Chapter 2

Arriving at the cabin, I again parked in the visitor space near the front door. Pam was absorbed in one of the books and only looked up as I turned off the engine. I walked around the car and opened her door. She smiled, marked her spot in the book and gathered the others.

We unloaded the groceries and her CVS bag. She put her purchases in the bedroom as I put away the food and stacked the beer in the fridge. After bringing in more kindling, I used old newspapers to build a new fire. She walked up behind me but waited as I worked.

Once it was blazing, Pam handed me the book she'd been reading and said, "Tom, I want you to read this chapter. I think it gives some clues to what's been happening."

The chapter was an account by a dad whose son had died as the result of a car accident. He recounted how the accident happened and how it was his son's fault. The son was in a coma for several days and was alive because of the life support devices. All of their friends were praying for the son, as were he and his wife.

One night a messenger appeared to the dad in a dream. He was not afraid and he remembered how comforted he felt while the messenger talked. The messenger told him that his son's body would die but that his spirit would be transferred to the place of eternal life. The messenger then seemed to embrace the dad's spirit and comforted it. The dad's spirit asked the messenger how it knew the son would die. It told him that Gabriel had sent it.

I leaned back against the sofa and stared at the fire. Pam asked if I'd read the part about Gabriel.

"Yes, that's important. Gabriel, according to the Bible, is the angel that God sent to Mary to tell her she would be pregnant with Jesus. He was also sent to Zechariah to tell him about a son to be born to his wife Elizabeth when she was very old. Her son was John the Baptist. Gabriel also appeared to Daniel and interpreted his dreams."

"How do you know so much about the Bible?"

"I read it often during Lydia's illness. She told me about a few dreams she had and I got interested and looked up all the dreams recorded in the Bible. There are references to angels and messengers throughout the scriptures."

"Do you think we're being visited by angels or messengers?" she asked. We stared at each other.

I finally responded, "That'd explain why we knew things that we shouldn't have known."

Pam replied, "There's one more thing that happened recently. Until now, I discounted it as just another meaningless dream. About a week or so before the incident with the policeman, I dreamed about my dad. I've dreamed about him many times so that wasn't unusual. But this dream was different. I distinctly remember he told me to go home and that he was concerned about me. That's the only thing I remembered about that dream. I thought it was just a coincidence that I got the crap beat out of me a week later."

I reached for Dr. Graham's book, Angels, opened it and started reading. Pam continued reading her book on dreams as the fire popped and cracked.

Late in the afternoon, I suggested we take a break and have a beer. I handed a Stella to Pam and asked, "Can we take a walk down to the lake? I need to stretch my legs and get some fresh air."

"I'd love to. This book is getting a bit deep for me. I need a break."

The afternoon temperature was quite pleasant. We grabbed light jackets and began walking down the driveway. Part of the gravel lane was steep and somewhat slippery with the leaves and loose rocks so I offered my hand to Pam. She gladly accepted. We continued on, holding hands as we walked through the fallen leaves down to the water's edge.

Pam said, "I'm really glad you invited me to stay today. This is a beautiful place and I've enjoyed spending this time with you. Would you mind if I stay a little longer?"

"I've been planning on it."

"You have?"

"Why do you think I bought all the extra food and beer today?"

She grinned. We walked along the lakeshore and I stopped to skip a few flat rocks across the water as if I was still a child. She had never tried it but became a skilled rock skipper after just five throws.

We stopped and sat on the bank while Pam told me about the book she was reading. "It's a collection of personal accounts of people who had dreams that came true or revealed something unique. Some of the people only remember a hazy outline of their dreams but others remember the details. One mother wrote about a dream after her small child was hit and killed by a drunk driver. In the dream, she asked a messenger why the child's guardian angel didn't protect her innocent son. She said it told her that angels are around humans all the time but have no guardian role. They are just advisors, messengers or guides for those who God chooses. They exist to help make decisions but they can't influence or control the outcome. Tom, that sounds to me like what we call a conscience."

"That would imply that not everyone has a conscience, or at least one that determines right from wrong," I replied.

"I've always wondered why some people are so willing to kill someone else over pennies or cigarettes or just petty stuff. It's like life has no meaning or value at all to them. How did Hitler and Stalin kill millions of innocent people without batting an eye?"

I added, "That touches on the Baptist doctrine of free will. They believe that people are free to act badly and do evil to others although God could have stopped it or changed the outcome to be a good one. How many times have you heard people ask why bad things happen to good people when a disaster occurs, almost like they're accusing God of doing the evil by allowing it?"

Pam responded, "I've been guilty of that. I was very angry with God when my dad died and when I got the crap beat out of me a week ago."

