Behind Blue Eyes
Copyright© 2025 by DB86
Chapter 15
Over the next weeks, Janice tried hard to change her old ways and be a better person. It wasn’t a linear path. Old habits die hard!
Talking first was too much, so she started by smiling, making eye contact, and greeting those who passed by. Some greeted her back and exchanged a few words with her.
However, some other people didn’t warm up to her. They resented the way she had treated them in the past, and when she extended the olive branch, they didn’t reach out.
“You always were a bully and a bitch! A leopard doesn’t change its spots. Your son is better off without scum like you, if you ask me,” a resentful former schoolmate spat in Janice’s face.
Janice’s blue eyes turned into chips of ice. Taken aback by the woman’s cruel attack on her, she stared at her former schoolmate, speechless.
“Let it go,” her mind pleaded, even when the woman’s words cut deeper than a knife.
The woman’s nasty words had been so deliberate and calculated that Janice had a hard time controlling her temper. She gritted her teeth in an effort to hold her tongue. It wasn’t easy. Janice could have easily lashed her out, but what Benji might think of her stopped her in her tracks.
Janice should have been enraged by what had happened, but the strongest feeling she could conjure up at the moment was exhaustion. With no warning at all, tears stung her eyes.
“I’m working on myself to be a better person for my son,” she repeated to herself as a mantra.
She walked away and entered The Gazette building and started working trying to get her mind off the exchange without success.
Some hours later, Janice had the next issue of The Gazette ready. The first one, where she didn’t have to write about herself. It was a relief. All she wanted was to go home, have some hot chocolate, and wait for the moment she Skype with her son. Since Robert and Benji left town, a great sadness crept in, and it would not go away.
Janice heard someone push the door open but didn’t turn her head from the monitor.
Someone plopped down in one of the chairs for visitors in front of the desk.
“Hi, Sis,” a well-known voice greeted her. “Is this pity party only for one?”
Janice turned her face from the monitor, and found Rain, sitting in front of her with a friendly smile on her face.
“Hello, Rain. You’re welcome to join me.”
“Why are you in such a depressive mood?”
“Some people have felt the need to express their opinions of me. In the last weeks, I had to bite my tongue so often that soon I won’t have a tongue to speak at all,” Janice explained. “You better be careful. Spending time with me won’t make you too popular in the community.”
Rain waved her sister’s concerns away. “Family must stick together through the good and the bad.”
“Thank you. I’m trying to change but I feel like no one is in my corner.”
“I am,” Rain said. “It might take a while, but sooner or later they’ll warm up.”
“I doubt it,” Janice sighed.
“You have a lot of people confused because you didn’t chew their heads off.” Rain glanced around the room and went to a small table, hit the button on the electric kettle, and set about preparing two cups of tea. “I’ve prepared a special blend of tea for you.”
Janice sighed. “I wish there was a magic tea for my problems.”
“I thought you might need a sympathetic and understanding pair of ears. People say I’m a good listener,” she said placing a cup of tea in front of Janice.
Janice lifted the cup to her lips, sipped a little, and set it down again. “It doesn’t taste bad.”
“What you need now is to lose your burden.”
Janice let out a long sigh. As much as she wanted to air her feelings, anxiety clawed at her. She wasn’t good at off-the-cuff stuff.
“You can be really annoying, you know that?” The edge of Janice’s lips lifted.
Rain stuck out her tongue. “I’ve been told that.”
Janice sighed. “You are not going to let me out of this, are you?”
Rain’s lips curved in a wide smile. “Nope.”
Janice smiled back at her half-sister, “I’m starting to believe that we are truly related.”
“Did I hear a compliment?”
“Yes, you did, but don’t let it go to your head. I still think you’re nutty as a fruitcake,”
Rain actually laughed, “Oh, I embrace crazy. That must be why we get along so well.”
Janice couldn’t help but laugh.
“What do people say about me?” Janice asked.
“Oh, you know Middletown. They are making bets about how long it will take before you return to your old ways. Some of them don’t believe you can change and not be a bitch anymore. They still have an image of who you were in their head and are not willing to let it go.”
“Yeah, some of them told me what they think of me loud and clear.”
Rain patted her sister’s arm. “Be patient, Sis. Real change takes time. I have a great deal of faith in you.”
“Thank you. You might be the only one. I’ve been stupidly hoping for a little compassion after my day in court.”
“Believe it or not some people are rooting for you,” Rain said, her voice upbeat. “Just today I was talking with Georgina Eastland about it.”
Janice rubbed her chin. “The gym teacher? Well, she made a 180-degree turn in her life. She stopped chasing an impossible dream and married a nerd. I’ll thank her for her support next time I see her.”
