Chapter 26: be

LUCA

It’s the middle of the night—when I glance at the clock on my car dash, it reminds me of the fact that it’s half past three in the morning—as I turn the wheel slightly to follow the curve in the road.

Cain is sending Adiv, Nero, and I on another job. This time we’re being sent to a warehouse. What for? I’m not entirely sure this time.

I’m assuming it’ll be the same as the last one—we’re likely being ordered to steal more product. If it’s the same security system, I expect no issues.

The part that conflicts me is the fact that I know it was Diablo’s heroin. I don’t have any proof of that fact, but I know it. Deep down to my bones, I’m positive that I’m correct.

I haven’t heard any news from Cain regarding the heroin we stole. I’m sure he’s having it tested and broken down or whatever in an attempt to learn Diablo’s process so he can steal it. I’m guessing he hasn’t entirely figured it out. If he had, I’d assume he’d already be selling it.

Then again, maybe he’s giving it some time so as to not appear suspicious. Diablo has to have noticed the missing product by now, if Cain suddenly appeared on the market with his same strand, it’d give away exactly who stole it to begin with.

I mean, Cain isn’t very smart, but I reckon he isn’t that dumb.

Then again, he can always prove me wrong. He is trying to forge some sort of alliance with Marco Cardoso of all people, so let’s not give him too much credit.

I thought after the moment Raven and I shared in Cain’s office during the dinner that I’d be more nervous around him. Especially while standing less than five feet away from the spot where I had her pinned up against the bookshelf with my cock buried inside her as she whimpered for me from behind her knickers.

For some reason, it didn’t even faze me.

It feels almost sickly empowering knowing what we’ve done and that he has absolutely no idea. He’s placing all this trust in me and I’m constantly betraying it while he remains utterly clueless.

Adiv once told me that Cain isn’t as intelligent as me and I’m beginning to recognize that.

Speaking of trust, it reminds me of Raven. She’s another person that has placed this unfathomable amount of faith in me. Trust that I don’t deserve in the slightest.

I once told her not to get too close to me for fear of many things. Now I can’t stop thinking that there will come a point in my life when I’ll hurt her. She doesn’t know remotely enough about me to be placing this type of trust in me.

Fuck, she doesn’t even know that I was once a cop. That I was sent into her life on the explicit mission to rip her entire family apart and send them all to prison.

What would she do if she ever found out the truth?

I’ll say it again—I don’t deserve her faith in me. Not when I stumbled my way—when I was essentially forced—into her life with ulterior motives. Motives that would take her world and flip it upside down.

When I reminisce on who I was before all of this started, I’m not sure I recognize that man. He was softer, more reserved, less prone to violence, less willing to do things considered reckless or dangerous, far more emotionally driven.

That man didn’t base some of his future choices off the idea of her.

Raven didn’t exist in my world. I sometimes wonder what she would’ve thought of Luca Moreno five years ago. I’ve changed.

In ways that I’m not sure I’m ready to pick apart and observe. I try not to ponder it too much. I’m afraid I won’t like what I’ll see.

I’m afraid she’ll end up seeing me the way I’m growing to see myself.

Surviving this world isn’t heroic. There isn’t a single thing about it that’s admirable. It’s blood on my palms. Memories that will probably haunt me for the remainder of my life. Numbness to so many things.

I’ve somehow managed to convince myself that all this darkness that surrounds me is a necessary part at this point. That it’s the only way I can get through life in the world I’ve been drowning in. It’s consumed me—eaten the man I once was whole, and spit a new me right back out.

I’m positive my insides are becoming just as dark. The blood pumping throughout my veins is likely as tainted as motor oil.

One day I’ll have to come face to face with the shit I’ve done to survive. I know that. I think about the idea of repentance far too often. However, today is simply another day of surviving.

Pulling up to the sideroad that’s only a short walk to the warehouse, I immediately notice Adiv and Nero are already here and waiting. When they see me approaching, Adiv has a look on his face that I instantly know isn’t very good.

He has news to share that I’m not going to enjoy.

When I’m about three steps away, Nero moves to open his trunk, revealing two cartons filled with alcohol bottles stuffed with rags—Molotov cocktails.

I try to swallow my rage and annoyance at the sight of them, but it’s impossible, “This is why we’re here? We’re burning the fuckin’ building down?”