Chapter 4

I found myself being reluctantly dragged out of my alcohol-induced slumber by an insistent prodding on my arm. “Are you okay?” I heard a distant but familiar voice say, even as I tried to ignore it and slip back into welcome, oblivious sleep. But the relentless poking and pressing made that impossible so at last I forced my eyes open, and through my bleary vision I was able to make out a figure leaning over me, tall, strong, and assuring, like the man in my dream last night.

Then my vision cleared I saw that it was Eric over me, and everything that’d happened over the course of the evening came rushing back, culminating in my disastrous dismissal. I groaned, rubbing at my head, which although it was throbbing slightly didn’t feel nearly as bad as it usually did after I’d had too much alcohol. “What’s going on?” was all I could think to say as I turned away from him, too embarrassed to meet his gaze. “Was I snoring and woke you up all the way upstairs?”

He chuckled. “You don’t snore mom. In fact, you sleep like an angel, so much so that I hated bothering you.”

“Then why did you?” I snapped irritably, although I couldn’t help but smile a bit at his compliment. As I’ve said before my boy knows how to make me feel like a queen, even at a time like this.

“I wanted to talk, and it can’t wait. And could you look at me, please? It’s weird talking to your back.”

With a groan I lifted myself into an upright position on the couch, wondering how long I’d been out, but there was no way to be certain since there were no clocks in this fucking house anywhere, but a glance out the nearby window told me it was still nighttime. The snow had stopped and the sky had cleared, as evidenced by the bright moonlight spilling in the windows. It was the only light in the room now that the fire had completely died and the tree lights had faded out, leaving the room feeling sad and a bit cold.

“Look sweetie, if it’s about what happened earlier, let’s just forget it,” I began, desperate to salvage some sort of relationship with my son now that he was at least speaking to me again. “It’s just that being alone and out here in this house at this time of year played with your mom’s head and made her a little screwy, alright? No need to read more into it.”

I expected that in light of his obvious rebuff of my earlier proposal that he’d jump at my opportunity to dismiss it totally, allowing us to just slide back into standard mom and son mode. So, you can understand my amazement when he shook his head. “No mom, this isn’t just something we can sweep under the rug, I want to discuss this with you.”

Inwardly I moaned, not looking forward to this, trying to find any way to avoid it. “Look, sweetie, I don’t see the point in talking about it, since you’ve already made your feelings on it perfectly clear. So can’t we just drop it? Please?” I begged.

“Well, that’s the problem,” he replied insistently, “I haven’t made my feelings clear, haven’t said yes or no.”

“So wait a minute,” I said, rubbing at my temples, my sleep and booze addled mind struggling to make sense of what he was telling me. “So what you’re saying is...”

“I haven’t yet turned you down, mom, and now I want to speak with you before I make any decisions, okay?”

“Of course, darling,” I said, smiling with renewed optimism, patting the spot on the couch next to me, realizing what an idiot I’d been. I’d had much longer to mull over taking things to the next level with Eric than I’d given him, laying out my offer and expecting him to just come jumping into my arms just like that. I should have stayed with him, answering his questions, giving reassurance where necessary, but I’d let my hypercharged libido do my thinking for me. Well, better late than never.

To my relief he took the proffered seat, meaning that at least he wasn’t afraid to get close to me. But he still looked nervous, making me rethink my plan to put my arm around him, not wanting to scare him away. So I just sat there silently, hands on my lap, waiting for him to begin.

“To ... begin with,” he began, sounding like the words had to be yanked off his tongue, “Let me just say I’m glad you opened up to me. It makes me feel a lot better to know I’m not the only one who’s been having these kind of thoughts. In fact, it’s more of a relief than you can know.”

“Wait, what?” I asked, thinking I’d heard him wrong through my liquor-sloshed brain. “So does that mean you’ve been imagining, you know, being with me before now?” I asked, startled by this admission.

In response he reached into his pocket, taken out what I thought was the handkerchief he had been using earlier at the motel, my eyes saucering when I took in the color, the texture, the smell of what he was actually holding. Those are my panties, from last night!” I exclaimed. “I thought I’d lost them at the motel. You had them?”

