Chapter 6: Behind the Scenes

After the third round of fights, the tournament was suspended until the next day, and everyone returned home. Sitting at the desk in Valon’s room, Noah was busy replicating the headband he got from Saimallah. He had already used alchemy to create an exact replica, including the engraved runes, and was now applying a suitable ink. As he worked, he scrutinized the formula repeatedly, making sure it did what it was supposed to. For all he knew, putting it on could brand him with a curse. In his long years across the multiverse, he had learned to always look a gift horse in the mouth. Reading the formula was like reading a contract, and he had to be wary of fine print.

Sure that the replica headband was safe, he took a deep breath and put it on. The second the knot was tied, his whole body spasmed and became rigid, leaving him unable to move, as if he were awake during surgery. It was a strange sensation, like every muscle had a weight attached. Fortunately, his heart and lungs seemed unencumbered, so he wasn’t in danger, and he could also still speak, probably so that the user could call for help since they likely wouldn’t be able to remove the headband on their own, but no matter how much he pushed or pulled, he could not resist the invisible binds. Saimallah said that the wearer could only move by keeping their mana energized and flowing at full capacity, so that’s what Noah focused on.

He reached into his inner self, feeling his energy circulating through his system, and began upping the intensity. By increasing one’s energy flow like this, a magic user could gather their strength for a spell quicker and easier. The problem was that doing it wasted energy and resulted in fatigue. Before a race, a sprinter might hop up and down or jog in place to get their blood flowing faster, allowing them to reach their peak earlier, but if they did it too much, they might find themselves out of breath when they needed it.

Noah started with one finger, sending his mana surging through the muscle fibers, and soon could lift it. He could still feel the headband trying to restrict him, but now he could push back. He did the same to his other fingers, soon gaining full control of his hand. The effort required was considerable, but this manner of controlling his mana was not dissimilar to how he could control his clone. Rather than something he would wear like a disguise, he simply had to think of his clone as something that existed within him, under his skin.

He extended his control throughout his body, first adjusting his position in his chair, then, while pouring sweat, he lifted himself up and got to his feet. Just standing up straight and remaining upright was a challenge. Back when he first unlocked his clone ability, he remembered having to reacquaint himself with every muscle required for standing and balance, and those first few steps were like all the times he learned to walk as a baby. All that experience was invaluable. Soon enough, he was circling the room, tweaking the awkwardness out of his movements.

Once he got accustomed to the restraints, he decided to challenge himself. He removed his shirt and began performing his personal workout. Now, it wasn’t just his muscles being strained, but his mana reserves and control. Having spent numerous lifetimes pursuing the peak of physical fitness, he knew how to fight through strain and fatigue, and push his body to its limits and beyond, but this experience was a whole new dimension of challenging. The closest thing he could compare it to was performing weight training in high altitudes and crushing depths.

Eventually, he had to stop and rest, unable to complete his workout. The fact that it was so challenging meant that he was doing something right. He assumed the lotus position on the floor and began meditating to regain his strength. Now that he was no longer moving, the crushing force of the magical restraints eased, while still keeping his mana suppressed. Curious, he decided to practice his spiritual sense training. The Harajin had a method of invisibility known as Bakudan, in which they would slow the flow of their mana, near to the point of a complete halt, and that stillness would allow them to blend in with their environment, as if reality itself had overlooked them. It also helped hone one’s awareness of the ethereal.

Noah had already made progress in slowing the flow of his mana and his bodily functions, and the headband was helping. His heart dropped to one beat a minute, and he all but stopped breathing. Typically, such a state would be fatal, but the more he slowed down his mana, the more he could forestall damage. Without mana flowing, his cells would stop processing nourishment and oxygen, but they wouldn’t wither and die, for the molecular processes of cell death were also halted. Caught in a near-perfect state of suspended animation, his physical senses operated at the lowest possible level, and he became more attuned to the flow of mana around him, sharpening his spirit senses.

