Chapter 29

Really tried to convince Sandy that I loved her and that she needed more. Sandy saw right through me from the first, but she just smiled and let me make a fool of myself.

It’s just that after her story about Paul being her first love and how special the experience was of being with someone she felt truly connected to, I wanted the same. I’ll admit right here that many of my feelings of love for Sandy came from my own deep sense of insecurity. My increased attentions were not pure, but in no way did I lie when I told Sandy how much she meant to me. When I spent time with her, pumping her hot twat full of cum or just holding hands while talking on a park bench, I knew my life would be incomplete without her.

Of course I never went down on one knee and professed my undying love to a girl who hadn’t quite turned16. I was still working out those feelings and hoped that if I could spend more time with Sandy then my heart and brain and cock would work things out. Thing is, even as I thought I was smooth in my increased attention, Sandy more than once leaned back and asked what I was up to.

When I spent more time than normal tonguing her clit, she went up on one elbow and asked if I was having trouble getting it up. Another time I insisted on going to a school basketball game with her, buying snacks and holding her close while hoping to show the entire gymnasium the girl was mine. She just pushed away and said I was acting weird. And when I began bugging her for more time, like more than just a night or afternoon on a Saturday or for more times with her after school, she rolled her eyes and said she had a life.

Meaning, she had a life other than with me. Harsh, and since she refused to say anything about what she did when she wasn’t with me, there wasn’t a lot I could do about it but play the long game. She’d claim all her time was spent at school or home baking bread with mom, but I knew bullshit when it got shoved up my nose. But since my rare one or very rare two afternoons a week always brought me so much pleasure, I put up with it.

All through the last month of her sophomore year I tried to be the best boyfriend ever even while she treated me as her best friend with temporary if extra-special benefits. Maybe something every other man in the city would have been happy with, but for all the semen Sandy’s hungry pussy sucked out of my balls, I often went home feeling frustrated and incomplete.

The end of my delusions came about the time Terri confessed all that went on between her and Fern and Fern’s incestuous father. And of course Karen’s drunken admissions about Joyce’s inter-species relationship with her uncle, among others, in Florida didn’t help me with my trust issues.

By the time summer hit, Sandy was randomly throwing out bits and pieces of her past life that only left me wondering who she really was. It didn’t help that even with the arrival of summer Sandy was hesitant to see me more than once a week. I thought that with school out, a permissive mother, and only a basic cable subscription, Sandy would be more than willing to spend long weeks with me. I’d even looked into getting a queen size futon to replace my single bed, but each time I pushed for more time she pushed back and let me know that once a week was enough for her.

“I need you,” she’d said, “and no way I’d be happy if you weren’t around to hold and talk to. But there’s other stuff.”

I would have been a lot more inquisitive about all that other stuff but I was more than busy myself. Work was becoming full time, I was looking into finding a place to live away from my parent’s place, and there were even nights when I held and fought to conquer new sexual ground other than what lay between Sandy’s thighs. I mean, if Sandy was going to leave me alone so many nights every week, then I felt it only right to date and gain the distrust of other girls in the city. Since none of those adventures with other girls led to anything long term, I never thought it necessary to tell Sandy about them. And most of those other girls required that I use a condom, so no harm done.

At the same time, it bothered me to think of all that Sandy did for so long without telling me. Sure, I had the occasional nameless date that went beyond mere kissing or a hand job. But Sandy, even while meeting me weekly for sex and fun and long talks, only slowly let on about the secret life she had lived. Past tense.

And of her real life present activities, she just refused to say.

That’s what really got to me in the end. Not the events or things or people or acts or anything. I’d done it all myself so no way I could condemn. Rather, it bothered me to the point of anguish and despair that Sandy didn’t come right out and tell me what she had done before and probably continued to do every night she wasn’t with me.

Sandy liked to talk, especially while holding me after a long stormy session of sex. Bodies soaked with perspiration and covered with different types of other precious bodily fluids, I’d pry for detail and she’d give out a hint, a fact, a relationship, and possibly even a long story. Those were my favorite times, after sex, holding the girl and imagining how my sperm were swimming deep into her sacred space. Yet she just as often would bring up some matter of consequence while we were doing other things, like eating or checking out groceries. She liked to talk, and I turned out to be the lusty inquisitive friend she was willing to confess to.