He grinned sheepishly. “Something like that. You see, last night, when you got ... excited, I wasn’t asleep, and I heard the whole thing. Fuck me if it wasn’t the hottest thing ever. I convinced myself it must have been some sort of fever dream, until this morning when, well, you know, I saw a side of you I’d never seen before,” he said euphemistically. “Then when you went to take your shower I found these in your sheets. And with everything that’d just happened I couldn’t help myself, and I again did something I shouldn’t have in your bed.”

I felt my breath hitch in my throat, my nethers again flooding with heated moisture as I pictured my son pleasuring himself in my bed with my panties, now realizing that he hadn’t been wiping his nose when I’d come out of the shower at the motel. No, he’d been inhaling my scent, reveling in it. And what I’d done last night, he’d heard every single last detail.

Even a short time ago I would’ve been shocked to discover this, mortified out of my mind, but now I just thought it was one of the fucking hottest things I’d ever heard. But even as my mind processed that fascinating tidbit it fixed on something else interesting in what he’d just said. “Wait a minute, you said again,” I replied, “so does that mean that you’ve done something like that before today?”

He nodded, staring at the blank tv screen. “I mean, I know we’ve always been close, and I’ve always thought you were pretty, but I’d never really thought about you in a physical way before. That is, until that day a few months ago when I came home early to find you exercising in the living room. Do you remember?”

I nodded, knowing exactly the day he was talking about. It’d been back in late October, an unusually hot day for that time of year. The air system had been on the fritz, turning my usual exercise space upstairs into an unbearable inferno, so I’d taken a mat and a few other portable items down to the moderately cooler living room. Due to the heat I’d changed into my skimpiest workout gear, which amounted to little more than a string bikini when you got right down to it, thinking it’d be fine since Eric was supposed to be out until suppertime.

But then, just as I’d been finishing up, a hot and sweaty mess on all fours, my ass facing the front door, there came Eric walking in. It was several weeks before I’d realized my own attraction for him, at the time feeling nothing but embarrassment at being discovered this way. I hadn’t considered for a moment the effect that such a sight might have on Eric with his burgeoning sex drive, especially after we’d both laughed it off at dinner later. I hadn’t thought anymore about it until this moment, and suddenly so much that had been murky was made clear.

“That’s why you started acting so odd around me,” I surmised, “Why you got so upset about Robert. And that’s the reason you decided to start school early, wasn’t it?”

He swallowed, nodding. “After that, sick as it was, I couldn’t get you out of my head, all my fantasies now revolving around you. But even that wasn’t enough. You never noticed, but sometimes I peeked in on you while you were exercising. And it wasn’t just the thought of being with you in a physical way, I began to picture a life with you, because I realized that I was never more comfortable, never more content than when I was with you. But even though such thoughts filled me with more joy than I ever thought possible, they also scared the hell out of me.

“I mean, what kind of monster does things like that, thinks about his mother like that, to violate her in such a vile way? But no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t push down these thoughts, and they only became stronger and stronger until I thought I might burst, thinking I had to get away before I did something stupid that would make you hate me. Or make dad hate me, if he were still here.”

And just like that, what he’d said earlier in the music room made sense, when he’d said what we were doing was wrong. It wasn’t the illicit nature our relationship was taking on, or even the thought of somehow hurting me that was the major force holding him back. No, it was his father, for now that he himself could potentially find himself in the position Nate had occupied, Eric was feeling guilty at somehow betraying him. My poor boy, I thought, I had no idea he’d been feeling such anguish, and my frisky behavior and brazen proposition must have really thrown him for a loop.

“Oh, sweetie,” I said, reaching out and running my hand through the brown scraggly hair of his downturned head. So much like his father, I mused, yet so different. No, not different, better, because he has the best parts of Nate, and me as well. “Now I understand, you think that if you get together with me, that you’re somehow betraying your dad, that we’re somehow dishonoring his memory?”

He looked up at me. “How could I not? I mean, you can’t honestly tell me that this is something that dad would be okay with, can you?”

