Chapter 1

From the time I was in my mid teens, I always imagined I would get married and have a lot of kids. I wanted to get married young and have as many kids as my wife and I could afford; I just felt like being a dad was ‘in my blood’. When I was 19, I met a beautiful girl named Jessica and we were fast friends. We fell in love and got married within just a few months of meeting—she was still 18. We were both excited at the idea of having a lot of children and looked forward to the day when we could afford to start having as many as possible.

Jessica was a social butterfly and always made friends easily. I really enjoyed watching her glow in the attention her friends gave her. Her girl friends tried to be like her and her guy friends wanted to be with her.

Jessica’s best friend, Lisa, had been pressuring her and me to try swinging. I wasn’t big on the idea, but Jessica was curious about it. Lisa said we should just attend a party—no pressure to participate—and if we didn’t like it, then that was fine. She said condoms were required to keep everyone safe and to avoid any pregnancies by unintended fathers. I agreed with that rule ... I could tell Jess wanted to go, so I said we could go if she wanted.

We went to the party and she was really into it. And to be honest, I was getting more curious, too. Swinging wasn’t about love with another person; it was just about different sex experiences. Jess and I talked at length about trying it and we decided to ‘test the waters’.

The next time Lisa hosted a party, we attended and to my surprise, we both had a really good time. After the party, we went home and had sex (sans condoms this time) and it was the best sex we ever had.

After Lisa’s swinger’s party, we didn’t really feel the need to go again. Our sex life (which was really good before) had become incredible afterwards. Several months passed and Jessica became pregnant. We were thrilled to be starting the family we had been talking about! The bonus for me was that being pregnant made Jess unusually horny. But the further along she got, the more trouble I had keeping up with her.

When she was six months along, I didn’t have enough to satisfy her and, after some discussion, we decided to try swinging with Lisa and her group again. Lisa was surprised since it had been nearly 9 months since we tried it, but was happy to hear from us again. Lisa put together a last-minute party for us and Jessica was thrilled. I had sex with three of the women there; she must have had sex with every guy there!

They still used condoms per the rules: she couldn’t be more pregnant, but there are still the threats of diseases ... I was really getting into the swinging scene, too: it was great to learn new things from other women and watching Jess have sex with some guy while looking and smiling at me was pretty hot...

We began swinging at least once a week for the next three months just to fulfill Jess’s needs. I was fine with it because I knew it was just sex and that she loved me as much as I loved her. Jessica gave birth to our daughter, Erin, and things went back to normal. There was NO sex for the first six weeks after the baby was born, of course. But once she was able again, we picked back up where we ‘left off’.

When Erin was about to turn a year old, I asked Jessica when she thought she might be ready to have another baby. She said she wasn’t sure yet and I was ok with that—being pregnant was not easy for her. Everything else was perfect so I really had nothing to complain about—at least I thought it was perfect.

But one day I came home to a note on the door that said Erin was with the baby sitter and that Jess was leaving. She barely took anything with her and said she didn’t want anything: the family life was too much pressure on her and she felt that she was not cut out to be a mother. I was naturally devastated. Not long after that, divorce papers came in the mail: she filed for an uncontested divorce, forfeited her rights to any/all property and even gave up her parental rights to Erin.

I knew then that it was unlikely I’d ever see Jessica again. That hurt, but I had my daughter to take care of now and I put everything into raising her while laying all my shattered dreams to rest.