Chapter 7: Finally fucking

Finally fucking, but not as I would wish

Stephen’s demand that I buy a strap-on to use on Lucia, and in particular for Lucia to use on me, made me uneasy.

Under normal circumstances, the thought of me using it on Lucia, I could even see it as a game that could be exciting; but in my condition, with the medicine inhibiting my erection, I felt it could be frustrating, having to resort to an artificial phallus to compensate for my lack of erection.

But the worst thing for me was the thought of Lucia using it in my ass. Neither of us had ever tried anal sex. Like many other men, I had fantasised about penetrating Lucia’s ass, but I had never dared to ask her. However, the thought of her fucking my arsehole made me feel very repulsed and emasculated, as if my induced impotence wasn’t awful enough.

I know it’s silly to think like that. I have gay friends, and it is a common practice among them; they certainly don’t seem “less manly” to me because of it. And I know that prostate stimulation can increase the pleasure of an orgasm when ejaculating.

But in my case, I didn’t think it could give me an orgasm, as I couldn’t get an erection, at most a slight stimulation. And above all, the problem was that this was something Stephen was imposing on me. It was one more step in his plan to humiliate me and get revenge. The thought that I had to record myself and that Stephen would enjoy watching me moan and fake an orgasm as Lucia fucked my ass, while I was incapable of having an orgasm or giving Lucia one with my cock, was demeaning to me.

After much consideration, I decided to put all these thoughts out of my head. I had come to the conclusion on other occasions that I had no choice but to give in, as long as what he demanded was not something totally aberrant. I had to protect Lucia, and me too. The only option was to try to stay ‘on autopilot’, without thinking too much about anything. Doing what he ordered me to do as quickly as possible at least shortened the torture of doubt and fretting over it in my mind.

So, that afternoon, after work, I went to a sex shop and bought a strap-on, lube and also a box of condoms, as I didn’t know how our games would develop, and although inserting something first in the vagina and then in the rectum is not so dangerous from a health point of view, inserting it first in the rectum and then in the vagina is a direct route to infections. I was counting on always covering the strap-on with a condom for better hygiene.

I also bought an enema kit from a pharmacy to clean the rectum and make penetration cleaner and more pleasant.

When I got home Lucia was still not home, so I put my shopping in the cupboard, and I gave myself an enema to clean out my bowels. It was a strange feeling to put something in my ass. I had never inserted anything in there before, and the feeling was very strange, not painful but weird and unsettling. I thought it would at least serve as training for when I had to receive the thicker strap-on in my ass.

Then I started to cook dinner. My cooking skills, although not up to the level of Lucia’s delicious Spanish or Italian recipes, allowed me to make some pretty decent dishes.

Over dinner we discussed the news of our work. In addition to the work, Lucia told me that she had had another follow-up recovery meeting with Stephen. When I heard this, I tensed up, but Lucia just said that it had been a routine follow-up meeting and that the test results and progress were very good, which reassured me. The thought of her being near Stephen always made me very nervous, knowing what he was like.

After dinner, sitting in the living room listening to music, I brought up the subject: “Lucia, I’ve been thinking of an option so that we can both have more pleasurable sex.”

“Don’t worry, Tom, you’ll get over it. We’ve been through other rough patches together.”

“Yeah, Lucia, but I’d like us to be okay, especially you. You’ve passed your illness, andyou now have a lot of eagerness to live.” And I jokingly added, “And quite ‘horny’, which I’m not saying I dislike.”

“Yes,” Lucia acknowledged. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me that I’ve been so horny lately. It must be that I’ve got that weight off my shoulders ... I feel like living and enjoying life more ... Well, tell me your idea.”

“I thought we could use a strap-on, a dildo attached to a harness, so I can penetrate you and make love to you. It will be very much like me penetrating you with my cock. I’ll be making love to you just like before.”

“Okay. It may be an option,” Lucia replied hesitantly. “It’s not the same to feel a warm, live cock inside me as a rubber cylinder, but if you’re on the other end of that cylinder, caressing me with your hands, I won’t mind. But what about you?”

“I’ve thought about that too. You could put on the strap-on and use it on my ass to stimulate my prostate. I understand that men can have an orgasm that way.”