He couldn’t maintain this state for long, and eventually snapped out of it, gasping for air as if he had lost a lung. He had to be careful with this training method, as there was no telling what health dangers it posed. He resumed meditating, slowly replenishing his mana reserves. Once they had reached a decent level, an idea occurred to him. He summoned his clone, feeling it overlap his presence with a copy, but now, he was unable to separate from it. The headband was trapping his mana within his body, making him feel wrapped in a thick layer of insulation.

He pushed against the seal, using his mana to separate from his clone, but it was like he was buried in concrete. He couldn’t project his mana even a centimeter beyond his skin. It was even more difficult than performing his workout, but this was precisely what he wanted. Saimallah said that he and his fellow monks used these headbands to train their projection abilities, and there was no better way than this. As he struggled and strained, the seal began to give, ever so slightly, feeling less like concrete and more like rubber.

Slowly, and with no shortage of effort, he began to pry off his clone, separating centimeter by centimeter. Sitting on the floor, he resembled an animal shedding its skin. Eventually, he and his clone split like dividing cells, but the seal was trying to pull them back together. Moving his clone forward felt like trying to swim upriver, and it was taking everything he had not to be pushed back, let alone advance further. However, he felt himself closing in on something, a sensation, or perhaps it could be called a state of mind. Whatever it was, it seemed to help him project his mana. If he could make this state of awareness easier to access, then his magic would surely grow much more powerful.

Down below, he heard a knock on the front door, and Shannon answered. The brief moment of distraction snapped his clone back as if it had been yanked with a tether. Once again, he was left gasping for air and dripping sweat. He deactivated his magic and ripped off his headband, immediately sighing in relief. That sensation alone was worth the stress of training, as if slipping into a hot bath.

Moments later, she arrived. “My Lord, Sophia is here to see you. Are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” Noah panted, “just doing some training.”

“Your nose is bleeding.” Noah wiped his nose, revealing a red streak on his hand. “Are you sure you’re well?”

“It was some intense training, but you don’t need to worry. You said Sophia is here? Just her, no Alexis or Cyrilo?”

“No, sir.”

“Interesting. Please show her in and make some tea. Tell her I’ll be down by the time it’s ready.”

“Of course,” she said with a bow.

After Shannon departed, Noah gave himself a quick birdbath with a damp cloth to wipe off his sweat. The training had been intense indeed. He also needed to stop his nosebleed before he saw Sophia.

Downstairs, Shannon led Sophia into the foyer. “Please make yourself at home. Lord Noah is freshening up, but he’ll be down as soon as I pour the tea.”

“Thank you,” said Sophia with a wisp of nervousness. Shannon turned around, but Sophia called out to her. “Wait, Shannon, can ... can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“You help Noah perform his magic and experiments, right?”

“That’s right. I am his “lab assistant,” according to him.”

Sophia bit her lip. When she and Noah were at the academy, they helped each other with their research projects, she with her healing techniques and he with his alchemy. He had referred to her the same way. It had been a point of pride for her, that she was able to help him, that he needed her.

“Do you enjoy it? To work under him, I mean?”

“Well, it can be pretty scary at times. When we were in Welindar, he would experiment on members of the Pack, injecting them with various drugs to study their reaction, or slicing them open to see how they worked inside. Early on, I was actually frightened of him, this man who could do the most terrifying things so easily. However, I soon took notice of his skill.

Watching him work, the expertise at his fingertips, it was like watching a masterful performance. Even the act of dissection was artful. He was so knowledgeable, so capable, and he would explain how he used these techniques in the past to help people. My fear quickly turned to admiration, and I realized that Lord Noah could not be judged by such terms as good or evil. He is neither black nor white, but gray at both its darkest and brightest, a gray as deep as the ocean.

Then, I would help him with his alchemy, and the things I learned amaze me to this day. To see the world in its smallest shards, it changes you. Before I met him, I lived in a tent in the grasslands, and now I’m being taught how the universe works and how to turn worthless dirt into priceless gems. It’s both humbling and encouraging. And when he wasn’t fighting the Profane, he was helping Welindar advance in farming, mining, and sanitation, almost rebuilding it from the ground up. For him to know so much, this man who was recognized by the spirits, it was awe-inspiring. I wanted to entrust everything to him, to follow him forever, because I knew whichever direction he went was the right one.”

