Chapter 5: Daddy Issues

Friday morning, the three of us enjoyed the breakfast Tillie prepared.

“Jeff, can you come back here after work tonight? My ex, Eric, will be returning Annie, and I will ask him to join us for dinner. I want to explain what happened last night with Filbert and thank him for the pistol and taser. And I want you to meet each other.”

“Alright. I’d better get going; I want to change clothes before I go to the office. I can be here again at 5:30; OK?”

“Sure. Just kiss us before you go.”

When I returned to Diane’s house, Annie and Eric were already there. Annie rushed up and embraced me tightly. Eric smiled and shook my hand, and I felt a little relieved. Tillie brought out her office chair for her father. Diane and I kissed, and we all crowded around the little dinette table.

Conversation flowed through the meal. Eric talked about his time with Annie and revealed that she had nothing but praise for Jeff. He asked Tillie, also; she was even more effusive. I only stopped grinning when I shoveled in forkfuls of Diane’s amazing lasagna. Eric said something nice to Diane.

“Your cooking always makes me second-guess our divorce.”

“I thought you missed my tits?”

“Well, yeah, but I wasn’t going to say that in front of your boyfriend.”

“They are spectacular,” I said. “I couldn’t fault you for saying that. This is the first time I’ve seen her eating here with a shirt on. It’s the only disappointing thing about this dinner.”

Diane elbowed me. “I could say the same about you, honey. Except when you get food stuck in your chest hair. Ew!”

The girls laughed, but Eric looked thoughtful. We moved to the living room, and the girls bracketed me on the sofa, cuddling me closely.

“Eric, I need to thank you for supplying the revolver and taser for our security. Something terrible happened to Tillie last night, but I was able to keep it from becoming even worse. Annie, you should go sit with your father so he can hold you, because this is upsetting. Go on. Eric, put your arms around her.”

He was sitting in a big leather recliner, and Annie was able to park herself in his lap. I imagine the thing was left over from when he was the “man of the house.” As Diane began to tell the story, Eric’s eyes shifted to Tillie, and he noticed the damage to her lip and cheek. Annie did the same and started to sniffle.

Before this, cosmetics on Tillie’s face partially concealed the damage. A closer look revealed what happened.

“I have pictures I can show you or send to you later, Eric. Annie doesn’t need to see them. So he turned on Tillie the minute they got inside the house yesterday. Filbert brought some plastic ties, also known as zip ties, and used them to handcuff her before tearing open her shirt Although she was screaming and crying, he believed they were alone in the house. Annie was with you, of course.

“I came home early, and I heard Tillie crying before I walked in. So, I quietly went to my bedroom for the weapons and walked into her room with the revolver pointed at his head. Like all bullies, he folded, and I ordered him to the floor on his belly. I had the taser in my left hand; I put the gun against his head so he’d lie still, and then I tased him. Then I took some of those zip ties out of his back pocket and tied together his ankles and wrists.

“Then I called Jeff for help.”

“Instead of me?” asked Eric.

“I knew you had Annie with you, and I didn’t want her to see her sister in trouble. It turned out to be a good decision, because Jeff’s ideas resolved the situation in a way that benefited Tillie. Jeff, why don’t you explain?”

I told Annie and Eric that my first impulse was to stomp his lights out, but then I realized Tillie wasn’t his first victim. Judging by his ridiculous car, he had plenty of money, so I called the asshole’s father, told him what his son had done, and made him come here, to Diane’s house.

“When the father left with his son, we believed he would deal with his son properly; he’d given away his fancy car, and he had transferred $50,000 to the women and families shelter and $100,000 to Tillie’s account. If any further leverage is needed, we have the father’s information, and we still have the photos.”

When I finished, Annie had her face buried in her father’s neck. He was patting her on the back, trying to soothe her.

“Tillie, does all of that match what you remember?”

“Dad, it all happened just like that. With a gun in her hand, Mom scared me! The father said something like, on behalf of his mother, ‘Thank you for not killing him.’ Honestly, I looked at her in my doorway with her finger on the trigger and believed he was dead meat.”

“And Jeff?”

“When he saw the blood on my face, Dad, he was vibrating. So furious, I thought he was going to snatch the pistol and do away with the guy, then bury him in the backyard.”

“Tillie, if I were there, he wouldn’t have survived. I hate to say it, but your mother did the right thing by calling Jeff, and he did the right thing by involving the asshole’s father. I owe you my thanks, Jeff. However, I can’t help feeling a little bit of jealousy that you got to be her hero. I’m just boring old Dad.”

Tillie shrieked and flew off the sofa, crashing into her sister and father with such velocity that the heavy chair tilted backwards. After a bunch of hugging, Annie detached herself, came back, and threw her arms around me.