Naturally stories about what she did with Paul abounded. He was, after all, her one true love. The where and what was done and how she felt and everything of her and Paul were happily recounted by Sandy. But all of that was fluff, happy romance stuff, until the day we were washing her mother’s car and I was crass enough to ask which guy replaced Paul. Very indelicate, but the stories about Paul were just too perfect, other than his small size. I wanted her to move on, to tell me of who replaced him, and she obliged.

She stopped drying the car window and slumped to the ground, sitting with her back to the rear bumper. The change in Sandy’s voice and body language alerted me to this being a life-changing event and I sat next to her for what turned into a story that took up most of the late afternoon and evening and all the rest of the weekend.

“Paul and I had dropped by a coffee shop for something,” Sandy whispered, her soft voice becoming as tight as the grip she had on my hand. “Turned out a friend of Paul’s worked there. Paul and the guy talked for a minute but all that time he looked at me. Craig. His name was Craig. I still remember the day and the way his eyes connected with mine. His eyes and voice just grabbed all of my attention. Really kind of scary. Couldn’t get out of there fast enough, but no way that was the end of it.

“Less than a week later, on a school early day, I dreamed up some reason to go back to the shop. Craig was there and even remembered my name. He came over and talked while I drank whatever it was I’d ordered. Sat there for a long time, even while other people came in. Talked about school and his work and everything. Just normal stuff, but all I can really remember is how he looked. Big and tall, wide shoulders, and tattoos going all the way down one arm. His smile was huge and his voice deep but real soft. And I remember him smelling of cinnamon and some other spice.”

Sandy went quiet, and while I was usually pretty good at waiting for her to think through her thoughts, this time I gave a soft shake and asked, “What?”

“He was old. So many young guys going in and out and even one that worked there with Craig. But he was old, like as old as my dad. Weird that I didn’t even see him as old until later. He was just Craig to me. Cool, smooth, easy to be with, and real understanding. But not like one of the school counselors. We connected.

“Old, but there was something about him. A charisma or something that just drew me to him. Like a demon or something. His eyes looked right into me. No. It’s like they burned into me. Same with his voice. I can still hear his voice. Words didn’t matter. It was his voice, his sound, and I still can’t get it out of my head.

“Anyway. We talked a lot. Didn’t mention Paul even once. When I finally got up to go, Craig asked if I liked the band BTS. Sure. Every girl I knew did. And Craig mentioned that he’d come across a bunch of promotional posters of different music groups including BTS. Said he had no use for them and that I could have it if I came by his place. By chance he was about to get off work and he offered to drive me there and then back home. So nice and innocent. But I knew what was going on. More than any girl I knew what Craig wanted and what he’d do.

“Worse was what I did. I just nodded and pretended to be some naïve little kid. Sat at the table, then sat in Craig’s car, and then walked up to his house like nothing was going to happen. Maybe if I’d never done all that with other guys before Paul, I’d never have gone with Craig. But I already felt so dirty, like I didn’t even have a right to be with Paul, so being with Craig seemed like nothing.

“You hearing me? I knew I was going to fuck Craig. Even before going back to the shop I knew it. My head was so messed up that I really did make excuses for myself, thinking sex with Craig wouldn’t matter since I’d done so much before I’d ever been with Paul. I was so ashamed of myself. But I just couldn’t resist Craig. He was like a monster, so big and rough and handsome while also being so soft and smooth. I mean, Paul was nice and smooth, but Craig had this charisma that made me melt every time I saw him or even heard his voice.

“Craig didn’t have to say anything. He just knew. We’d hardly even walked into his place when his arm went down to my butt and my knees just buckled. Leaned against a big chair in the front of the house and Craig just pushed my head into the seat while he kneeled behind me on the rug. He said something about how hot I was, but I mostly remember the feeling of him pushing down my panties, down to my knees, and the feel of his cock levering me open and pushing into me.