I shook my head. “No, not for certain,” I admitted. “But what I can tell you is that a little while after you were born, your father and I had a talk about what each of us should do if something happened to the other, each of us agreeing that in that case the survivor, if they so desired, should try to find a new life with another person, both for our sake and yours. And although obviously neither he nor I foresaw this particular scenario, I really have to say I don’t think he would mind.”

He cocked an eyebrow at me. “Do you really believe that?”

“I do,” I said firmly and without hesitation. “Because I know he loved us both so very much, and more than anything he would want us to be happy. And if you’re feeling guilty about taking his place, don’t. It would be impossible for anyone to take the place of your father, and unfair of me to expect such a thing of any man, you most of all.

“No, what we would share would be something brand new, something wonderful, something distinct and totally our own that would be just as beautiful and profound, perhaps even more so,” I said, feeling tears welling behind my eyes as I pictured that glorious future, but now knowing that could never be.

“Mom...” he began, moved by what I was revealing to him, what I fervently believed in the innermost depths of my being. I now saw the answer I had craved before in his eyes, yearning to hear him speak it aloud. That’s why it was the hardest thing I ever did when I raised my hand and cut him off, not yet finished.

“However,” I pressed, remembering what I’d concluded earlier, “I now know that would be asking too much of you. I’m old, Eric. Well, maybe not old old,” I amended, “but still, I have a lot more years on me than you do. As such, there are many things a younger woman can offer you that I can’t, things that you deserve. Things like a real family, and a chance at a normal life free from stigma and whispers that would no doubt plague us, whether people guessed our real relationship or not.

“That’s why I’m altering my earlier offer,” I continued softly. “If you’re willing, I’d like to have just one magical night with you, this night. It would be so incredible to know I was the one to make my only child a man, to feel the joy of being with someone who I truly love and I know loves me back one more time. No strings, no regrets, just a precious secret between us, a treasured memory I can cling to when I return home by myself,” really leaning into those last few words. Yeah, I know I was laying it on thick, but I wanted to make sure he knew just how much this meant to me, how much he meant to me.

At first he said nothing, just regarding me with an unreadable expression. He then slowly held out his hand and began running his hand through my hair, as he’d used to do when he was still small enough for me to carry, a thin smile on his face. “Now what makes you think I’d be satisfied with just one night, now that you’ve helped me see things so clearly?”

“But...” I began, but this time he silenced me, by tapping a finger against my lips, sensing a new self-assurance, an authority in him that had been lacking before. He’d never asserted himself like that with me, and I had to say, I really liked it.

“You’ve had your say, now I’ll have mine,” he said simply. “First of all, I don’t care about a normal life, whatever that even is, what I want is a good life. I’d been dreaming of a future with you before, and now, after spending this admittingly odd but amazing ‘Christmas’ do-over evening with you, well, it’s helped me put things in perspective. Tonight’s been a reminder of how you’ve always striven to make the holidays special for me, no matter what the circumstances, as well as every other time of the year. No one could ask for a better mom, or a better partner for that matter, so why bother even looking?

And as for family, you are my real family, mom, the only family I need. After all,” he added, putting his arm around me, “we’ve made it just fine this far on our own, haven’t we?”

“We sure have, sweetie!” I exclaimed, ready to erupt with the emotions surging through me, unable to believe what I was hearing, afraid that I was still asleep and only dreaming. But the feel of his hot breath on my face, the feel of his arm on my back was no dream, I assured myself. I said a silent thank you to the house, the guardian, or whoever or whatever it was that had helped us reach this moment.

Without thinking I reached down to the hem of my sweater, grabbing it and slowly pulling it upwards, peeling it away from my skin and over my head, my tits almost sighing with relief as they flopped free from their tight confines. “And now,” I said in my most sultry tone, shaking my shoulders and making my boobs jiggle pleasingly, “how’d you like to jingle your mom’s bells?”

“I ... um ... wow,” he stuttered, looking at my chest with the same wide-eyed amazement from this morning, although at least now he was able to find his voice. “You don’t waste any time, do you?” setting aside my panties, no longer needing an appetizer now that the main course was laying itself out before him.

