Chapter 3: Think Tank

For those of you who complained about the dragon, I’ll remind you that he was introduced in book 2 and elaborated on again in book 4. I planted the seed years ago so it could finally bloom for this book. You don’t get to criticize if you don’t pay attention and just skim past important details.

Once again, the Profane had gathered in physical and smoke form.

“So, the invasion was a complete disaster,” a woman with white hair said coldly.

“On the contrary, it was a great success,” said Scyler.

“Our army was reduced to ash, and Colbrand is untouchable. How is that a success?” a tall, lanky ghoul hissed.

“It was a mob of lowly pawns, controlled by Kaisen, not an elite or powerful force. They were our most expendable asset, and with their destruction, we gained priceless intel. We know that Colbrand is once again under the protection of an angel. Better we learn that now rather than throwing everything we have at them and getting annihilated. Besides, we’ve driven the forces of Uther out of Handent. We now have free reign.”

“Yet I am still denied my prize.” The bitter words were spoken by a human in smoke form, with long hair and a scar over his eye.

“Quit your belly aching, Liege,” growled a dwarf ghoul with a braided black beard.

“I was promised the destruction of Colbrand, and you failed to deliver.”

“You didn’t tell us the Wassengel was functional,” said the white-haired woman. “Had we gambled everything on your mediocre information, we’d have been killed. The failure is yours, and if you don’t want to pay the price of failure with your life, I suggest you do everything you can to remain useful to us.”

“The return of the Wassengel may actually be a stroke of luck,” said Scyler. “It follows the command of those with royal blood, correct? Now that we have the prince, it’s quite possible for us to take it for ourselves and use it. Colbrand lies in shooting range of the angel. How ironic would it be for their greatest weapon, their greatest protection, to be their undoing?”

“Let us not grow complacent with hope,” said Tysinger, standing among the smoke forms. “The fact that Kaisen was defeated gives pause for concern. As a Profane, he should have been unbeatable, even if he hadn’t fully healed from the operation. Carthace and Kaisen, we’ve lost two of our strongest members to the Wandering Spirit and his allies.”

“In time, we’ll be able to replace them. My creations grow stronger and more refined with each passing day,” said Curcio.

“That’s not the point. All this time, we’ve avoided striking at Uther out of fear of Adwith Tarnas, but I believe we should consider the Wandering Spirit to be our main concern.”

“Don’t tell me you’re losing your nerve because of some human,” a split-jawed ghoul taunted.

“He is no ordinary human. He bested our troops before, and I’m sure he will again. The longer we let him live, the greater the danger he poses.”

“He makes an interesting point,” said the one succubus of the group. “My Duska went out against my orders and tried to kill him. She returned, having narrowly escaped death, but with a broken spirit. She refuses to speak of what happened to her.”

“What about that woman, the one who killed the king?” Curcio asked. “She had some kind of relationship with the Wandering Spirit. Any luck in finding her? Has she tried to make contact?”

All the Profane shook their heads and refuted the hope.

“She may be one of us by blood, but we shouldn’t rely on her to carry our ideals,” said Scyler. “Still, she’s already proven useful to us once. She may do so again. Though she forced us to rush our plans, she succeeded in killing the king for us and setting things in motion. Now that the humans have retreated back to Uther, we have room to breathe. Let’s use this time to further bolster our military might. Soon, not even the Wandering Spirit will be able to stop us.”

The meeting was adjourned, and the smoke effigies were dispersed. The Liege stood, surrounded by mirrors, moments ago showing the Profane leaders and now just sporting his reflection. He turned around and opened the door behind him. It was a false wall in the back of his closet, and he stepped out into his private chambers in the palace. Outside, sunlight filled the streets of Colbrand, and he winced from the brightness. Fortunately, he was human; otherwise, his eyes would be smoldering.

There was a knock on the door. “Lord Strauss, I have those documents you requested.”

Strauss sighed and straightened his robes. Life was difficult, but a double life was exhausting.

The Knight’s Sheath had hit its late-morning lull. Everyone who spent the night had woken up and left, and it wasn’t yet time to chase down lunch with a drink. The parlor was mostly empty, save for a few customers drinking and reading. Thanks to Sophia and Cyrilo’s literature program, there were now vast shelves of books to choose from. But though things were peaceful, they weren’t exactly quiet. A repeating sound echoed from the basement, like the striking of a hammer.

The source of the noise was Alexis, unleashing all of her strength on a punching bag hanging from the ceiling. Daniel had described their design and use, and she made one herself, now finding herself near addicted. Again and again, she punched and kicked the sand-filled bag, wondering how she had ever trained without one. Daniel also told her about the unique clothing used by modern athletes at the gym, the soft and stretchy fabrics, and she decided to imitate them. She wore a sports bra and tight-fitting pants with threads of alchemically-created rubber woven into the fabric. It was no spandex, but she loved it.

