Chapter 62: I'm Not In Charge of You

October 20, 1984, Chicago, Illinois

Becky and Suzanne had done exactly as Becky had suggested — each in turn giving me a blowjob downstairs, then screwing in the attic room, though with nothing being filmed and no sheets covering us. They'd both been fun, enthusiastic partners, and I'd thoroughly enjoyed their bodies as the other girls watched.

We put the soiled sheets into the washing machine, then put fresh sheets on the bed, and checked the house to make sure we were leaving it in the same state we'd found it. I made one last pass to check, then we all left the house. I locked the front door, and each of the girls gave me a hug and a kiss, with Liz being last. When she broke her kiss, she put her lips close to my ear.

"Thanks for popping my cherry," she whispered so nobody else could hear. "For real. My first blowjob, too!"

I was speechless, so I simply gave her another kiss before CeCi, and I walked to my Saab for the drive back to the condo.

"Was that planned?" I asked when I was driving south.

"No!" CeCi exclaimed. "I was as surprised as you were! I was SO tempted to film, but I know your concern. It was totally hot!"

"I suppose it makes sense for a filmmaker to be a voyeur!"

"It does! I wasn't sure you'd allow Liz to go through with the blowjob."

"I wasn't sure, either, until you said 'Roll with it!' and I felt her tongue on me again! What did she mean by 'method'?"

"It's a school of thought about rehearsal techniques with the goal of identifying with the character you're playing by trying to experience your character's motivations and emotions. Some famous actors who use it include Paul Newman, James Dean, and Al Pacino. What Liz meant was that she was truly getting into character."

"A little late, given the acting was basically finished!"

"True, but who's to argue with success! Changing topics, do you know why Chelsea has been moping around the condo the last few days?"

"It's complicated," I replied. "First, she's uncomfortable with the entire situation at the condo, and how I live my life, despite the fact that she likes sex and is very enthusiastic in bed. Second, she's in love with me."

"Oh, shit," CeCi sighed.

"Says the woman who says SHE is in love with me!"

"Yeah, well," CeCi said with a soft laugh. "So is Deanna!"

"Yes, but the difference is, you both understand what that means, and what I can offer."

"Eight hard inches and support for our life's callings!"

"While both of those things are true, that's not what I was getting at."

"I know," CeCi replied. "I'll be serious. Neither Deanna nor I have any illusions about the future, though we both hope Violet sees her way clear that we can be lovers. If not, we know we have the best friend possible who will drop anything and everything to help us. I'm going to hazard a guess Chelsea has other ideas."

"First, she has to resolve her inner conflict that is a product of her brainwashing — that she should only ever have sex with one guy. Second, she has to come to grips with the fact that the world isn't what she thinks it is or thinks it should be. Third, she has to accept that at some point, I'm not going to have sex with her."

"Do you think you made a mistake?"

"No, because it had to happen. Her internal conflicts were tearing her apart, and she needed to find a way to break free from the clutches of her dad and her pastor. She's having a crisis of faith, which I think is demonstrated by the fact she hasn't gone to church since she moved in.

"She's also having a crisis of worldviews, which is related to her crisis of faith. Everyone at the condo is basically secular and has no particular use for religion, social norms, or public morals, except insofar as we need to function in our jobs or at school. You and Deanna actually have more freedom than Bianca or I do, because you're artists, and being quirky and counter-culture is almost expected."

"Aren't you counter-culture at Spurgeon?"

"I see your point, and I do buck some of the norms, but I do have to wear the uniform and otherwise play the role. The proof of that was earning the business from Sierra Nevada Re. They had in their mind what they needed to see, and that was someone like Noel Spurgeon. Without him, I wouldn't have closed the deal."

"That makes sense."

"Anyway, Chelsea is struggling with our counter-culture and how free we are with regard to nudity and sex, though some of us are more free than others!"