“Not when I know what I want,” I giggled, knowing then that mine were the first pair of breasts he’d seen up close and personal. This will be a night of many firsts for Eric, I reminded myself, and you must be patient to make this experience tender and extraordinary for him, despite your voracious and impatient hunger. You heard what he said, there will be many more nights ahead where you can give full vent to your desires and take what you crave in a less than motherly way, but for now, keep your mind focused on your son and what he needs. And in this moment, he needs permission to delve into his new acquisition.

I reached down and gently took his hands by the wrists and brought them up to my tits. I cupped his hands under them, pressing his fingers into my yielding flesh, my hair tickling at them from above. “It’s okay,” I said soothingly as I released my hold, “they’re yours to touch, lick, squeeze, whatever you want, whenever you want, just like every other part of my body is now open to you. So go on, say hi to the girls,” I offered invitingly, jutting my bare chest even further out towards him.

For a moment he didn’t move, as if he held the two most priceless and fragile items on earth and was afraid to move, or even breathe for fear of breaking them. But then I felt some motion down there as his fingers stirred to life, mashing his digits into my mounds of his own accord. “So beautiful,” he breathed, “Just like the rest of you,” and before I could respond he’d buried his face in my cleavage, rubbing his face in them eagerly like his new favorite pillow as I threw back my head and laughed with delight.

But the laughter soon turned to moans as I felt his hot, steaming mouth search out and find one of my waiting nipples, causing me to yip with pleasurable surprise when he finally found one, suctioning it even better than that time I’d tried the vacuum on one on the recommendation of a friend. “Swirl your tongue around the tip,” I whispered softly as I clasped my hands around his head, drawing him in even closer to my bosom as he took my advice to heart immediately, feeling the rough slip of his tongue as it danced over my hardened bud, the sensation driving me wild.

At first I was a little worried that he might get a little too rough in his eagerness for this delightful new activity he’d discovered, maybe even accidentally bite me or something. But I needn’t have worried, for despite his rampant enthusiasm he was as gentle as he’d been when I was breastfeeding him so long ago, smiling at the memory, thinking that as good as that had felt at then, it was nothing compared to the adoration he was lavishing on my tits now, going from one to the other like a child who couldn’t decide what new toy to play with.

“I love that you love my girls so much,” I said softly, not remembering the last time they’d received such affectionate and devoted attention, even from Nate, basking in the ripples of pleasure rippling through my body. “But sweetie, don’t forget about the rest of me.” Almost immediately I felt his hands running along my bare back, his touch like fire, reigniting the heat in my blood.

In response my hands began moving along him as well, lifting off his shirt and roaming over his modest but taut torso. And for a while we just sat there entwined in each other’s arms as he venerated his mother’s breasts as only a son can. Part of me, specifically my long-neglected pussy, seeing the action my tits were getting, wanted to speed things up a bit. But yet I held back, wanting to luxuriate in this moment a little longer. After all, Eric was mine now, and I was his, so there was no hurry to the finish line.

At last Eric finally lifted his head, all hesitation gone as he kissed me with a hot, lingering passion that made my toes curl and the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. “Fuck,” was all I could say when we finally came up for air, trying to catch my breath.

“You ain’t seen nothing yet,” he said with fiery promise as he faced me forward on the couch, my body putty in his hands, to mold as he wished. He then slid down on his knees onto the floor, parting my legs and sliding between them, working to unfasten my jeans. “What you did for me earlier was one of the most amazing things anyone has ever done for me, and now I’m going to return the favor.”

I immediately knew what he had in mind, and I opened my mouth to tell him I didn’t need it anymore, that I was more ready to go than I’d ever been in my life, and at this point would be like adding oil to a motor already dripping with lubrication. But then I immediately closed it. After all, what woman in her right mind turns down a man ready and willing to eat her pussy? Particularly when her muff has sadly lacked in attention, given Nate’s negative feelings on all things oral.

“Go for it baby,” I said encouragingly instead, pride blossoming in my chest that my sweet boy would want to do this, honoring his mother with the ultimate act of selfless devotion as I heard the zipper give way and felt my jeans being tugged down my legs, coming to rest around my ankles.

