Chapter 12: Steve’s Philosophy

I wondered what the future would be like with the Hensons and with the Fabulous 5 we’d hooked up with a week earlier. I loved the sex, the intimacy, and the feeling of love from the women I’d been with. What bothered me were the few pangs of jealousy I felt when I knew Fran, Sheila, or Ally were fucking another man, even when it was their father.

I went on the Internet and started to search on jealousy, trying to analyze the baser feelings I’d had during both encounters, although I didn’t feel too challenged by the girls’ father, Dave. That research led me to several sites that talked about polyamory. I began to form some new behaviors and opinions about some of what we’d been doing. To cement a new way of thinking, and thus change how I thought about things, I decided I needed a set of principles to live by and to use to judge various situations. Thus, one afternoon I started writing the things that I felt were important to me.

There were a number of tenets to my emerging philosophy, and I knew it was mishmash of thoughts:

1. Jealousy is mostly a learned response; it can be unlearned by focusing on other higher and more enjoyable emotions.

2. Compersion is the opposite of jealousy – it is the love and pleasure we feel when others whom we love feel love and pleasure (even them having sex) from someone else. This is my goal.

3. You can love more than one person at a time. If I give my love freely, I will get the same in return times ten.

4. Society has us suppress our sexuality, but there is a lot to our sexuality to share. Be open to sharing.

5. Our boundaries (what we’ll do or not do) are flexible, and change over time. Sometimes without our awareness. Learn my boundaries, and consciously think about moving or removing them.

6. The future does not need to replicate the past. Find new ways to do the old.

7. We have a need for variety – variety in our sexual and relationship needs. Allow the people I love to honor that part of their lives.

8. The best relationships are based on trust, respect, honesty, equality, openness and transparency, and of course love. Instill these traits in my interactions.

9. The best approach is not to own someone. Be non-possessive.

10. The deepest relationships are based on comfort and sharing of the partners’ emotional, spiritual, intellectual, and physical selves, including sexual beliefs, practices, and kinks. Help people find their spiritual path, and they’ll return the favor.

11. There is no normal. When someone tries to get you to adopt a behavior norm, they are trying to get you to adopt their beliefs about love, relationships, and sex. Their beliefs don’t have to be yours.

12. Consenting adults can do whatever they like about love, relationships and sex.

I had some fine print on some of the points but these were the major points I grappled with during the week. The more I thought about and tweaked these, the more I liked the direction they took me in. They also helped me distance myself from the oddly jealous feelings that I’d had.

I went back and evaluated past and current relationships against my philosophy. My dates with Fran, Sheila, then both of them, plus Ally, plus Nancy and Gale, and most recently Jean. I played our times together against the background of our time with the Reddicks, Dunns, and Aidan, and also with Dave. I also ran the experience with Cindy at the weekend retreat through my principles. Things seemed to fit well, and I felt better about some of the dark feelings I’d had at the time. I also realized that I couldn’t have written my statements before the retreat; that weekend helped so many things gel in my head.

Friday night we had our monthly ‘How Goes It’ circle over dinner. I had reminded the girls at the start of the week, encouraging them to write down their feelings about what had transpired over the past month, plus any other points they wanted to share.

I asked Ally to start us off this month. She blushed, and then launched into how much she liked three aspects of her life in the past month: our arrangement with me, her, and her sisters; the sexual play with the Fabulous 5; and the new relationship with her parents. She was more specific, and I got horny listening to her talk and describe some of the sexy situations and orgasms she’d experienced.

Ally also raised, again, our need for more space. We were still using Fran’s old apartment as a storage locker. Sheila’s apartment further away sat unused except by an occasional visiting friend. I felt that we’d been together long enough to drop that façade and get a larger place for all of us. I made a note.

Fran echoed Ally about a larger place. She also liked the ‘non-standard’ sex we’d shared with others, and hoped it would continue. Sheila had the same reply. I agreed too, so we digressed from the meeting for fifteen minutes and made a list of requirements for either a house or apartment, including commute time and effort, number of bedrooms, square footage, and so on. I suggested we get a real estate agent handling rentals and spend some of the weekend time seeing places. I also reminded them of Aidan’s offer of his flat as a sublet. We’d never really seen the place yet.

