Chapter 43

DAY 60 – HADES – PETROVA

Petrova felt like she was going into battle.

With her hard-won bouquet of flowers in hand, she approached Fran’s prefab, her heart racing faster with each step closer to its door. Ruza had been true to his word, and after some asking around, he’d found an old woman who tended a tiny box garden in her prefab. It had taken quite the wealth of rations for Petrova to be allowed to pick a handful.

Their leaves and plastic wrapper rustling in her hands, she mounted the steps, hesitating with a fist poised in the air as she prepared to knock. She was wearing civilian clothes, but she hadn’t concealed her prosthetics. They were on display for all to see, and she hoped that might mean something.

No going back now.

She rapped her fist on the door, then waited, the seconds seeming to crawl by. Would Fran even open the door when she saw who it was? After a little more time, it slid ajar, Fran’s familiar face peering back at her with a stony expression. She was wearing flowery pajamas, probably having returned home from work not too long ago.

“It’s late,” she said, crossing her burly arms and waiting for Petrova to speak.

“I, uh ... brought these for you,” Petrova said as she offered up the flowers. “May I come in?”

Fran considered, then took the flowers from Petrova’s hands, opening the door and moving out of her way. Petrova climbed the rest of the metal steps and entered the prefab, the familiar floral decorations that adorned every surface and piece of furniture greeting her. As she took off her mask, the smell of potpourri created a rush of nostalgia, reminding her of the evenings she had spent here talking with her friends.

“These have bought you at least ten minutes,” Fran said as she set the flowers down on her little coffee table. “Say what you came to say.”

“Where to start?” Petrova began with a humorless laugh. “So much has happened since we last spoke. I was captured by the resistance, then I joined them, then I killed my boss.”

“Is this a change of allegiance that’s going to stick this time?” Fran asked skeptically.

“Look,” Petrova sighed. “Last time we spoke, I tried to apologize for lying to you. I didn’t do a very good job of it. At the time, I’m not sure I really understood what I’d done wrong. I knew the words I had to say, but I didn’t know why I was saying them.”

“Go on,” Fran said, taking a seat on one of her plush chairs.

“When I joined SWAR, I gave up everything,” she said. “Family, friends, my identity – it was all replaced by this.” She flexed her prosthetic hand, Fran grimacing at the sight. “From then on, I was Agent Petrova, and any friends I made or any identity I adopted beyond that were only temporary. I would be inserted into an AO to get close to a target. Friends were contacts or patsies, and identity was a shield – a weapon. It became something fluid, something situational, and I could shed it like a skin and leave it behind. Everything was easier when I could rationalize that all those regrets belonged to someone else.”

“Is that what we were to you?” Fran asked, narrowing her eyes. “Patsies?”

“At first,” Petrova conceded. “The only time I was ever able to be myself was when I returned to the nest. The other agents were the only true friends I had – the only people who really knew me and accepted me for who and what I was. At least, that was how I saw it. In reality, their camaraderie extended only as far as my usefulness. I couldn’t truly confide in them, and I could never deviate from their expectations. So, in a way, Agent Petrova became just another false persona.”

“Then, why did you come here – to Hades?” Fran asked. “Why not just leave the organization if you were so unhappy? Why stick around?”

“What else did I have?” Petrova scoffed, spreading her arms with a whir. “I’d given up my past – pieces of myself, to become a SWAR agent. That was the only home I knew. When Barbosa came recruiting, he offered us exactly what we all wanted. He validated all of our fears and prejudices, he gave us a lofty purpose, and he promised to fix everything. It took a long time for me to figure out that he was targeting us for our weaknesses – exploiting us. Power, control, curiosity, bloodlust – he sniffed it out and leveraged it to keep us close. He made us all worse so that we’d have nowhere else to go and nobody to confide in.”

“What was yours?” Fran asked.

“Validation,” she admitted with a chuckle. “Sounds so petty, right? He controlled some of his Lieutenants by turning them loose with no RoE, or giving them control of the colony, and all he had to do to have me eating out of his hand was make me feel wanted. He said he valued my skills, told me that I’d be his successor. I did things for him that I knew were wrong because I didn’t want to lose that.”

