Chapter 72

The One With Some News

A R I E L L E

I sink further into the couch, unamused with the movie I’d chosen to watch. It’s boring enough that I don’t remember the damn name of it and I can’t be bothered to check.

All I can say is this—some woman was hopelessly in love with a taken man and he’s just recently broken things off with her. Naturally, she’s a train wreck without him.

It only reminds me of my current situation. Of Nate and now, of James.

You read that right, in the last couple weeks since I last saw Nate, James ended things with me. He sat me down one night—after a date where I’d cried about Nate pretty much the whole fucking time—and he broke up with me.

It went a little something like—

“I can’t expect you to ever look at me the same way you look at him.” He sighs and threads a hand through his slightly curled strands of hair, “You don’t just love him Arielle, he’s an extension of you.”

That knocks the air from my lungs. I can’t explain why the words affect me so intensely, but they do.

“The thing is, when I first met you, you were single, so I didn’t realize it then. No matter how much I like you—” he grabs my hands in his, but he doesn’t hold eye contact with me, instead staring at our connection, “And I like you a whole fuckin’ lot—you deserve to be with him.”

“James—” I try to defend, “he’s not even interested in me.” The words are sharp on my tongue, foreign and distasteful, however, they’re the truth. He’s made it clear that he has priorities more important than me.

James shrugs, “You might not think so, but I do. I noticed it from that first night I met him. The second he saw you at the event that night, I could read it all over his face. I reckon that type of love never fades, Arielle.”

I was confused, to say the least, because I truly thought shit between James and I was going well. Really well, actually.

I’ve had time to mull it over and I know he’s right—I haven’t stopped loving Nate and it’s not entirely fair to him—but it’s still shitty. I genuinely like James and I don’t want him to go anywhere. Even if we’re not together romantically, I think he’ll always be a part of my life.

At least, I hope so.

So, now I’m completely single. Not wanting to see James, trying to give him space, and Chase is always busy with Zara. Plus, I can’t see Nate when he’s not interested and I’m not even sure if I want to when he’s so distant with me.

My life has become me, on the couch, watching programming that isn’t memorable in any sense. I should’ve started a long series, I bet I’d be almost fucking finished at this point.

Chase—of all fucking people—is actually sick of me at this point. But thankfully, he’s not home often.

“These are your big plans?” Chase asks, startling me so much that I nearly drop the remote to the floor. However, I catch it at the last second and clutch my chest as I turn to face him.

“Christ, you scared the fuck out of me!”

Chase chuckles, sauntering over to the kitchen and grabbing something from the fridge. As he steps into the living room to join me, he points to the television with a beer in his hand, asking again, “Your birthday’s tomorrow and you’re surfing Netflix all by yourself?”

Well, I was watching a movie, but it was boring as fuck.

Before sitting, he passes me a beer and then takes a spot beside me. I shrug, taking a sip of the beer. “I don’t feel very fuckin’ celebratory.”

I click back on the live television just so there’s background noise and then add, “Besides, who am I gonna’ do something with? Everyone’s either an ex that broke shit off with me, or they’re like you, busy with their significant other.”

Chase nods. “Yeah, but James only broke up with you ‘cause of Nate. That doesn’t mean you can’t still hang out as friends.”

I mean, I guess he’s right but at the same time I don’t know if that’s appropriate. The reason he ended things is ultimately, because he doesn’t want to fall in love with someone that may never love him back in that same capacity and I understand that. I don’t hold it against him whatsoever.

Yeah, it sucks because he’s an amazing man and I was really growing to like him, but I also completely get where he’s coming from.

However, I think I learned a lesson. I’ve grown in the last few months and I’ve changed.

Back when I first met Hayes, Nate and I were only fucking. In fact, we couldn’t seem to stay away from one another. Except, Hayes thought him and I were serious and in the process of everything, I ended up leading him on. I didn’t realize it then—I was just looking for attention from a man, I guess—but it was a shit thing to do to him.

And I genuinely like James. I think he’s a good guy and I don’t want to lead him on, so that means I really shouldn’t hang out with him alone because I’m bored.

I’m sure I’d unintentionally do something to lead him on—a lingering touch, a stare that is a bit too long or intense, a shameless flirt like I always do. It’d just be a mess.

So, since he broke things off with me, I haven’t seen him. He texted me a few days ago to check and see how I was doing, which led to us sharing a few friendly texts, but that’s it. I’ve been trying to respect his decision, even if I’m not particularly happy about it.

The last couple weeks have been rather uneventful, they’ve fucking dragged on because I’m consumed with thinking about Nate, his behaviour and everything he said to me.