Chapter 31: Come See Me

August 5, 1984, Chicago, Illinois

The first thought that came to mind was what Kayleigh — a beautiful girl with black hair and green eyes, long legs, and modest breasts — would look like naked. I pushed that aside for the moment, in favor of my second thought, which was my statement to her the last time we had been sitting in the loft — that when she knew what she wanted and could tell me, then we could discuss it and decide what to do.

As I quickly analyzed the situation, I concluded there were two possible scenarios. Both started by going to bed with me, but what happened after that was an open question. If, for whatever reason, it didn't fulfill her expectations or her needs, she'd go to confession and then continue down the path she'd envisioned.

On the other hand, going to bed with me was a way to break the hold of the Church by breaking one of the cardinal rules. Having done that, she could, in effect, walk away from the pre-programmed life of a Catholic homemaker with a large family, and instead begin a legal career, which would, in all likelihood, lead her to a partnership at Hart-Lincoln at some point in the future.

"If you recall," I said, "the last time you made that suggestion, I proposed that we'd discuss what to do when you explained what you wanted. Do you remember?"

"Yes, of course."

"You presented an obvious dilemma, and a proposed way to determine which way you should go, though I'm not sure that's the best way to decide."

Kayleigh laughed softly, "Wow!"

"What?"

"You're usually extremely accurate, but in this case you missed it completely."

I thought for a second, then laughed.

"You didn't say that you hadn't decided, only that you were dealing with two diverging views of the future. I apologize, though I think the rest of my analysis is likely correct."

"I'd like to hear it," Kayleigh prompted.

"You've decided to go to Stanford with the ultimate goal of admission to the Illinois Bar so you can work for your grandfather. I suspect he offered that solution around the time you graduated from High School, if not before, but your view of the future at that time only included being a wife, a mom, and a faithful Catholic.

"The compromise, if you will, was that you'd become a paralegal and keep open the option of going to your grandfather's alma mater. You completed the paralegal program and went to work for Hart-Lincoln as your grandfather's paralegal about two years ago. Since then, you've tried to find Mr. Right, but haven't, for whatever reason. At the same time, your grandfather has been gently pushing you towards Stanford and encouraging you to consider an alternative future.

"You met me and were attracted to me, but I was married to Keiko, which precluded even getting to know me. After Keiko died, you and I saw each other again, and you encouraged me to get in touch, most likely because your grandfather spoke highly of me. We met, and even though the conversations didn't go the way you wanted, that was only because of completely incompatible views of the future.

"You've been struggling with your attraction to me, your goals for the future, your faith, and your general approach to life. When you were here the last time, you offered to go to bed with me, but neither of us was ready for that step because you were still confused about the future.

"Now, you've made your decision, and to do what your grandfather is encouraging you to do, you need to make a clean break with your past. Your proposed way of doing that is to violate one of the most important rules of the Catholic Church. Doing so will, in your mind, break the bond, so to speak, and free you to go to Stanford and complete a law degree. How did I do?"

"I'd say you got it completely right. Will you take me to bed?"

"Will you tell me what you expect to happen?"

"Is this where I say something silly about how sex works?"

I chuckled, "You could, but I'm fairly certain you know what I meant by that question."

"If I pursue a law degree, I'm going to be at Stanford for at least five years — some of my undergrad classes will transfer credit. Once I come back, I'm going to want to marry and have a family, but the pool of potential candidates will be larger, and who knows, I may meet him at Stanford, assuming he'd move to Chicago for me.

"You're not going to marry, and that is important to me, so that means we couldn't have a family together the way I want. That said, my grandfather believes you'll be an excellent mentor, and I'm sure we can find a way to work together in the future. Of course, if you changed your mind about marriage, I'd want to know."

"The answer to this question will have no bearing on what happens next — do you plan to continue going to church?"

"I don't think I can go as far as my grandfather has gone, so I probably will go, at least occasionally. I don't not believe, I'm just not as sure as I was a year ago."

"Another question that won't have more than a minor bearing on what we do next — birth control?"

"I started taking the Pill in May, so I was safe when I was here in June."

"I'm going to guess that was when you decided on your most likely way forward; In May, I mean."

"Yes."

"Last question — did you have a specific plan or some specific way you want this to go?"

"Taking into account what you said last time, I don't want to ... uhm ... screw; I want it to be tender, loving, and gentle."

"I can do that," I replied.

"Then take me to bed, please."

I stood up, took her hand, and we walked to my bedroom with Misty padding softly a pace behind us.

"Our cat is going to insist on coming into my bedroom," I said. "If I don't let her in, she'll scratch at the door."

"We have cats, so I understand. She won't bother me."

We entered the room, and once Misty walked in, I shut the door.

"Any last requests?" I asked with a silly smile.

Kayleigh laughed softly, "I don't think a cigarette is what you want to see in my mouth!"

"You're not wrong! That said, if it's not something you want to do because it's a taboo, that won't cause me to send you away."

"Before today, I'd have said it was gross, but I want to do it precisely because it's taboo. I'll wager you'll use your mouth on me?"

"Yes, and ... well, I don't plan to wash my face before I kiss you after doing that, just as I won't ask you to rinse your mouth before I kiss you after you use your mouth. Is that a problem?"

"You don't think it's gross?"

"No. The only limits are the ones you set. All you need to do is say 'no' or 'stop'. OK?"

"Yes."

I was positive, from her request, that taking things slowly was not just the right approach, it was the only reasonable approach. And, in my mind, that meant taking the bases one at a time. I remembered CeCi's Air Supply compact discs were in the changer, and felt that was a good choice for Kayleigh, as opposed to the usual deep-cut cool jazz radio station most of the girls preferred.

I stepped over to the stereo, turned it on, and then started the CD player in random mode, which would play random tracks from all five discs until it finished. I adjusted the volume, then walked back to Kayleigh. I took her hand and led her to the loveseat, where I sat down and had her sit in my lap.

"Why not the bed?" Kayleigh asked.

"You asked for it to be tender, loving, and gentle," I said. "This is where we start."

Kayleigh smiled and moved her head so she could touch her lips to mine, and I tasted cherry lip gloss. I gently pressed my tongue forward, parting Kayleigh's lips, and Kayleigh moaned softly as our tongues touched and began a slow dance.

We kissed for a few minutes before I moved my hand to cup her firm breast, though it was encased in a bra and covered by her polo shirt. When I rubbed my thumb over Kayleigh's nipple, she again moaned softly into my mouth. I very much wanted to get her hard nipple into my mouth, but I reminded myself to be patient and take things slowly.

After we kissed for a bit, I slid my hand down Kayleigh's side and along her leg to her knee. I let it rest there for a moment, then moved it towards her waist, my thumb tracing along the seam of her jeans until I came to the place where her legs joined. I gently rubbed my thumb over the seam that was covering her panties and clitoral hood, which caused Kayleigh to suck in her breath and break the kiss. Rather than kiss again, she sighed deeply and put her head on my shoulder.

"That feels good," she whispered a minute later.

"I'm glad," I said gently.

I continued moving my thumb in small circles, and about a minute later, there was a hitch in her breathing, she shivered, then moaned softly.

"No wonder they told us not to touch ourselves there," she said quietly.

I had heard from some of the other Catholic girls that the nuns called it 'self-abuse', which made zero sense to me, as it wasn't abusive to give yourself pleasure. The fact that Kayleigh had just had her first orgasm — a small one — at age twenty-two boggled the mind.

I moved my hand to Kayleigh's chin and gently lifted so we could continue kissing while I cupped her breast and rubbed her nipple with my thumb. After about five minutes, I broke the kiss.