CeCi laughed, "You're actually the moderating factor! Bianca would have a nude Bacchanalia if it were up to her, and I'd make the most outrageous porn movie with you as a star!"

"As I said, some are more free than others! Remember, though, what my objection actually is."

"The same thing you mentioned just before, about being able to do your job — you have to protect your professional reputation. You'd receive tremendous cred for fucking a gaggle of girls, but doing that on film would destroy that cred."

"Exactly. Chelsea's moping was triggered by the conversation about having sex on camera, as well as my leaving the door slightly ajar so Misty is able to come and go, and your offer the other night. I'm not laying this at your feet, simply pointing out the triggers. Something was always going to trigger her."

"What do you plan to do?"

"Give her space, but also be forthright with her about our approach to life."

"OK. What are you doing tonight?"

"After dinner, I need to read and work on a paper, then I'll probably chill for a bit before bed. Why?"

"I wouldn't mind having two nights in a row."

"You're more than welcome to join me!"

"Great!"

October 21, 1984, Chicago, Illinois

"Bummed that we don't need to reshoot the scenes at the house?" CeCi teased at breakfast on Sunday morning.

"I'm fairly certain I could call any of the girls, or even all three of them, and have them come over!"

CeCi laughed, "I'm sure! If I can't go to Saint Martin, you should invite Liz."

"Do you really think you'll miss the trip?"

"I have to assume so, from everything that's been said. You're leaving on the 15th, and the shooting schedule goes through the 21st. It's possible we'll finish early, but I doubt it, based on how things are going here. We'll need every second of every day to finish on time."

"Why Liz?"

"Seriously? A girl who blew you and fucked you on film? If that's not a guarantee she'd be a lot of fun, I'm not sure what would be!"

Not to mention she had been a virgin, but CeCi didn't know that, and I wasn't about to violate Liz's confidence.

"You may have a point," I said with a grin.

After breakfast, I read for my class, then helped set up for our Sunday football gathering. Our friends began to arrive at 10:30am for the 11:00am kickoff, with nearly everyone arriving before game time. The Bears played far better, destroying the Buccaneers in a 44–9 blowout in Tampa Stadium. That took them to 5–3, which was decent for week 8, but those losses made me feel they weren't quite there yet to win a Super Bowl.

Our friends left around 7:00pm, and after we cleaned up, we settled in to watch the second Presidential debate between Reagan and Mondale. The Republicans had been running a commercial — 'Bear in the Woods' — that played on Mondale's dovish approach to the Soviet Union, and it had helped shore up Reagan's polling numbers.

That commercial became irrelevant, and the election became a foregone conclusion with a single quip by President Reagan.

'I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent's youth and inexperience.'

Even former Vice President Mondale laughed at the quip.

"That's game over," I observed. "Reagan will win in a landslide; it's only a question of how big."

"That's even better than 'Well, there you go again' from 1980 against Carter!" Bianca exclaimed. "Mondale knows he's toast! You can see it in his face and body language."

We watched the remainder of the debate, and I didn't see anything that gave Mondale even a hint of a lifeline. I wondered if the stellar performance might cause Volcker to act because, with only three weeks to go, nothing he could do would affect the election one way or the other. I hung out with my housemates until bedtime, when CeCi and I went up to my room.

October 23, 1984, Chicago, Illinois

Late on Tuesday, Jack asked me to come up to the Desk, so I made my way up to 31.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Kristy and I want to throw a birthday party for you at the house on the 3rd. I checked with Bianca, and she said you didn't have anything on your calendar."

"No objections," I replied.

"Cool. Plan for 5:00pm until whenever. You can crash at the house if you decide to drink too much!"

"Not usually my thing, but I'll keep that in mind."

"Cool!"

I returned to my office, and Bianca came in.

"Did you just see Jack?"

"Yes. No problem."

"Good. The girls would like to have a birthday lunch for you that day, if it's OK with you."

"Which girls?"

"Sorry, the ones who live with you plus Violet."