Chapter 2: Becoming Legendary

“Barry, years ago—and thirty pounds ago—I was a television actress. You wouldn’t have seen me; I was on one of those daytime serials. In other words, an old-fashioned soap opera.

“The scripts were terrible, but I made a decent living, and this went on for several years. Eventually, I had to search for new work. I did commercials, theatre, and whatever else I could get. You can imagine, like most actors, I didn’t have a lot of jobs, and I needed to do all kinds of non-acting work just to keep the lights on, you might say.

“It was all very stressful. And, like many people, I tend to eat more when I’m stressed, and gaining weight made it even harder to get acting jobs. The weight and the aging were working against me.”

“I can only imagine how difficult this was for you, Val.”

“But then, through a happy accident, I connected with a big software company that needed actors. It turned out I had the exact qualifications they needed.”

“You were comfortable working nude?”

“No, you brat. They needed someone who sounded powerful and Germanic. I could do this easily for them, as a voiceover artist. Barry, I’m a Valkyrie. Or, in German: Ich bin eine Walküre. Want to see a picture?”

She pulled out an illustration made by the gaming company, showing a blonde, helmeted, sword-wielding woman wearing impractical armor and looking tough.

“Golly! That’s very hot. Not as pretty as you, but...”

“Oh, stop it, Barry. Plus, you said, ‘Golly’ like a little boy.”

“Yeah, I do that. Normally, I sling bad words all the time, like most people. But when I’m really surprised and shocked, I tend to revert. I say things like ‘My goodness,’ ‘Jeez,’ and ‘Golly.’ It’s just a weird thing about me. The first time I saw real live titties, I said, ‘My goodness,’ and the girl almost got up and left me. It’s one of my little weirdnesses.”

“So, this first time was last week?”

“What? Oh, you’re teasing me.”

“I just noticed, when you mentioned your ‘first real live titties,’ you went away for a while. Reminiscing?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I’ve always been very interested in bosoms. I’m still distracted imagining naked Val in my pool. I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“I’m, uh, well, I sound like I’m obsessing. Like your only importance to me is because of what’s inside your shirt.”

“Something you’re going to learn about me, Barry, is that I’m really not shy. I’ve noticed your eyes on me from when I first sat down next to you until now.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. That was rude...”

“Will you PLEASE stop apologizing. Despite everything I’ve told you, you still are attracted to me. With these knockers, I’m used to being ogled. What choice do I have? They go into a room three minutes before the rest of me does.”

I choked back a laugh.

“It’s not a problem if you look. Really. I actually enjoy it, particularly from a cute guy like yourself. But I am serious about one thing. Will you take me home with you so I can play in your pool?”