“So, you were being manipulated, but you still take accountability for the choices you made?”

“I do,” Petrova replied. “Even before I went undercover, he’d done things that I couldn’t reconcile. Maybe I thought I could steer him along a better path – I dunno. I was lost, angry, and I just wanted to do something about it.

“What does any of this have to do with me?” Fran asked.

“Sorry, I’m rambling,” Petrova sighed. “I just want you to understand my state of mind at the time we met. My mission was to infiltrate the local community, establish contacts, and find a way to get to Doctor Ruza. He was Barbosa’s enemy number one – supposedly responsible for a lot of the resistance attacks. At first, I only intended to use you guys for information, but I found that I enjoyed your company. I liked being Valentina,” she said, rubbing her arm again – desperate for anything to occupy her hands. “I liked being around you. It was my first taste of normalcy in a very long time.”

“What would you have done if the protests had never happened?” Fran asked. “If we’d never discovered your real identity?”

“One day, I would have disappeared,” she replied solemnly. “I’d be gone – no goodbye, no explanation. Even if you decide you never want to see me again, at least I’ll have the chance to say goodbye this time. I don’t want to just leave Val behind like I did the others.”

“People have been talking,” Fran continued, still seeming unmoved by the story. “At the bar, and on the work site. They say that you helped the resistance take back the city, and you’re the one who killed Barbosa. What I want to know is – why? Did you switch sides because you realized you were on the wrong one, or did you only turn on your own because it was the surest way to survive?”

“The resistance showed me the things that Barbosa didn’t want me to see,” she replied. “Even for someone who was as willing as I was to keep my eyes closed, the evidence was undeniable. I don’t ask for forgiveness – I just want you to know that I did my best to set things right and repair some of the damage I helped cause.”

“Well,” Fran began, rising from her seat and walking past Petrova. She stopped at her sink and started to fill a tall glass with water from the faucet. “I can’t say that I would have forgiven you if you’d asked. The occupation did a lot of damage to the colony, and I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that. The rationing, the crackdowns, the arrests – you helped enable that.”

“I did,” Petrova conceded. “I may still face a court-martial for it. I don’t know.”

Fran returned to her seat with the glass and set it down on the table.

“Val was never a real person. She was just another one of your false identities.”

“She was,” Petrova said.

“Val is dead to me,” Fran continued, Petrova turning her eyes to the floor in response. She heard a rustling, and looked up to see the woman sliding the flowers from their plastic wrapping, placing them gently inside the glass. “But, maybe I could get to know Petrova,” Fran added with a smirk. “Before you celebrate,” she added, raising a hand to stop her as a smile crossed Petrova’s lips. “I liked Val, but I don’t know if I’ll like Petrova yet. They’re different people – you’ve made that clear. I figure that killing the leader of the occupation in single combat is a pretty substantial gesture, however, and I’m willing to give you a chance to wow me. I also appreciated the flowers,” she added. “You know where and when we’ll be, so if you’d like to catch up, drop by the bar. I’m sure that Sam and Carl will be happy to see you again.”

“I will,” Petrova replied, sensing that it was her cue to leave. “Thanks for giving the real me a chance, Fran,” she said before she stepped out into the night.

“I’m not sure if it was the flowers that did it,” Petrova said, peering up at Ruza with a smile from across his desk. “But it worked! Fran has agreed to see me again. I’m going to meet up with her and her friends at their bar soon. She didn’t say when – I guess I’ll just show up when I’m ready.”

She was beaming, and the Rask looked up from the patient records on his display, giving her his full attention for a moment.

“I merely gave you permission to do something that you had already decided to do,” he replied.

“You gave me the courage to do it,” she insisted. “And you got me those flowers, too.”

“It was not an easy thing for you,” he mused. “I sensed how nervous you were simply speaking of the prospect of returning. Admitting fault is never easy – even less so when your mistakes caused harm. This, I know all too well.”

“Somehow, running headlong into gunfire took less courage than facing Fran,” she added with a chuckle.

“Running into gunfire is something that you have become accustomed to,” Ruza replied, wagging a clawed finger at her. “Maintaining friendships with normal people – this is a new skill that you will have to learn. I can recommend Amy as an admirable tutor. Were it not for her wiles, I would certainly have shut myself away in my clinic and never spoken to anyone who was not presenting with an injury or an infection.”

