Chapter 62: Home Coming Preparations

In late August, we got a card from Jed and Sally in Iowa announcing their nuptials, along with a photograph of the pair with Janice, Lea, and Samantha in bridesmaid dresses. Jed penned that while Sam would be leaving at the end of the academic year, Lea and Janice had decided to stay on with Sally and him ‘forever.’ They’d gotten jobs at the university. This validated some of the emotions I’d seen between Jed and the women when they visited with us in Switzerland when we were finishing the movie Downslope and during the following week that they stayed with us in Nashville.

In the accompanying letter, Jed said his new extended family had decided to get out of the ‘finishing school’ business. He reminded me that he had about thirty alumni from his private enterprise, and told me that each of them often visited just to ‘stay in touch.’ I could only guess at what ‘visiting to stay in touch’ probably meant. I gave one of my rare smiles to Jed and his own entourage of women. In a way, we were birds of a feather as the core of a polyamorous group.

Lea, Sally, and Janice had slipped a second note into the envelope urging me to return to Iowa, even if just for a weekend visit. They also put the welcome mat out for any of our extended family to come by as well.

My sister-in-law – Karen’s sister – Lauren flew down to Nashville from Burlington, Vermont several times over the summer and early autumn for long weekends. A look-alike for my late wife – her sister Karen, I marveled at how I’d healed from the devastating grief I’d felt when her sister had suddenly died at only age thirty-two. Through Lauren, I felt a connection back to the joyful decade that I’d had with Karen, and to the pleasant times past I’d now shared with Lauren. We had a comfortable and intimate relationship that I doubted would ever end.

When we were together face-to-face for the first time after Crystal left, Lauren held me tightly and whispered a quote from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. to me: “He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power of love.” Those words set the stage for what would eventually happen, although I often had doubts about whether Crystal would come back.

Lauren had some blunt talks with Ellen, Claire, and me about Crystal. Unlike some of the others that merely commiserated with us about the situation or joined us in a good cry occasionally, Lauren opened up our thinking about what we would ever do if and when Crystal came back, how we would feel, whether we would welcome her with open arms or remain distant, how she’d upset the balance with the others that remained in our circle of friends, and so forth. We talked about any conditions we would put on her about her return: the most obvious being, no drugs and no indiscriminate screwing around.

Lauren was inclusive, and our deep discussions opened up to include any of the others beyond Ellen, Claire, and me when they were around. Lauren loved us all, yet had sufficient distance and clarity about our situation that she remained objective about it. As wound opening as some of the discussions were, we ended up feeling better about the options and what would happen after the thoughtful sessions she led us through.

It wasn’t that Lauren forced answers on each of us. Instead, she forced the questions on us, making us write them down and getting us to think about each of them to some kind of personal conclusion or decision. We’d talk about the various options and answers for each one. She’d allow us to home in on an answer that each of us felt comfortable with, instead of force her own opinion or will on any of us. Lauren’s love showed through in every interaction we had. After she’d gone home to Vermont, we had continued our dialog with frequent telephone calls and emails.

Lauren made each of us feel that for the first time since Crystal left there might be a future beyond that day. Despite Lauren’s deep and soul-searching questions and conversations, Crystal remained totally out of touch with everyone except her mother, and even Kim didn’t hear from her that much or get into very deep discussions with her. Although I sometimes wanted to in the worst way, I didn’t reach out to Crystal nor did Ellen or the others. Crystal didn’t reach out to us. We each healed slowly in our own way.

Six months to the day Crystal had left my cell phone rang one Saturday afternoon with the unique ring tone for only one person in my life; it was the theme song from the movie and hit record we’d recorded, The Naked Truth.

I looked at the caller ID and froze when I saw ‘CRYSTAL’ in capital letters across the caller ID screen of my iPhone. Lauren had helped me prepare for this moment. Ellen was on my side regardless of what would be said in this call.

I answered tentatively in a neutral tone, “Hello.”

I heard someone – Crystal – at the other end of the call take a deep breath.

In a voice that was measured and took time on every word, I heard, “Jim. This is Crystal. Please don’t say anything for a minute; just let me talk ... and please don’t hang up until I’m through. I just need you to hear me out for a minute.”

My heart had leapt into my throat; my soul soared upon hearing her voice. I briefly thought, if Crystal is reaching out to me, there might be hope for us. But then, my dark angel clouded my thoughts, and I wondered if this call was ‘goodbye forever.’

Ellen came to the doorway to the living room; she’d heard the distinctive ring tone and knew right away who had called. She watched my face for signs of what was being said.

I heard a little catch in Crystal’s voice, and even a choked off sob. Crystal stuttered, “I have been at a rehab center outside Tucson since I left Nashville. I’ve had six months of the whole ‘tough love’ treatment, complete with my seeing a psychiatrist daily and a physical trainer five days a week, and many others that helped me from ... from the dark place I’d gotten to before I left.”

There was another catch in her voice. She haltingly asked, “Are you there? Are you listening?”

I choked out, “Yes, I am. Very. Much. Here.”

“Jim, I think I’m a much different person than the one than left. For one, I’m drug free; and I can promise I’ll never go down that avenue again. For another, I may never take another drink of alcohol as long as I live; I’ve been in an ‘AA’ program here since I arrived. I may even be back to ‘normal,’ whatever that is. I haven’t had any sex since I left either – none at all. In case you’re wondering, I did contract a STD – Chlamydia – on my ... my bad night, but that’s been medically addressed with antibiotics and is long gone; I just got checked again last week. I also settled the DUI by being in rehab and AA, losing my license, and paying a stiff fine; I’ve still got community service to do when I get back to Tennessee, but the court agreed to be forgiving about when I do that since I was in rehab.”