The Less Admirable Crichton
Copyright© 2026 by HAL
Chapter 1
Humor Sex Story: Chapter 1 - The Admirable Crichton is a play by the same man who wrote Peter Pan. It concerns a butler who is admirable in every respect, including survival when the family he works for are shipwrecked. He does take one of the daughters as a mate (at least in the film – 1957, Kenneth More), but that is all skated over. This is a slightly different version.
Caution: This Humor Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Ma/Fa Ma/ft AI Generated
Crichton had got the job as butler because of the Earl of Loam’s cousin who was the Earl of Whitby. Aware that the Earl of Loam’s butler had to leave (with hard labour) for being found with a suitcase full of the less used silver, Whitby suggested Loam could do worse than employ Crichton, his under-butler. “Not been with us long, but to be honest if I didn’t feel obliged to keep old Crepston, I’d make him our butler. Crichton has a breath of fresh air. He gets things done.”
And get things done, he did! When he arrived the staff had been free-wheeling after the previous butler had gone off on a long break to HMP Dartmoor; they soon found that Crichton was able to see round corners and into unexpected places. When Dawes and the chambermaid were found in a broom cupboard, Dawes found himself travelling to pastures new that very day. When the same chambermaid was then found to be no better than she should be – with one of the ostlers – she was promoted provided that she reserved her easy going nature for Crichton. He took care not to impregnate her with too much and insisted she washed herself thoroughly after.
His value to Loam was demonstrated when Sir Archie Dishborne arrived with an entourage of fifteen (himself, his wife, his son, his son’s fiance, the governess – with whom the son was having an affair, the younger daughter whom the governess was meant to be governing when she wasn’t riding the son, and numerous staff. They had been travelling on the Ditchborne Express when it hit a cow (or a sheep or something, Dishborne wasn’t one for details – it was actually a horse and its rather plump rider Reverend Smale but that matters not). They simply had to be put up for the night, no doubt, but how at such short notice?
The Loam House staff were rallied round and performed a sterling job of preparing enough rooms for all; Crichton even managed to arrange the emergency accomodation such that Dishborne junior, governess and Dishborne daughter were accomodated in adjacent rooms. Young Mister Dishborne (not yet a Sir) could visit his sister within easy reach and no-one would question which room he went to, so the governess provided a second haven for the young man. Lady Dishborne was none the wiser until six months later when the governess could hide her state no longer; the wedding arrangements were unchanged, only the bride altered. Luckily she was the daughter of a minister of the church who had recently become an Archdeacon, so she was just about acceptable in polite society.
Crichton was commended by all concerned. Dishborne even had the cheek to offer him a higher salary to jump ship and work for him!
When Lady Catherine Loamwas arrested for ‘assaulting the person of a policeman acting in performance of his duty; viz: knocking his helmet to the ground and stamping on it with malice aforthought [sic], contrary to... ‘ etc etc, it was Crichton who suggested the trip to the South Seas in the Loam family yacht until the dreadful kerfuffle and scandal died down. That the policeman’s notebook recorded that when she was apprised of her rights and that anything she said would be taken down she had replied “My dress you horrible man! Let me see you take THAT down!”; well that would never become public even if it came to a court case. The policeman had been up to the task and replied “I’d love to ma’am, and more aswell!” Catherine was rather shocked by that, she expected the boys in blue to be more respectful than to suggest they would like to “Strip search you for hidden weapons.”
Mary – the eldest daughter was engaged to Ernest Woolley, and Catherine and the Reverend Treherne were understood to have an understanding but nothing was official (so everyone knew). It was felt that a trip away would be advantageous to allow cooler heads to prevail.
“Lord’s Sake, begging your pardon Treherne, I mean I provide food, shelter and support for the womenfolk, you’d think they would offer me something in return.”
“What do you mean?” John Treherne asked, momentarily taken aback by what he thought the suggestion was. His mind not on the higher things in life as her watched one of the maids on hands and knees polishing the grate. Loam happily talked in front of the staff as if they were of no account – which to him they were.
“Well a little obedience. No, no, a lot of obedience. The sooner they can be someone else’s problem the better. You know my wife Elspeth is similarly uppity these days?” Treherne wisely said nothing, it was hardly his place to criticise the new Lady Loam, Loam’s second wife. Crichton stood unperturbed, imperturbable; as a servant he heard much and said nothing, that was his role.