“After being with Paul for a couple of months, it was a real shock to feel the guy’s cock widen me up and take me over. Yeah, a shock, but I was so wet and ready for it. I moaned, like a big long sigh, moaning and pushing back onto what Craig was forcing into me. I’d never been so happy to be impaled on a guy’s cock. It took me some effort to stay loose, but I was really wet and really in need of what he had for me.

“Thing is I wasn’t used to Craig’s size, or at least not in a long time. I could feel it, widening me out and moving inside me. I could picture it, thinking of all the other cock’s I’d had, and imagining what Craig was doing behind me. It was great and I was really ready for it.

“Started slow, like trying to ease his dick into me, but we were both excited. I couldn’t wait for the demon to pull my head back and start riding me hard and deep and it was real obvious that he needed to fuck and fill me. It was almost funny the way we were moaning and grunting and struggling to fit the man’s fat dick all the way in. Only took a minute but it seemed like forever.

“Then the fuck. So good. I mean, it was like my pussy was on fire and having him start up a hard deep fuck felt so good. A couple of slow deep thrusts, but then a monster seemed to take him over and he lost all control.

“No way I had any choice in the matter. Craig shoved me into the seat and ripped my top, pulling my blouse and bra down to uncover my tits. Just like a guy, using his hands to hold my tits while he leaned onto me and took me over. I didn’t care. He just crushed me into the chair, humping my ass, both of us grunting. Wrapped an arm around my throat and held onto my tits and pumped his cock into my rear like he was a wild dog. No words other than something about my pussy. Just fucking. That’s all I could hear for the longest time, a lot of grunting and him slapping his hips into me.

“I was embarrassed at how wet I was, all that wet sex sound filling the house. Dude knew I wanted him. Then he came. Really hard and fast. He groaned and slapped my ass and leaned back and picked up my ass for the finish. Kept pounding into me while shoving my head into the back of the chair. But feeling him cum made me climax too. Not real big, but a nice one, the orgasm just flowing through me while Craig’s cum was still filling me. It was really nice, just hard and fast and kind of rough sex. Not at all like the slow smooth stuff I did with Paul.

“Then we just lay there, Craig on my back, both of us gasping for air. That was good, feeling his cock throb inside me while he finished cuming. My head was a mess, thinking about me cheating on Paul, but then Craig came right out and said I had the most fuckable pussy he’d ever known. Just like a guy. Lay there for a while, but that wasn’t the end of it.

When Craig finally rose off my back he pulled his dick out of me, turned me around so I was on my back and my head hanging over the edge of the seat. That was when I got my first look at Craig’s dick. Upside down, stuff dripping off the fat hood of it, and he just pushed it into my mouth. Hard to suck and swallow from that angle, but I wasn’t thinking about that. I just sucked and licked and did what I could with my hands up to hold his shaft and feel his balls. Even his cum kind of tasted like cinnamon.

“I felt kind of ashamed. Not for being fucked by Craig but for how much I enjoyed it. And having Craig’s dick in my mouth was great. Sure, he was trying to stuff my mouth with it, but it was nice to have been fucked and filled by a real cock, a big fat cock. Not much bigger than some of the other guys I’d been with, but like way bigger and heavier than Paul’s. And way more hairy. I felt so ashamed of myself, but also kind of happy and relieved, which made me feel really confused.

“My mind was a mess, but the sex was good. Sucked Craig’s cock for a long time, but he’d tossed my panties and skirt and was fingering me. I know he was pushing something else into my ass other than just his thumb, but I never figured out what it was. Only know that by the time I’d sucked Craig back to being hard again I had an orgasm. It was a good one, a real one. You know, like so good it makes you blank out for a minute. Only before it was over Craig had pulled my legs back, hanging my ass and crotch over my face, and lined his cock up for another run through me.

“Saw it all in real time. It was incredible watching his long fat dick go into my lips and enter me. It was so weird. His dick I mean. A bunch of different colors, and fat veins going up and down and so blue they looked black. I could see me widen and wrap around his dick as he kept pushing inside. While he did that a lot of our cum was dripping onto my face, but I couldn’t take my eyes off what he was filling me with. He took his time, letting me watch every inch, but Craig eventually went all the way in, pushing his big hairy balls into me and then fucking me while I watched from underneath.

