Chapter 1: My Fantasies

People ask me all the time if I fantasize about things. I think what they are inferring is that since I have had more sexual experience than most girls my age, that somehow there is nothing left for me to do or experience. First, I am not THAT experienced! Second, of course I have sexual fantasies. Everyone does and if there is one thing I’ve learned in chatting and e-mailing with literally thousands of people over the past five years or so, it’s only a question of whether or not they are willing to open up and discuss them.

Many people are shy about admitting their more darker, “taboo” fantasies. I think it comes from the “if you think it, you’re guilty” mentality from the Bible. The reality is that I believe people cannot help but fantasize about the things they WISH they could do or even just try once. For most people, that is as far as it goes and for the most part, probably a good thing too for everyone involved.

As I’ve said many times, I personally believe that ANY fantasy is “OK”, no matter how perverted, nasty, naughty, or immoral. In some ways, I think our fantasies can actually help as they provide an outlet for emotions and urges that might otherwise be acted out. The key is whether a person can separate their fantasies from reality. Unfortunately, there are some people who can’t - which is why we have such terrible sex crimes and abuse. However, I don’t think that the sins of a minority should be used to condemn the practices of the majority.

OK, I’ll get off my soapbox. Still, I think it’s important that people understand how I feel about fantasies. Just because I fantasize about something does not mean I really WANT to do it or WOULD. As an example, there are times when I sit in front of my class when I imagine what it would be like to teach them a “hands-on” sex-ed class. You can imagine how I picture leading such a class for a dozen or so twelve year-old hormonal kids! In reality, I would NEVER do such a thing and to be honest, nor do I want to. It’s fun to dream and masturbate about it, but that’s as far as it goes.

On the other hand, it goes without saying that I DO have a some fantasies that I hope WILL come true someday. Perhaps one of my favorites is based on the experiences of a friend when she visited Amsterdam a few years ago. She came back and told me (in rather explicit detail) about how she watched live sex shows where naked couples would actually have sex on stage right in front of a crowd of people.

Well, ever since she put that thought in my mind it’s been a HUGE fantasy of mine to be the “star” of such a show, even to allow multiple strangers to fuck me in full view of hundreds of people, none of whom I have ever seen before. Over the years the fantasy has taken on various forms but the basic plot remains the same. Needless to say, there are no opportunities to do such a thing in Pittsburgh!

Beth is my best friend and has been as long as I can remember. We’ve always shared everything, even a few guys along the way. As we entered puberty, we started masturbating together, telling our fantasies to get ourselves off. When we were younger, these generally centered around some cute boy at school or a guy on TV. As we got older, we continued to share our fantasies and they became more “interesting” as time went by.

Beth has always been more into group sex than me so most of her fantasies tend to involve large numbers of people. She belongs to several clubs that conduct sex parties which is another way of saying they have orgies but for some reason, she doesn’t like to use that term. Over the years she has somehow talked me into going with her to a few of them and while I generally enjoyed myself, they aren’t really something I would want to do all the time. It’s sort of like having a big helping of double chocolate cake. It’s wonderful to indulge now and then but you can’t make a steady diet of it.

By now Beth was well aware of my “stage sex” fantasy, although surprisingly I could tell she didn’t share my interest in doing it. I guess she liked group sex but only with people she knew. Still, she indulged me and would egg me on until we both got so horny we would have to get ourselves off talking about it. Little did I know that someday she might do more than just listen to me describe my imaginary sex show!