Chapter 3

Peg Bundy has a run in with the law.

Peg, cruising t by the jail at Andy Griffith’s house in her rusted Dodge, ignores a stop sign, the only one on the island, oblivious to the rules that apply on this corner. Suddenly, red and blue lights flash in her rearview mirror.

“Oh, great,” she mutters, “just what I need, a hick cop with a hard-on for power.”

Barney Fife, his chest puffed out with self-importance, approaches the car, his hand hovering over his holster. He peers into the driver’s seat and his jaw drops. He’s never seen a woman like this before, with her big hair, tight clothes, and a look that could curdle milk.

“May I see your license and registration, ma’am?” he stammers, his voice cracking.

Peg sighs dramatically and rummages through her purse, pulling out a crumpled license and a lipstick-stained registration. She hands them to Barney, who fumbles with them, his eyes darting between the documents and Peg’s ample cleavage.

“Well, well,” he says, trying to regain his composure.

“Seems you ran a stop sign back there, Mrs ... Bundy.”

“Yeah, so?” Peg drawls, filing her nails.

“It’s not like I was doing ninety in a school zone.”

Barney straightens up, his face reddening.

“In TVLAND, we take our traffic laws very seriously, ma’am,” he declares.

“Now, I’m going to have to write you a ticket.”

Peg scoffs.

“A ticket? For a stop sign? Don’t you have anything better to do, like chase down some chickens or arrest a squirrel for jaywalking?”

Barney’s face turns crimson.

“This is serious business, Mrs. Bundy,” he sputters.

“Now, if you’ll just sign here...”

Peg snatches the ticket, scribbles a fake signature, and throws it back at Barney.

“There, you happy now?” she snaps.

“Can I go?”

Barney, flustered and defeated, can only nod. As Peg speeds off, he shakes his head and mutters, “That woman’s trouble, pure trouble. TVLAND ain’t ready for the likes of her.”

Little does he know, Peg Bundy is just getting started. Her arrival in TVLAND is about to turn the town upside down, and Barney Fife is going to have his hands full trying to maintain order in the face of her outrageous antics.

Peg, with her usual disregard for authority, rolls her eyes at Barney’s citation attempt. She wags a perfectly manicured finger in his face.

“Oh, honey, you really think a little ticket is gonna scare me? I’ve seen parking fines bigger than your salary,” she scoffs.

Barney’s pride is wounded. He puffs out his chest, trying to appear taller than his five-foot-six frame.

“Now, see here, Mrs. Bundy, you can’t just sass a lawman like that!” He reaches for the door handle, his voice trembling with indignation.

“Step out of the vehicle!”

Peg throws her head back and lets out a raucous laugh.

“Oh, I’m shaking in my boots, Deputy Fife. What are you gonna do, lock me up in your little TVLAND jail with Otis Campbell and a couple of stray dogs?”

Barney’s had enough. He yanks the door open, grabs Peg’s arm, and pulls her out of the car with surprising force. He spins her around and slams her against the side of her Dodge, her ample bosom squished against the hot metal. Before Peg can let out another insult, he slaps handcuffs on her wrists.

“There,” he huffs, his face flushed with exertion.

“That’ll teach you to disrespect the law!”

Peg, never one to back down, glares at him with defiance.

“You know, Fife, you’re a real tough guy with those handcuffs, aren’t you? But I bet you wouldn’t be so brave without that badge and that tiny little gun.”

Barney sputters, unsure how to respond. He’s never encountered a woman like this before, someone who challenges his authority with such confidence and ... well, sex appeal. He can’t help but notice how her tight dress accentuates her curves, and how her angry breaths make her breasts heave against the thin fabric.

He pushes those thoughts aside and tries to regain control of the situation.

“You’re going to jail, Mrs. Bundy,” he declares, trying to sound stern.

“And this time, it won’t be for just a parking ticket.”

Peg smirks.

“Oh, I’m terrified, Fife. Just try not to get your handcuffs tangled up in your own shoelaces on the way to the slammer.”

Barney leads her to his patrol car, his face burning with embarrassment. He knows he’s made a fool of himself, but he can’t let this sassy city woman get the best of him. He’ll lock her up, teach her a lesson, and then maybe, just maybe, he’ll go home and try to forget about those curves pressed against his uniform.

