Chapter 89

The One Where He Disobeys

NATE

At the moment, life is shit.

Absolute, utter, shit.

The last few days since I woke, have been boring, stressful, and completely fucking terrible. I’ve spent majority of the time working out and watching television that I don’t care to see.

The zombie drug was something that I can’t quite put into words. The initial fatigue I felt right before and after crashing was like nothing I’ve ever felt before. It was so intense that some of the moments of that night are a bit fuzzy to me. My brain felt as if it was working at half capacity.

When I’d finally fallen asleep and basically lapsed into a coma—not actually, but that’s how I like to think of it—I ended up staying that way for close to twenty hours. I never fucking moved for that long, just had a fat ass nap.

Hayes tells me that he urged Chase to get Arielle out of there once she fainted. He said that Zara helped Chase get Arielle into Chase’s car and he took Arielle straight to the hospital to look after her head injury.

When Hayes was satisfied that they were all gone, he called Vex back and he helped load me into his car and they took me back to Hayes’ new place. And that’s where I’ve stayed since.

I slept off the drug and when I woke, I had a migraine. I was vomiting and exhausted, but I was alive. Barely—without her—but it was better than the alternative.

Speaking of the crash, I was recently informed that Vex is dead. At least, Hayes and his small team are fairly positive he is. He went to Ezra’s compound and nobody has heard from him since.

Personally, I’m positive Ezra or one of his men killed him. Considering Ezra believes he masterminded my death, he probably killed Vex right after because he would’ve been considered a loose end. Despite the fact that Arielle knows of who Ezra is, he’d never want her to know or believe that he killed me. Ezra knows that she’d never forgive him and even though he’s constantly attempting to ruin her life, he desperately wants her in his.

I feel terrible about it. Guilty. I know the man was a cop and that his duty was to protect people like me, but I never anticipated he’d die from this. I feel like I’m to blame. I know I’m not—I never pulled the trigger—but I can’t help feeling responsible in some way. If it wasn’t for me, he wouldn’t have pissed off Ezra.

Speaking of a family, Hayes allowed me to tell my family that the death was fake. It took a lot of convincing, but eventually, he relented, realizing how traumatic it would be on them to find out that I faked my death. It seemed cruel to me and I made sure to voice that.

So, I informed my mum about what had went down the day after it happened. The police hadn’t phoned her yet, which meant it worked out in perfect timing. I told her that I’m in witness protection now and though she scolded me for getting myself involved with people that were dangerous enough that I ended up requiring witness protection, she seemed to be thankful that I was alive and she understood.

She agreed to act as though I was gone, if the situation ever arose. I also informed her that we’d be filing a fake death certificate, as well as paperwork stating they’d like to cremate me. I asked her to lie if anyone came poking around—afraid that Ezra would send Langley out to do his digging—and act as though I was dead. She assured me that she would.

I’m hoping the paperwork and other things we’ve set up make it obvious to Ezra that I’m legitimately dead so he doesn’t feel the need to check in with my family, but I needed to cover each base. I pray he doesn’t go anywhere near them.

Hayes informed me that Ezra’s already been poking around looking for the death certificate, so I have no doubts that it was the right move. I’m proud of Hayes, too. He’s been keeping on top of shit and I think his past experience with Ezra has taught him how to tiptoe around the man. How to anticipate what Ezra’s next move might be.

Speaking of Hayes, I now live at his place with him and Micah. It’s interesting. I mean, we get along, but we’re not exactly deep friends. As in, if Arielle wasn’t in the picture, we would never in a million years be friends and I think that’s obvious.

When he was telling me in depth all about this plan, I truly thought I’d be sent away to another state or even another country under witness protection until they could handle Ezra and rid of him for good. However, with Ezra owning half the fucking police force, Hayes has a very select few on his side. That means that this entire case—if that’s what you’d like to call it—has very little department dollars on its side. If Hayes was able to trust more fellow cops, he’d have a larger budget and could actually afford to send me somewhere else, but he doesn’t.

It’s risky being here, sleeping in his basement, but there’s no other option. This is the safest choice. A hotel would be too risky, not to mention expensive. At a hotel, I would run into cleaning and room service staff and we can’t risk anyone seeing my face.

While Hayes has been away at work, I’ve been bonding with his dog. Micah’s sweet, well-trained. She keeps me company during, what would’ve been, very lonely moments and I’ve become thankful for her attention.

The worst thing I’ve been struggling to deal with is the immeasurable guilt I feel from injuring Arielle. It wasn’t a part of the deal for her to get hurt. But, in my process of playing the part, it resulted in Arielle hitting her head on the dash of my car.

I constantly ask Hayes about it—even though he admittedly doesn’t know much—and he yells at me all the time because of it. I can’t help it, I want to know every little thing that’s happening with her. I need to ensure that she’s healing, both mentally and physically.

Hayes has told me extensively of her hospital stay and how she’s doing—at least, within the realm of what he’s able to find out. I know she’s meeting with a therapist and they’re a bit worried, but I’m not sure where it stands now. It’s been a few days and she’s been grieving me and dealing with the trauma surrounding the event, so I can only pray she’s heading in the right direction.

I’m also praying this doesn’t last months like Hayes is suggesting. I understand the need to do this in a certain way, but I don’t know if I can be away from Arielle for that long. I’ll have lost my fucking mind, if that’s the case.

I’m trying to hold out hope, though. Everything has gone well with Hayes’ plan and as much as I desperately want to end Ezra, I don’t want to rush Hayes, for fear that the plan will go south. He’s being super fucking careful and we’re both terrified of what Ezra might do if he learns that I’m still alive and that he’s been fooled.

I flip to another channel on the television, trying to distract my brain from thoughts of Arielle. It’s fucking suffocating not being around her. The days drag on and on and I truly don’t know how I’ll survive potential months of this.

Although, I shouldn’t even think about that. Whatever I’m going through is nothing in comparison to what she’s experiencing. At least I know she’s alive and safe.