"And I was very angry when Lydia became ill and died. I could see no reason for it and I thought God was the cause or at least allowed it. I'm still not over it."

We stood and started back up the hill to the cabin.

Pam said, "You know, I'm getting a bit hungry. I'd like to prepare dinner for us if you don't mind."

"That'd be good. We have chicken pieces and cubed steak. We have plenty of ground beef and several steaks and we can even roast a turkey breast but that'd probably take too long."

"Let's do the cubed steak country style. I can make gravy and we have canned green beans and peas for sure. I saw you brought a few potatoes. How about we mash a couple of those?"

"You've got my mouth watering."

We walked up the lane and held hands through the slippery areas once again. As soon as we entered the cabin, I went to work rebuilding the fire and Pam walked to the bathroom to freshen up. I washed my hands in the kitchen sink and peeled the potatoes while she prepared the meat and opened the peas. I handed her another beer and opened one for myself. We touched can tops and both said, "Cheers." Her smile was captivating.

I watched as she maneuvered through the kitchen like it was a part of her. As the meat sizzled in the iron skillet, she measured the ingredients for the gravy while I mashed the potatoes. It all came together beautifully and was absolutely delicious. Lydia would occasionally make country style steak like this and it was always one of my favorite meals.

Later, as we relaxed in front of the fire, Pam asked about Lydia. "What was she like, Tom?"

"Oh, Pam. You're going to get me emotional."

"I'm sorry. You want to talk about something else?"

I thought for a few moments and gazed at the flames.

"She was the definition of grace and beauty. I was always proud to be with her, no matter where it was. She loved life and shared her joy of living with many people. She had a degree in education but only taught school for a couple of years. One of her friends home-schooled her children and she asked Lydia to help her with materials, lesson plans and teaching techniques. When the word spread that Lydia had helped her, other home-schooling parents asked for help and it went on and on. Lydia enjoyed working with them.

"Within a couple of years, she had enough demand to set up a business providing home-schooling materials and lesson plans. That was very successful and she especially enjoyed the creative part. The business grew and she eventually hired three employees to share the load with her.

"When we learned about the cancer and word got around, the parents she helped became a support network for her. Whenever I couldn't be there, these parents took turns staying with Lydia. They were a very real blessing to us.

"She never met a stranger ... everyone loved her from the moment they met. Even to the very end, she remained cheerful and optimistic. I know the pain must have been terrible sometimes but she rarely complained and never felt sorry for herself. If anything, she was more concerned about me than herself.

"The night she died at our home, her mom and dad were there along with my parents. We all knew it was her time. She had been slipping for days. Lydia asked that we play her favorite song, which was '10,000 Reasons' by Matt Redman. The lyrics she liked the best were at the end. They go something like this: and on that day, when my strength is failing and my time is near, my soul will sing your praise unending for ten thousand years and forever more.

"I was holding her diminished body on my lap and she looked into my eyes." I choked and asked Pam for a moment.

As my tears flowed, I continued. "Her last words were, 'our love is eternal, Tom. I will never leave you. It's going to be okay.' Her eyes then closed and I felt her body relax as I held her tightly."

I tried to restrain my tears but just couldn't and continued to cry softly. Pam came over and held my hand and cried with me.

After a few minutes, I was able to compose myself. "I'm sorry for being so emotional. I've spent a lot of time crying alone the last few years, especially here at the cabin. I just can't seem to let her go."

"You had that rare perfect love," she said.

"Yes, it was perfect in many ways."

Pam asked, "I wonder what she meant about never leaving you. Maybe she knew that her spirit would always be a part of yours in some way."

I replied, "Maybe so. But if anyone deserved to be in heaven, she did. I hope her spirit is there and not hanging out with mine." We both smiled.

"Pam, I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted and ready for bed. If I have another dream and can remember it, I'll write down everything when I first wake. Can you do the same?"

"That's a great idea. I'll put a pen and some paper next to the bed, just in case."

Pam stayed up and read in front of the fire. I crawled into bed after showering and, as usual, thought about Lydia. Those last 24 hours with Pam brought back many memories.

Sometime, in the early hours, I suddenly awoke. I had another dream, and Lydia was there. I could feel her body next to mine, and it startled me. I turned on the lamp and was shocked to see that Pam was in bed next to me. I gently shook her shoulder.

She jumped. "Oh, you scared me."

"Pam, what are you doing here?"

"You were having a very bad dream and kept yelling for Lydia. It went on for a while and I thought that maybe, if you could feel me next to you, that you'd think I was her and it'd calm you down. I'm sorry if I upset you."

"You didn't upset me. I just don't want to take advantage of you. Did we..." I struggled with the words but she helped.

"Were we intimate? No, of course not. You were the perfect gentlemen with your arm around me. I felt very wanted and protected."

