Chapter 8: Decision Time

We stood on the bridge over the Elora Gorge as the dusk slowly turned to night. Neither of us was in any hurry to end the evening. A lot was unspoken, but I could feel the excitement growing in me as we talked about the future. If there was a way for us to be together, I wanted to make it happen. It meant I would be staying here in Ontario. I would have to let Bob know my feelings and see what that meant for my future in the company. But I knew what I wanted and I was sure of it.

I drove the twenty minutes back to the cottage as slowly as I could. We didn't talk at all, both of us thinking about what we had said to each other a few minutes earlier. There was a sense of commitment that was new to me. My feelings about this young woman were completely different than any I had experienced before. But in fairness, I had known Bernie much longer than any other girlfriend.

I knew we weren't the same people that we were in the past, but some things don't change. Bernie was my best friend back then. We knew each other like brother and sister. There was never anything sexual about it. It was like hanging out with Boner, or Stu, Tony or Black Jack. When all that changed, when Bernie became a real girl, when she became beautiful, everything was different. I thought it was over. I thought she was lost to me. Now she was telling me it hadn't been over. All I'd had to do was talk to her. But I was such a retard that I didn't even try. Sometimes, guys like me get lucky. This day, this month, was my hot-damndest lucky month.

"Are the Flemings back from their latest trip?" Bernie asked with a smile.

"No ... no they aren't," I said, hoping I knew what she was really asking. "Would you like to come in? I've got some coffee ... or tea ... or something."

"I might have some 'or something, '" she smiled, leaning in and kissing me as we stood beside my car.

I got a grip on myself and unlocked the cottage door, ushering her in. I'd left a table lamp on when we left for the restaurant. It provided more than enough light. She didn't need a coat that evening. The air was still warm from another hot August day. I was trying to decide what to do next when Bernie took matters into her own hands. She stepped into me, wrapped her arms around me, and kissed me. It was one of those tongue on tongue kisses. I didn't need any further encouragement.

"I want to make love to you, Bernie," I whispered.

"I know," she said as we held each other. "I'm a little afraid. I don't have very much experience. I don't want to disappoint you. Even though I was married, I'm not confident I can please a man."

"That's not your responsibility, love. It's up to me to give you pleasure. You couldn't possible disappoint me. I used to dream about making love to you. You never knew that, but it's true. Neither of us is a virgin, but I had a very good teacher. The most important thing she taught me was pleasing a woman is far more important than getting pleasure for myself. And trust me, I believe that and I want to prove that to you."

I could see tears forming in the corners of her eyes. I kissed them away, tasting the salty drops as she folded her body into mine.

"I'm taking birth control pills, Ian. I never stopped, even after my divorce."

I nodded. "That's good. I want you to feel me and I want to feel you. We might not last very long the first time, but I'm going to make sure you know how I feel about you tonight. I'm not going to leave any doubt."

Bernice Kucera was a very lovely young woman. Long blonde hair, grey eyes, athletic body with prominent breasts and hips, long, tapered legs, and a graceful walk. As she removed her dress and undergarments, all was revealed to me for the very first time. I thought she was the most beautiful woman that I had ever seen ... but then I was prejudiced.

She looked nervous as I pulled the bedspread down and invited her to join me. I wondered just what kind of experience she had with her husband. What had he done to take away her confidence? She should have inspired him to do everything possible to please her. By doing that, she would have known what being loved was all about. I knew I was on a voyage of discovery with her. I had to take my time and see just what she responded to.

Deb Cummings had taught me the joys of oral sex from both perspectives. I knew Bernie was nervous and I hoped that with some patience and effort, I could transform that nervousness into arousal. I began with kissing her body, from top to bottom. She was still tense, but I could sense some response as I continued. She was allowing me to do what I wanted without complaint or resistance. The critical moment would come when I moved to her sexual center and touched her there with my lips and tongue and later, my fingers.

"What are you doing?" she asked in alarm as I began to use my tongue on her vagina.

"I'm making love to you. Has no one ever done this for you before?"

"No ... never. It feels strange," she whimpered.

"Relax, Bernie. Let the feelings and sensations happen. This is for you. I want this to feel good."

I was a minute or so later that I heard a soft "Oh" from her. He hips were beginning to move and I knew that she was responding to my efforts. I had avoided making contact with her clit, but the time had come for me to increase the stimulation. My timing must have been good because she reacted almost immediately.