“I’d done this before. Or at least guys had done this before, pulling my ass back so I could watch them screw me. A hard rough fuck. Unbelievable how I fit everything of Craig’s inside of me. He was bigger than my cousin Ben and I’d had a tough time with everything Ben tried doing in me. I must have grown or something, because Craig went wild and rough, like slapping balls into my ass and I couldn’t get enough.

“The problem with that position was always that my back would give out and start to hurt. Same thing with Craig. But he was so hot and ready that he orgasmed again pretty fast. Groaned and crushed me into the chair, and just the feel of him cuming made me moan. It was so good to feel a man cuming in me, like something I just wasn’t getting from Paul, and I felt so wrong for feeling that.

“When Craig finally stood up and pulled out, this huge waterfall of cum poured out. Not a lot more than what I normally swallowed with some guys, but it was a lot more nasty. You know, with Craig making me lick his wet dick while more of his stuff dripped out of me. It was just a nasty thing I couldn’t ever imagine doing with Paul.

“Somehow wound up being pulled down to the carpet in front of the chair. I was exhausted, just trying to catch my breath. Craig pulled something out of my butt. Don’t know what he’d stuffed in there but I sure moaned when he pulled it out. I was feeling so good at being able to stretch out my back I didn’t pay any attention.

“Then Craig picked me up, carried me to his bedroom, and that’s when he had me give his cock a real cleaning. He finally started talking, saying things other than what a fuckable pussy I had. Started talking of how hot I looked and how he liked my voice and how perfect my tits were and how he couldn’t forget me since the first day we met. Lots of nasty stuff but nice stuff too. And all thorough that my mouth was either full of his cock or his balls or his cum. Then he sucked on my tits and said how he’d never be able to live if I didn’t see him again. And then he pushed my legs out and lay down on me and fucked me for what must have been an hour.

“Long. A really long fuck. Different positions, but mostly with his chest in my face and humping my open thighs. He had a big hairy chest. And through it all Craig was fingering my clit, playing with my tits, and in every other way bringing me to what seemed like a dozen orgasms. Some small, a couple huge, and him just fucking me in a way I’d never gotten it before. Damn man was a monster.

“Well, at least compared to Paul, which made me feel even more dirty. Afterwards Craig helped me pin up my blouse and made me look presentable before driving me back to a park near my home. I never said a word about Paul, but Craig kissed me goodbye, real soft and nice, and said he had to see me again. I just nodded. That’s when he asked if maybe I wouldn’t mention this to Paul because he didn’t want to hurt Paul’s feelings. I just nodded some more and began kissing his neck. No lie. It’s like some part of me didn’t want to leave him. Kissed Craig’s neck and was actually trying to unbutton his shirt and go down to his hairy chest when he pushed back and told me to meet him that Saturday morning at his house.

“My mind was a mess. Walked home, feeling like I was having the best dream ever while also living a nightmare. I loved Paul but lusted for Craig. I’d never thought that out before, but I sure knew the reality of it right then. Made it home just before my mother and took a quick shower. Then I went to where I hid those two golf balls Paul had stuffed up my hole just a couple of months before. They’d been so special and I kept them as a Reminder of how much Paul meant to me. He was still my most perfect guy, the man I thought loved me and cared for me. But after Craig I knew how much I really didn’t deserve Paul’s love, and right there I tossed the golf balls into a little waste basket by my desk.

“And you want to know something?”

We’d moved from the driveway to get some fast food and then to park and talk some more. Sandy had turned toward me, the two of us still in our car seats, watching a moonrise by the river as she recounted this first adventure with Craig. Turning and looking at me and asking me a question was a common way for Sandy to then give me the answer, so I didn’t bother with a reply. Hoping my hardened dick and cum-wet crotch hadn’t been seen by her, I just waited for her to tell me.