Rain nodded. “Bella is rooting for you too.”
“Bella? You don’t mean Annabella Reed, do you? I am sure she hates my guts!”
Rain shook her head. “You’re wrong. She said that if she could change her ways, you can too.”
“I find it hard to believe, to be honest. I behaved badly with her. Very badly, in fact.”
“May I ask what happened?” Rain asked. She had heard the story before, but she wanted to know Janice’s side.
“What happened was that I couldn’t understand Bella’s interest in a guy like Derek.”
“Really? Why? Derek is so cool!”
“Yeah, he is. I know that now, but back then I let my mother’s idea about what constitutes a ‘good man’ cloud my judgment. I wrote a bogus article trying to make them split. But they saw right through my lies, and the whole thing exploded right in my face. Did they tell you that Bella dragged me along Main Street to Derek’s gym and forced a public apology out of me?”
Rain let out a long whistle. “I heard something about it. Talking about humiliating moments. No wonder why they call you the Queen of Mean.”
Janice’s eyes expressed deep sadness. “Truth was, I truly regretted what I had done, but it was too late. Over the next months, I became a pariah. Even nice people started referring to me as ‘that bitch’,” Janice let out a long sigh. “I made my bed and I’ve been sleeping on it since then.”
A long shudder passed through her body. It was obvious that holding herself together these last few years had taken a toll on her.
Rain offered her sister a sympathetic smile. “Once you are labeled, that label sticks with you for life.”
“Pretty much. I’ve been trying to change as a person, but people just don’t buy it. They all just wrote me off.”
To her dismay, Janice’s eyes clouded, and then a tear slipped over her bottom lid and rolled down her cheek. “I’m an idiot. I did all those nasty things. I truly regret them.”
Rain placed a hand on her sister’s hand and squeezed it. “I’m sorry, Sis. Forgiveness can only be given, not taken. You need to go to the people you wronged and say you’re sorry.”
“It’s going to be a very long list!”
“Well, the sooner you start, the sooner you’ll end. You are not the person everyone thinks you are, Sis. You offered to donate bone marrow even before knowing I was your sister! Don’t let what people label you, define you.”
“I appreciate your words, Rain. I’ll be okay. Don’t worry,” Janice swiped at her damp eyes with the back of her hand. “Changing subject ... Do you think I am mother material?”
Rain rolled her eyes.
“Here we go again! If I didn’t know you better, I’d think you have a self-esteem problem. Of course, you are! Benji is lucky to have you back in his life. Why would you think that?”
“Some people in town pointed out that I might not be a good role model for my son.”
“And you told them to fuck off, of course!”
Janice lowered her head and shook her head. “The old me would have said something like that, but I didn’t. I just said ‘I get that I bullied you in high school. It was a mean thing to do and I’m truly sorry I hurt you. I know being sorry doesn’t change anything, but I am.”
Rain approved her sister’s words with a nod of her head. “Did that person accept your apology?”
Janice shook her head. “No, I don’t think so. My words made her even angrier. ‘I don’t believe you’, she yelled at me.”
“It may take time for people to forgive you, or to take in the fact that you have apologized.”
“I know. It’s a long and winding road, and I need to eat a lot of crow.”
“It sounds like roles are reversed, now they are the bullies and you are the victim. The fact that you were unkind to them does not excuse their behavior.”
Janice shrugged. “People have all the right to be angry with me. Usually, other people’s opinions don’t affect me. But this one truly hurts. I want to be a good mother to my son. Right now, Benji thinks I am some kind of hero, even when I signed off away my parental rights.”
Rain nodded. “There were extenuating circumstances.”
“Yes, I know, and he got that. Even Robert got that. Somehow I ended up being the victim in all this.”
“That’s because you were!”
“Yes, I know, but I didn’t fight for my child! I should have.”
“Your shoulda, coulda, woulda won’t change the past. You can’t make what has happened not have happened. There’s no point in thinking about it unless you are learning from your mistakes. You can ruin a perfectly good future by worrying about the past.”
Janice looked at her sister closely, a glimmer of respect in her eyes.
“That’s actually a good piece of advice. I’m impressed.”
“I know, I read it in a fortune cookie,” Rain said, wiggling her eyebrows.
“What will happen when Benji discovers that I am not perfect? I am the most hated person in town. I’m not the hero he thinks I am. I am deeply flawed!”
“Children don’t need us to be perfect. They just need us to love them and try to be the best that we can be,” Rain offered.
Janice ignored her sister’s words and kept clearing her chest.
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