Chapter 32

After a long hard winter, the summer was glorious. One day, the temperature was so high that Trei shut down his forge. It was too hot for him to work, and when a blacksmith complains about the heat, it’s hot. Nick was watching the children, and they ended up swimming in the pond. Several neighbors came over and a few Bruces from Four Ecks stopped by with some steaks and a box of prawn to grill. Cooking would begin when Octavia got back from Ankh-Morpork, but she was running a little late because she stopped to talk to a publisher and was delighted to see that Nick’s manuscript was published and it was flying off the shelves.

By the time she reached their home Octavia was sweating fiercely and all she wanted to do was drop her clothing and fall face first in the pond, but the cries of “Watch me!” and “Watch me grandma!” let her know that there were visitors. Shrieks of childish laughter rang through the forest and the sound of splashing reached her ears - those poor bass! She stepped out of the forest and became a witness to a pond full of joyful mayhem. Princess Esmerelda Margaret Check Spelling sat on a wooden bench that was in the shallow end of the pond with her mother Queen Magrat, watching the royal children play with the duke and court wizard’s children. Gula was in the pond at the outflow stream spraying any child that yelled “Spray me!” while Gula’s children were stationed around the pond and on the waterfall, squirting and spraying randomly.

One of Gula’s children sat at the edge of the pond spraying water into the mouth of Remy, the wolf pup Nick rescued. Both the young wolf and the young gargoyle enjoyed their game tremendously.

“Your highness, if you would indulge me...” started Octavia.

“What would you like?” said Princess Esmerelda Margaret Check Spelling as she laughed at the diving and splashing of children. Queen Magrat Garlick had Nick and Octavia’s youngest child, Gwendolyn, on her lap.

“Where is my husband?”

Queen Magrat and Princess Esme pointed at the far end of the pond, where three children were moving through the water and sitting up. Closer inspection revealed that they were riding on the back of a river porpoise. Octavia stepped into the pond and slapped the surface of the water five times, and the porpoise turned and started swimming toward Octavia. “You have your husband well trained,” remarked Queen Magrat.

After a marvelous dinner on the lawn, when the guests had gone, the children were in bed, and the bonfire burned down to a pile of red coals, Nick sat on a chair on the porch under a lamp reading a book that Queen Magrat wrote on holistic healing using crystal power and herbology to enhance the body’s ability to heal itself. One of the fundamental problems with this book was that the queen spells as well as whoever filled out her birth certificate. Remy sat next to Nick and happily panted as Nick petted and scratched behind his ears like he did with Gaspode.

Octavia came and sat down on his lap and said in a singsong voice, “I’ve got a surprise for you!”

“You have a blanket and we’re going down to the root cellar and make love in the cool, cool dark?”

“Mmmm, excellent suggestion, we may end up there, but look at this first,” and she handed him a book wrapped in brown paper. He unwrapped the book, and it was his! The gold embossed leather cover proudly declared, “Gaspode and Me” by Porter de la Montesquieu, and dedicated to “My True and only love, the mother of my children, Façade Incognito.”

Octavia gave him a kiss, “Congratulations! You’re a published author!”

“In a different universe,” he sighed.

“It’s a start! Baby steps!” she said with a smile. “We’ll figure out how to convert their ceramic coins into Agatean gold later.” The Agatean empire is corrupt and always three steps from collapse, but they have a lot of gold and will part with it willingly if you figure out how to ask nicely. They also overpay for all kinds of trinkets.