Sophia knew that feeling painfully well. She missed working alongside Noah, and hearing Shannon experience what she had, having replaced her, was discouraging. She loved being Cyrilo’s assistant, but it wasn’t the same.

“And I know you’re ... closer with him than just his assistant.”

Shannon got Sophia’s meaning and blushed with her ears twitching. “Well, that is true. I swore myself to Lord Noah and Lady Valia, body, mind, and soul. That includes ... intimate service, but they never forced me into anything I didn’t want to do. It was I who first offered.”

“What’s it like?” Sophia hated herself for asking it, even before she spoke the words. Again and again, she’d promise herself she’d push Noah out of her heart and devote all her love to Alexis, but this torch she was carrying, she couldn’t release it no matter how much she tried.

Shannon kneaded her hands together. “Well, I definitely need a lot of stamina, but it is wonderful, being able to please my Lord and Lady. I know that you and Lord Noah are also close.”

“We are ... were ... close, for one night, and then he bowed out for me and Alexis. Sometimes, I wonder what would have happened if he had allowed us to accompany him and Valia on their journey. The fact that he never asked makes me wonder if we were ever close at all.”

“I can’t speak on Lord Noah’s behalf or pretend to understand what he thinks or feels. I can only tell you what I believe: trust him. Trust his reasoning. Maybe it’s because you were close that he didn’t want to endanger you.”

Sophia mulled over Shannon’s words, then turned as Noah came down the stairs. “Hello, Noah,” she said with a bashful smile.

“Sophia, so nice of you to visit. What’s going on?”

“Can we talk? It’s important.”

“Of course. Please, take a seat.”

Shannon bowed. “Please excuse me, I’ll start the tea.”

Noah and Sophia sat in the foyer, he in a chair and she on the couch, while Shannon disappeared into the kitchen.

“How can I help?”

Sophia could not meet his gaze. “It’s about what happened to Bella. There is something you need to know. She wasn’t bitten, she was—”

“She got her hands on a bottle of Profane venom that Cyrilo was holding, I know.”

Sophia was shocked. “You know? But how?”

“I was the one who gave her the bottle, though technically, I was just acting as the courier. She was after a special potion and accidentally received that venom instead.”

“Then you know it’s her—our—fault that Bella went on her rampage.”

“You couldn’t have known what would happen.”

Sophia clutched her hands tightly. “But I did know. I knew she had that venom because I helped her transfer its abilities to a vial of Abernathy’s Ichor. I warned her what would happen, how dangerous it was to keep that bottle, and implored her to destroy it. She didn’t listen and told me to keep it a secret. To my shame, I did, and now I have the king’s blood, and the blood of countless knights and soldiers on my hands. Cyrilo said she would take responsibility for anything that happened, but all she’s done is go with the flow, hiding behind lies. Every time I try to talk to her about it, about us facing our sins, she silences me. She did it today, which is why I came to you. I must admit, I’ve lost a great deal of respect for her.

I don’t want to be executed or spend my life in the dungeon for what we did, but I ... I have to tell someone. I have to face some kind of judgment. After everything that’s happened, I just can’t sit on this any longer, and if I am to break my promise and reveal this to someone, if I am to be punished by someone, I want it to be you.”

“You haven’t told Alexis?”

Shannon arrived with a full teapot and poured them each a cup. Her maid routine was developing splendidly. Sophia didn’t answer, not until Shannon left.

“She figured it out on her own. Or rather, she simply didn’t believe Cyrilo’s story. She’s keeping quiet because she doesn’t want me and Cyrilo to get in trouble. It’s not fair to her, to have to bear this sin with us. Honestly, I’m no different. I’m grateful to Cyrilo for everything she’s done for Alexis and me, and without her, our literature program has no future. Our dream is to change the world by granting everyone the gift of knowledge, but is noble sentiment enough to make up for what we did? Is it wrong for me to protect her? To protect myself? To escape punishment under the excuse that we’re trying to make a better world?”

