Chapter 6

“Jim, we’ve been spending a lot of time together over the past 4 months. I’ve enjoyed our conversations and working together in our gardens. I’m finding myself growing closer to you, yet you’ve shown no signs of interest beyond friendship. When you steady me with your hand on my back or arm, I find little electrical charges sparking through me. I’m finding myself thinking of you when you’re not around, especially when I soothe myself as I prepare for sleep at night. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want, yet I find myself very curious. I know you once told me you no longer initiate without an invitation, due to bad experiences when you did. Maybe you’re waiting for that invitation. I’ve dropped subtle hints, but maybe they’ve been too subtle. I know you’re not interested in conventional marriage but are interested in non-obligatory mutually respectful relationships. I used to think I could only be intimate with someone I was married to or at least planned to be married to. I’ve done a lot of thinking on this and realize marriage is just a social construct that no longer has significant value at our age. I care about you deeply and would like to expand our emotional intimacy to include physical intimacy, but only if this is something you truly desire, also. I realize you may not share my desires, and I’ve worked through how to maintain our close friendship without viewing this as personal rejection. I’ve talked with Heather about this, and she feels you’d never allow differences to get in the way of what works so well. Based on her conversations with you, though you are cautious about allowing vulnerability, she feels you’d be as interested as me to take this new step. Jim, in holding my hand, you probably feel me shaking like a leaf in anticipation of the unknown, yet I don’t want to hang in limbo indefinitely.”