“Thank you, Jeff,” she whispered in my ear. Her mother was next and received the same thanks.

Eventually, the girls settled down and returned to their positions, cuddling against my left and right sides. Eric watched the three of us closely and then asked a question.

“Tillie, I’m having trouble imagining how you got mixed up with this asshole. Why did you bring him here?”

“How can a man get to your age, father two children, and not understand why a girl would want to be private with a guy? The REAL question you’re asking is, why him?”

“Yeah, sorry.”

“I promise you. This guy was polite, interesting, and good-looking. He pretended I was beautiful and fascinating. And I know you don’t want to hear this, but his pants suggested he was packing something mighty.”

“TILLIE!”

“Oh, Daddy, give it up. I know everything about you and ‘Uncle’ Paul. If you saw this guy...”

“TILLIE!”

“Eric, your daughter is a smart ass, but she’s also really smart. She’s going to the same college you went to, remember? Now stop interrupting her. Tillie, you were explaining; keep going.”

“There wasn’t anything in his behavior that I noticed before the door closed behind him. Then, he was aggressive and became violent. He hit me hard enough that I was dazed, and that’s when he handcuffed me with those plastic ties.”

Annie started to say something but then settled into a surprisingly deep growl. I had my arm over her shoulder and gave her a quick squeeze.

“He was fiddling with his zipper when Mom walked up with the gun.”

“He was probably trying to get the sock out of his pants,” grumbled Eric. “After lying about everything else, he probably had a dick the size of an AA battery.”

“Oh, fuck. You’re right, I’m sure. How could I have been so stupid?”

Tillie turned her face into my neck, and I felt her tears dripping on me.

“Eric, it’s not my place, really, but can I make a suggestion?”

He nodded to me.

“I think before Tillie is alone with a guy, she needs to have at least one of us meet him first for an interview. I mean, we wouldn’t call it an interview, but our maturity and perceptiveness would help in discovering any phonies.

“I mean, I’ve just met you, Eric, but you impress me as a thoughtful guy who is fully committed to your daughters’ safety. I know Diane would catch me lying in an instant; she’s got that kind of mind. Another thing about her: she wouldn’t hesitate to reach in and pull out a sock. Then, she would fill it with nickels and quarters and beat the guy to death with it.”

“Yep, that’s Diane. She’s got those mama bear genes. I believe what you all are telling me, but I do wonder if I walked into Tillie’s room tonight, would I see bloodstains on her carpet?”

“No, Dad, no blood. Now that I’m remembering, I think when he pissed himself, the sock soaked up the urine.”

Annie started giggling first, and then all of us were laughing. I couldn’t help but enjoy seeing the smiles on the girls. They were truly adorable when they smiled, and I’m sure Eric saw the emotions on my face. We returned to the kitchen because Annie insisted they stop at the bakery on the way for tonight’s dessert.

“Banana Cream! My favorite!” I crowed. “I should have known, seeing the drawing of a sock on the box.”

“A sock? Oh, shit! JEFF!”

Diane whapped me on the shoulder.

“What am I going to do with you? No, don’t answer that!”

Before leaving, Eric had a few private moments with Tillie. Obviously, he was telling her he would be there for her, whatever she might need, including counseling or therapy. He also spent time with Annie, giving her a similar message.

“He’s so impressive,” I thought. “There are so many shit dads in the world who disappear after divorce. Diane’s daughters are lucky.”

Then it was my turn.

“Your daughters are so impressive, Eric. Tillie has shown so much strength and courage. I can see how proud you are of both of them.”

“Both of them sing your praises, Jeff. And you’re right about Diane; she’s an excellent judge of character. I sincerely wish you two the best. If you get married, you’ll be their stepfather, but I’m not giving up being their dad. I don’t think that will be a problem. Before I leave, I have a few things to talk about with Diane. I’m sure I’ll see you again, Jeff.”

Diane and Eric were outside by his car talking for a few minutes, then they hugged each other briefly, and he left. When she was back in the kitchen, I gave her a questioning look.

“Later,” was all she said. Tillie stepped into the kitchen, smiled at us, and took her office chair back to her bedroom. Diane made eye contact with me, then pointed at the sink full of pans and dishes.

“Oh.”

Since I had come from the office, I put aside my jacket, tie, and white shirt. She grinned at me, running her eyes over her “topless dishwasher.”

“Food in my chest hair? That was mean! And, as you can see, between my nipples I’m almost bald. I don’t claim to have a lot of experience, but I’ve never had a woman complain that I wasn’t hairy enough. Should I get some of that cream, uh, midoxifil (?), and spread it over my back and butt?”