Chapter 5

Part One: Love the ones you're with

"WHAT?!

I'll do it. Let's just go slow until I get used to the idea."

Well, this didn't work out I had in mind, not at all.

My girlfriend had just offered me her bisexual roommate as a surrogate sex partner, and I tried to sabotage it by agreeing to it only if she took her as a lover also. I had never thought she would be interested in a female lover, she wasn't even interested in a male one, yet. This virgin until married ideal was really getting to me. It would be a lot easier if I hadn't been in love with her.

"You're just saying that to get me and Amy into bed. Then you'll back out and laugh at us."

"No I won't"

She had that determined jut to her chin that I was beginning to understand. She was a spoiled little rich girl, but she had strenght of character. If she made up her mind she was like a snapping turtle. She wouldn't let go until it thundered, and it was a clear night.

"Are you sure?" Please back out was what I wanted to say. But I was almost as stubborn as she was. If she was going to do it, I was too. Even if I thought it was a bad idea.

Amy was on cloud nine. Her most inner desire was about to become reality.

"Let's seal the deal with a kiss."

Ever look back on your life and say,

"There it is, this is what determined the rest of my life. Ever thing that happened to me after that can be traced back to this?"

Very few people remember that moment, but thirty years later I do, and this was it.

"Let's get our clothes off." she said as she pulled her top off.

"No!"

She was enjoying my ambivalence.

"How we gonna fuck if we don't?"

"One, we're not going to fuck. We're taking a lover, remember? And you don't really fuck. Don't cheapen it by acting like this is a one night stand. Relax, go slow, let's enjoy this. Come over here, give us a nice slow kiss, and let things develop."

"Two, if at any time I sense you're not as into it as we are, I'm out. It might be your situation but it will be my rules, got it?"

Back out now, go ahead, I won't blame you. I guess my Jedi mind tricks weren't working because she came over to join us on the bed. The force just wasn't with me tonight.

Amy had a glazed look in her eyes, she was almost salivating.

I gave her a long, lingering kiss, slowly stroking her sides and bottom. She was still fully clothed.

"Help her out of her top, Ce."

Amy had on a sleeveless, button up blouse. CeCe moved in front of her and unbuttoned her, slowly, one button at a time, kissing and licking as she went. When it was undone I eased it off her shoulders, revealing a sheer pink bra. Ce was breathing hard, hands shaking as she undid the front clasp of the bra. She had small breasts, and extremely sensitive nipples.

"I'll take the right" I said, just before I wrapped my mouth around her nipple. She squirmed in excitement. I felt CeCe, her hair brushing against me. Glancing sideways, my vision clouded by proximity, I could see CeCe rolling the left nipple between her teeth. Amy was speaking in no tongue known to man. She had a hand behind each head, pushing us to her harder.

"Your turn", I said as I came up for air. CeCe didn't say a work, just turned her back so Amy could unsnap her. Amy slipped her hands around to gently massage her under the loose bra.

CE sighed and leaned back into her. Amy licked and nibbled her neck and shoulders, Looking me in the eye the whole time, silently inviting me to join her. I kissed her, licked her ear, her throat, sliding my tongue ever down. I nuzzled between her breasts, reveling in the softness. Amys' hand stroked my neck, making small noises of approval. She eased from behind CeCe and we lowered her to the bed. She latched onto one nipple while I paid homage to the other, pausing occasionally to share a kiss. We raced one another down her belly, often rising back up to give CeCe a kiss.

I unsnapped her jeans and lightly started tugging. She raised her hips to help. Amy removed her shoes. This was before the era of shaven pubes, and Ce had a full, thick bush. We paused to admire the view.

"No fair, no fair" she whined, tugging at both of us. She fairly ripped the tight shorts Amy was wearing to her knees. She kept her light blond, sparsely furred thatch neatly trimmed, a holdover from her swimming days. The sight of CeCe gently stroking her sex is vivid in my memory to this day. Amy was crying with joy.

They attacked me, literally ripping my shirt off. I lost the rest of my clothes in record time. My erection was intense to the point of being painful.