“I felt relieved. Tossing Paul’s golf balls made it seem like all of my responsibilities to him had been pushed away. They were like a promise ring and with me getting rid of them I was no longer obligated to be Paul’s one and only girl. Or he was no longer my one man. I felt relieved, knowing that my past wasn’t something I had to feel ashamed of any more. I still felt a little guilty every time we got together, because of Albert and Eddie and all those guys, but I still made it to Craig’s place a couple of times every week.”

“So you kept seeing Paul, even after being with Craig? I don’t think you should have ever felt guilty about your past. But after doing all that with Craig, don’t you think you should have admitted your feelings and let Paul go?”

“I know,” Sandy admitted, slumping back into her seat. “So crude and gross. But it seemed like the right thing to do, being with a guy I was sure I loved and seemed to be so into me. We still had sex, and it was really nice and Paul seemed to really need it. He was always so happy after we had sex. Sex with Paul was special in a way sex with Craig wasn’t. With Craig, sex was rough and dirty, like everything I’d done before Paul. Made me feel like I really didn’t deserve Paul, which is maybe why I felt guilty at denying him. Sounds weird to you, sure, but to me it was kind of my duty to have sex with Paul, especially if I was having such good sex with Craig. Craig didn’t mind me seeing Paul. He got what he wanted. Me too. It would have been mean to have just turned my back on Paul. He needed me I think.”

I was desperately trying to think of what to say, my cock focused on the hard sex with Craig and my mind twisted into a knot by Sandy’s very irrational and personal moral dilemma. The girl was sounding crazy and I didn’t know what to say or ask.

Fortunately, she spoke up again by saying, “Of course it resolved itself. Made it easier in the end.”

A hundred possibilities flashed through my mind until memory brought to mind what Sandy had mentioned a week before.

“Oh. Right. He moved. Paul took off for Alaska. Idiot. I don’t see how he could have left you.”

“Yeah,” Sandy agreed, turning toward me again. “Still felt really guilty and worried that he’d left only because he’d found out about me and Craig. It was kind of unfair, seeing Craig like every Wednesday and over the weekend but only being with Paul once a week. Made me even more paranoid about being too loose for Paul, so over those last few Saturday mornings I’d suck him off and then turn around and have him do my butt. Not the same, but I was tight there and he liked it.

“I’d started sleeping with Craig over weekends, like every Saturday night and some Sundays, so I tried to make it up to Paul by sleeping with him the night before he left for Alaska. Even ate breakfast with his parents. Kind of weird but it made Paul happy. Felt guilty for being with Craig all the time but pissed that Paul was leaving me. Do you get that?”

My mind was beginning to melt from all of the mental gyrations Sandy was going through. She kept taking basic black or white situations and turning them into incredibly complex moral puzzles with no possible solution.

Which is why I put a hand out to Sandy’s shoulder, said, “Yeah. I get it.” And then I drove to a place I knew made it’s own ice-cream. When in doubt, there’s always ice-cream.

Good stuff, especially as the weather warmed, but even that didn’t soothe rising reservations about my not-quite beloved Sandy. She remained special to me, but even as I tried to convince myself that I loved her and tried to convince her that she should love me, I was growing increasingly unsure of her.

Not at all because of her past. Stories of her cousins and Eddie and Craig and all the many others that had made use of her didn’t matter to me. I liked to visualize that all of the cum her deep and cock-hungry snatch had been filled with in the past was being washed out by the river of semen I blew into her a couple of times every week. Sounds nasty, but it sure made me feel better.

What did bother me was how Sandy’s mind was twisting guys and sex and relationships into pretzels she felt at ease with. I was okay with everything she did until her stories of Paul and how she rationalized being with him even while feeling guilty and dirty from her many other past liaisons. And even while she wanted to be clean and ready for Paul, her one real love, she snuck off to be with Paul’s alter-ego, Craig. More amazing was Sandy’s admitting that Craig’s size and aggressiveness turned her on, even while she mooned over how nice and soft and loving Paul was with her. Totally drove me nuts.

Important from my point of view was that this was just the time Terri called me over and laid out the real happenings between her and Fern and Fern’s dad. Finally found out the kinds of relationships Joyce was returning to in Florida and realized that I’d been played and tossed to the side by Terri and Fern, two girls I’d thought were young and naïve and in need of gentle care.

