Chapter 20: Molehill from Mountain

Detective Dianna Shepherd found a chair in “the bullpen”, the main briefing room of the police station. She had been working in her office when she got the email. What was this about?

The department captain walked in from the side door. “Hello, everyone, please have a seat. I’m sorry to say that Detective Aaron Bilson, who had been on medical leave, has passed away.” There were a few gasps from the other officers, and the captain waited before continuing. “After he failed to return to duty yesterday, calls were made and officers finally went to check in on him yesterday evening. They found he had expired in his bed a number of days ago. The ME’s initial analysis points to heart failure.”

Shepherd thought for a moment. Bilson had been a homophobic, mysogynistic asshole, but she hadn’t wished him dead. Well, not for more than a few minutes at a time. Heart attack made sense; he had been overweight, certainly not up to the fitness level expected of a police officer.

“You never knew when you’re gonna go, huh?” One of the other female officers whispered to Shepherd. Dianna nodded.

“Dismissed,” said the captain.

I dropped in on Monday and Hepzibah -- we were calling her Zee now -- to find out how they’d been doing over the last week. Monday had been tossing food to the overprotective harpy from the bedroom door, but with her not leaving her egg for even a moment, his bedroom was now carpeted with harpy dung. He’d taken to hanging up air fresheners everywhere so now it smelled like someone ate a pine tree before taking a shit. I gagged, bought a bag of weed, and left.

As I walked home I had the feeling that I was being followed. I looked around but didn’t notice anyone acting suspiciously. As I passed a park I heard a hiss from the nearby bushes.

“Tom!”

I approached the bushes and saw a small, hairy gray woman crouched in them.

“Konnie!”

“Hello Tom,” she said, blinking her adorable dark eyes at me, “I have newth for you ... and Demie.”

When I got home I passed on Konnie’s news to Demie, that the pukwudgie network had found Demie’s brother, Eros, a couple days’ drive away.

“Good timing ... I have just the thing,” Demie said, grinning.

“Where did you find this?” I marveled as a 1967 Chevy Chevelle, black with a deep red interior, pulled up, its engine purring. It showed some wear and tear, but it was a miracle that this thing even ran at its age.

“It was an old ... friend’s,” she replied cagily.

A slim brunette woman in tight coveralls, probably in her late 20’s, got out of the car.

“Thanks, Elle!” Demie pecked the woman on the cheek and dropped a roll of cash into her hand.

“No problem, Demie ... glad to get to work on one of these!” She winked at me. “Hey there.”

“Hey,” I replied. Elle had a smudge of grease on her chin, which somehow made her even cuter. She looked at me, waiting. “Oh, I’m Tom. Sorry, was just distracted.”

She turned to the car, giving me a vantage on her tight ass in those coveralls. “Yeah, she’s a beaut, huh?”

I smiled and looked back up at her face as she turned back. “The car, right.”

I noticed Elle give me a once-over with her eyes. “Well, nice meeting you, Tom. Delivery’s done, and I’m off. Seeya!”

As Elle hailed an Uber, I popped the trunk and handed my suitcase to Kate. Wait, what?

The trunk was now the entrance to Kate’s lab! I poked my head in and felt that same claustrophobia that usually accompanied entering my broom closet, and then I was looking at the stone walls of Kate’s lab. Kate took the opportunity to steal a kiss. I stole it back, and then we spent a minute or so playing tonsil hockey until the car horn sounded. I winked at Kate and pulled back.

Closing the trunk lid, I saw Demie was sitting on the passenger side.

I was driving? I was driving! I practically jumped into the cushy bucket seat.

“I’m assuming you can handle stick?” she asked.

I looked down at the ivory-handled shifter. “I learned on my dad’s midlife crisis Ford Mustang. It’s like riding a bike, right?”

Demie shrugged. “I never learned how to ride a bike, much less drive a car.” I resolved that she’d learn the latter on this trip.

It took some grinding of gears, but it came back to me. I called into my office to declare myself sick for the rest of the week, and then we were on the open road.

After it got dark we stopped at a roadside bar for some beer and pub grub. Demie said she’d go do her own feeding, and I didn’t want to hear any details as she strode off into the night. Kate looked thoughtful when I asked if she’d come join me, but ultimately said she’d stay in her lab instead. Well, her loss...

Despite the state’s inside smoking law, the bar smelled like an ashtray. I sat at a table, sipped my beer, and played about on my phone while I waited for my food.

It hadn’t been busy when I came in, but it had suddenly gotten even quieter. I looked around and spied a bunch of people scrambling out the back. Then someone stepped up to my table.

I turned and looked up ... waaaay up.

He wasn’t wearing his sunglasses this time, but the bald head and bushy red moustache was unmistakable: Man-mountain!

I had encountered the huge biker I had nicknamed that a while ago at another bar back in town. It hadn’t ended well for him.

“Shit...” I groaned. This wouldn’t end well for me without Demie!

The monolithic figure reached forward and picked me up by the front of my shirt like I was a child and looked around exaggeratedly. “I don’t see no Jessica Alba this time, boy. How ‘bout we finish what we started a few weeks ago?” He was referring to Demie, who had taken the form of the sexy actress and wrecked this guy, and then his gang when they jumped in. Not waiting for my answer, he hauled me over to the front door and shoved me through it.

“Now wait just a...” I managed to get out before his size 13 boot practically caved in my chest. I flew back and slammed into a car. Shit, that hurt! “ ... aaugh...”

He grabbed me again and then I was flying into another car. This time my shoulder took the impact. A moment later I was lifted up and slammed back down onto a car hood. I saw man-mountain raise his fist up to finish me off. I closed my eyes...