Every day, during her break periods, she would come down here and exhaust herself, beating the canvas bag and thickening the air with her evaporated sweat as countless drops ran down her slender frame. In the modern world, people would look at her and expect her to model on a runway, but she would be more at home in an MMA ring.

Yet, though she could drain all of her stamina, her frustration was inexhaustible, no matter how much she vented it on the canvas target. Just upstairs, in the parlor where people would come to drink and relax every evening, countless men and women, her fellow knights, had been slaughtered by Bella. Customers and working girls walked on floorboards drenched in blood and painstakingly cleaned. That night, her pride was crushed, with every hard-won victory in her life dismissed by the unholy power Bella wielded.

Against such an unstoppable foe, she was reminded of just how weak she truly was, and the limits of her human body. Endurance that shrugged off all wounds, strength that knocked back all opponents, speed that left all pursuers in the dust; how was she supposed to compete with that? Even Sir Aithorn, one of the greatest warriors in the kingdom, whom she had come to respect and admire, was left vanquished. She punched and kicked the bag with all of her strength, ever striving to improve herself and become a better fighter, but all she could think of was Bella or another mighty Profane receiving her attacks and just laughing her off before ripping her in half.

Having used up all her strength, she leaned against the bag, gasping for air and drenched in sweat. That was enough for one day. She changed out of her workout clothes, her hands trembling from the adrenaline as she unwrapped the bandages earlier applied. After cleaning herself off with a bucket of water and a washcloth, she adorned her usual work attire and headed upstairs. She found Lucius behind the bar, passing the time with a book. Everyone in the Knight’s Sheath was reading these days.

“Did I miss anything?” she asked.

“You know that dragon that was spotted yesterday? He came in and asked for the girl with the biggest tits, then left without paying for his drinks.” Alexis laughed, and Lucius closed his book. “You hold down the fort, I got an errand to run.”

“Leave it to me.”

She took his place behind the counter, and with no one to tend to, she opened her own book to read until the afternoon rush came. After a few pages, she heard the front door open, and Melinda greeted the customer. In stepped a man she had never seen before. He was garbed in a leather coat and a wide-brimmed hat, with a gold knight’s emblem hanging from his neck and a matching sword on his hip.

“Welcome to the Knight’s Sheath. What can I get you?”

“I’ll have a glass of Knight’s Ambrosia, please,” the man said with a smile as he sat at the bar.

“Coming right up.”

As she poured the drink, he looked around. “It’s been a while since I was here last. When did Cyrilo get all these books?”

“It’s part of a literature program she’s running, using alchemy to mass-produce texts from the raw materials.”

“Ooh, very interesting.” The man raised his glass, and Alexis watched him drink. There was something about him, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Did she know him from somewhere? He emptied his glass with a sigh of bliss. “Always delicious. You can’t even taste the alcohol. You know, I remember the old place, so quaint and rustic in comparison.”

“It’s a shame how it burned down.”

“I know, I was there.”

“You were?”

“Yep, and boy, did I make those four little shits pay.”

Alexis’s heart skipped a beat. “Noah?”

He smiled and released his aged visage. “Hello, Alexis. It’s been a while.”

“Is that really you?” she asked, circling the bar to him with her mouth hanging open.

“That’s the second time I’ve been asked that since my return.”

She looked utterly stunned, up until the moment she slapped him across the face. “That’s for what you did to Seraph! I hated him too, but what you did was sick and demented!”

He rubbed his cheek. “So you say. Honestly, I went easy on him.”

She slapped him again on the other cheek. “And that’s for leaving me behind to get arrested! Sophia and I were disavowed from the knighthood because of you!”

Noah could have easily dodged either slap, but seeing as it wasn’t a straight punch or a kick to the balls, he decided to let her vent. “Apologies, but seeing that ring on your finger, it’s clear your exile was short-lived. Now, are you going to keep slapping me, or can we move on to the part where you give me a proper welcome?”

Alexis grunted angrily and threw her arms around Noah, hugging him tightly. “You’re a real bastard, you know that?” she murmured, her face pressed tight to his shoulder.

“It’s good to see you, Alexis. I missed you too,” he said, hugging her back.

They both heard a loud thump and turned to see Sophia, who had just dropped a stack of books with her hands still outstretched, struck with a look of shock. That look then turned into a smile as bright as the sun. “Noah!” she exclaimed, running over and hugging him like Alexis while laughing in joy.

“Ah, my dear sweet Sophia,” he said, kissing her on the cheek.

“I can’t believe you’re here! I’ve missed you so much!”

“Same to you. You’re looking well.”