Amy and CeCe began kissing in earnest. Instinctively I pulled back when Amy started kissing her way up her thighs. I held CeCes' hand and whispered words of encouragement as things progressed.

"Oh my! Oh shit! Oh, oh, oh, ahhhh."

She now had both hands firmly on Amys' head, pushing up with her hips.

"Almost there, baby, almost ... there!"

She almost threw her of with the last heave. Gasping, crying, she pulled her up like she was a doll, hugging and kissing.

"So good, so good" She murmured, lightly stroking Amys' back.

"If I had known it was going to be like this, I would have let you seduce me last year."

She pulled her up, cupping her head in her hands and looking her in the eyes.

"I wanna do you now, baby. But I don't know how. Teach me hon, please."

Amy stroked her cheek.

"It'll come naturally to you, love, just do what I did."

She was slow, tenative, listening to Amy and trying to read her signals. It was clumsy at times but she eventually achieved her goal. They snuggled together for just a second. I think they actually forgot I was in the room at times. I wanted to join in, but in retrospect I think subconsciously knew it was better I didn't.

CeCe looked over at me and looked guilty.

"We forgot our boyfriend, and he looks like he needs some attention."

I became the centerpiece on the bed. The rest of the night was a blur of lips, hands, pussies. Amy sucking me while CeCe ate her, then reversing roles. Amy sinking down onto me in a cowgirl, incredibly tight, as CeCe rode my face, kissing and fondling Amy, until finally collapsing in a tangled embrace, to sleep from exhaustion.

I was by habit an early riser, and I woke with CeCe on my shoulder and Amy more or less on top of both of us. I untangled, and watched them snuggle into each other.

I showered, slipped out of the room and got breakfast at a fast food place. I opened the coffees, and Amy opened one eye. She looked at me, and at CeCe. Ce had instinctively wrapped her arms around the smaller girl. She lay for a second savoring the feeling before kissing her awake.

"Get up, love, our man brought us food, and I'm starved."

CeCe was not a morning person. Getting up, she started to reach for her shirt, thought better of it, and stumbled to the bathroom. Amy didn't pretend to get dressed, just started sipping coffee.

We ate breakfast, them naked, me fully clothed, until Amy noticed it. She quickly insisted I fix the situation.

"What time is it?"

I looked at my watch.

"Eight."

"What time is checkout?"

"Eleven."

"Then we better hurry."

I had already showered, but they insisted I wash their backs, and their fronts. We ran out of the room at 10:55.

We rode back to the dorm in silence. I don't think anybody really knew how to begin. They both cut class to spend a little more time with me, but finally it was time to go back to the real world. They both gave me tremendous kisses, clinging to me. The girls between classes got an eyeful.

"What do we do now?"

It was the million dollar question.

CeCe must have put a lot of thought into the answer.

"It's simple. I love you. You love me. I love Amy, Amy loves me. You and Amy need to learn to love each other. Call us tonight so we'll know you made it home safe."

I thought about my weekend on the way down the mountain. Two fights, two girls, lots of new friends, all the sex I could handle. If all vacations were like this no wonder people wanted to go on them all the time.

I got home, said hi to my roommates, called the girls and talked for half an hour, went into my room and slept thirteen hours.

...

Part Two: Funeral For A Friend

We set up a rhythm the next few weeks. I stopped working at the grill on Saturday nights. Until the end of the term I would ride up every other Saturday night and spend it with them. Alternate weekends CeCe would bring Amy home with her and we would end up in a motel for the weekend. Occasionally Amy would go home to see her mom, and it would Be just CeCe and me. They both agreed that was good because it gave us some alone time, after all, they had each other all week. And yes, they did sleep together.

The term ended. CeCe came home, Amy went to spend some time with her mother. She lived across the state, and long distance relationships suck.

We were going to fall back into the school routine, traveling every other week to see Amy, when fate intervened.

It was a Monday afternoon, I had just gotten off work, when I got the call.

"Jimmy, do you know who this is?"

I recognized the voice instantly.

"Barb?"

