Chapter 7: Trouble in Paradise

1978 to 1979

Bob and Brenda Roswell weren’t all that thrilled with their daughter’s choice of boyfriend, but he seemed harmless, at least so far. He was a nice enough boy, and his family was very nice, but Judy was going to college, no ifs, ands, or buts about it, and Hersch simply wasn’t college material. Still, they were only fifteen and had two more years of high school to go. There was no way they would stay together and would probably break up by Christmas.

They weren’t even all that concerned with the possibility the children might begin fooling around. One night early in their marriage, after a few drinks and an enjoyable round of missionary position sex on the couch, Bob and Brenda had admitted to each other that they had popped their cherries as freshmen in college, before they met each other. That had excited them enough to start a second round. Brenda had taken Judy to her doctor and started the girl on the birth control pill when she had started high school. In addition, she didn’t think that the children had ‘enjoyed relations’ yet. Hersch didn’t have a driver’s license, and double dating with your brother in a station wagon or pickup truck didn’t seem a particularly good venue for romance.

Unfortunately for Bob and Brenda, the romance didn’t fall apart. Judy went to the Caparelli house for Thanksgiving dinner, and then he went to the Roswells for pumpkin pie afterwards. Hersch took Judy to the Christmas Dance, double dating with Joey and his newest girlfriend, Emily Buck. They both bought each other small Christmas presents, as well as somewhat nicer presents for the Valentine’s Dance in February.

Along the way, the Caparellis passed along years’ worth of advice on surviving in the North Country, a large but ill-defined area of New York north of Albany. They told what was in their emergency kits, the best type of wood to use in their fireplace, the types of winter clothing to buy - and to avoid, and even the best boots to buy. Though there were no more monster snowstorms, Joey and Hersch continued driving over after snowstorms to plow the driveway. Hersch took his Uncle Andy over to Judy’s house to give an estimate on a home generator system, along with the concrete pad to set it on. Once there, he laughed and asked, “Is it true Hersch offered a discount based on the number of kisses provided?”

Judy blushed beet red and sputtered but her father answered, saying, “Sorry, I’d prefer paying full price. Feel free to ask Brenda, though.”

Andy laughed and said to his nephew, “Your Aunt Viv wouldn’t be too happy with that.”

Everything was going swimmingly for Hersch Caparelli, right until the beginning of March. After dinner Sunday night, his parents called him into Tommy’s study, where they had some paperwork on his desk. “Close the door, Hersch,” said Tommy. “Have a seat.” He pointed to an armchair. He and Mary were sitting on a love seat.

Hersch closed the door. “What’s up?”

“We need to go over some stuff with you. You’re going to turn sixteen in a few weeks, and we realized you would need to see your birth certificate, so we dug it out,” said his mother. “That was when we realized we needed to have a talk.”

“Okay. Uh, why?” Hersch was confused. What was the big deal about a birth certificate?

Tommy and Mary looked at each other. How were they to explain what they had to explain. Tommy started by saying, “You know that your brother Joey is my son from my first wife. I know you’ve seen her picture on some of the photos in his room.”

“Sure. She died in a car wreck or something, right? And then you met Mom, right?”

“Then I met your mother,” he agreed.

Hersch laughed. “And you kissed, and a stork brought me, right? I mean that’s what you told me.”

“Uhhh...”

Mary made a wry face and looked at her son. “Well, not exactly.”

“Mom?”

“Hersch, have you ever really looked at the dates? Your birthdate? Joey’s? Your father’s and my wedding date? Not just the day, but the year?”

“I don’t understand.” Hersch tried working out whatever they wanted him to know but couldn’t keep the dates straight. He grabbed a pad of paper off his father’s desk and a pen and started writing down the dates. His birthday, March 16, 1963. Joey’s birthday, June 17, 1962. Then he started thinking about what it meant. He looked at his mother and said, “Babies always take nine months, right?”

“That’s the general rule. Sometimes things go faster, but only when there’s a medical problem. There wasn’t with either of you,” she said.

Hersch worked backwards nine months. He must have been conceived within days of Joey being born. That meant his father must have knocked up his mother while he was still married to Joey’s mom, before she died! He looked at his father. “You and Mom were seeing each other while you were married to Joey’s mom?”

Tommy sat upright at that. He had never conceived that Hersch would come to that obvious but wrong conclusion. “No! I never cheated on my wife, not my first one or your mother! God, no!”

