Chapter 4

The next morning was the first time I woke up with another person on top of me. Kazia had not moved from where we’d fallen asleep, and I had to admit I didn’t have much cause to complain. I spent an undefined length of time just enjoying the feel of her body before I repeated my words from the night before: “Are you awake?”

At first I thought she was still asleep, but then her barely audible voice said, “Yeah. For a while. Didn’t want to move.”

“Me neither,” I said. But then I started becoming aware of a more pressing need in my bladder. “But I think we better. Nature has other plans.”

“Right,” Kazia moaned, and reluctantly started to get up. When she lifted her head enough to look down at me, she stroked my face and whispered, “Last night was wonderful.” She bent and gave me one more kiss before hopping out of my bed. She gathered up her clothes off the floor and walked out of the room without putting them on, simply carrying them under her arm as she stepped bare naked out into the hall. Obviously the possibility of being seen was not a concern.

As I got dressed and headed into the bathroom to relieve my immediate problem, I reflected on the fact that yes, I really had just had sex with my sister last night. I had now done it with both women in my immediate family. And while I still didn’t know exactly what that meant for my relationship with them now or in the future, I realized I was a little more open to possibilities. I was sure the family would have questions for me, like had I “joined the club” yet. While I still didn’t have definitive answers, I was prepared to field their questions.

At least, that was what I thought.

When I emerged into the living area, it was to find the rest of my family already seated or standing around the table, sipping their coffee as they listened to Kazia’s account. Everyone looked up at me as I entered, wearing proud grins. Kazia especially was beaming at me, looking like she was holding herself back from saying something flirty. I sighed, and said, “All right, lay it on me.”

“Five times?” was what Mom opened with, her eyebrows raised. Not where I expected them to go first.

“Uh, yeah?”

“Damn, bro, you’re a stud!” Victor said, swirling his cereal.

“I gotta say, son, I’m impressed,” Dad said, idly clutching his seemingly forgotten coffee cup as he stood next to Victor’s chair. Then he seemed to notice something else as he looked me up and down. “I think you may be more recovered than we thought. And not just because of your bedroom prowess.”

“What do you mean?”

Dad held out a hand to gesture vaguely in the direction of my middle. “No cane?”

I looked down at my empty hands, and at my legs standing upright. I realized I had completely forgotten my cane, which was still resting against my bedroom wall. I was standing and walking totally upright without it, and my legs didn’t even hurt. “Huh,” I said, impressed myself. “I’ll be damned.”

“Mind over matter, Dad,” Victor said, looking up at him from his bowl of cereal. “All he needed was the right incentive. And who knows better than us the healing power of family sex?”

I blinked, raising an eyebrow at my brother. “You know, Vic, for someone who admittedly didn’t major in psych, you’re quite the Freud.”

Victor suddenly looked slightly embarrassed. “Well, I mean ... the brain isn’t that different from a motorcycle engine, is it?”

“Aw, shut up, Victor!” Kazia giggled.

Dad looked down at where Mom sat and said, “Maybe he really is ready to start getting out in the world again.”

Mom didn’t seem to know how to deal with this. She looked from Dad to me, and I could see two of her most fundamental instincts warring with each other. On the one hand, she naturally did want to see me healthy and able and succeeding in life. But at the same time, as long as I was physically dependent on them, that offered her a sense of security, because if I was recovered and able to fend for myself there was the possibility I might leave.

This hadn’t been one of the subjects I’d been preparing myself to answer questions about. So despite how I’d told myself I was ready to face them, I found myself just standing there, tongue-tied.

Mom suddenly composed herself, as she decided on something. “Well, just remember, Alex, no matter how recovered you are, no matter how big you get, and no matter how old and saggy I get...”

I knew exactly what she was going to say now, because I had heard this from her countless times growing up. I rolled my eyes, and said the rest of this pronouncement along with her: “I’m your mother and I can always kick your ass.”

There was a little bit of laughter around the table, but Mom’s whole aspect brightened considerably. I groaned. This was just like...

Huh...

My mood shifted suddenly from amused annoyance to surprise, and I stared at Mom. I had asserted before that I didn’t know her anymore, that my mother as I had known her was dead. And yet, if that little exchange between us just now wasn’t a classic Mom-and-me moment, I didn’t know what was. All of a sudden, in spite of everything, she really was still the mother I knew, as if my lost four years and our night together hadn’t happened.

“Hey, you alive in there?” Victor asked.

“Um, yeah,” I said, shaking my head. “Think I just need some coffee.” I started toward the pot sitting in the kitchen ... and then I paused, a sudden impulse striking me. It just felt like something I should do in this instance. “Oh, by the way, Mom? There’s nothing old and saggy about you.”

Mom blushed and preened at me.

“Sweet talker,” Kazia teased.

Dad and Victor left for their respective jobs shortly after that. Mom was working from home these days, due to wanting someone to always be home with me. Kazia announced she was going to meet up with some friends and do a little shopping, but stopped to kiss me again on her way out the door.

I spent the day trying to focus on my studies and job hunting, but I found it more difficult to concentrate than usual. I would work for a while, but I would keep returning to the questions I had about my family, about where we stood now, about where we were going. I’d been so sure that the family I had known had been lost while I’d slept, leaving me with only a twisted imitation of them in their place. But that had definitely been the mother I’d grown up with at the table this morning, just as I always knew her. Maybe a little different now, maybe fundamentally changed, but still her.

I was still thinking about this later in the afternoon when I stepped out of my room to look for a snack (and realized belatedly that I had once again unconsciously left my cane behind; I wasn’t even thinking about it anymore). It so happened that Mom was doing her daily workout regimen at that moment. That was another thing she’d started doing at home on my account, having traded in her gym membership for P90X. So I crossed through the living room to see her in her active wear doing her squats and stretches and curls along with the trainer on the TV.

I paused on my way to the kitchen to watch her for a bit. Yeah, I had been thoroughly reminded this morning that she was still undeniably Mom, but she was also undeniably a woman I’d had sex with a few nights ago. That meant it was okay for me to appreciate the way that spandex emphasized her curves in all the right ways, wasn’t it? I’d meant what I’d said: there was nothing old and saggy about her, and if she made me drool a little bit seeing how her breasts stretched that sports bra or how those bottoms completely hugged the shape of her ass, well, that was to be expected, right?

I hurried into the kitchen and out of sight of her, where I could get myself some cheese and crackers without the visual distraction, and could therefore think. Was this really possible? Could I have a sexual relationship with my family, and still have them be family? Could Mom be both a mother and a lover to me? Could I love Kazia both as a sister and as a woman? Could I really have the best of both worlds?