This is just the beginning of Peg’s reign of chaos in TVLAND. Her arrest is going to spark a chain of events that will shake the town to its core, and Barney Fife is going to find himself caught in the middle of it all.

Barney, his face still flushed with a mix of anger and arousal, shoves Peg into the jail cell and slams the door shut.

“I’ve got to search you now!” he declares, his voice a bit shaky.

Peg, her hands still cuffed behind her back, leans against the cold metal bars and raises an eyebrow.

“Oh, really, Deputy Fife? Planning on getting a little handsy, are we?”

Barney ignores her taunt and orders her to turn around. He roughly pats down her back and sides, his fingers lingering a little too long on her curves. Then, with a hesitant hand, he reaches under her blouse. His eyes widen in surprise as he discovers she isn’t wearing a bra.

“Damn, woman,” he exclaims, his voice a mixture of shock and admiration.

“These are some tits!”

He can’t resist. He cups her full breasts in his hands, his fingers tracing the outline of her nipples through the thin fabric of her dress. Peg gasps, surprised by his boldness.

Barney, emboldened by her reaction, continues to fondle her. He kneads her soft flesh, his thumbs brushing against her hardened nipples. Peg’s breath catches in her throat, a mix of indignation and arousal swirling within her.

“You know, Fife,” she purrs, her voice husky, “this isn’t exactly standard police procedure, is it?”

Barney, lost in the moment, can only grunt in response. He’s never felt anything like this before, this combination of power and lust. He’s supposed to be upholding the law, but all he can think about is how good it feels to have his hands on this woman’s body.

Peg, sensing his weakness, leans closer, her breasts pressing against his chest.

“Tell you what, Fife,” she whispers, her lips close to his ear.

“You let me out of these handcuffs, and I’ll show you just how grateful I can be.”

Barney’s mind races. He knows he shouldn’t, but the temptation is overwhelming. He fumbles with the key, his hands shaking. The handcuffs fall to the floor with a clatter.

Peg, free at last, steps closer, her body brushing against his. She reaches up and cups his face in her hands, her eyes locked on his.

“You’re a naughty boy, Fife,” she murmurs, her voice low and seductive.

“But I think I like it.”

She pulls him closer and kisses him deeply, her tongue exploring his mouth. Barney moans, his hands finding their way to her hips, pulling her closer. The cell, meant for confinement, becomes a playground of forbidden desire.

Peg, with a wink and a suggestive lick of her lips, pulls away from Barney’s face. She makes sure he has a taste of his own cum lingering in his mouth before sauntering out of the cell and slipping behind the wheel of her Dodge. As she peels out of the TVLAND jail’s parking lot, a figure emerges from the shadows.

Laverne, Barney’s prim and proper girlfriend, steps into the jailhouse and stops dead in her tracks. Her eyes widen as she sees Barney hastily stuffing his engorged member back into his pants. She strides into the cell, her voice laced with a mixture of suspicion and amusement.

“Sheriff Taylor say anything about jailhouse jerk-offs lately, Barney?” she asks, her tone laced with mock disapproval.

Barney, shamefaced, avoids her gaze. Laverne, however, is not about to let him off the hook. She picks up his discarded handcuffs, a playful glint in her eyes.

“Say, Barney,” she begins, her voice dropping to a husky whisper, “ever searched a woman in these?”

Barney’s eyes widen.

“I ... uh ... Laverne, what are you saying?” he stammers, his voice cracking.

Laverne steps closer, her body brushing against his.

“Let’s pretend,” she purrs, her breath warm on his neck.

“I’m a prostitute you just arrested, and you need to search me for contraband. A strip search. Thorough.”

Barney’s mind reels. He’s always been drawn to Laverne’s sweetness, but this unexpected boldness, this raw desire, ignites a fire within him.

Laverne turns her back to him, her hands outstretched. Sometimes, she continues, her voice laced with a playful growl, those naughty girls try to sneak things in. You know, in their ... cunts.

Barney, his blood pounding in his ears, doesn’t hesitate. He cuffs her wrists, his fingers lingering on her skin. He reaches down and lifts her dress, revealing her bare legs and the lacy edge of her panties. With a swift motion, he pulls them down, exposing her smooth, wet pussy.

He plunges two fingers deep inside her, his touch eliciting a moan from Laverne. She arches her back, pressing her hips against his searching hand.