Chapter 30

“You seem to be in a good mood today,” said Aelwen McLeish as she sat on the porch with Octavia. Aelwen came hearing that there was a witch in Creel Springs, but unfortunately, he was out.

“I am in a good mood, Nick will be home soon, just in time for little Ceiriog or Ceredwyn,” said Octavia as she gently patted Aelwen’s huge tummy. “Maybe even today!”

“Ian and I will be happy when we get a proper witch again. We like Nana Partridge, but being a ghost makes childbirth a wee bit difficult. I’m always afraid that she’ll drop the baby.”

“And you’re ok with Nick being a male witch?”

Aelwen McLeish reached out and took Octavia’s hand and placed it on her tummy so Octavia could feel the baby kicking. “You will be feeling this come Hogswatch Eve, do you think you’re going to care if your midwife is human, dwarf, elf, man, or woman more than if they’re qualified?”

“How do you know Nick is qualified, and what makes you think I’m pregnant?”

Aelwen patted Octavia’s hand while her baby kicked at Octavia’s hand from within. “Ceredwyn knows.”

Bruce Dinkum, head librarian at Bugarup University, finished checking in a few more books that a couple of beery freshmen dropped off as the screaming outside started. “Ahhhh, there’s me mate!” said Bruce as he reached under the counter for a long necker. Outside, terrified people ran past the windows of the library, screaming and looking back over their shoulders.

“Too right!” yelled a drunk in the corner.

“Hell yeah!” yelled another as larger crowds of terrified people ran screaming past the windows.

Just then, the front door burst open, and a camel ducked through the door frame and walked through the library. All the faculty and students present jumped up and shouted, “NICK!”

The camel looked shocked, then it suddenly shrank and became a well-built but short man. Bruce put a beer on the bar in front of Nick and cried. “G’day mate!”

“G’day Bruce ... blokes,” and Nick raised his beer to the blokes in the back. He took a long, deep drink and placed the empty bottle on the bar. “How did you know that was me?”

“We had a report from a surfie that a dolphoon swam ashore, turned into a man, looked around, turned into an eagle and circled around for a while then took off heading this way. We figured you would be showing up soon. Didn’t realize you be in the nuddy with your donger hangin’ out.”

“I have my house key, that’s all I need,” said Nick as he showed off his master key, still hanging from his neck on a ribbon. He finished the second beer Bruce handed him in one long gulp and said, “Swing by, we’ll fire up the grill.” He placed the empty on the bar. “Thanks, I really needed that ... I owe ya mate.” Then, with a wink of his brand new golden eye, he shrank below the edge of the bar and a coyote dashed into the library’s aisles of books.

“I’ll swing by with some prawn this weekend!” called Bruce.

A carriage pulled by a pair of mules came up Nana’s driveway. It wasn’t very fancy, not for a queen, in fact it was a delivery wagon with a second row of seating for royalty, but this was Lancre, and when the carriage isn’t carrying the queen around, it’s hauling bales of hay and sacks of feed for the Lancre Farmers Union supply store. That’s because the carriage isn’t owned by the government, but the owners, the Farmers Union supply store will loan it to King Verence II, Queen Magrat, and her daughter Crown Princess Esmerelda Margaret Note Spelling on occasion if there are no deliveries scheduled for that day.

Escorted by a pair of palace guards in ancient, ill-fitting armor riding ancient ill-tempered horses, the carriage pulled up to the front porch of Nick and Octavia’s cottage. Octavia and Aelwen were enjoying the summer morning, the sun was up and it was going to be hot. Already the sun and the humidity rising off the forests were becoming a fragrant haze that hung in the air. Cicadas buzzed as bull frogs in the pond belched and growled.

Octavia was shocked to see the queen of Lancre pull up to her house, but Aelwen smiled and called out, “Good morning your majesty.”

Octavia stood and Aelwen struggled to get up, but Queen Magrat waved her hand and said, “Sit! It’s a lovely morning to enjoy the view.”

“Come try this elixir your majesty!” cried Aelwen. “It’s a draft made of bitter fruit and honey and is perfect for summer days.”

“Then I must try,” smiled the queen. Once a witch herself, she is a firm believer in cures through natural products and fruit and honey sound like a perfect creation to her.

Star struck that the queen would come to see her, Octavia poured the queen, the crown princess and one of the guards a glass of her curative, which Nana called Lemon Aid. “This is delicious, and why are you so nervous?” asked Magrat.

“I ... it’s just ... queens don’t visit people...” Octavia stumbled and fumbled, which she finally ended with an out of practice curtsey.

“My mother does,” said Princess Esme.

“Oh! My gift!” said the Queen. “Dequator, could you bring my gift for our new wizard?”

“Yes ma’am,” said the carriage driver, and he stepped down, went around to the back end of the wagon and came back around with a baby goat in his arms. A baby goat was Queen Magrat’s traditional gift to a couple expecting their first child.

A coyote dashed out of the ranks of shelves in Nick and Octavia’s bookstore, which in the mountain villages of Lancre wouldn’t be a surprise, but the fact that it knew how to navigate the book lined canyons was a bit unusual even for Lancre, and it was able to unlock the door with the key around its neck was very unusual. The coyote stepped outside and changed into a man who locked up the store, then stood, hands on hips and took a deep breath of fresh mountain air.