Mary quietly laughed at the thought, but it was too serious for that. Better that it came out now rather than later. “Have you ever seen a birth certificate, Hersch?”

“Uh, I don’t think so.”

Mary pulled her son’s birth certificate out of the papers on the desk. She handed it over. “Here, this is yours. Be careful with it; it takes weeks and costs money to get a new one.”

Hersch took it and looked at it. It had most of what he expected. There was his name, Herschel Walker, but his last name was Tomasino, not Caparelli. He knew his mother’s parents were the Tomasinos. His birthday was right. It said he was born in Saratoga at the Saratoga Hospital, which was the only hospital in town. His mother’s maiden name was right, Mary Alicia Tomasino. What he didn’t understand was why the space for the father’s name was blank. He stared at it for a couple of minutes. What did it mean?

He looked at Tommy. “You’re not my father?”

“I’m your adoptive father, not your birth father. After your mother married me, I adopted you as my son.”

Hersch looked at his mother. “Dad adopted me?”

“Yes, and I adopted your brother. Your father and I wanted to make sure you kids were always taken care of. We did it right after we got married. We’ll show you the wedding pictures if you want. Both you and Joey are in them,” Mary told him.

“My adoptive father. Not my real father. Who’s my real father?” Hersch asked.

This wasn’t working out like Mary had been hoping. Tommy kept his mouth shut, but his wife began crying.

“Do you know who my real father is?” Then Hersch thought of something even worse. “Was there more than one guy?”

That made Mary break down completely. Sobbing, she ran from the room. Tommy heard her run up the stairs and their bedroom door slam shut.

“Hersch, you need to shut the fuck up,” said his father.

Hersch turned to look at Tommy. He was furious! Why had they lied to him all these years? “You’re not my father. I don’t have to listen to you.” He stood to leave.

Faster than his son thought he could, Tommy was out of his chair and around his desk. He grabbed Herschel by the front of his shirt and slammed him against the wall. “You listen and you listen good! I am your father. I had to sign the papers in front of a judge, so I am your father. I’m just not the sperm donor!” He practically spit the words out, and Hersch began to think he had gone too far.

“That’s right, he was nothing but a sperm donor. Your mother was just a few years older than you are. The sperm donor lied to her and told her he loved her and told her he was going to marry her and then the sperm donor just left her. Maybe you would have preferred that she put you up for adoption or dump you in an orphanage or just abandon you at the firehouse. Maybe she should have had an abortion. It was illegal then, but it sure would have solved the problem, wouldn’t it? You’d be dead, but you wouldn’t be complaining, would you?”

“So, maybe you don’t want to listen to me but want to listen to the sperm donor. Fine, but I am still your mother’s husband, and if you ever talk to her like that or treat her like that or insult her like that, I won’t just kick you in the balls. I will cut them off and throw them in the yard!” He released Hersch’s shirt and pushed him away. It was Hersch’s turn to run up the stairs and lock himself in his room.

Hersch fell asleep not understanding what was happening. What had started out as a discussion about his getting his driver’s license had turned into an awful truth about his life. His father wasn’t his father. His mother had slept with some guy and got knocked up. Joey wasn’t his brother. They had been lying to him for years! Was anything true? He fell asleep not knowing what was going to happen.

When he woke up Monday morning, he still hadn’t figured things out. His mother didn’t come down to make their breakfast, so he and his brothers had to make their own. Were they even his brothers? He didn’t talk to Joey but just followed him down the driveway and got on the bus. When Judy got on the bus, he barely registered her presence and didn’t return her kiss. She looked over at Joey, but he just shook his head. He didn’t know what was going on. Hersch moved through the day like a robot, trying to understand what was happening to him and why. That night at dinner wasn’t much better. He answered questions, but that was it, and he didn’t talk about what had happened. All three of his brothers knew something was wrong, since neither Mom or Dad looked happy. Something was wrong.

Tuesday wasn’t much better. Mom made breakfast but otherwise was quiet. Hersch ignored his brother and Judy, just sitting there on the bus and looking out the window. When he got off, Judy grabbed Joey’s arm and held him back. “What’s with Hersch?” she asked quietly.

“I have no idea. Something happened Sunday night, and now it’s like everybody in the family is walking on eggshells. I don’t know what the fuck is going on.”

“What happened?”

“No idea.” He walked beside her into the school. “Listen, give him a chance. I know he still cares for you. Maybe he’ll pull his head out of his ass soon.”

