Chapter 1: My Only Athletic Skill

When it comes to sports and athletics in general, I’m the ultimate klutz. How anyone can hit a moving ball with a round stick is simply beyond my comprehension. My sadistic high school Physical Education teacher even announced to my entire class I was the worse tennis player he’d ever seen. As such I don’t work out or run unless it’s absolutely necessary. Someday I guess I may pay for not being as active as I suppose I should be; but for now Mother Nature has been kind to keep me in good shape without a lot of effort on my part. Perhaps maybe she feels guilty about taking so long to give me my boobs?

It’s ironic that while I proved to be a total failure at snow skiing, the ONE sport that I do CAN do is waterskiing. Maybe it’s because my parents started me out really young, I don’t know, but whatever the reason I can hold my own when it comes to being towed behind a boat riding a slalom ski. It doesn’t hurt either that it’s one of the few sports where you get to wear a bikini other than beach volleyball which is WAY too much work for me - not to mention sand in all the wrong places.!

Most people are surprised when I tell them I water ski. These days it seems folks don’t want to go through the hassle of learning to ski. It takes a lot of work and patience not only on your part, but also those in the boat who have to put up with the constant falls and starts. As a result, everywhere you look today, all you see are people being pulled along in tubes or out running around on jet skis. It’s become a rarity to see someone even trying to ski and even then, it’s usually on two skis which to me is the equivalent of riding a bike with training wheels.

As you might have guessed, for as long as I can remember my parents have owned a ski boat. Usually we travel to one of the state parks in northern West Virginia where there are several large lakes with lots of room to run around. The local rivers in the Pittsburg area have never been too appealing - too many obstacles and questionable cleanliness. Usually we take along friends or family but there are plenty of times when we just make it a family day out. Actually, given my relationships with my dad, those are some of the most “fun” days now for me. Trust me in this one, if you think giving your father a BJ while he’s driving an SUV in traffic is fun, that’s nothing compared to giving him one while he’s driving an open boat around a busy lake!

As I mentioned, one of the reasons I love waterskiing is that all you need is a bikini and a life jacket. Actually, that’s not QUITE true in that all you really need is a bikini BOTTOM and a life jacket. Many times I considered how wild it might be to ski totally topless but my parents drilled safety into me from day one and I would never even consider skiing without a life jacket, no more than I would drive a car without my seatbelt fastened. I suppose I could have tried going without the bottoms as well but there’s a fine line between flirting and getting yourself arrested!