Chapter 19

Akemi hesitated outside Nelson’s hotel room door, in the hushed hall- quiet so deep she found it somehow embarrassing, as if her thoughts could be heard there. She wondered if she was losing her mind or had already. This was out of character. The Akemi her husband Mitchell knew, she herself knew, went through life sure-footed.

After two knocks without an answer or sound from within, she thought of leaving, seizing on the chance to go and forget all about the whim that had driven her there, but the door opened while she was still undecided.

She considered herself a pretty decisive person, then too, felt pretty sure what she wanted to do. The hesitation was a flicker that came and went, several flickers; there it would be, then gone again.

Nelson didn’t make a big production of their greeting as he had last time, the first time in the lobby of the theater after his film showing. Instead of hanging around the door frame taking her measure, blocking her path in order to size her up as he had two days before, he stepped aside to let her pass freely, in silence, if she so chose. He didn’t gloat and Akemi appreciated that, though it occurred to her his “good behavior” might have something to do with his not having an audience now. Other than her, that is. He seemed to understand and respect what it had cost her to come and avoid making her more uncomfortable than she already was.

Or maybe it was lack of interest.

Nelson yawned, covered his mouth, apologized, shook his head, shaking off sleepiness.

Was he bored?

“I’ve been working.” He gave Akemi a smile, as if remembering one was in order.

“No, come in,” he said when he saw Akemi hesitate.

“All right.” His voice was quieter than she remembered. He wasn’t performing for a large room now, knew to modulate his tone.

“My smoking jacket.” Nelson chuckled, seeing Akemi’s stare.

He was dressed in a robe, the kind that might in the past have been called a “smoker’s jacket.” Though he didn’t smoke, was adamantly opposed to smoking. The thing had silk trim, was open in front. Akemi eyed light blue pajamas within, also with darker trim. The cloth belt tied loosely at the waist.

He wasn’t young. That had been less noticeable at the movie theater.

Akemi too laughed a little, secretively so as not to embarrass Nelson, which pleased him.

He saw her unspoken question: Was this how he worked?

“You’re busy.”

“Just finishing up my talk for tonight’s screening.”

“Again? Do you give different ones each time?”

Akemi wondered if she was really interested in him, a man this old.

“Yeah. Well, it’s mostly questions and answers. But I’ve got a few things I want to say. Nuances different. Stuff comes to mind. Because half the time the people, you know, don’t- they don’t get it.” Nelson winced at the thought. “That comes through their questions. They need guidance. It’s the least I can do. They’ve ridden the subway all the way through town to get to the theater, gone to that trouble when they could be somewhere else enjoying themselves rather than serious cinema.” Nelson laughed.