Noah took a sip of tea. “I can understand why you would come to me for this, why you sought my judgment, but I am the wrong person to go to for ethical counseling. I have no moral code, no righteous instinct. I have done truly wicked things in the past, and the only regret I feel is the effort I wasted on amoral endeavors that failed to bear fruit. I’m in no place to judge you for what happened.

If you want punishment for you and Cyrilo, tell me this, what will it accomplish? What’s done is done. The dead are already in the ground, and no amount of flagellation will bring them back. Whether you receive punishment or not, nothing changes. None of it matters. It’s all pointless. If you were a violent criminal, unrepentant, or even pleased with the carnage Bella wrought, then for the objective sake of society, I would say you should be locked away or executed. However, that isn’t you. I see your guilt and pain, so it’s not like there is any grand lesson for you to learn by being punished. If you think sitting in the dungeon will make you feel better, relieve you of your guilt, and bless you with a clean conscience, then the punishment is for your sake, not anyone else’s.”

“But though we’ve gone to war with the church, I am still a devout believer in Lumendori. I told Cyrilo that by helping her, I was dirtying my soul in the eyes of God, and that’s how I truly feel. Ever since that night, I’ve been unable to pray, and I feel so alone. I’m left wondering by what right I have to ask Lumendori for protection or forgiveness, having involved myself in the purest evil. Have I turned my back on God, or has God turned his back on me?”

“If God was angry at you, do you not think him capable of clearly telling you? You say you have dirtied your soul in the eyes of God, but that is because you feel that way, not because God appeared and told you. There are two errors that people make regarding their faith. The first is believing that they understand God, that God shares their values and thinks like they do. To think that you can know what God feels, wants, believes, and demands is the ultimate hubris, surpassed only by declaring yourself God.

The second error is taking silence for an answer. When you pray to God and get only silence, that is neither a yes nor a no. It is simply the absence of a response. Whether or not God has heard your prayers is impossible to know, so however you interpret the silence, it is due to your own feelings. If you do something wrong and God doesn’t punish you, does that mean your actions are condoned or forgiven? How could you possibly know if God doesn’t explicitly tell you? God hasn’t deemed you unworthy; you deemed yourself unworthy. Do not try to find meaning in silence. All you hear is your own conscience.”

“So what should I do?”

“First, you should drink your tea.”

Sophia looked at the cup set before her. She hadn’t even touched it yet. She picked it up and took that first sip. “It’s good.”

“You can thank Shannon for that. She has some kind of miracle gift when it comes to teas and soups. I can’t explain it; she gets the flavoring exactly right every single time.” Sophia giggled and continued drinking. Down the hall, Shannon, who was doing her best not to eavesdrop, blushed and smiled with her ears twitching happily. “As for what you should do, I’d say you’re on the right path already. Like you said before, your literature program has no future without Cyrilo, or you for that matter, so if either of you are imprisoned or executed, your dream of changing the world dies. You truly can help people by bringing about the Age of Information. Don’t throw that away to alleviate your guilt.

If you want my judgment, here it is: let your guilt be your penance. Bear it, suffer under it, burn in it. Work even harder now, so that you can help more people than Bella hurt. That is how you pay for your sins, by making a difference, not by sitting in a dungeon. Sophia Rosege, I hereby sentence you to a lifetime of hard labor, bringing mankind into the next age. That is the punishment I bestow upon you. Just make sure you don’t neglect Alexis or anyone else.”

Sophia took a deep breath as she was overcome with relief. Noah told her to endure her guilt, but if anything, she now felt it lighten. A gentle condemnation, a way to make up for her sins, it was exactly what she needed. She gazed at Noah, this man who had changed her whole world. He always knew what to say to make her feel better and lift her out of the bog of despair and confusion. It was just one of the reasons why she loved him.

“Thank you,” she said wholeheartedly before taking another sip of tea.

“You’re welcome. Now, is there anything else you want to talk about? Tell me, how are things with you and Alexis?”