“Oh my god, where are your panties?” he cried. Oops, I said to myself, until then forgetting I hadn’t worn any that day. He must’ve been expecting them as a sort of buffer between him and the forbidden prize he was working his way toward, but was instead instantly greeted by the unrestricted view of my bare snatch, watching him gaping at it with a mix of awe and trepidation.

Normally I don’t mow the grass much down there, so to speak, since for the past several years it’s been a neglected corner of the yard that no one was likely to see. But this morning, in light of my changing perspectives regarding my son, I’d been inspired to do a little trimming. That’s why even though it was still quite wild and woolly with golden curls it was no longer the tangled, untamed jungle it usually was.

“Whoopsie, I guess some naughty little elf scampered away with that pair too,” I teased, hoping to pierce that spell of transfixed adulation that had taken hold of him, spreading my legs out even further to give him an even better view. In doing so I caught a whiff of the tart, heady aroma of my unleashed arousal, knowing that if I could smell it from where I was, Eric must be getting positively blasted with it. I feared it might be too much for him, but he made no move to recoil. “Disappointed you can’t add them to your collection as well?”

My attempt at humor seemed to have broken through the reverence-like trance he’d been in as he took in the sight of a woman’s most intimate treasure with the wonder of a traveler seeing an exotic land for the first time, which just also happened to be the one he’d emerged into the world from, bringing him back down to earth as he chuckled. “Now why would I need those, when I have the real thing to play with?”

“That’s right, darling,” I cooed, “anytime you want. Now, let me tell you about what you’re gonna find down there—”

“I already know all about the equipment under the hood,” he said with a wry smirk. “Sex ed is the one part of school everyone pays attention to. Just tell me how you’d like me to ... rev your engine.”

I laughed at his creative use of language, and enormously titillated by it as I briefly mulled over the matter, finally giving a small shrug. “Just go with your instincts, baby,” I said at last, not really knowing how to answer due to my aforementioned lack of familiarity with the subject, deciding to trust his judgment. “I’ll let you know as you go. And keep in mind I’m very, very sensitive down there right now,” I added.

“I’ll bet,” he said as he braced his hands on my thighs, lowering his head toward my crotch until his face was only inches from its slick, matted surface, my engorged lips protruding from the tangle of thick golden hair, my clitoris swollen to a hitherto unknown size. I wanted this to last and really enjoy what was really the first real oral attention my pussy had ever gotten, but the state I was in I’d be lucky to make it past first contact before gushing out my climax. “Don’t touch my clit yet,” I breathed, hoping that might prolong this at least a little longer.

I have no idea if he even heard me, for even as I spoke the words his face lurched forward, and I felt the tongue that’d worked such magic on my tits scrape lightly across the surface of my pussy, a slow broad stroke from bottom to top, causing me to shudder as a small gasp escaped my throat. I moaned as his tongue continued to graze along the outside of my soaking honeypot, up and down, side to side, sometimes fast, sometimes slow, always feeling amazing.

“You sure you’ve never done this before?” I asked, whimpering in delight as I felt his hands caressing my thighs, my hips, even around to my ass and as he gave it a playful squeeze.

“No, but I’ve read some books on the subject,” he said between licks, the vibration from his words creating even more pleasant sensations along the surface of my snatch as I writhed and squirmed under him. “Fuck, I knew women get wet when they get excited, but this is crazy.”

“Sorry,” I breathed, “but you’ve got me hotter than any man ever has.” And it was true, I don’t know if it was because I loved Eric more than I ever had any other man, or because it was the fact that the one with his head between my legs giving me hitherto unknown pleasure was the one person who law and most religions had forbidden to do so, but there it was.

“Don’t apologize,” he said as he continued slurping at me like a thirsty dog, “it’s delicious.” Fuck it was so hot watching him go down on me like that and actually enjoy it immensely, like something out of the deepest, darkest corner of my most depraved fantasies.

