Chapter 14

Leo frowned as he daubed the decontusion salve on the side of Bolide’s rapidly purpling shiner, while she glared mutely at Skar, who was looking the most dejected and miserable that any Devonian had ever looked in Leo’s entire life. Ears drooping, tail dropping, even her hair was drooping. Midnight, who was standing by the door, chewed her knuckle, looking between Bolide and Skar.

“So,” Leo said, his voice slow and careful. “You decided to settle quote Devonian end quote stuff.”

The three Devonians nodded.

“I.E, you were going to settle your scent dominance hierarchy- don’t give me that look, you three,” Leo said, frowning as the Devonians all shot him fishy looks. “I know, it’s a culturally sensitive topic.”

“We Devonians don’t get involved when Terrans do Terran things,” Boldie said, wincing as he added an ice pack to cover the glittering salve. She whimpered.

“What Terran things?” Leo asked.

“Like when you get all moody and go off into the woods to write poetry,” Bolide said.

“Or that insane period system that your females have,” Midnight said.

“Okay, that seemed pretty overstated based on what I’ve seen so far,” Skar admitted, her voice soft and sullen. Her tail tip did twitch. “It sounded like torture when I read about it.”

“That’s cause you’ve been hanging out with spacy officers who have their hormones regulated and moderated by injections and pharmacology and stuff,” Bolide said, wincing.

Leo coughed. Loudly. The three Devonians hunched.

“So, you decided to settle your scent dominance hierarchy by all getting naked in a bathroom and just doing it without covering any of the issues that might crop up?” he asked.

“I didn’t think there’d be a problem until she-” Bolide thrust an accusatory finger at Skar. “Threw a punch.”

“You were the ones who used tails!” Skar shot back. “Tails aren’t allowed in a dominance fight.”

“Since when?” Midnight asked, her ears shooting up and pinning against the side of her head. All three Devonian tails were lashing.

“Since always!” Skar said.

“Okay, girls,” Leo said, capping the salve bottle and setting it on the counter of the adjoining bathroom – he had not allowed any of them to leave their quarters until this was settled, there was no way he was going to let the admiralty think that there had been actual fight between Skar and Bolide, no way, no how. It was too important. He turned back to face them. “You are all assuming that since you’re Devonians and a scent hierarchy is biological, you are going to have the same assumptions. But you have had divergent cultures for, what, four centuries?”

“Closer to two and a half, considering cryostasis,” Skar said, shrugging.

Leo sighed, softly. “So, in Sol Devonian terms, tails are allowed, punches are no goes.” He frowned, trying to remember everything he had been taught about scent hierarchy in his command class. The class had, by cultural standards, been a strange and somewhat ... edgy. Sol born Devonians didn’t like to talk about it – and now that he thought about it, considering the cultural memories they had carried from the Leafari Empire, as distorted and muted as they were by centuries of distance and lost history ... that made a lot of sense. They’d been raised up in the Human Union, where hierarchy was something you tried to limit.

Who wants to bet Leafari use that biological quirk as a way to justify their slavery, he thought, bitterly.

“Anything else I should know?” Skar asked. Then, angrily. “This is also your fucking fault, you know?”

Leo blinked. “Huh?”

“The Leafari fucked her up,” Midnight snapped. “She says in their empire, their owner says who is on top.”

“Oh,” Leo said, blinking. “Well, uh ... wait, could I say that you’re all co-equal and that would work?”

The three Devonians looked at him as if he was insane.

Leo sighed. “Okay. What we’re going to do is we’re going to settle these things in the classic Human Union way. We’re going to use our words, then we’re going to form a culturally acceptable solution, then, we’re going to do it. It’s going to be boring and undramatic.” He put his hands on his hips. “Then we’re going to come up with how Bolide got a punch to the eye.”

“We were doing interrogation roleplay and I said hit me! Hit me! Hit me you motherfucker! And you were gonna just lightly slap me, but I moved at the wrong time and BOOM! Out of the chair!” Bolide said. “We’ll need to tie me up to give the corroborating-”

“Gym accident,” Midnight said.

“Oh,” Bolide said, her ears drooping.

