Chapter 8: Bittersweet

Our final year created time pressure as our relationship approached its inevitable end in September. Though we continued having frequent sex, our connection began to thin out in the past two months. Liz grew closer to Laura, and often I became an observer during our visits, simply watching while they made love.

Nat finally found her “Dan,” a guy from another school she met while cheerleading. At first, Troy seemed like a nerd—slim and not very athletic. His old-fashioned glasses didn’t help. From what I heard, Nat went to Troy’s parents and begged them to get him contact lenses. He had big green eyes that also dazzled Liz. Nat had coached him into a more assertive and self-confident manner. Clearly, his connection to the gorgeous social queen of our high school empowered him.

With a haircut and an expensive suit, Nat and Troy dazzled the senior class at the school dance. He treated her with exceptional courtesy and danced gracefully. Nat’s face glowed with genuine delight through the evening. Only Liz and I knew how much time she had invested in transforming Troy from antisocial nerd to sociable lion.

My sex life was diminishing (down to a more normal level). Laura and Nat were no longer interested, and my encounters with Liz became less frequent and less satisfying. A mutual sadness settled over us. We were trapped in a paradox: the more intense the pleasure we shared, the greater the pain we felt afterward, haunted by the knowledge that each coupling might be one of our last.

Sometimes, we just cuddled with our clothes on, enjoying ordinary conversation.

Yes, I was getting less action, but so many other things were going well. Mom and Barry were enjoying their “honeymoon” phase. To put it plainly, they were enjoying each other sexually and obviously falling in love. On any given night, Mom could be sleeping in Barry’s bed, or she could be hosting him in her bed.