Chapter 37: cold,

LUCA

It’s been a rather informative few days.

Raven enlightened me of everything she discovered. Of the fact that she’s positive Cain murdered her parents with poison. That she thinks her mom and Cain were having an affair and that she’s actually Cain’s daughter. Of him forcing the women to have blood tests to fully confirm whether Dove and Raven are pregnant or not.

Raven isn’t, by the way. Dove is, obviously.

But worst of all, she confessed that she believed Dove was being poisoned by her own father. Dove was suspiciously and suddenly having food arrive at her door—right at the time when Cain was threatening her with an abortion. When Dove got sick that day, alarms went off in Raven’s head.

Since then, Raven managed to sneak Dove off to a doctor without Cain’s knowledge. They tested her and found a minute amount of poison. I reckon Dove was lucky she didn’t eat too much that day because it’s so small that the doctor doesn’t believe there would be any harm to her or the baby.

It’s safe to say Dove isn’t eating the food in the house anymore. Raven and I are doing what we can to sneak things to her.

Ideally, I wish I could pull her out of the house. There’s a part of me—and Raven too, we’ve discussed this—that worries he’ll attempt something else against her. However, not only does Dove not want to leave, we couldn’t do so without rousing Cain’s attention. If I forced her out of the house for her own safety, I think it’d create another massacre. So, what other choice do I have?

Instead, we’re doing all we can. I’m trying to keep Cain distracted as best as I’m able to. Raven is checking up on Dove frequently. And Dove is hiding away in her room, avoiding Cain at all costs.

Raven and I agreed that we don’t want to strike on Cain at this second. We need a plan if we’re to do this successfully. There’s only one thing that’s certain—Cain Brooks needs to die.

The thing is, Cain has been gradually losing his influence ever since Leo’s death. He’s been consistently acting more irrational ever since that day. He’s probably killed a dozen of his men by now and majority of the rest have either left or are skeptical of his authority.

Nero and some of the other men I work around have actually been looking to me for guidance because of Cain’s unpredictable behaviour.

He doesn’t realize it, but he’s creating his own downfall. His men don’t trust his word and it’s going to work in my favour in the end.

I’m not sure I’ve improved much when it comes to Adiv. I’m still having nightmares and feeling all consuming guilt, but at this point, I can’t say if that’ll ever pass.

The night that Raven showed up at my place, I was drunk and stoned. I know I said far too much, but I’m beginning to learn to trust Raven. I’ve told her multiple things over the months I’ve known her—important things—and there isn’t a single word of it that’s gotten out. She hasn’t even told Dove any of the shit I’ve told her and that surprises me.

Immediately after Adiv’s death, I felt utterly lost and alone. Even though I wasn’t sober, it was a good thing she showed up. I’m glad she did. I needed someone with me that night. Someone to unload my feelings on.

Including finally confessing my love for her.

I can’t pinpoint the exact moment I fell in love with Raven Brooks. However, if I was to guess, I’d say it was likely when all of my decisions became based on her. At some point, it became less about doing the right thing and more about doing whatever it took to keep her safe, morality aside.

After I came home on the night I buried Adiv, I was alone with my thoughts. Somewhere around four in the morning, I had this thought—what if it was Raven who had died that day? Even the remote idea of picturing Raven on her knees, begging for her life caused me to vomit.

It could’ve been that I was drunk at that point, but I’ve also never felt like that in my entire life and I think that’s saying a lot.

I don’t regret letting Raven know that I’m in love with her. I was terrified for a long time to even think of the words and the weight behind them, but Adiv’s death has me feeling like I shouldn’t waste the opportunity to tell her how I feel. She deserves to know, even if it puts us more in danger.

The fact that I watched as Adiv confessed to being in love with Dove to Cain’s face, and recoiled as Cain laughed at said admission should do the exact opposite—it should encourage me to run in the opposite direction of Raven. However, if anything, it showed me that she deserves the sort of love that I can give her. The type of safety and care that she’s never truly been provided.

I was simply denying my feelings for a long time and I think a large part of it was because I was still clinging on to shreds of who I once was. Luca, the cop.

I’m no longer that man. He’s long gone, so why pretend any different?

I would do absolutely anything for Raven. No questions asked. She could grab my hand in hers, entwine our fingers together and pull me into the depths of hell and I’d follow with a smile on my face.

All that being said, we’re currently in a debate about killing Cain. It was always supposed to be me with the opportunity to end his life. However, Raven has since decided that she would like to do it, despite my clear objections.

We’re in my bed, television on in the background—me in only my boxer-briefs, and her in one of my shirts. She’s sitting cross-legged in front of me as we discuss our options.

“Why you, Raven? Why should it be you who ends Cain?”

I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that he’s no longer her uncle Cain, but likely her father.

I’ll admit, everything she said makes sense. It totally seems in Cain’s character to sleep with his brother’s wife—consensual or not—and then later kill her and his brother to cover up what happened.

And if Cain can do what he’s done to Dove—knowingly poisoning her in an attempt to terminate her pregnancy, knowing she’s his daughter—then he’d absolutely do something of equal maliciousness to Raven. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s been treating her differently and tormenting her throughout her life because he resents her for being born.

“Number one, he’ll never expect it from me. But more so because I need this, Luca. For all the times he belittled me. For my parents. For Adiv. For the shit he’s done to Dove. For trying to marry me off. For treating me as less than my entire life. For you.”

She wants to do this for me?

“He became your nightmare, Luca and now I want to be his. I need to do this. It’s the only way I’ll agree to it.”

I understand what she’s saying, but I still don’t approve. Ever since I’ve grown to care for her, I’ve done everything in my power to avoid bringing her down with me into the darkness. I want to let her down softly—to explain why I don’t want her anywhere near this—but I have a feeling that her mind is set. “I’ve told you before, angel, I’ve found a way to live with the blood on my hands. I don’t want you to have to do the same.”