down the window.

"Oh Paul!" she bubbles breathlessly. "I was at the funeral and didn't get a chance to talk to you. I am so sorry for your loss. How are you doing?"

"I'm doing fine. Not much to tell. I am taking some advice from my parents and moving on with my life. I just can't sit and mope, I have to keep moving." I try not to stare or look down her blouse, but since I am sitting in my truck I am at just the right height to ... I need to get moving. She is going to notice me looking down her shirt.

"I'm glad to hear that. Do you want me to bring you some food? Are you eating?"

"Yes I'm eating. My mom and dad left yesterday and she left me some food to eat."

"Well that is good. I am going to bring you something to eat in a day or two. I'll arrange it through the church. That's the way we have done it in the past. Don't you worry; your friends and family at church will keep you well fed." She patted my arm and gave it a squeeze and then turned to go and I drove away.

Lunch was Chipotle and while I was leaving I spotted a Jeep that was just stunning. It was lifted, with large tires, light bar on the top and a winch at the front with a brush guard. I would have preferred to see one in orange, but that black one was really nice. I wonder how much it would cost.

I headed off for a movie and relax letting my mind wander to the fictional world of the latest sci-fi world that is being presented to me.

I walk out to my truck and I see another Jeep in the parking lot. I check my watch, only 3PM so nothing is closed yet on this Sunday afternoon. I might as well head over to the local Jeep dealer to see how much they are.

My life growing up was usual for anyone living in Illinois as a child with a mom and dad. Dad worked, mom stayed home. One day, dad brought home a CJ-7. Orange with large tires, white wheels and a cloth top. The adventures we had together still stick with me and bring a smile to my face years later. Even as an adult.

I drive into the parking lot of the Jeep dealership and enter the building. White Jeeps, tan Jeeps, black Jeeps and even red Jeeps all parked in the show room. I walk to the red one, test the door handle and find it open. I climb in. The seat has a tall back and a comfortable seat holding my rump rather nicely. There is not a lot of distance between the seat and the steering wheel, so my arms are not fully extended, but bent. I can easily reach the radio controls, the heating and cooling controls along with the gear shift, 4x4 shifter and handbrake. Everything is right at hand.

"Pretty impressive isn't it. This is the 2013 model, the best one yet."

The voice brings me out of the review and back to the present. "Yes, it is very nice."

The young lady standing at the window continues with her pitch. "There is still time if you want to take a test drive and we can get the paperwork filled out first thing Monday morning."

I look at her with a bit of disbelief, "you sure are direct with your sales tacit aren't you?"

"Oh, sorry about that. It has been a long week and I don't get a day off until Wednesday and Thursday. Sorry." Changing tactics, "Hi, my name is Brenda. How are you?"

I exit the vehicle and shake her hand, "My name is Paul. It's nice to meet you."

"What brings you here today?"

"Well how I am is complicated, but what I am doing here is that I am very interested in the new Jeeps and have been for years. Recently I have the finances to be able to buy one and the time to shop, so here I am."

"Wonderful. Why don't you and I go sit down and talk about what you want and what I have to offer."

I closed the door and followed her into her small office where she took the seat behind her desk with me in her guest chair. "Ok, let's see what we have. What do you think you want?"

"Well," I say trying to not sound excited. "I would like to get a Rubicon in orange if you have one with a light bar, a winch in front and a brush guard to protect the nose. Do you have anything like that?"

Brenda clicks the keyboard a few times and finally finds what I am looking for. "Well I have good news for you. We have an orange Rubicon in stock. Let me make a phone call and get it pulled up for you so that you can take a look at it." She picks up her extension and briefly talks to someone asking that they bring forward 45518 from the back. "Ok thanks. It should be here in about 15 minutes. Can I get you anything to drink while you wait?"

I pause to think, "A bottle of water would be great."

"Ok, I'll go and get that for you. While I'm gone, look this over." She hands me a color glossy brochure of the Jeep that I was interested in. It showed the engine, the transmission the extras all in full color glossy pages. It showed the Jeep going over boulders, running through streams, mud and even snow. A very exciting vehicle! Woo Hoo!

Brenda came in "I have the keys, are you ready for a test drive?"

I close the brochure and put it on her desk. "I sure am. Let's go."

I stand and follow her out the front door and there is an orange Rubicon with standard sized wheels and tires, a black canvas top and only two extra lights attached to the windshield but other than that, stock in every way. "Wow, it sure is beautiful in person." I walk around the Jeep, running my hand along the doors, the top, getting down to look at the suspension, the tires, the wheels and with a little help I managed to get the hood open and got a look at the engine.

"3.4L, 24-valve V-6 with 254HP. It has a 5-speed manual or a 4 speed automatic. 0-60 in just about well, it is not important. What is important is the off-road capability and with this, it is legendary. When the going gets tough, the jeep really performs."

I continued to walk around the Jeep inspecting and enjoying. David and Josh would have loved this. They enjoyed riding around in my old truck, bouncing through snow drifts and splashing in mud puddles. Yes, they would have loved this.

"Ok, let's get going." I say to Brenda. I pull myself into reality, stopping the thoughts before they bring me to tears. I open the door and get in, but Brenda takes a couple of seconds longer and gives me a strange look then goes ahead and gets into the passenger side and closes the door.

"Are you ok? You had a look on your face that I have not seen in a long time. What is going on with you?" She asked with real concern on her face.

I sigh, take in a deep breath, hold it for a moment and then begin my tale. "A little over a week ago, my wife and two sons were killed in a car accident and the funeral was yesterday. I am out shopping for the family dream vehicle that we were not able to buy when everyone was alive. I am doing this in celebration of their lives." Finally I ran out of breath and sat quietly.