Chapter 5

Sun brightened the room. Sounds of a town waking gradually filtered into my consciousness. Wakefulness arrived. I lay next to Weather, my hand gently resting on her bare back, enjoying feeling her slender back rising and falling in sleep. She was beautiful, perfect. I was in love. I loved her deeply, an ache in my soul. Yet now, in the stark morning light, I realised my worse fear had come true. I'd succumbed. She was so like...

I let memories drift back, memories I had cherished and agonized over, memories that had shaped my life. They came back in a rush, as if it was only yesterday, crystal clear.

Mourners drifted away, smiling gently in sympathy, shaking our hands, and giving soft words of condolences. Alexis stood at my side, ramrod straight as if holding her body rigid would control her emotions and lessen the pain. Sorrow poured through me, heavy and unwelcome. Staring down at the side-by-side graves, two coffins resting at the bottom, my sinuses blocked up, tears prickled behind my eyes, a lump choked my throat. I'd never thought I'd be burying Mom and Dad together. It wasn't something one ever, ever thought about. But here I was.

Silence slowly filled the graveyard, birds twittered. Cherry trees provided shade, sunlight dappling the lush, green, well manicured lawn. In the distance over the sloping lawn and field of headstones I could see tall buildings of Los Angeles and a haze of smog hovering over the city like a dirty cloud.

Alexis' hand slipped into mine her fingers intertwining with mine. I squeezed it. We left, starting a long, silent, and emotional walk back to the rented Ford. I was twenty-four, Alexis twenty. We were alone in the world.

The house felt empty, dead, lifeless. Without the sparkle of Mom's personality or the bigger-than-life bluster of Dad's presence, the house seemed frail, dark, and lonely. Alexis moved mindlessly, searching through cupboards and the fridge for the makings of a dinner despite our lack of appetite, almost as if it was a duty of the living to cook and feed.

I drank. Three scotches. Dad's fifteen year old Scotch. Memories haunted me. The future had evaporated in a flash of loss, my parents passing robbing me of security and comfort, stealing my dreams, my happiness. I missed a mother's care, her soft smile, her gentle chiding for me to do better, her warm hug. I missed a father who lived life large, filling a room to bursting with his energy, making you feel excitement at the most mundane things, wanting to please him.

"Aidan?"

Glancing at Alexis, slender, fine-boned like Mom, young, her soft brown eyes glistening with unshed tears, my heart ached for her. How hard it must be, so much younger than me. I moved to her, wrapping her in my arms, hugging her as she finally, finally let go and cried into my shirt, dampening it with her agony.

I held her head gently to my shoulder, another arm around her back. I whispered, "It'll be okay, Alex. It'll be okay," even though I wasn't sure it would. I could see no light ahead, just a long, endlessly long dark tunnel. I let her release the pent-up emotions she'd held under such tight rein. I held my sister, hurting for her. When she turned her face up to me, I wiped the tears from her reddened eyes with a thumb. I looked into her soft brown eyes, smiling. She smiled back, reached up, her slender hand slipping to my neck, pulling me.

It seemed the most natural thing in the world. To bend and kiss my sister's lips seemed right. And, as if we'd both been starved of affection, or needed to reaffirm life, the kiss suddenly became passionate, insistent, demanding. Alexis' mouth opened, her tongue meeting mine. She clutched at me and moaned, or perhaps it was my moan.

Alexis moved her body slightly and we were pressed against each other, her slender body moulding to mine, her stomach pressing to a growing lump in my black slacks. Her tongue thrust into my mouth urgent and seeking, her hands slipping through my hair, curling and holding me as she pushed her pelvis into me.

My hands fell, slipping down her back to gently hold her petite, firm rear, pulling her against my erection. She moaned into my mouth. Bending, I swept her up, no thoughts, no plans, just living the moment, drowning in feeling, losing myself in Alexis' kiss, hiding from pain.

Carrying her, I found my old bedroom. We tumbled onto the bed. The kiss broke. Hands suddenly started grasping, opening buttons, eyes feverish, small kisses on cheeks and swollen lips and soft necks, fingers fumbling, murmurs and moans. Clothes were discarded onto the floor, feverish need in the driver's seat.