Chapter 20

The One Where He’s Desperate

“It’s bad manners to say ‘I love you’ with a mouth full of lies.”

— Unknown

A/N: who wants a TRIPLE!!! update??? yes, you read that right! I have 2 additional chapters ready to go. so if y’all want to read that then comment lots and I will graciously serve! ps: the next chapter may or may not involve smut 😌

H A Y E S

If I thought sleep would consume me after Arielle left in a hurry early in the morning, I’d be crazy. So, when my mind raced wildly thinking about everything and resulted in a sleepless night, I wasn’t surprised.

I feel like absolute garbage.

It’s been a few weeks that I’ve grown to know Arielle and to say I fell in love quickly is something I’d restrain from saying. To have that sort of affection that I hold for Arielle in the amount of time we’ve known one another isn’t something that is out of the ordinary.

It sounds weird when you say we’ve only been on four dates, but in reality we’ve known each other for over three months. Through the dates and texting one another, it’s hard not to fall in love with a woman like her.

Sure, I tend to fall fast and I’m positive she doesn’t have the same feelings for myself as I have for her, but that doesn’t matter to me. If it’s meant to be, if it’s meant for her to love me, it will happen.

If not, then I’ll survive.

But I feel like a total jackass. I feel like she feels as if I lied to get laid and that’s the furthest thing from the truth. I got wrapped up in the lie of who I actually am and I wanted to tell her. Man, did I ever want to tell her, but I couldn’t.

She has to understand that it was never my intention to lead her on. I truly love her. All of the quirky little things that make Arielle are the things I cherish most about her. This isn’t some ulterior motive where I’m seeking a promotion or something.

She’s someone very different to me. She’s a wild child. Someone you can’t quite pin down in life and I’m the type who wants to be married by twenty-five and have children shortly thereafter.

Despite the lack of sleep, I had to head into work today and so that’s what happened in the early hours this morning.

It’s been hard to focus throughout the day because I’m worried about too many things to keep track of. I’m troubled about Arielle’s safety because I know what Karl is up to and how determined he is to get a conviction. I’m also anxious because I know I have to have a chat with Karl today and he can be rather tough on me.

I’ve imagined being a police officer since I was a child, but I haven’t particularly been enjoying this job for the last while. Ever since I’ve been working alongside Karl, it’s been rough. He doesn’t care so much about justice as he does results. He’s trying to climb the ranks quickly and his form of justice is something that makes me reconsider doing this anymore.

How can these people be so corrupt when they are the law?

I can’t stop thinking of ways to apologize to Arielle. I know I promised her that I’d get her clear. That I’d turn the heat off her and onto someone else, but in a way, I don’t think she wants that to be Nate.

I don’t know what their relationship is but I don’t like it. I don’t think Nate is any good for her. I think he’s dragging her into a life that she should avoid. He’s egotistical, he’s a player, and he’s selfish. I’m sure she’s drawn to him because of his charm, but I’ve seen the ugly side of him and it isn’t something I think she should be around.

Not that I can dictate who she can and can’t hang around, but I just wish she wouldn’t hang around him. I wish she’d be around people who raise her up, make her better.

Speaking of Nate, the last time I saw him, I punched him in the face. I’ll admit, he brings out an uglier side to me but in my defence, I was told to aggress Nate in certain ways otherwise I’d lose my job.

It was a difficult situation, to say the least.

I don’t like being portrayed in such a way, since I’m sure that Arielle has learned of my aggression towards Nate. She has some sort of connection with him and I’m sure since learning of my secret, she’s gone off to share that with him. Also, knowing that he’s a coward, he probably blurted out how I assaulted him, further making me look like the bad guy in every situation.

I’m assuming she went home after leaving my place and today, in all likelihood, she’ll head off to his place and tell him everything she knows.