Chapter 3: Road Trip

Previously on “I Dreamed of Jeannie:”

“Oh, Master! I am not omnipotent! There are many things I cannot do without violating the laws of the Universe! And there are many things that I cannot allow you to wish for until you have learned to understand the limits to the power.”

Allow me to wish for? “We need to talk,” I said, “Get in and buckle up.”

The late-summer afternoon was warm and sunny, perfect for a cruise in a snappy convertible. I headed out of town and out into the countryside. After a short while I was carving a line down the curves of a sun-dappled road as it wound through low wooded hills. Driving took this rocket properly took all my concentration and I felt the stress of the last few months being blown out of my soul. The Porsche’s throaty exhaust growled with my downshift and I saw, in the rear-view mirror, the corners of my mouth creep up into a smile. God, I hadn’t smiled in months. I wondered if I would strain an unused muscle. After an hour of active driving (so unlike the maddening beep-and-creep of the daily commute), I started to think about a late lunch.

As we came around a curve, we zoomed up on a small economy car. I tapped the brakes, and when the road straightened out, downshifted, dropped the hammer and passed it. The occupants, two pretty women, waved as we passed. Everybody loves a red convertible.

Minutes later, I pulled over to a farmer’s roadside stand. Signs for the last couple of miles announced that the stand sold not only produce from the adjoining farm, but also hamburgers and cold drinks. I hopped out and opened Jeannie’s door. She smiled at the courtesy. Arms linked, we walked across the gravel parking lot to a picnic table beneath a spreading oak tree. I felt the happy fatigue that comes from winding down from exhilaration, not the sickening kind that comes from stress.

With Jeannie seated, I walked over to the stand and ordered two burger baskets and a couple of lemonades. As I waited for the burgers, I saw the economy sedan we had passed earlier pull into the stand’s gravel parking lot. The two occupants got out and found a table. They seemed to be a late-30s woman and a young teen (I guessed mother and daughter from their resemblance). The older woman came up and placed an order for soft drinks. I nodded in what I hoped was a friendly and non-threatening way. She smiled and nodded at me. The girl behind the counter handed her the drinks and the woman returned to her younger friend. I watched them from the corner of my eye. They were trying to discreetly people-watch from their table across the picnic area. They would both pick out a person and put their heads together and exchange remarks so they couldn’t be overheard. They both saw that I had noticed them and began giggling together like two schoolgirls, looking down in unison. I smiled at their simple happiness.

I looked over and saw that Jeannie had noticed the little byplay between the women and me. She didn’t seem jealous at my looking at them, only amused.

I returned to our table and passed one of the baskets and lemonade to Jeannie. We were isolated enough that our conversation would be private. “So you really are from outer space?” I asked.

She took a dainty sip of the lemonade and blinked in surprise. “This is quite surprising!” She exclaimed, “Sweet and sour at the same time! Hmmm.”

She looked me straight in the eyes with a clear, direct gaze. “To answer your question, Master, everybody is from outer space. The Earth spins through the empty void. Even the elements that make up your body were created in ancient exploding stars.”

“But you are not originally from... ‘here,’” I said, waving my arms around, indicating the countryside.

She looked thoughtful. “The First ‘me’ that started this, the original ‘me,’ was not of Earth.” She furrowed her brow, as though she was trying to think of just the right words. “That ‘me’ came into existence a few milliseconds after the Big Bang, along with the millions of others of my kindred.

“The next ‘me,’ the copy of the first, was of the planet Earth. That ‘me’ was created when the first ‘me’ lingered in the same spot that a crystal was forming. Small quantum characteristics of the first ‘me’ were inadvertently imposed on the crystal. The crystal formed a copy of the first ‘me.’”

She sucked on her straw and noisily reached the end of her lemonade. She made a disappointed face. I smiled at her greediness, and I started to offer mine, when she flashed a smile at me and I heard the “boing’ sound. She happily sipped her now-filled cup.

“That ‘me,’” she continued, “Was trapped for eons, able to observe what was happening on planet Earth, but unable to interact with it, or to be free from the crystal that held its structure. You freed that ‘me’ when you shattered the crystal.”

“So who are you?” I pointed at her.

She smiled warmly, and I felt the warmth of that smile in my (now certified cancer-free) groin. “I am an echo of the Second ‘me.’ I am resident in the crystal fragments that are still in your body. I can manifest myself externally, but I will always be with you.” She smiled again, and I felt my cock start to struggle with my boxer shorts. Down, boy.

“And now I come to the real question. Why are you doing this?”

She blinked. “Doing what?”

“Offering to grant my wishes. Who am I that you have this urge to give me my desires?”

“Master, you are the one who freed me. You, at the cost of your life, set the Second me free after geologic ages of captivity. I am an expression of gratitude. My whole purpose, and my entire reason to exist, is to show gratitude.”

I listened to the gentle breeze rustle the leaves in the tree above us. A truck carrying produce from a nearby farm rumbled down the country road. “So, tell me about the limitations to my wishes.”

Jeannie’s expression grew serious. “The limitations are composed of what I can’t do and what I won’t do. The first is that I can’t make time go backwards.” She looked me in directly in the eyes. “I can’t take to you back in time to let you re-do a bad decision.”

So, time remains a one-way arrow. Well, that eliminated the first couple of hundred wishes I had been dreaming up. I mean, who wouldn’t want to go back and undo your top ten (or top two hundred) most embarrassing blunders? To stand up to the schoolyard bully that you later realized what an empty blowhard? To check your fly one last time before meeting that stunning girl at the bar?

Well, shit.

“What’s second?” I asked.

“The second is that I won’t interfere directly with other people’s minds. For instance, I won’t make someone fall in love with you, or if you run for elective office, I won’t make someone vote for you.”

“How many of these restrictions are there?” I asked.

She smiled, and I was lost for a minute in her dimples. “One more. The third restriction is one that, in time, will fade away. Right now, your wishes are limited to small things that are close by. You need to learn about how to use your wishes before you can make wishes that will change your world. As you learn, you will grow in power.”

“How much power?” I asked, intrigued.

She flashed those dimples again. “That’s the wrong question. As time goes by, you’ll discover the right question.”

As we roared down the road back to town, I pondered what Jeannie meant about the wrong question. I could see that there were things she couldn’t do, because of the nature of reality. But things she wouldn’t do? It was sounding as if I was being... herded, trained, controlled.

But sooner than I’d like to admit I was thinking about what this all meant for me. I could get Denise back! I could fix my credit rating! I could get my company going again! I wasn’t going to be the loser anymore!