Chapter 5: Awareness

As it happened, Deb was only with me and Gloria for a week. On the seventh day after Mom was hospitalized, Dad came over to Gloria’s for dinner.

“I want to update the three of you.” Dad explained. I just gaped at him; he’d never before looked so beaten down, exhausted, and uncertain. I had to interrupt and ask him.

“Dad, are you OK?”

Flatly, “I’m fine.”

Deb interjected, “No, you look exhausted, like you haven’t slept. Dad, I’m sorry, but you need a shower. Aunt Gloria, back me up.”

“Travis, all three of us can see it; it looks like you haven’t slept for two or three days in a row. You’re no good to anybody if you’re unable to function. No more bullshit; tell us the truth!”

“Alright. Iris is really sick. They haven’t given me a diagnosis. But she’s agitated and raving; there’s no other way to describe her condition. But even as she is, they are refusing to admit her for the sustained inpatient treatment I’m sure she needs.”

“You’re shitting me!” Outraged, Gloria also spoke for Deb and me.

Weakly, “I shit you not, Sis. There are problems with the fucking insurance, the medical institutions, and the government. This state has only half the psychiatric beds it needs. It will be days, weeks, or possibly never before an inpatient bed might become available for Iris. They can’t keep her in the local hospital, so they’re sending her home to me with enough sedation to keep her from harming herself or others.”

“How in the hell is she supposed to get better?” Gloria couldn’t believe what Dad was saying. Neither could I.

“I don’t know. We can probably get outpatient therapy for her, but that is not likely to effectively help her. She is just too severely ill. And it gets worse.”

“How could it get worse?” I asked.

“Son, your mother’s brain is 100% derailed in ways I cannot explain. Somehow, she thinks that you have caused all her problems and that you’re a threat to women and girls everywhere. Whenever your name is mentioned, she starts ranting and becomes increasingly agitated until she is screaming. She’s become completely irrational about you, Charley. Until we can unlock whatever disease she has, I’m going to ask Gloria to keep taking care of you.”

“This is completely crazy,” I said.

“On that, I think we can all agree, Charley. Debra and I love you very much, but I think we can’t have you living with us while your mother is confined at home and behaving this way. Gloria, I’m going to set up a stipend or something to cover your expenses for Charley...”

“STOP! Charley is going to help around the house and take care of the yard. I ENJOY having him here with me, and I won’t take any money from you. If Iris starts being aggressive with Deb, send her over here too. You need to use your money for your wife’s medical expenses. That’s your priority. Got it?”

I had a moment of clarity. Gloria was older than my father by a few years. She must have been responsible for Dad when she was his big sister. These many years later, he still seemed willing to see her as an authority figure.

“Dad, the last time I saw Mom, she ... It’s difficult to describe. I can only say I worried about being alone with her. The look in her eyes ... Honestly, she scared me. Debra will testify how frightened I was—even after they took her away strapped into a gurney.”

Even now, my voice shook as I described how I felt just a few days ago—the ground collapsing under my feet as my mother’s familiar face suddenly wore a mask of hatred.

Dad got up, came around the table, and hugged me. Maybe I wasn’t being very manly. But it helped.

Deb collected her stuff and went home with Dad. I didn’t see him for a couple of weeks after that, but I was able to hear updates from my sister during lunch breaks at school.

After Deb and Dad walked out of Gloria’s house that night, she looked at me and asked me for help cleaning up after dinner. It was a good way to help me calm down and get back to feeling normal. Then we watched some TV, and she looked at me.

“Up to you, Charley. Do you want to stay in the guest room again tonight, or cuddle with your loving aunt?”

I smiled. “With you, please.” I certainly didn’t want to be alone overnight after all that drama!

My life seemed to settle down over the coming weeks, just the way I needed it to. Julie and I were back on schedule with our tutoring sessions, and when her quarterly report card arrived, she planted a huge kiss on my lips and danced around the room.