Chapter 5: Dreams

JJ and Caleb were tired from the night before, so after an hour, they agreed that a nap before getting to Phoenix would be a good idea. Anyone that has ridden a Greyhound knows there is no way to get comfortable in the seats. They aren't as bad as the baby seats on airplanes, but nearly so. Also, as any good soldier knows, a person can sleep anywhere, if they need to. They just don't sleep as well.

Caleb lay back in the seat, reclined as far as it would go, with his eyes closed. He had to understand what was happening, instead of just reacting to it.

"Are you ... is something really ... can you hear me when I don't speak?" Caleb thought the question hesitantly, fearing that he wouldn't get an answer, and fearing that he would, too.

"Yes, I can hear you. You are worried about your ... sanity is your term for an acceptable state of mind. You don't need to worry. You are rational, and from your frame of reference it is normal to be concerned for your sanity. "

"What ... Who ... what are you," Caleb thought suspiciously, but concerned about offending something inside his head

He had to fight the panic that threatened to overwhelm him. Caleb had learned to control his fear. That skill was one of the most important lessons that he had learned in the Army. Normally, it was simply a matter of acknowledging the fear, and it's source. Then he could proceed to eliminate or marginalize the source of the fear. In this case, all he could do was try to understand the source of the fear.

"The nearest description that I can find in your memories, would be a parasite, but that isn't quite right. I do need a host to continue living, but I provide many benefits for my host, "the alien said defensively. "I have never had an unhappy host. If a host had been unhappy, I would have freed my host of the bond, and selected another. The benefits I provide my host easily outweighs any loss of privacy."

"It is a symbiotic relationship that can end at any time when requested by either party," the alien continued, after a brief pause. "Our host agreements require that we be given time to find a more agreeable host, but I have never had a host that took advantage of that option. In the sense that I require a host to live, the parasite definition would be correct. However, the word parasite has a negative connotation. The nearest similar relationship, that I can find in your memories, is marriage. Marriage is a symbiotic relationship, similar to my relationship with my host, but that term has very confusing connotations. I can't tell from your memories if marriage has negative or positive connotations. I don't believe that you know, either, and there certainly aren't sexual overtones to our bonding. The nearest neutral term that would apply to our bond, is the term 'Companion'. Yes, I think that I prefer to be referenced as your Companion."

"Okay," Caleb thought, concerned that it sounded like he had upset the alien in his head, and that couldn't be a good thing. His frustration and fear grew due to the unlikely conversation that he was having in his head, and he sarcastically asked, "So, are all of your hosts as confused as I am?"

"The last few hundreds of hosts, that I have had, were carefully selected, and prepared in advance, before my joining with them. This is the first time I have joined a host unprepared, though I have heard of it happening to others of my species. I think it was as much of a shock to me as it was to you."

Apparently, Caleb's 'Companion' didn't understand sarcasm. That would need to change, because Caleb Connor was a master of sarcasm.

"I doubt that," Caleb thought. "Hundreds? How old are you?"

There was a long pause before the Companion answered with, "There is no reference that you would understand, regarding the amount of time I have existed. Some say my species was born with the birth of the universe, but others say we were the first race to evolve past the corporeal stage of evolution. I don't know which is true, because even my species' memory has limitations. I do know that we have served species that later evolved past the corporeal stage, and they didn't evolve into the state of my species. On the other hand, if we've existed since the birth of the universe, why haven't we evolved into something else? Every other species, both sentient and not sentient, have evolved. We have not in the billions of years that we can remember, or document."

"Okay," Caleb thought. "So, the short answer is, not a clue. What about this mind reading business?"

"That is probably just evaluating and interpreting the electrical pulses in other human's thoughts. Human thought is electrical pulses from one neuron to another, generated by chemical reactions. All humans that we have encountered, since we joined, have the ability to receive and interpret those signals. Apparently your species has chosen to not use that ability, so hasn't perfected those capabilities, even though it seems many use them unconsciously. An example is when you know someone is looking at you. That is a manifestation of that skill."

"So, you can give me new abilities?" Caleb asked cautiously, unsure if new abilities was a good idea or not.

"No. I have very few abilities of my own. I have the ability to enhance my host's abilities. I enhanced the ability to sense emotions, in you, because it seemed to be a necessary survival trait."

"I was getting more than just emotions. I was reading thoughts," Caleb protested.

Caleb felt a mental sigh, before the alien explained, in a much put upon tone of thought, "Humans emotions and thoughts are very closely interrelated. Humans are not entirely ruled by emotions, but nearly so. I am working on a theory, about why that is. Whatever the reason, memories are associated with emotion. Your mind is cluttered with information, but to recall a memory, you need an emotional tag attached to it. What was the second class, during the first quarter, of your first year in college?"

"It was ... I don't remember," Caleb said, confused by the sudden switch of topics. "That was over ten years ago!"

"It was English 101," the alien informed him, sounding smug, as if he was about to make a valid point. "How did you feel when you got your divorce papers?"

"Like I had been punched in the stomach," Caleb thought grimly.

"Both bits of information were physically stored in your brain, but for you to recall the information, you needed an emotional tag attached to the memory," the alien explained.

"How about when I made her tell me things she was preparing not to tell me?" Caleb questioned doubtfully.

"You didn't make her do anything," his Companion protested. "Your transmitters requested her receivers to change paths and they did. It was still her choice to give you her history. You don't have the ability to control another being, at least, I don't believe you will develop a skill like that. There are a few species that have that ability, but they are more hive-minded than humans. Besides, it isn't ethical."