"Yes, Jimmy, it is. It pleases me to think you would remember me. How are you?"

"Older, bigger, uglier than when we last met. How about you, still as beautiful as ever?"

I could feel the smile.

"Oh, hon, time takes its' toll on all of us."

As much as I enjoyed talking to her, I wondered why, after almost four years, she called.

"How have you been, really? I heard Bob passed away, I'm sorry for your loss. Despite what we did, I know you loved him. How's Joanne, still a bundle of energy?"

There was a short silence. I thought for a minute she had hung up. Then the sobs started.

Between sobs I got the story.

"Joanne is sick, Jimmy. Her cancer came back. It was too late when they discovered it. She's only got weeks, maybe even just days. She wants to see you one last time to say goodbye. She talked of you often."

"Where is she? When can I see her? Why didn't you call before? Damn it, this is so unfair!"

"She's in the cancer ward at Baptist. She put you on the family list, so you can see her just about any time. Please go."

"Are you going tonight? Good, I'll be over in thirty minutes. We'll go together."

Barb looked tired, subdued. I got the story out of her as we drove to the hospital.

Joanne met and married an accountant nine months after our affair. He was good to her for about a year. He didn't become abusive, just indifferent. She caught him sleeping with a client and threw him out. She had a pretty good prenup, so he left with nothing. Five days later she found out the cancer was back. He tried to get back into her good graces, hoping he was still in the will. When he found out he was getting nothing he never came back. What an asshole.

I forgotten how much my looks had changed. She didn't recognize me until I spoke. Then the tears started.

"Jimmy, Jimmy. Thank you for coming. I know I look a mess. Barb should have told me, you know how us girls like to primp when we know we're going to see an ex lover."

Barb had told me how she looked, but until I actually saw her I couldn't get a mental picture. She had only weighed about 105 pounds when she was healthy, the cancer had wasted her down to 75. She was almost skeletal. My heart broke for her, but I smiled.

"Nonsense, it's all I can do to keep from climbing into bed with you. Think the nurses would say anything?"

She broke down completely, holding her arms out to me. She had an IV in each arm so I had to be careful, but I hugged her as hard as I could under the conditions, trying to pour all the love I had for her into it.

I'm sure the nurses saw this sort of thing on a regular basis, but the sight of me, dressed in my work clothes[ a biker shirt and jeans] holding this tiny, tiny, woman to me while tears streamed down my face would be something to remember.

She clung to me until she went to sleep. I lay her down, stroking her hair. Barb stood in the doorway, dabbing her eyes with tissue.

We talked on the way back to her house.

"How much longer will she be in the hospital?"

"There's nothing they can do for her now, so they're sending her home Wednesday."

"Should she be alone? Who's going to watch her?"

"I'll have to arrange for someone to be with her. I'll check in on her during the afternoon and evening. It's the best I can do."

When Bob died, Barb had inherited the Ford dealership. It seems she was an astute business woman, and the business expanded. His family by his first wife were stunned they had been left out of the will, but Barb got along well with his two sons, so she gave them 18% ownership each to keep them happy and at the dealership. They actually got along quite well. His first wife had been living well on alimony, and to further cement her relationship with the sons she gave 4% ownership to her, not to be sold unless it was back to them. She got a dividend check once a quarter that actually exceeded her old alimony payment. Everybody was happy, relatively. She had an office and kept a close eye on the business.

If you're from the rural South family is important to you. The thought of Joanne dying surrounded by strangers saddened me deeply.

"Doesn't she have somebody that can come out and and be with her, some family, an old friend?"

"No, hon, she doesn't. She had no siblings, and her mother is disabled and in a retirement home. There's no one."

I made a decision out of love that was going to be returned tenfold, although I didn't know it at the time.

"I'll be here after I end my shift. I'll stay with her at night. Just have someone here in time for me to get to work."

"I can't let you do that. You have your own life to live. She wouldn't want you to waste your time on her."

"First things first. I'm doing this because I want to, and you can't stop me. Have the nurse stay tomorrow to give me any instructions to make her comfortable. Please stop over to help me get her settled. I'll handle it from there."