"I'm very sorry this happened."

"Don't be. I'm not."
She rolled onto her knees and sat cross-legged on the bed beside me. "Do you remember any details of your dream?"

I lay back on the pillow and stared at the ceiling. "I dreamed that Lydia was here. I couldn't see her but I heard her voice. She said that she was disappointed in me. I was continuing to mourn her, and that I needed to move on and let go of the pain. She wanted me to be happy and know that she was in heaven.

"I asked her about heaven. She said it couldn't be described in human words. I asked where it was. She said it was all around us, humans just couldn't see it. I finally asked her why I couldn't see her. She said that she no longer has a body I would recognize so her soul was talking to mine. She next said something about God's plan being revealed but I didn't understand and she left. I called out for her to come back."

"That must be when I heard you screaming her name."

"Yes, I'm sorry I woke you."

"I'm glad you did. This is very interesting. When you normally dream about her, do you visualize her as she was?"

"Yes. As I think about her now, I visualize her. But in this dream and a few others I've had, there was no image or vision ... just the voice."

I asked, "Did you have any dreams?"

"I don't remember anything. It took forever for me to drop off. The discussions we had yesterday kept playing over and over in my head."

"Let's see if we can get back to sleep. You better go back to your bed."

"I guess I'd better." She slid off the bed and walked out but turned to say goodnight and smile before she left.

Approximately 15 minutes later, I went for a glass of water. As I walked past her bedroom door, I could hear a faint buzzing sound and Pam moaning quietly.

We both slept later than normal. It was about 7:30 when I rolled out of bed, put on clothes and headed to the coffee maker. After starting the coffee, I built a new fire and had it blazing in just a few minutes. The firewood was very dry and burned easily.

As the fire caught, I heard the bedroom door open. Pam walked out and said, "The coffee smells great."

"Good morning." I looked toward her and smiled. She had on one of Lydia's housecoats. Even without makeup, she was lovely.

"Good morning and happy birthday!"

"Thank you."

"Hope you don't mind me wearing this beautiful housecoat. Did it belong to Lydia?"

"Yes, but you can have it. It's very pretty on you. I think you're about the same size as her. In fact, there may be other clothes in the closet you'd like. She kept a few things here just to avoid packing."

Pam walked to the kitchen and brought a cup back to the fireplace. "Tom, can we sit and talk a minute."

"Sure." We sat together on the sofa in front of the fire. Pam paused to collect her thoughts.

"The last 24 hours have made a huge impact on me. I was in a mess before I came here. I took refuge here but I knew it was only temporary. I was very worried about where I'd go next. I didn't have enough money for a hotel for very long. Instead of kicking me out like most people would have done, you're trying to help me. Some of these dreams have scared me for sure; however, we've talked about really serious and important things. You've respected me and that makes me feel important and safe."

"Pam, that was the least I felt I could do. You obviously needed help and I've enjoyed your company. Could I ask you a very important question?"

"Of course."

"Earlier this morning while I was still in bed, I had a fleeting thought. I know it's probably crazy but let me just throw it out as a question. Feel free to laugh at me. Do you think that we were intentionally brought together this week?"

She frowned and stared at me and then at the fire. "Brought together by whom and why?"

"I don't know. I was always planning to come this week except for a few days when the business problems happened. Then I had those dreams of Lydia and she told me to come. It's like I had to be here for some reason. When did you decide to come here?"

"I was passing the cutoff to the farm and thought about my parents. Then I remembered my uncle and this lake."

"Is your uncle still alive?"

"No, he died in a car accident about six months ago. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Oh no, I dreamed about him the night I decided to flee from the policeman. That was the first time I ever dreamed about him and I remembered it for some reason but I just don't recall."

"Is it possible that he told you in the dream to come here?"

"I don't remember; but maybe he did in the dream and I just forgot. Remember, this was the third house I tried to enter."

"Oh my goodness. There's the number three again."

We stared silently at each other for several moments. We were both wondering.

"Well, I suppose it really doesn't matter," I said. "You're here now and so am I. Can we just enjoy this week and continue getting to know each other? You can stay here if you like for as long as you want or I'll help you find a place. You could even come to Chattanooga. I always need great restaurant help. But this week, I'm going to try my best to look to the future. I think having you here and being able to talk to you will help me do that."

"I'm glad you came this week. I was planning to leave in a few days and go somewhere else. You're a really nice guy and I'm glad we met." She smiled and asked, "How about some breakfast?"

"Great, I'm hungry. The smoked sausage I brought is really top notch."

"Let's do it. My biscuits and gravy are pretty good. Mom insisted both us girls learn how to make biscuits. How do you like your eggs?"