The compliment made her cheeks redden as if on a hair trigger. “O-oh! Thank you! You’re looking good yourself.”

“Hey, no flirting, you two,” said Alexis.

“I’m not flirting; I’m just so happy!” Sophia squealed.

“What’s with all the commotion?” Cyrilo asked, stepping out of her study. The moment she locked eyes on Noah, a wry smile crossed her face. “Well, well, well, the Knight’s Sheath’s patron saint returns. I knew it was only a matter of time before you’d strut through my doors.”

“Where else will I find the best drinks and girls in Uther? It looks like you’ve made advancements with your aging hex. Very nice.”

“Thank you. You are looking at the woman who discovered eternal youth.”

“Holy shit, Noah!” exclaimed Daniel, coming downstairs.

“Well, if it isn’t the Bard of Rock. How’ve you been, Daniel?”

“Dude, there is so much to talk about! I don’t know where to start!”

“Let’s take a seat, I want to hear everything.” They all joined around a table, Sophia looking like she wanted to sit in Noah’s lap. “I’ve already been filled in on the battle and the Wassengel, but Valia mentioned something about you guys fighting the church. What’s the story on that?”

“Well, that’s—” Cyrilo began.

“Ok, so here’s how it started,” said Sophia. It would have been silly to expect anyone else to tell the story. She regaled Noah with the details of how she and Alexis started working at the Knight’s Sheath, how Cyrilo began their literature program, and their battles against the church’s spies. She spoke so fast that she almost forgot to breathe.

“To think you asking me to hold on to that blackmail material on Ford would save all our skins. You’re the gift that keeps on giving,” said Cyrilo.

“When I found that list and realized what it was for, I just brushed it off. I can’t believe it helped you take down the church.”

“So come on, tell us about your adventures,” said Sophia. “Sir Aithorn and Lady Zodiac gave us the overview, but we want to hear the details.”

“Knowing you and your escapades, you probably got someone pregnant,” Alexis laughed. Noah just sat there, smiling, and everyone slowly gained the same look of shock, with Sophia’s cheeks again flushed. “Oh my God, you did get someone pregnant. What poor woman did you knock up?”

“The queen of the elves.”

“Very funny.”

“To be clear, I am giving good news about my child, not bragging about my conquests. Here, I took her picture before I left Sylphtoria.” He pulled out his phone and brought up his picture of Elisandra, taken while they enjoyed the summer storm. “We’re naming the child Rain. I plan to return after I’ve broken my curse and spend my remaining years in Sylphtoria.”

“That’s beautiful,” said Cyrilo.

He handed it Alexis, whose eyes widened in awe at Elisandra’s beauty. “Damn,” she gasped softly.

“Let me see!” said Daniel as he took the phone, only to immediately flip out. “Damn!”

The phone was passed to Cyrilo, who raised her eyebrows in shock and looked at Noah with an amused smile. “Damn,” she said, her tone a projection of congratulations, in more than one way.

It was Sophia’s turn to look. As expected, finding out that Noah was so intimately involved with someone, even building a family together, left her with complicated feelings. Despite her loyalty to Alexis, part of her would always love Noah, and she felt jealous from the news. Then, when she saw Elisandra, a different kind of jealousy overcame her, wishing not to take the queen’s place, but Noah’s.

“Damn,” she murmured.

“How could this even happen? What did you do?” Alexis asked.

“Ok, so first ... I was minding my own business.”

Alexis slammed her hands on the table. “Bullshit!”

“I was!”

“And what happened whilst you were ‘minding your own business’?”

Thus, Noah told the stories of his adventures. He talked about Sylphtoria, both the beauty of the city and the epidemic. He spoke about how he caught the succubus, and how he and Elisandra consummated their relationship with the blessing of the spirits of nature, albeit while leaving out the more erotic details. He told them about Kisara Island and the battle against Valon, then the return to Sylphtoria and the months spent among the trees.

He mentioned being summoned by Lupin to help fight the Profane, and about Shannon and the centaur tribe. He described Welindar, his lab at the palace, and the battles that took place in its streets. He recalled the Profane prison and his tryst and battle with Carthace, reddening Sophia and Alexis’s cheeks. He addressed Lupin, the prince’s duel against Kaisen, the beastman’s return, and the mess with the fiend army. He finished with his meeting with Roroaka and the flight to Colbrand. While he spoke, he passed around his phone, showing everyone pictures he had taken. He also told Daniel about his curse and his quest to break it.

“Shit, and I was really hoping we would wow you with our church story,” said the dejected bard. “But has anyone told you about what your crazy ex-girlfriend did?”

The mood turned somber.

“Yeah, Aithorn told me. I rarely apologize for what I knowingly do, at least honestly, no matter how awful it may be, but I will apologize for any unintended consequences. I’m sorry you were left to deal with her, and things got so out of control while I was gone.”