Barb told me she pitched a fit. In the end Barb told her,

"You saw how big he is now. Do you think two women who combined aren't anywhere near his size could make him do anything he didn't want to? I'm afraid we're stuck with him."

She lit me up when I got there. Told me to go away and leave a poor sick woman alone. I wasn't welcome and if I didn't leave she would call the cops.

I just smiled at her and had the nurse show me how to monitor her IV and set up her pill schedule.

"If you want me out, Joanne, get up and throw me out. Oh, and no funny business either. I'm kind of in a committed relationship, so don't be tempting me."

Barb and the nurse were actually laughing. She wound down, shaming me for being mean to a sick woman, and then flashed us her boobs, said it was my loss, and asked me to make her some chicken soup for dinner. Barb said it was the first time since getting sick she seemed happy.

So Joanne became my life for awhile. I would get home, make her something light that she usually didn't eat very much of, and talk or watch TV until she fell asleep. The nurse would change her gown every morning and again just before I got home, brush her hair, and put a touch of makeup on. She stopped wearing panties because she had to be helped to and from the bathroom, giggling it was nothing I hadn't seen before. She actually embarrassed the nurse, which made her day.

I told Amy and CeCe about my past relationship with her. Amy thought it was cute, not CeCe.

I found out that CeCe had a phobia about the sick and the dying. She came in and said hi to Joanne once, just after I had moved in. There was an instant mutual dislike. She never made another visit.

She and Amy loved each other. Looking at them together, I was amazed at how similar they looked. Maybe that's what attracted me to Amy initially. The nurse told Joanne she didn't know she had a daughter. They thought it was hilarious, especially when Amy said they hadn't been on speaking terms since she had stolen her lover, giving me a huge kiss. The look on the nurse's face made them laugh until they cried.

Barb stayed with her every other weekend so I could spent time with my girls.

Like I said before, CeCe was from money. She never had to work for it so she never understood its' value. I was working class, but my parents had given me guidance when I needed it, so I had a healthy respect for money and was careful with it.

Amy was what could be called 'dirt poor'. Raised by her mom without the benefit of child support from a dad she had never met. She was in school on a full scholarship, pinching pennies, working part time jobs during the summer. When they started rooming together she was amazed at CeCes' extravagance. She hardly ever went out because she couldn't afford it. When Ce figured it out she started insisting she go with her, paying for everything. She resisted at first, but gave in under relentless pressure. Ce did have a way of getting what she wanted.

Amy wasn't having a lot of luck with jobs that summer and confided it to Joanne one night. The next day she put the nurse on part time, just an hour in the mornings and afternoons to regulate her medicine, gave her a nice bonus, and moved Amy in.

Amy objected, but Joanne said she would much rather have Amy around than me, and if one of had to go, then sorry, bud, happy trails.

We got into a domestic routine. I usually got up first and made breakfast, then got Amy up. We tried to let Joanne sleep, but she set her alarm clock, and insisted on having breakfast with us. Much later Amy said she confided to her she was afraid she would be gone before I got back, and she just wanted to see once more.

I was wrestling with some hard decisions of my own. If I didn't go back to school soon I was afraid I would never do it. I applied and got accepted to Mountain State. Entering as a junior, same as Amy. CeCe had taken summer classes and would be a senior. I hadn't told anyone yet. I had enough saved up for one year and a little into the next, hoping to find a job to help when I got there.

Joanne lasted until the first of August. When she started really fading, Barb would stop by every night. Hospice had been in a few times. Amy confided all her secrets, trying to get her interested in another day. When she confessed about our first threesome experience, she smiled and said she should thank both her and Barb for training me. Then she told her the whole story of our relationships to each other. She also said she was going to leave her 'the toys', especially the paddles. I caught her giving me unreadable glances for a few days.

I came home on a Thursday, looked at Amy crying in the kitchen, and knew.

"She's going fast."

I looked in on her and she was unconscious, breathing shallowly. We called Barb and she came immediately.

There was really nothing we could do but be there. Barb held one hand, I held the other. Just before she passed she roused and saw us.