I felt like such an idiot.

So, for all the very real feelings I had for Sandy, her ever more convoluted relationships and the mental contortions she went through to resolve them made me take a step back. Maybe not fair to the girl, but I’m not sure anything I did made a difference. I was there as both friend and lover, a man willing to hold and comfort and fuck the girl silly and, in the end, listen to her try to make sense of everything she’d gone through.

I knew Paul had left and she’d essentially moved in with Craig. It was surprising to me that her mother allowed Sandy such freedom, watching Sandy leave for school Friday morning and not expecting her to return until late Monday afternoon. My furrowed eyebrows were enough to have Sandy explain that she was pretty sure her mother was having an affair of her own. Sandy gave her mother a nonsense story about a girl from school she was best friends with, even had a friend come over to stay with Sandy one night just so her mother would have a face to place with the name. This made it all the more convenient for the mother’s gentleman caller to drop by and stay the weekend without having to worry about Sandy being in the way.

It was all confusing to me, but in the end, Sandy became all but chained to Craig’s bedpost, moving in on Friday and returning home to be with her mother Sunday night or Monday after school. It was odd to me that Sandy didn’t just move in permanently given that it was soon to be summer and school would be out. Sandy explained it as only someone in the middle of the mess could understand it.

“Well, I knew mom was having someone over on the weekend, so she was happy to have me gone all day Saturday and Sunday. Probably thought I wouldn’t understand her having a guy over all night. Also made it easier for me to lie and pretend I was playing dolls with a friend when I was actually walking around naked in Craig’s place. Went on like that all spring and into the summer.”

“How’d you know?” I asked, wondering what the tell-tale clues were for the mother’s secret lover. “Did you find his jacket in a closet or walk in on them one night?”

“No,” Sandy replied with a shake of her head. “The most stupid thing. Mom’s laundry. Her wash began including really sexy stuff, like lace panties and teddies and stuff. Kind of gross and not something I wanted to see. Also the smell in the house. Guys smell different and this one liked to use a sweet cologne. When school started up in August I let her know that it was fine if he stayed overnight. Mom pretended to be shocked that I knew and then said it was all in the past, but she never complained when I continued to spend long weekends at my pretend girlfriend’s house.”

“And she never suspected you with Paul or Craig? Mothers are usually pretty good at that stuff. I’m still amazed at you getting away with living for so long with Eddie. She must have suspected something.”

“Let’s face it. She didn’t want to know. The less my mom saw or restricted me, the more freedom she had with her own guy. Paul had dropped by a lot and she gave me the whole talk about everything older guys want from a girl, but other than making sure I was on birth control she turned her back and left me alone. She kind of knew about Paul, but she also knew he’d left. Don’t think she figured out there was a guy like Craig until way too late.

“Besides, I always returned home looking like I hadn’t done anything more than swim in a pool and watch videos with other girls. Had clothes and even soap and shampoo at Craig’s and they never dropped me off too close to home. Even went to a friend’s house once in a while and had mom pick me up from there. Mom didn’t want to know, I wasn’t stupid, and the guys were happy to help me keep up the ruse. Went on all the way through Thanksgiving. Even Terri never knew, which is saying something.”

The comment about Terri caught my attention, but my mind was too focused on what Sandy had said just seconds earlier. If I didn’t ask then, she’d never admit to it, so I quickly focused on what mattered most to a slightly jealous and sexually obsessive male.

“Guys? Who were “they” you keep referring to? Sounds like Craig had friends coming over. Fine, but didn’t you just mention walking around Craig’s house naked? Come on,” I continued, trying to hide my sexual interest with a bit of friendly humor. “Fess up. There’s more than just Craig to talk about, isn’t there?”

Sandy put me off until the following morning. My parents had left, her mother didn’t care, and I took full advantage of Sandy’s very loving nature to empty my balls into her always available semen repository. I was kind and sweet and soft if demanding, and while we rested in one another’s arms, I pushed the topic of Craig’s house being full of other men. Sandy smiled and the story flowed from her almost as easily as her cum ran as a river onto my bed while she was being overtaken by an orgasm.