Sophia smiled and blushed. “It’s like a dream. We can finally live our lives true to each other, no longer having to hide, no longer kept apart by family or obligation. Every night, I get to fall asleep beside her in our warm bed, and every morning, I open my eyes, and she’s right there with me. We get to spend our days and nights together, talking, laughing, whispering. If not for you, I don’t think we ever could have been blessed with such a life, with such freedom and happiness. Thank you for everything.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that. You both ended up at the Knight’s Sheath because you were stripped of your rank due to my actions. I’m just glad everything worked out for the two of you, that you’re both happy. That’s all I ever wanted for you.”

As he looked into her beautiful blue eyes, saw her adoring smile, and admired the flawless scarlet of her hair, he felt a stirring in his chest. After all of the one-night stands he had experienced, his evening with Sophia at the academy should not have affected him. He stepped aside, letting Alexis be with her as they were meant to be, and yet, at the moment, he found himself longing for her. She was sweet, loving, courageous, and pure of heart while honest about her desires. He wanted to hold her, to kiss her, to caress her, to wake up beside her and see her smile. But was that because of his feelings for her, or his feelings for who she reminded him of?

He had never told her what he and Alexis spoke of that snowy morning, never told her the real reason why he had helped her break free of Galvin. If he did, how would she react? Would she become disheartened, accusing him of toying with her for his own selfish desires because he couldn’t let go of the past? Or would she go with it, try to take up the role of his long-departed wife, forsaking her identity, her future, and her relationship with Alexis just to receive his affection? Neither was an outcome he wanted.

“Sophia, welcome,” said Valia, entering the foyer.

“Lady Zodiac!” Sophia beamed.

“Please, I keep telling you, just call me Valia. What brings you here?”

“I just wanted to talk to Noah about what happened with Bella. How are you feeling? You’re looking much better.”

“I definitely feel it. Most of my fatigue is gone, and I’ll be back and fighting quite soon. If anything, I’m starting to feel a bit restless, afraid I’ll get soft if I keep lounging around like a fat cat in front of a fireplace.”

“I’m glad. I was starting to get worried. It seemed like your recovery was taking longer than it should have.”

“Well, with all the treatment you’ve given me since I arrived, I’m probably ahead of schedule. I can’t thank you enough for that. So, shall we all head to the Knight’s Sheath? I’m craving a drink and some good music.” She then began to laugh and stood behind Noah, rubbing his shoulders. “To think I’d reach this point in my life, spending all these evenings down in a brothel. You’re a horrible influence on me.”

“You aren’t nearly as innocent as you pretend to be,” he teased.

“I was a saint before I met you, and now look at me. But I suppose I should thank you for making things so interesting.” She then leaned down and kissed him, and Sophia tried to subtly avert her gaze and hide the fresh bruise on her heart.

The four walked to the Knight’s Sheath, where the late afternoon rush was starting to boil. As soon as they arrived, Cyrilo snatched up Sophia. “Sophia, there you are! Be a dear and go up to Room 7. One of our customers had a little accident while trying to perform a Flying Sock Puppet and needs your attention.”

“Flying Sock Puppet?” Shannon whispered.

“You’re probably better off not knowing, as am I,” Valia replied.

“Let’s just say that it’s a bedroom maneuver not for the faint of heart, and certainly not for amateurs,” said Noah.

“Noah, could you grab Alexis from the basement for me? Her shift is starting.”

Valia and Shannon went to get some good seats while Noah descended into the basement, following the sounds of blows landing. He found Alexis pummeling her sandbag and working up a sweat.

“You got a nice setup down here,” he said.

“I need to stay in shape,” she replied, not turning around and continuing to punch and kick her swinging target. “Most of the customers know not to cause trouble now, and those that do, well, they do it for the attention.”

“I spent a good amount of time down here with Cyrilo, helping to prepare for our special party. I constructed a lot of sex rigs to put the girls on display for their audience.”

Alexis finally turned to him. “I know. Cyrilo told me every time we had to move the damn things. That big spinning X-shaped one with the restraints was such a pain for me and Lucius to carry up and down the stairs. Cyrilo never seemed satisfied with where we put those things. “No, maybe over there,” she’d kept saying. “Hmmm, maybe we should put it in Lisa’s room.” It was awful.”

“Hey, you said you need to stay in shape.”