“That’s—ahhhyeeesssss!” I cried out as I felt his tongue dart between my labia, another pleasing new experience for me. How ironic, this was supposed to be a night of firsts for Eric, but I was experiencing my share as well, was my last coherent thought as I yielded control to the primal, pleasure-seeking part of my psyche as I put my hands on Eric’s head, pushing him down even further between my legs, my thighs clamping him in a vise to hold him there. Not that he seemed to want to go anywhere, doubling down on his efforts of licking, thrusting, diving into my cleft and driving me closer to the edge.

“Yes!” I shrieked. “Keep going, harder, faster! Eat your mommy out good and make her cum hard!” I urged, my hips bucking. I was a bit shocked at myself, having never spoken, acted or felt this deliciously wanton before, but finding it was something I wanted very much to get used to. “Do it baby, give momma what she needs, I’m so fucking close!” I cried out as I threw my head back, closing my eyes as I rode the rising surge.

And that’s when I felt it, his hand, which had been squeezing my ass, slid around over my hip and across my stomach, then glided southward on a direct course with my enlarged clit, trapping it gently between his thumb and index finger at the base as he began to massage it carefully but persistently with delicate pressure, and at last I could take no more as my body tensed and I let out a rafter-shaking cry as an earth-shattering climax seized control of my body, and as I helplessly rode out the upwelling of euphoria gripping me I felt a torrent of fluids gushing out of me even more copious than last night, feeling Eric’s steady tongue lapping at them furiously, driving me even higher.

At last I felt myself coming down, wonderfully satiated but still craving more, like someone who’d tasted a sample and now wanted the whole pizza. I looked down at Eric, who was still dutifully licking glistening juices off my thighs, fluids drizzling down his chin.

“Oh dear, mommy has made quite a mess, hasn’t she? Here, let me help clean it up,” I said, pulling him up so that his face was level to mine, giving him a grateful kiss before I went to work diligently clearing my pussy cream off his face and neck. I had never so much as tasted myself before, and now here I was licking it up like some cheap whore. It was pungent and slightly acrid, yet having a slight spicy rich taste like ... eggnog? How was that possible? I see why Eric seemed so taken with it, I thought as I continued my eager efforts, the fact that I was licking my own cream off my own son making it even more sinfully delectable. Eric said nothing as I worked, merely watching me with burning eyes.

When I was done I pecked him on the lips, beaming broadly, practically able to feel my face glowing. “Thank you, I can’t even begin to express what that meant to me,” I said, my voice filled with emotions I couldn’t even begin to communicate with mere words. “But let me try.” With that I made to stand up, Eric doing so as well. “Are you ready for this, sweetie?” I asked as I fumbled with his belt, both of us knowing what was going to happen now, that once it did there was no going back.

He nodded. “I’ve never been more ready for anything in my life. I love you mom, more than anything in the world.”

Hearing him say that took my breath away, calling me mom, showing he loved me not just because of who I was to him, but in spite of it, giving a big middle finger to a world that would mock and condemn us. “I love you too, my son,” I said, returning his gesture, “and I’m going to spend every damn day going forward proving that you made the best decision of your life.”

With those words I yanked away the belt, flinging it to the floor before hitching my thumbs into his jeans and dropping them to the floor, an easy task with the belt gone, his hard cock springing free and bobbing in the air, as if as excited as I was for what was about to happen. “Did you miss me?” I asked his member as I again took hold of it, eliciting a soft groan from Eric. “We barely got acquainted before, but now that you’re mine forever we’re going to get to know each other very well.”

I reluctantly released it as I gave Eric a frisky nudge, sending him falling back down on the couch. I was about to join him when a sound off to the side briefly distracted me. I looked and saw that the train I’d knocked off earlier was again on the tracks and in motion, the conductor again looking jovial. However, instead of ‘Merry Christmas’ he was saying ‘Nice Knockers!” as he seemed to leer at me, making me giggle at the praise.

But that wasn’t all, I observed as I reexamined the room – the dying fire had rekindled, the Nutcracker figurines above looking resplendent in its glow. The tree was fresh and green again, lights sparkling brilliantly, life returning to the room as life had returned to me. In that moment I felt the spirit of season that’d been missing from me for so long returning, creating a cozy, intimate atmosphere for Eric and I to consummate our love, and our new life. Speaking of which...