"Oh, Ian ... it feels so ... good. I never knew. Never," she gasped between physical reactions to my tongue and now, my fingers.

I couldn't tell if she was having an orgasm. If she was, it was subtle. But I was sure she was pleased with my efforts. I could feel her hands in my hair and stroking my head as I continued to arouse her. It was nearing time for me to complete our union.

I was extremely careful with her that first time. She was lubricated, but I was a very snug fit by feel. I didn't want to hurt her, so I took my time, working my way into her very gradually, stopping often to make sure she wasn't in discomfort. She kept assuring me she was not. After a while, I was able to begin stroking into her, albeit slowly. I watched and listened for any signs that I was hurting her, but the only reaction I saw was one of contentment and satisfaction. Any tension was gone.

Bernie's eyes were closed, but there was a smile on her face as I continued to make love to her. Her arms were wrapped around my shoulders, occasionally stroking my back. Her knees were now elevated. There was no doubt that she was getting pleasure from our union. I kept up a steady pace and that seemed to be exactly what she wanted. I was in heaven. This was better than I could have hoped for. We were perfect for each other. My dream was being realized.

"Ian ... are you awake?" she whispered.

"Yes," I said quietly, turning to her. "I'm just reliving every second of what we just did."

"It was wonderful, Ian. So much better than I have ever known. You had a very good teacher."

"Let's not talk about that. You are the only woman on my mind. No one else matters anymore."

There was another protracted but comfortable silence before:

"What are you going to do if your boss wants you to move back to Vancouver?"

"That question has been running around in my mind too," I said. "We have two choices. I could resign and look for work here. Or..."

"Or what?" she said, her face set in a serious mask.

"Or ... we both go to Vancouver ... as man and wife." I had spit out something I would never have imagined saying. But I did say it ... and ... I meant it.

"No ... Ian. It's too soon. You've only just appeared again. I'm not ready to make that kind of commitment again. I've tried once and failed. I can't let myself fail again."

I could tell by the tone of her voice that I had surprised her and she wasn't ready to consider a permanent arrangement.

"I'm sorry, Bernie. That was a stupid thing for me to say. I know it's too soon and I know you have to be certain. I do love you, but I can wait. Hell, I've waited this long, I can wait until you know for certain."

"Ian, it's been years since we've been close. I'm surprised that you're so sure I'm the one for you. I know I'm not there yet ... and ... maybe it won't happen," she said, searching my face for my reaction.

"I want to believe it will. I'm acting out my dream." It was at that moment that I knew I didn't want to leave Ontario without Bernie.

"It's too soon to say, Ian, if it will turn out the way you hope," she said.

"I'll hold the thought that it's possible."

That night with Bernie changed everything. I now had a completely different situation in front of me. I could see the end of the project not far in the future. Then what? Despite the mixed signals from her, I'd made up my mind that I was staying in Guelph. My goal was simple. Win the hand of Bernice Kucera. I had also decided I would accept a lesser role at Maxwell Marine to stay in the area. It was a matter of priorities.

Dave Jacobs was in town on Tuesday for a final sign-off on the accounting package integration. Despite Dave being twice my age, we had formed a very good working and personal relationship. I thought it might be smart to discuss Bernie with him. I thought he could give me some good advice. I wasn't trying to hide anything, but I thought it was better to have this conversation away from the workplace.

"Okay, Ian, the dinner was great, but I have the feeling you want to talk about something."

"Yes, I do. If you can be patient, I'll tell you a story and it will give you the background to my needing some advice."

"So, I'm the wise old sage, am I?" he chuckled.

"Something like that, but I consider you a friend as well." I proceeded to tell Dave about my relationship with Bernice Kucera, right back to the beginning. Then I told him about meeting her completely unexpectedly here in Guelph. We reconnected almost immediately, I related, without all the intimate details.

"Bernie is grounded here, Dave. This is where her parents, her job, and her interests are. I'm wondering what Bob has in mind for me. He hasn't said a word yet and I can see the end of this project just around the corner. Has he said anything to you?"

"Yes, he has. But just to clarify a point, are you saying you want to stay here in Ontario?"

"Yes. Bernie is back in my life and I'm determined not to let her get away again."