“I’d like to hang out with Amy,” Petrova said with a hurried nod. “You and her were the only people who showed me any real kindness after I was captured, at least at first. I didn’t understand why at the time, but Amy really did go through a lot of the same things I went through. It’s hard to believe how... normal she came out on the other side of it. She’s stronger than she understands – I’ve seen hardened Marines break under less pressure.”

“Size and physical prowess have little to do with strength of will,” Ruza confirmed.

“Do you think she’d agree to go out for something to eat if I asked her?”

“I do not see why not,” Ruza replied.

DAY 62 – HADES – PETROVA

“My life has become very odd,” Amy said, picking up a cereal bar and examining it pensively. “If you had told me a year ago that I’d be having a dinner of rations with an ex-spy, I would have recommended you see the Doc for a CAT scan.”

“Because he’s a cat?” Petrova asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No,” Amy scoffed. “But also yes.”

Petrova had invited Amy out to eat at one of the colony’s bars. Food was still a little scarce, but drinks had never been rationed, so most of the drinking holes were still operating. Wanting to enjoy the restaurant experience, they had brought their own MREs – a faux pas under normal circumstances, but appropriate in this time of scarcity.

“I’ve had more MRE meals than hot dinners in my lifetime,” Petrova continued, cracking one of the meal packets to set the chemical heating element going. “I know a few tricks to make them taste better. Smear a little peanut butter on those crackers, and you’ll have yourself a feast.”

“I’m sure it’s very welcome if you’re spending the evening in a foxhole,” Amy chuckled. “The drinks, on the other hand,” she added as she took a sip from a colorful martini. “It’s a perilous time to be an alcoholic.”

“Ruza tells me that you’re the one in charge of distributing the colony’s food,” Petrova prompted. “That’s a big responsibility.”

“I handled all of the logistics for the resistance base, so it’s really not as big of a deal as you might imagine to scale that up to a city,” she explained. “I still have a hard time imagining that I’m the most qualified woman for the job, but I suppose they trust me. Who would have imagined that a secretary would have such a sought-after skill set during a rebellion?”

“What’s the broader situation looking like?” Petrova asked as she opened a small packet of dehydrated fruit. “Are we still on course to avoid any serious famine?”

“We’re having to be a little careful, but Barbosa had planned for a long siege,” Amy replied as she inspected a plastic pouch of potato salad. “With what we confiscated from the barracks and brought down from the carrier, we have enough to keep everyone fed, along with a little to spare for emergencies.”

“So long as no more warehouses get burned down,” Petrova joked.

“What about you?” Amy asked. “I’ve seen you around the clinic a lot more frequently the last couple of days. Is Brenner’s work winding down?”

“For the most part,” she replied, opening up her meal packet and watching a wisp of steam rise towards the ceiling. They were dining in a more upscale venue, if a bar could be referred to as such, so she poured the ravioli and gravy within out onto a waiting plate. “The garrisons are all under our control now, and other than some rumors about PDF retreating into the wastes, Barbosa’s forces have all surrendered.”

“What are you going to do with them all?” Amy wondered. “There must be thousands of them.”

“Captain Ortega figures we’ll just keep them in custody until the fleet arrives and let them figure out what to do,” Petrova replied as she skewered a piece of ravioli on her fork. “We don’t really want to be putting people on trial when tempers are still running so high.”

“Yeah, I imagine that’s not going to be the most impartial jury,” Amy conceded. “So ... what’s with the sudden dinner date out of the blue?” she added, narrowing her eyes suspiciously. “Am I sensing an ulterior motive?”

“I may have one or two,” Petrova conceded with a smirk. “Firstly, I wanted to properly thank you for what you did for me while I was a prisoner with the resistance. I didn’t want to show it at the time, but the way you reached out to me and tried to reassure me really did help. You and Ruza were relentlessly kind to me, even when I was horrible to you in return, and that was one of the things that helped break down all the damned walls I put up. You were a friend to me when I needed one, even if I didn’t want to accept it at the time.”