Chapter 1: Why I Hated My Youth Pastor

All my life my parents have attended the same Presbyterian church which means as long as I lived at home, so did I. It is fairly typical of the old large protestant churches with about two thousand members on the roles and maybe five to six hundred who attended regularly. Pastor Ken became the youth pastor at my parent’s church while I was at college. Not quite six feet tall, he is lean and muscular with a warm face that made me melt whenever he smiled. He and his wife Cheri were the stereotypical youth leaders, young and good looking, full of energy with bubbling personalities. They got along great with the kids and from what I have seen whenever I’m home, they have developed the best youth program the church has ever had.

When I was home from school during summer break between my sophomore and junior years, I helped out with the church youth so I got to know Pastor Ken and Cheri pretty well. It was a little weird for me in that Pastor Ken is only five years older than me. Early on there was one thing I have noticed that I doubted most people did - Pastor Ken had a wandering eye for young girls!

As for me, other than a wandering look, he never made any move towards me or gave any indication he would ever be unfaithful to Cheri. Of course, that didn’t stop me from fantasizing! Finally, I was about to head back to school again so after discussing it with my mom, I decided to go for it (don’t blame her, she wasn’t thrilled nor did she endorse my idea).

The details of what happened are in my diary entry for August 24, 2005. In short, I did my best to come on to him but what happened was totally different from what I expected. First, he accused me of being a slut and a bad influence on the younger girls in church. He even questioned whether I should be involved with the youth at all given my reputation for promiscuity.

Then, just when I thought I might be in real trouble, he started feeling me up. He accused me of being a “predator”, consuming whatever “game” I wanted, accustomed to the whole world bowing at my feet doing my bidding. He said he knew what I was trying to do with him and that he recognized me for what I was. It started getting scary then, as he told me that HE was now the one in charge and that I had to do exactly as he said. I was helpless to do anything other than let him fuck me. The funny thing is, that is exactly what I had wanted him to do from the start except now it was more like being raped. Just as I was about to cum he would stop and frustrate me, laughing that he was teasing me the way I teased other men.

When it was all over, he claimed that the only reason he had fucked me to teach me a lesson. He told me that he wanted me to learn that not every man was put on earth for my pleasure and that I couldn’t just go after anyone I pleased without there being consequences. Then he warned me to never to talk what happened or he would have to give me another “lesson”. I will never forget his final words to me as I left his office, my pussy sore from the hard fucking he had just given me.

“If there’s ever a day Kelly you decide you need to talk about your life; if you ever reach a point where you question whether what you are doing is really what God wants for you; if you just need someone who can talk to you and be totally honest and frank about how the lifestyle you have chosen is truly affecting you; just know that I am here. Don’t ever make the mistake though of thinking you can seduce me or control me - I recognize the beast in you and you can’t hide it or disguise it from me. Good night Kelly.”

That was over a year and a half ago. Although we never did discuss it again, I remembered what he did to me every time I saw him or even thought about him.

Someday I would find a way to make him pay for what he did to me.