"Hold me, hold me my loves. I want to be wrapped in love as I go."

We both leaned over her, and with her last breath she dragged us down, hugging with all the might she had left. Her arms gradually slid back to her sides.

She lay there, eyes unfocused, smiling as she left us. Now I know what crying rivers meant.

I slept walked through the funeral. Barb handled everything. There were very few people at the service. Barb, Amy, me, my family, Joannes former sister in law, that was it. CeCe didn't attend.

Barb insisted we stay at the house until school, said Joanne wanted us to. She called us a few days later, said we had to be at the reading of the will.

At the lawyer's office, both Amy and I had to show our ID, which they made copies of. I was surprised to see her ex-husband there. Barb was there as executor. The house went to a cancer foundation. The furniture and household contents were also donated to charity, after certain items were removed.

Her ex got a certificate good for a lifetime supply of condoms, not to exceed twelve a week, from the local pharmacy. Seems the client he slept with came up pregnant, and her husband had gotten a vasectomy years before. He left the office screaming curses at anyone who would listen. Joannes' last laugh.

Amy and I received large manila envelopes we had to sign for, with instructions not to open them until we got home and in the presence of Barb. Barb also got an envelope.

Barb opened hers first.

She was to receive all of Joannes jewelry with the exception of a single strand of pearls that Amy often admired. The pearls were in Amys' envelope. She also got the standard executors' fee, which she donated to the cancer foundation.

Amy collapsed when she opened hers. Inside was a check for staying with Joanne, roughly twice the rate the nurse would have gotten. There were also two letters. One for her eyes only, one she wanted read aloud. She got the first sentence out before she started crying.

I picked up and read:

"Amy, my child.

This is how I've come to think of you. You have made me realize the single biggest regret of my life was not experiencing motherhood. You've given me a glimpse of what I missed, and while I should hate you for it, it makes me love you the more. If I had a daughter, I would wish her to be like you.

I know we are the same size, and I've seen you fondle my fox fur coat. It belonged to my grandmother, and she wanted me to pass it on to my daughter when it was time. I want you to have it, the winters are cold at your school. In fact, I want you to go through my closets and take whatever you want. Wear the clothes proudly, it is a gift of love.

Lastly, I want you to have my car. College girls need a good set of wheels. It's a little old, but I rarely drove it. It is in good condition, and should serve you well for years. Barb has something for you, cars can be expensive to maintain.

One more note. Jimmy. Take care of him, I think he's going to need you soon. And be a little more assertive, he takes you for granted.

I wish you happiness and a good life.

Your mother that never was,

Joanne."

She cried for an hour, then told Barb she didn't deserve it.

"Nonsense, girl, I've never seen anyone who deserved it more. Take it with the love it was given. What I have for you is the paperwork for your car, along with the insurance forms. It's already been paid, all you have to is sign the papers and pick up the tag. She also gave me this for you. It's 2,000, cash, for gas, tires, and incidental repairs."

She turned to me.

"And Joanne is right, you do take her for granted. Wise up, Jimmy. Now, open yours."

I read the letter first.

"Jimmy my love, the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life was not snatching you up when you turned eighteen and never letting go. You were a good boy, and you're turning into a better man. I've had this for years, have changed the name several times. I can't think of anyone else who deserves it more.

Follow your dream, shape the minds and hearts of those who follow. And if you ever have a little girl, Joanne is a nice name.

And Jimmy, you really should pay more attention, you won't do better than Amy. Good luck in your life. Oh, cut your hair and shave, you're in college for goodness sake.

Love always,

Joanne."

It was an insurance policy, listing me as beneficiary. $40,000.

Barb handed me the check.

"Here you go Jimmy, go back to school, get your degree. Come back to us and turn out more good men. The world could always use them."

I slid to the floor, it seems my legs quit working, Amy knelt beside me, giving much needed comfort.

Barb went on to tell me that Joanne wanted us to have any furniture we needed, it would be handy for our new apartment. There was no hurry, just pick out the pieces and mark them.

