Chapter 56

A few weeks later, the shit was about to hit the fan when a dubious magazine published a story told from the viewpoint of Peter's ex and her twins. They had even dug up that one guy from the jail, who still was willing to tell about Marie, if someone was willing to listen - and pay for it. Luckily, they were in a rush getting the story out before anyone else, so they didn't find out where Marie currently lived, or with whom. They didn't go back to find out what had happened in high school, either.

When the story got out, it took a few calls from one particular lawyer. After those calls had been made, his wife was happy again, as they could now upgrade their camper to a motorhome. As Marie didn't want any money from the magazine, the American Red Cross also became quite happy. I guess the unhappy ones were the editor who had gone with the story, and the magazine's stockholders. What I didn't really like, myself, was the fact that it accidentally came out who had caused the fallout of that one particular blabbermouth. I said that I just could not tolerate abusers of any kind. After all, that was what he was.

Sometime later, the shit really hit the fan again. At least, 'my' fan. It started from quite an innocent question; or that's how it seemed, when Lindsay talked to me one Saturday evening. Yes, Saturday, once again. Maybe I should start fearing that day, or just sleep through it. For the rest of my life.

"Noel, it seems that Katy has forgiven Marie. So why can't you do that?" "But I have, I have no hard feelings towards her. Have not had for years."

She rolled her eyes.

"I do not mean that. We all see that she still loves you and you love her. So why don't you show it to her and love the daylights out of her? We would not mind at all or maybe we'd like to watch."

That was like a hit with a baseball bat. With an ice cold baseball bat.

"Lin, I have no intention of getting sexually or romantically involved with Marie, ever again. True, I loved her and part of me will probably always care about her. But I have absolutely no intention of getting involved with her again."

This is where Melissa cut in between.

"But, Noel, we would not really mind. And we like her."

Now I was feeling a cold anger I had not felt for years. I didn't like the feeling at all, but it was there. Now.

"So, as you two like her, there is no further need to ask me how I feel about this?"

As soon as I had said that, I knew that I should have been able to keep it inside, as now Lindsay was getting angry, too.

"Oh, come on! She dropped you once but she has changed and she needs you now. You both were young then and being dropped is nothing unusual at that age. So get your head out of your ass and behave like a grown man!"

Something inside me snapped. Just snapped. Everything inside me turned cold. Melissa winced, as she had seen that change in me once before. I looked at them, and suddenly I just felt terribly sad. I didn't want all this to end. Not like this. But I just could not be here with them, anymore, not now. I took some of my clothes, and walked out of the room.

I had a terrible urge to leave the house, to go somewhere and be alone, but I fought that. I walked outside, through the rain, to the pool cabana. I went to sleep there. Throughout the night, I had dreams of all the women in my life laughing at me. Only Sara looked sad, in my dreams. I felt like shit in the morning, but yet I felt obligated to make breakfast for the rest of the family. So, I did that, and then carried my plate back to the cabana, together with my laptop.

I played with Luke, took care of Bea, and acted civilized towards Katy and Evelyn. Both Lindsay and Melissa looked terrible. I felt the same way, but I just could not forget how they had sided with Marie instead of me, or that was how I felt. Later that day, I vaguely heard that Marie had plans of moving out; but, both Lindsay and Melissa convinced her not to. It seemed that we had a stalemate. Later that night, I did my best to analyze myself. Did I still love Marie? Yes, I did. Was I acting in a childish way because she had dropped me back then. No, I didn't think so. Could I fall in love with her again? Absolutely.

And that was the problem. I could easily, very easily, fall hard for her again. That was not even what I was afraid of. It was what would happen if she'd betrayed me again. That was my issue. Betrayal. If hers was the acceptance from people, mine was betrayal. I guess some part of me felt that my parents had betrayed me by dying so early. My friends at school had betrayed me because of some things that had happened. Maybe I should talk with Lindsay about this. The only problem was that we didn't want to talk to each other right now. Stalemate.