Leo rubbed his temples, his eyes closed. “Okay.” He said. “If I remember right, scent hierarchy mostly determines who gets first dibs on ... um...” He coughed. “Anyway, how do you handle things in the Leafari Empire, if there is no bond, uh, guy to shake things out. And, uh, why can’t you use tails?”

“It’s a martial display,” Skar said. “No weapons, no broken bones unless you think you really need to make a point. But you need to use limbs that you share with Leafari.”

“Jesus Christ,” Bolide exclaimed, her tail stilling.

“It’s ... important,” Skar said, her cheeks darkening. “I ... I can’t explain it, but it is.”

Leo rubbed his chin. “It’s something you get to decide for yourself, if you’re not given the orders. Your one time to be as good as the Leafari.” He put his hand on Skar’s shoulder, squeezing her gently. She nodded, mutely. “Meanwhile, our Sol born Devonians?” He gestured to Midnight and Bolide.

“It’s mostly who squirts first and farthest loses,” Midnight said, frowning. “You’re allowed to roughhouse a little – but, like, the wrestling has to have an eye towards orgasm.”

“That happens too,” Skar said. “But, ya know, you have to get em on their back before you can really get to work.”

“ ... hot...” Bolide whispered.

Skar gave her a funny look, half speculative, half frightened.

Leo nodded. “Okay,” he said, then frowned. “As the Terran in here, I can do one of two things. I can either pick someone out of a hat and choose that way-”

The Devonians all started to object in their own way, at their own volume. Leo held up his hands, frowning as he did so. “Or,” he said. “You can do a nice, orderly contest. Girl on girl in each combination. That’s gonna leave us with two Devonians that have at least two wins, and those two can face off against one another, then the winner of that is the top, the second one is the middle, third one is the bottom.”

The Devonians considered. They looked unconvinced.

“Or I can do the hat thing,” Leo said.

“Lets do it!” Bolide said, then took the ice pack off from her eye. The bruise had faded to about as much as it was going to get even with modern medicine. She grinned, her ears perking up. “Who goes first?”

“I’ll get a hat.” Leo stepped from the room.

Leo drew out the first name. Skar’s handwriting was pretty bad, but he could still read it. “Skar and...” He rummaged around inside. “Midnight.”

Midnight nodded, then turned to face Skar.

“All right-” she started.

Skar grabbed onto her collar.

“Whoa!” Leo yelped, springing forward. “Whoa, right, okay, don’t go until I say go, okay?”

Skar, blinking, released Midnight, who glared at her.

“Fine,” Skar said. “But I will note, initiative is part of the test. Isn’t it?”

“She has a point,” Bolide said from where she had drawn up a chair and sat down on it, the back of it pressed to her chest. Her tail swished behind her as she beamed, toothily. “What’s the matter, Midnight? Feeling chicken?”

Midnight snorted. “She’s got a point,” she said, rolling her shoulders. “I’ve been thinking, I’m still kinda salty about the whole invading my solar system and fucking up my life.” She lifted her chin. “We’re doing this Leafari rules.”

“Please don’t,” Leo said.

Skar looked torn. “She is asking for it,” she muttered, softly.

“I have an idea! Wait here!” Bolide said, her ears shooting up. She sprang out of her chair, tugged on her shirt and pants, then hurried from the room, tail swishing behind her. Leo turned back to Skar and Midnight.

“Seriously,” he said. “I don’t want to have to explain any broken bones or loosened teeth.”

“I...” Skar scowled. “I thought we got to make decisions here.”

“That’s why I’m saying please,” Leo said, while Midnight nodded as if to say ‘damn straight.’ But then the door whisked open and Bolide came in with ... well, Leo had been expecting her to come back with controllers and a vidgame chip for one of the many, many, many, many professional quality combat games that humanity had used. Instead, she was holding a quartet of...

“Are those boxing gloves?” Midnight asked, while Skar took the heavy red things into her hands. She frowned at them.

“What are these for?” she asked.

“Humans use them to punch each other without causing damage. Well, less damage.” Bolide said, helping her slide them on, strapping them in.