"You controlled my body when we first met," Caleb protested. "What is the difference?"

"I didn't realize, at first, that you were sentient. Our last record of this planet indicated no sentient species. Obviously, our records were outdated," the Companion explained, sounding like a kid that was caught, with his hand in a cookie jar, and was trying to justify it.

"When I saw her experiences," Caleb thought, deciding to leave that line of thought for another day, "there were dark spots that I couldn't see. What was that about?"

"I found that curious, too," the Companion said, sounding suspiciously relieved at the change of subject. "Those are events in her life, or thoughts, or wants that she has, that she won't even admit to herself."

"This is a lot to get used to," Caleb thought, and then admitted to himself how much of an understatement that was.

"Yes. It is a lot for you, but a lot for me, too. Why don't you sleep? I found it easier to assimilate during sleep than while you are awake. Fine tuning, as you called it, is easier awake. Creating a comfortable place in your mind for me is easier when you sleep."

So, JJ and Caleb fell asleep for the last two hours of the three hour trip back to Phoenix, with their arms comfortably resting against each other.

JJ questioned the wisdom of starting a new relationship. Whether it was wise or not, she found herself smiling at the prospect, as she drifted off to sleep.

Caleb was frowning, as he drifted into slumber. He was worried about whatever was in his head, and the wisdom of pursuing a relationship with JJ. He didn't have a good track record with relationships, and, in recent years, had tried to avoid them. Relationships were hard, and almost more trouble than they were worth.

At first, Caleb's dreams were a confused mix of the familiar, and other-worldly. Then his dreams got even stranger, as they began to include scenes he would expect on earth, but, from a different perspective.

He felt the uncertainty, and vulnerability, of a young girl determined to be a doctor. He felt her contentment when she met her husband, and the depths of her sorrow when she lost him. Caleb felt her unconditional love for her children, and her fierce protectiveness when anything threatened them.

He saw himself in a dream, and JJ was looking at him with a hopeful, frightened smile. She was frightened because she had loved so hard, and had lost it so suddenly, that she didn't know if she could live through something like that again. She was hopeful, because she had been so very lonely since Mike had died. It wasn't simply the physical longing; the mental longing was much worse. Day after day, only existing through life, and no kindred soul to share it. That was what she had lost when her husband was killed. She never expected to have that again. So there was fear and hope, wrapped around that dream.

Many of the emotions he felt in the dream had their male counterparts. However, the male versions of those emotions had a different world view. Caleb had read about female attitudes and emotions. There were a surprising number of books on the subject, and they all boiled down to one thing; women's thought processes were very different from men's. He attempted to understand them because it helped him do his job. As an investigator, he often needed to investigate females. Now, for the first time, Caleb thought that he might understand a little of the difference.

JJ's dreams were chaotic, too. They were stranger than any she had experienced before. There were scenes from other worlds, and fantastic views of planets that could have never been imagined by a human. There was just no frame of reference to create such scenes. There were beautiful, intelligent beings with the shape of a bowl of pudding that had been dropped on the floor. There were frozen lakes of methane that were intelligent, and could send portions of themselves to the stars as a method of procreating. There were insect-like creatures, avian creatures, and reptiles, and more that she didn't have words to describe. They were all intelligent, and self-aware, and many had an added quality that she couldn't identify.

Then, there were the fantasy dreams. Caleb and JJ were kissing, and touching, and more.

Caleb woke with a start as street lights flashed in his eyes. The dream, seeming to be much more than a shared dream, was still buzzing in his head.

JJ was leaning against him still asleep, her head resting on his shoulder, and she was moving slightly. Finally, with a sigh, JJ relaxed against Caleb. He could see in her mind how she was languidly approaching conscious awareness.

"You need to understand the concept of privacy," Caleb told the being in his mind, as the last images of JJ's dream flashed through his thoughts. "I understand the survival benefits of this connection, but humans don't need to have that complete an access to anther human's thoughts. It isn't right!"

"I understand what you are telling me, but it is illogical," his Companion responded, much calmer than Caleb.

The calm reply of the Companion was sharply different than Caleb's angry admonishment. That difference, more than anything else that had happened, convinced Caleb that something lived in his head. Nothing else could account for the sharp difference in attitude towards the same action. It was ... alien. Caleb grimly decided that he needed to buckle down, and figure out how to live with the alien in his head.

"She has previously proven to be a good mate," the Companion continued, seemingly unaware of Caleb's epiphany, or possibly ignoring it."You don't have a mate, obviously because of your lack of understanding of relationship issues. You need a mate. You need this level of access to gain the understanding needed to procure a mate. That is the survival benefit of this level of access."

"Not another match maker!" Caleb mentally moaned. "I don't think you understand humans. We are more than just a collection of memories," Caleb retorted angrily, but the only reply he got was a mental shrug.

Caleb wondered if there was a special term for his condition. What do you call it when something lives in your head, and begins giving you the silent treatment? He knew that pursuing those thoughts was a sure trip to Bonkersville, if he wasn't there already.

He knew when JJ's mind reached full awareness, a moment before she stiffened against him. He quickly closed his eyes pretending sleep so she would have time to deal with the turmoil of her thoughts. Their arms were still slightly brushing in the close confines of the bus seats, so he could still feel, or see, her alarm, as the scenes of her dream continued to flicker in her mind. He saw her look at him, and felt her relief that he was still asleep. Caleb could see the worry in her mind.