Chapter 23: Fuck, Marry, Kill

Erin blinked at me, her face going completely blank, once again sending me spiraling into that familiar abyss of not knowing what the hell she was thinking.

“Hey. Erin?”

“Date ... in what way? Like, go to dinner? A movie?”

I couldn’t tell if she was being deliberately obtuse or genuinely blindsided. With Erin, it was hard to know. But if she hadn’t picked up on how much I liked her by now, then I’d finally found the one thing she was oblivious about.

“As in ... date,” I said. “Boyfriend. Girlfriend. Finish each other’s—”

“Sandwiches?”

That made me smile. “Something like that.”

She gave me a long look ... then glanced back toward Natalie.

My stomach turned itself inside out like a pair of socks.

“What about Natalie?”

Fuck. I knew where she was going with this, and I didn’t like it.

“What about her?” I asked.

She looked back at me. “Aren’t you trying to start something with her?”

“Maybe,” I admitted. “But I don’t know the shape of it. And I don’t know the shape of us, either.”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“This whole exclusivity thing you’ve got going on ... it sounds a lot like boyfriend privilege.”

“Hey,” Erin said, pointing an accusing finger at me. “You asked for that. I didn’t. For the record, I did say that was a little disappointing.”

I felt my heart in my throat. I knew I was being a hypocrite. Hell, most guys in my situation would want what I had—a bevy of beautiful women they didn’t have to share with anyone else unless it was with another woman. Who would turn that down?

It wasn’t like I was forcing anyone’s hand. If Erin wanted to date other men, she was more than welcome to do so.

But that would likely be the end of whatever this was between us.

“If I said I didn’t have a problem with it, would you date other men? Do you regret our agreement?”

“Do I regret our agreement?” Erin echoed, chewing on the words. She shook her head. “No. Would I date other men?”

She took too long to answer—long enough that it started to ache.

“No,” she finally said.

“Why not?” I asked, more surprised than I wanted to admit. The unreadable glances, the pushback—it made me wonder if someone else had drifted into her orbit. Someone I didn’t know about. And the quiet, irrational hatred I felt for that hypothetical suitor made one thing painfully clear: I wasn’t nearly as cool with the idea of her dating someone else as I’d pretended to be.

“I like what I do.” She glanced back toward Natalie, Tara, and the others.

Then, biting her lip, she looked up at me with those big brown eyes and said, “I haven’t had opportunities like this before ... getting to explore who I am. That’s thanks to you.”

“You weren’t sexually active before we met?” I had a hard time believing that.

“Oh,” she said, her eyebrows climbing high, “I had plenty of experience, but I had a couple of near-misses with some nasty situations and decided to be a little more careful. A lot of my adventures over the last year were limited to friends—girls, mostly. It was simpler. Less messy ... more fun.”

“I was starting to get a little itchy for some good dick when Helen reached out. I’m not gonna lie and say I don’t want something more than what I have now—but I was being honest when I said I wasn’t looking for a relationship. You gave me a safe space to play around without worrying that the guy would get jealous if I brought another woman into the bed.”

“That’s not a thing,” I snorted.

The look Erin gave me suggested I was naive. “Oh, that is very much a thing.”

“Guys get jealous over their partner sleeping with another woman?”

Erin shrugged, as if simply accepting one of life’s great mysteries. “I’ve seen it more than once.”

I glanced out into the crowd, contemplating why a guy wouldn’t enjoy having a woman bring a friend home to share with her man.

“So,” she said after a beat, “I’ll ask you again. What about her?”

I took several moments to study Natalie, taking in her beauty. My God—I had dreamed about her for so long. And now, she might actually be within reach.

“I want Natalie,” I admitted.

Looking at Erin, I met those big, beautiful eyes. Those sharp, elfin features. That big, mischievous grin.

Erin had so much personality for someone so small.

And she was insatiable.

“But I want you more.”

Erin didn’t have Helen’s poker face. Try as she might, something slipped through the mask. Her brow crinkled slightly above her nose, and her eyes shimmered a little brighter.

Despite her obvious pleasure, Erin asked a serious question. “Marcus, how would dating me change what we already have?” Every syllable sounded like she was trying to tiptoe across a minefield.

It was a good question.

If I could already sleep with whoever I wanted, whenever I wanted, then what was even the point of pursuing a relationship?

Why not just remain a free agent and sate my appetites on endless women?

Emotional fulfillment?

Didn’t I already have that?

Erin’s affection had saturated me over the last two months. Helen’s devotion ... the slow erosion of Bobbi’s hatred ... even Emily’s quiet, sisterly love. It wasn’t like I was deprived.

But despite all of it ... there was a certain loneliness I couldn’t explain.

Aside from the forest, I hadn’t spent much time alone since Helen showed up two months ago ... and yet somehow, I still felt hollow.

Sure, I was sharing my life with these women, but it didn’t feel like I was establishing a home. It felt like I was building an empire. Helen, Bobbi, even Erin ... they felt more like subjects. Affectionate subjects. Loyal ones, even ... but it was still transactional.

I paid Helen. I gave her protection and made her a partner in her own firm.

Bobbi? I wouldn’t pretend there was affection there. Maybe a little, but it was hard to read through all the petulance and rage. Sometimes, though, under the surface, I saw something.

Still ... I doubt she would have given me the time of day without the protection and structure I provided.

And Erin ... even she felt transactional when I let myself think about it too long. I was her boss. I paid her a ridiculous salary. She got to say she worked for one of the most powerful men in the world, which looked good on a resume.

Plus, there were the benefits. The sex. I’d be the first to admit that I enjoyed the fruits of Erin’s hard labor—erotic adventures with beautiful women. Still, Erin seemed even more enthusiastic about it than I was. Her appetite for sex was voracious, and she enjoyed other women so much that I’d started to wonder if she might prefer them.

I hadn’t once seen her show interest in another man, except Dillon, and that had been a mindfuck aimed at Jessica.

But now ... now that she’d reminded me of our agreement, I saw it for what it was. She’d honored it so well, I’d forgotten it was even in play. She’d gone above and beyond in giving me her exclusivity.

That kind of loyalty? It made me question everything I thought I knew about what she felt for me.

She wouldn’t have cared that much if she didn’t feel something toward me.

“It would change a lot of things, Erin. You wouldn’t just be my assistant anymore. You’d be my priority.”

“And the other women?” she asked.

“I mean ... do you want to stop having sex with Helen?” I nodded toward Tara. “What about your little project?”

“That’s not what I’m asking,” Erin said. “Would you stop sleeping with other women if we were dating?”

I hadn’t expected that question ... not from her.

The music started back up, as the DJ’s break was over, and there were a few cheers from the small crowd around the dance floor. Natalie and Natashya both raised their arms and whooped in joy. Tara whispered something to Natalie, who nodded, took the lesbian’s hand, and was led back toward the music. She glanced my way, saw me watching them, and waved, all smiles. It looked like she was having a good time.

“No,” I said, my eyes fixing on Natashya as she started pulling Emily back toward the dance floor. Emily draped one arm around her girlfriend’s shoulders, and they both laughed as they followed Tara and Natalie.

“I’ve seen the friction in Natashya’s relationship with my sister,” I said. “If I had to be exclusive, I could do it, but I don’t think either of us wants that.”

A small smirk played across Erin’s lips, and her eyes flashed with delight. She was suddenly letting me read her again. “Good.”