I shared my philosophy with the girls, and we discussed each item. No one disagreed, especially since everything I wrote let us continue with the new relationships we’d formed, and even expand further.

No one had any beef with anyone else, so it was a short meeting. Ally called Aidan to talk about seeing his apartment. She reported that he was eager to see us, and would meet us at his place at ten o’clock on Saturday morning. I set something up with a rental agent for right after lunch the same day.

Aidan’s condominium was in Cambridge a few blocks away from Harvard. The unit was five times as large in square footage as what we had now, but the rent was only double. The condominium complex had some nice amenities: a small gym, proximity to mass transit, a rooftop cookout area with a view down part of the Charles River, two parking spaces, and a quiet neighborhood. We were all impressed with the place.

After lunch, we met Sally Kane, the rental and real estate lady who had helped me find my current apartment a few years earlier. She squired us around to five different units. Two in Boston-Brookline, and three others in Cambridge, Watertown, and Somerville. We were a little numb by the end of the afternoon as we headed home.

We got some refreshments and sat around the living room. I said, “Let’s write down the order of the places we liked, just to see what our thinking is.” We’d agreed to not voice our opinions until we got home.

I collected the papers and lined them all up in front of us. The four of us unanimously voted to rent Aidan’s apartment. After that we talked about how to transition and when I could break my lease. I’d been there long enough that I could just walk away at month’s end without a further impact to the landlord. We wanted to move ASAP.

I called Aidan and we talked about when he’d be out of the place, as well as what furnishings he might leave behind for us. He’d mentioned he was already spending most nights at Lyle and Nancy’s home. Occasionally he’d be at the Dunn’s. He laughed and said, “I’m their gigolo. When Lyle or Chip have to travel, they arrange for me to take their place in their bed. I might be there anyway, but it makes it a special time for Nancy or Gale, and me.”

After our talk, I turned back to the girls and announced, “Two weeks. Aidan will move the rest of his personal stuff over the next week or two. He’s going to put a few pieces of furniture in storage, but leave much of his stuff for us to use. About all we need to move from here are our bed, sofa, chair, and dining set. Fran had a few things to move, and Sheila only had her personal things and no furniture.” Ally had all she’d brought from home in my apartment. She didn’t have other real estate to consider.

Monday we notified the various landlords that we were vacating. I knew the apartments would be snapped up immediately, and at higher rents than we’d been paying.

Thursday before the big move, Aidan called and told me he was completely out of the place. He’d already given us keys. He also volunteered Lyle, Chip, and himself to help us move. I accepted. Thus, Saturday morning, I picked up a small U-Haul truck, and we quickly filled it with the boxes, furniture, and clothing from my apartment. We drove the five blocks to Fran’s and repeated the process, and then went to Sheila’s. We’d emptied the truck into Aidan’s pad by noontime.

Aidan and I drove the truck out to Dillon to the Henson home to pick up some castoff furniture that would fill in some of the vacant holes in the place.

Jean, of course, gave me one of her hallmark greetings as we walked up the front walk. Aidan looked on with his mouth hanging open. Jean was fascinated to meet Aidan, particularly armed with the knowledge that he was the single guy in the swing group we’d enjoyed and that he’d fucked all of her daughters. He got a welcome kiss, then I could see her flirting with him, and I got a laugh out of how transparent she appeared to me. Maybe I’d have to set something up with Dave, Jean, and the rest of us.

As we rode back to Cambridge with the truck, Aidan said, “Your ... what can I call her ... mother-in-law? ... Well, she’s really friendly. I saw how she kissed you. I confess she kissed me that way while you were out by the truck. I hope that’s alright?”

“Oh, it’s fine with me. I’m glad you both enjoyed it. She’s a very loving person.”

Aidan hemmed and hawed a bit and then asked, “Have you and she ... you know ... connected? I don’t know why I think that, but ... it was an idea I got in my head.”

I nodded.

“Wasn’t her husband – the girls’ father, a little miffed at that?”

I commented in a matter-of-fact tone, “He was otherwise occupied.”

Aidan digested that; “You mean with ... your girls – his daughters?” As he talked his voice went up an octave displaying his disbelief at the inference.

I remained quiet and benignly smiled.

He thought about that and said, “I need to hang out with you guys more. You make really interesting relationships happen.”