Barb had some parting words.

"Good luck, my young friends. This experience has made me regret not having children also. I think I'm going to adopt you. Come home and see me from time to time. Now I'll leave you alone, I'm sure you have some thinking to do."

She kissed us both and left. We sat on the couch holding each other, crying occasionally from grief, joy, and shock.

We wandered through the house for the next few days, tagging furniture and packing. After some hesitation Amy went through the clothes, picking jeans, a few tops, and some nice dresses. She took almost all the shoes and Joanne had a lot. She said she had never owned more than four pairs of shoes at one time in her whole life. She also took four or five evening gowns, and one little black dress that looked so good on her it immediately came off.

We tried to get CeCe involved but she wouldn't enter the house, said it gave her the creeps. We were still boosting motel stock points as often as possible.

While we were with Joanne, CeCe was interning at one of her fathers plants. He was very happy, controlling almost all her time. And I very rarely visited her at home, which made it even sweeter to him.

When it rains it pours, in good as well as bad. When I put my notice in at Glib, I was told to see HR before I made it formal.

Beverly, Joannes' former sister in law, was still HR director. She and Barb had flown Joannes' ashes back home and helped her mother pour them into the ocean. She often said it was her favorite memory of California.

"Jimmy, we hate to see you go. You've been a model employee, and several times you've been considered for advancement. But you've made no secret of your desire to finish your education, so we left you alone. If you remember, when we first hired you I mentioned scholarship opportunities. It is a great pleasure that I can give you this."

She handed me a formal notification that I had been approved for a full scholarship to any state university I wished to attend. If I kept a 3.0 grade average it would automatically be renewed for another year.

"You deserve this. Several members of senior management were hesitant because of your appearance, but your community college professors were quite impressed with you and gave glowing reports. You have a stellar work record and every one of your coworkers attested to your good character. I think it was a point of pride that one of their own was being considered. Oddly enough it was the way you stood by Joanne, almost a stranger to you by then, that tipped the balance."

She noticed my look.

"Oh yes, remember this is a small town, people talk."

So there I was. Thanks to Joanne and my thrifty ways I had $53,000 in the bank, and except for living expenses, I didn't have to spend any of it to continue my education. I had two full time girlfriends who loved me and each other, life couldn't get any better could it? Yes it could.

Barb called me one day to invite me to lunch because she had something important to tell me.

"Jimmy, drive your car. I'm the president of a successful business, don't be roaring up on your bike, appearances, you know."

My car was clean and well maintained, but it was fifteen years old and looked it. If it had been me, I would have preferred the bike. But I followed her orders and showed up precisely at noon.

She probably shocked the staff when she gave me a big hug and pulled me into her car and took off. We had a nice lunch, where she refused to tell me anything, saying she had something to show me in her office when we got back. We talked about school, Amy, the furniture we were going to move into the new apartment we had at school. No more dorms for Amy and CeCe.

She talked about her life, the hard but rewarding experience it was running a business after being a trophy wife for years. She had a new man in her life. He was four years younger, but she grinned and said there were precedents. She was holding my hand as we went into her office.

She sat behind her desk and went into professional mode. I was impressed.

"Jimmy, how are you going to get the furniture up to college?"

"Well, I thought I would rent a truck, one of those big ones, and take it in one trip. I've got some friends up there who can help me unload it."

"No. I have several used cargo trucks on the lot, we'll put a dealer tag on one and you can keep it until you're done. That problem is now solved. What are you going to drive while you're in school?"

This was a sticking point. I had promised my sisters they could have my car. Two of them had drivers licenses now, and dad needed an extra car.

"I can ride my bike most of the time. When it gets really cold, I'm sure CeCe or Amy will give me a ride."

I wouldn't dare try to borrow one. CeCe had one of those little Mercedes, and she was really picky about it. And Amy? Joannes 'old' car was a three year old Thunderbird convertible with less than 10,000 miles on it. She wouldn't let me into it unless I showered first and wiped my feet three times. It was the first car she had ever owned. It took her three tries to get out of the driveway because she started crying every time she got in it.