Judy nodded and went to homeroom, where Hersch ignored her, like he had the other day.

At the end of the day, when he ignored her as she got off the bus, Judy decided to find out what was going on. She had to talk to Hersch, and she had to do it in person. She dropped her books on her bed, pulled on a jacket, and went to the garage. She got on her bike and rode to the Caparelli home. It took about half an hour to get there. It wasn’t a great ride, either, since a lot of the country roads weren’t painted with lane markings. She got to the front porch and leaned the bike against the steps and knocked on the door.

Mary came to the door and opened it. “Judy, what are you doing here? How did you get here?”

“I rode my bike, Mrs. C. Is Hersch here?”

“You shouldn’t have ridden here! These roads ... somebody could have hit you! People drive way too fast! You could have been killed! Do your parents know you’re here?”

“I left them a note.”

Just then the phone rang. “Come on in, sweetheart. No use standing on the porch.” Mary went to the kitchen and picked up the phone. Judy got only half the conversation, but she knew it was about her. “Yes, she just got here ... no, we had no idea ... no, you’re right, it’s much too dangerous ... she can stay for dinner and then Tommy or I will bring her back ... no, we can do it, it’s no trouble ... no, she’s not with Hersch, but they are going to be talking ... talking ... no, not that ... okay, we’ll take care of her ... bye.” She hung up and went back to the living room.

Judy said, “Please, Mrs. Caparelli, is Hersch here? Something is wrong! What did I do?” She was on the edge of tears.

Mary sighed. “It isn’t about you. It’s about Hersch. You need to talk to him. Go in the study and I’ll send him in.”

Judy went into the study and stood there with the door open. She looked around. On TV shows a study looked like a fancy library with a desk, but this just had some old furniture, a desk and swivel chair, a couple of short file cabinets, and a bookshelf. What was wrong?

Mary went to the stairs and yelled, “Hersch, come down here.”

“What is it?”

“What it is is you doing what I tell you and coming down here! Move it!” Her son’s attitude was getting very old, very fast.

Hersch groaned and got off his bed, where he had been staring at the ceiling. Barefoot, he went to the top of the steps and looked down at his mother, but she simply pointed at the floor next to her. He went down and stood next to her. “Yes?”

“Listen up, buster. This attitude of yours needs to end. I am getting sick and tired of it. It’s bad enough you treating your family like crap, but now it’s affecting other people. Lots of people get surprises, many of them a lot worse than yours, so knock it off.” She grabbed him by the arm and led him to the study. His eyes opened wide when he saw Judy standing there. Mary pushed him inside and said, “Talk to the girl.” She pulled the door shut behind her.

Hersch turned back to look at Judy, who was now crying. “Hersch, what did I do? I love you! Tell me what I did!”

“Oh, shit,” he muttered. He sat down on the old couch and Judy sat down next to him. “It’s not you.”

“Then what is it? Tell me so I can fix it.”

“You can’t fix this. Believe me, it can’t be fixed.”

“What? What can’t be fixed?” she pleaded.

Hersch stared at the floor and told her what his parents had told him. How his father wasn’t his father, how his mother had lied to him all his life, how his entire life was a lie. Worst of all, how he was a bad person. He was a bastard, illegitimate, his real father hadn’t even wanted him. How could he be someone Judy could love?

She stared at him in confusion. Mrs. C was one of the nicest people she knew. If Hersch was right and she had gotten pregnant before meeting Mr. C, then something bad must have happened to her. Hersch was starting to repeat himself when she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him fiercely. “Stop it. Just stop it.”

“Judy, you don’t...”

“No, just stop it! Stop talking!”

Hersch stopped talking and it was Judy’s turn. “What is the problem? That some guy talked his way into your mother’s pants sixteen years ago? Jesus, Hersch, that happens all the time! So what! So what if you’re illegitimate! So was Leonardo da Vinci!” Hersch looked at her curiously. “You didn’t know that, did you! That’s right, Leonardo da Vinci’s father knocked up his girlfriend, but he couldn’t marry her since he was already married. Yeah, I think that beats you!”

Hersch stared. Judy was on a roll. “And he’s not the only person who was born on the wrong side of the sheets. That’s one of the names for it. Alexander Hamilton was both illegitimate and an orphan, and he became the first Secretary of the Treasury! I bet you didn’t know that, either. Royalty even had a special symbol when they were drawing up coats of arms. They called it the bar sinister. Even nobles could be bastards, so what makes you so special!”