Service Girl
Copyright© 2026 by Han Jansz. van Meegeren
Wednesday
I slept poorly last night. It wasn’t because Ugly was snuggled up against me in bed. Ugly falls asleep so quickly that you’d be a little suspicious whether she was actually asleep or just pretending. After last night, I’m convinced she really falls asleep quickly.
Today is the last day. Wednesday, we expect Ciaran, Thursday morning after breakfast, to arrive at our hotel. I’m supposedly always the down-to-earth one, the down-to-earth one, and all it takes is two days with this woman-who-wants-to-be-called-Ugly to leave me in total disarray by the third day I have to, or may, spend in her company. Before I left, I thought this was all a scam, basically. Two people, Ciaran and Ugly, whose aim is to provoke and shock people. The thrill of making people upset by what you do. The attention seekers playing their game. Not getting their thrills online with a million likes, but in real life. In a small town in rural Scotland. Exploiting their age difference. Flirting with humiliation and discipline, obedience. Enjoying the gossip that their behaviour creates.
And yesterday, I gave her a motherly kiss on her hair and told her I loved her. And I meant it with all my heart, I think. I looked at her, and at that moment I was honest about my feelings. I truly and honestly loved her. It’s not possible, of course. I am as straight as an arrow. I am. Without knowing how old this lady is, knowing nothing about her past, except the little bits she told me, she has wormed her way into my heart. She awakened in me the desire to be her Mama. I have a child for one more day; I am her mother for one more day. What happens next? Was this all of this one long test to see how I would react? I was pretty sure it was. But what had it gained them besides an immense pile of money they’d spent on it? I haven’t got a clue.
Saying I love you doesn’t come easily to me. Three boyfriends came and went, and I told none of them I loved them. An accurate assessment in retrospect. One was amazing at sex, but that wasn’t enough to compensate for his possessiveness. The other two were in love with love itself. Proud of having a girlfriend, any girlfriend. It didn’t take long before both guys traded me in for a better girlfriend. Never introduce guys to your best friend. Before you know it, they’ll be gone and never look back. Or at you, for that matter. Beyond losing sleep, my anxieties accomplished nothing.
Sleepily, Ugly snuggled a little closer to me. I wrapped my arm around her. Protecting her felt stronger than ever. How could a woman this strong and full of life call herself Ugly? What if all I had seen so far was not a sweet old lady, but a woman so mentally disturbed that her only way out was to behave like a little child? Cheape, the waitress who could handle anything, was totally stumped. It had never happened before, and I fervently hoped it would never happen again. I wanted to go back to my boring, predictable life. Get a husband who is unpredictable, she had said. My boring and predictable life was good, but this life is so much better. Find someone who needs you as much as you need him. Life lessons between feeding my child breakfast and lunch.
My phone alarm went off. It signalled the end of trying to fall asleep.
“Mama, I have to pee.”
“No, you don’t. You want to sleep next to your Mama. We will pee tomorrow, okay?”
Ugly giggled. “Nooo, Mama. You can’t do that! You have to get up; the alarm went off.”
“And what if I keep you prisoner in this bed? What if your Mama has turned into a dangerous pirate overnight?”
“Mamaaa, Pirates are tough men like Daddy. Mamas can’t be pirates.”
“Okay, okay, not a pirate. Let me think. I am a magician. I can use magic to keep you here next to me in bed.”
“Mama, all magicians are men. I cannot think of any woman magician.”
My voice became serious. “Let me tell you, child, anything a man can do, a woman can do as well, if not better.”
With a trembling voice, she said, “My dad always said the exact same thing.”
I hugged her a little tighter and said, “Come on, let’s start the day. First pee, then brush your teeth and get dressed. Whoever gets to the toilet first goes first.”
Like a little girl, she ran screaming into the bathroom. Luckily, I didn’t have to ask her to sit on the toilet anymore; I’d survived that test a few days earlier. Wiping her kitty, however, appeared to still be my responsibility, as was putting toothpaste on the toothbrush. She could brush her own teeth.
“Mama, can I have a bath now?”
“No, we haven’t got time for that. Perhaps tonight, before you go to bed, okay?”
“I want a bath now! I STINK!”
“You certainly do not stink, young lady, and if we are going to the observatory today, we have no time for a bath.”
“You are being mean, Mama. The bath with Daddy in the morning is always fun. I grab his stick, and when I push it forward, he makes motorboat noises, you know, bum, bum, bum, bum.”
“What do you mean, his stick?” I asked suspiciously.
“Mamaaa, you know what I mean. The thing that gets hard sometimes and sometimes not. I like to play with his stick, except for one time when his stick peed white stuff. That was really gross.”
“You are not making this up, are you? I mean these are things you shouldn’t do and certainly tell no-one about it. You didn’t tell your friends, did you?”
Ugly bent her head. I noticed some grey roots in her dyed hair. “I might have told my friend Jutta.”
“I am going to have a good, long talk with your father about this. But first, I need to talk with Jutta. Where is your phone?”
In a small voice she said: “It’s on the charger next to my bed.” It was high time to turn this teasing around for a change. I brought the phone to the bathroom.
“Call Jutta and tell her I want to talk to her now.”
“But if she is not at home?”
“Just call her, Ugly.”
The phone rang about five times before he answered. A cheerful voice sounded on the other end.
“Hello ugly girl, is Ciaran back yet?”
“My Mama wants to talk to you,” came out cramped. I took the phone from her.
“Is this Jutta? This is Cheape O’Connor calling, Ugly’s mother. Ugly told me she had confided in you some strange stories about her father and what she thinks they did in the bath. She made that all up, of course. Her father would never do that, but if you told other people that, you could bring Ugly and her dad into big trouble. They might even take her dad away from her and put him in prison. So I need you to promise me you will never, ever tell anyone about this.”
“Hello, who are you?” Another voice on the line.
“I am Ugly’s mother, are you Jutta’s mom?” I guessed.
“Her mo ... Yes, I’m Sylvia, Jutta’s mother. Okay, why is Jutta crying right now?”
“Well, Ugly told Jutta a story that she completely fabricated. You know how it goes with children of that age, but if this spreads further, it could have very unpleasant consequences.”
“What kind of story would that be?”
“Something about her father and a bath. Of course, that’s complete nonsense because we don’t even have a bath at home; we only have a shower. Besides, if her father helps her in the shower, but I’m always at home when he does, so this is all nonsense. But you know, people love to gossip about such things, and...”
“Talk no further; I know exactly what you mean. I know Ugly’s dad would do nothing inappropriate with Ugly. He is such a good father to her, always taking care of her. Sometimes he even comes to school during the break to feed her.”
“Yeah, he still does that. I’m so glad that you understand that there is nothing for you to worry about. I hope you can reassure your daughter as well.”
“I will. Thank you for calling. And don’t punish Ugly too hard; I’m sure it’s just youthful enthusiasm the girls share with each other.
“I won’t. But she must understand that spreading fabrications can have serious consequences.”
“Of course. Thank you for calling.”
To read the complete story you need to be logged in:
Log In or
Register for a Free account
(Why register?)
* Allows you 3 stories to read in 24 hours.