“At least I didn’t have to clean them.”

“Speaking of Cyrilo, she says it’s time for your shift.”

“Is it? I often lose track of time in here.”

“It’s a shame you didn’t join the tournament. Even though you’re already silver rank, I bet you would have enjoyed it.”

“I’ll be honest, I do regret it a bit, but...” she trailed off, turning away from her punching bag and unwrapping the bandages around her hands. Seeing that she wouldn’t continue, Noah punched the bag, sending it swinging back.

“This about Bella?”

Alexis sighed. “I’ve lost fights before, plenty of times, as you can imagine. But Bella, that was something else. I failed, Noah. I failed to protect the Knight’s Sheath, my comrades, the king. I was knocked aside by a monster that defies the laws of nature. No matter how much I train, how much I struggle, what good is it when someone like Bella, who never fought a day in her life, can suddenly become an unholy demigod and crush us like we’re insects? How is that fair? Part of me did want to take part in the tournament, to show everyone, including myself, how strong I am. But ... I was afraid I would instead be reminded of how weak I am.”

Noah continued punching the bag in her place. “Since when has it ever been fair? When I was in Handent, I fought a Profane who forced me to fake my death in order to escape, and another captured me like a fly in a web. In Welindar, the battle was lost because I failed to kill Kaisen before he could transform. This is the struggle of fighting against the Profane, the struggle of being outclassed and overpowered. In this war, surviving with just a bruised ego is victory enough. You stood up to that monster, you fought, you survived.

You’re still here because you’re strong, maybe not strong enough to win, but strong enough to live. How many knights and soldiers can say that? How many people in history do you think have clawed their way through the mud, gnashing their teeth and howling in pain, all for that little victory? You being here, after all that bloodshed and horror, is an accomplishment you shouldn’t dismiss.”

Alexis sat down against the wall, watching Noah land blow after blow. She could see the strength and mastery in his movements. She suspected he could tear through that canvas bag with his fist like it was nothing. For him to be forced into a corner, to be bested by these monsters, what did that say about her?

“All I ever wanted was to change the world, to make it a better place where the weak wouldn’t be stepped on and enslaved, where freedom was a right instead of a privilege. I pushed myself, I struggled, I suffered, all for that goal, and survival is the best I could accomplish? If I have to focus only on survival, to be grateful just for staying alive, then how am I supposed to change anything? How am I any different from those who do nothing to fix this broken, corrupt reality?”

“Your loss to Bella does not undo everything you, Sophia, and Cyrilo have accomplished. The literature program you’ve established is a blessing for this world, and you and Sophia managed to take down a gold-ranked knight who was standing in the way of public education. That is no small feat. You’re too young to be focusing on your regrets, on what you couldn’t do. The story of the Bow Mistress is only just beginning. When the war against the Profane is over, they’ll sing songs and legends about you, about how you fought and saved this world. And your clash with Bella? That’ll be a good story for you to tell around the campfire.”

“You think so?”

“I told you before, yours is a destiny of promise, one I wish to see fulfilled.”

Alexis gave a sad smile and hugged her knees to her chest. “Though I complained about it initially, I’ve had a lot of fun here at the Knight’s Sheath. I love living and working with Sophia, I love helping the girls and keeping them safe, I love punishing the arrogant and entitled ogres that come in here and think they can do whatever they want, and I love reading those books on quiet and lazy afternoons. But still, part of me wishes ... that Sophia and I had come along with you and Valia on your journey. I was angry at you for what happened, but all this time, I’ve missed you. I missed talking to you, I missed eating with you, I missed arguing with you, and fighting alongside you. Why didn’t you invite us? Why ... did you leave us behind?”

“I did invite you, remember? I invited you to become a free agent, to come with me and see what was on the other side of the horizon. You told me you couldn’t be the person I wanted you to be, even though the only person I want you to be is you.”

“But that was before everything changed with Sophia and Galvin, before you knew what kind of woman I am. But at the end of the year, when you told us the truth of who you are, had you invited us to help you find Valia’s brother, to help you fight the Profane in Handent, we would have jumped at the chance, but you never asked.”