“Yeah, Aithorn told me. I won’t honestly apologize for what I knowingly do, no matter how awful it may be, but I will apologize for any unintended consequences. I’m sorry you were left to deal with her, and things got so out of control while I was gone.”

“No, no, no, no, no, that is absolutely not true. He is totally to blame,” said Daniel. “Seriously, dude, I’ve heard the things that went on in that room from all the way down here. You didn’t just stick your dick in crazy; you poured a concrete foundation and built your house on a cursed Indian burial ground of crazy. You can’t make a girl scream like that every week and not expect her to throw sanity to the wind and lock onto you like a ball and chain.”

“My one true crime: being too good in bed. I’m cursed to bend women to my sexual will.”

“You joke, but I got stabbed in the shoulder because of you.”

“And I bet you’ve been both bitching and bragging about it ever since.” The giggling of the women confirmed Noah’s theory.

“So, how long are you in town?” Alexis asked.

“Just until Valia is all healed up, but we need to come up with a plan. Suffice it to say, we are out of leads and ideas.”

Customers started streaming into the Knight’s Sheath, and Lucius had yet to return. “Damn, I gotta get back to work,” said Alexis. “Sophia, mind helping me out?”

“Yeah, ok,” she replied, trying to hide her reluctance to leave the table.

“Cyrilo, want to keep this going in your study? I’ve got some magic stuff to talk to you about.”

“By all means.”

They retreated to her study, and Noah closed the door behind them. “So, you kept the Profane venom,” he said as soon as it was shut.

Walking to her desk, Cyrilo froze up. “Bella was bitten.”

“Spare me. Grond gave you a bottle of venom, and Bella somehow got her hands on it.”

Cyrilo sighed and collapsed dramatically into her chair. Her study had been repaired since Bella’s rampage, and much of the furniture, including her desk, was replaced. “How did you know?”

“After I got the bottle from Grond, I was curious and had it appraised. You know that muscular old guy who runs the apothecary downtown?”

“Carn? Wonderful man, nose like a hunting dog.”

“Oh, I was very impressed with his skill. But he couldn’t identify it, and I took a few sniffs myself. I spent months experimenting on Profane specimens and their low-quality venom, and it smelled so familiar, but I couldn’t figure it out. Then, when Aithorn told me about Bella, you could say it was a real “ah-ha!” moment.”

“I hope I’m not hearing judgment in your voice.”

“Just wanted everything cleared up.”

“Sophia may seem like she’s all smiles right now, but she has not forgiven me for keeping that venom. I’m not sure I can forgive myself, given what’s happened. Fortunately, she’s keeping her mouth shut. However, if it weren’t for her and that venom, I would have never unlocked the secret to eternal youth. Would you believe me if I said I was able to get my hands on some Abernathy’s Ichor?”

Noah maintained his poker face, but his eyebrows were itching to rise. “No kidding? I don’t suppose you still have some?”

A mischievous smile appeared on Cyrilo’s lips. “Maybe I used it all up, maybe not. You’re thinking it might help you with your own curse?”

“You tell me.” Noah held out his hand and projected the magic formula.

Cyrilo stared at the vast circle of runes, her face taking a new expression every second. “My God! I can’t believe you’re walking around with this etched onto your soul!”

“I managed to write the foundation of a counter spell to undo it, and have been tinkering with it for several months, but I could harness the molten core of this planet and every spark of magic on the surface, and it still wouldn’t be anywhere near the raw power I’d need to break this. I’m hoping you can help me whittle it down a little.”

Cyrilo gave a long, exasperated sigh. “I’ll certainly try. I bet it’ll be fun to work on, but damn, this is really bad.”

“Oh really? I hadn’t noticed. I’m also going to speak to Sir Elyot at the knight academy. Maybe he can offer some insight.”

“Good luck. I told you before about how he and I had a falling out when his lover decided to work for me. I bet you can guess who it was.”

“Are you serious?”

“Lewis and Bella, a mess for the ages. I’m not sure he’ll be pleased to see you. Anyway, let’s change the topic to something brighter. I know you have the elven queen waiting for you, but is there any chance I could talk you into doing another show? This city aches for a display of your skill.”

“I was thinking about that, and I actually have something different in mind. Hold on.” He moved back to her door. “Yo! Daniel! Come here!”

Daniel entered the study. “What’s up?”

“Cyrilo and I were talking about me doing a show, and I thought you and I could do one together.”

A look of horror crossed Daniel’s face, but he narrowly suppressed it. “Dude, I’m flattered, really, but—”

“Not that kind of show, but your reaction was definitely worth me being intentionally vague. Suffice it to say, I can’t take the risk of word about another “lecture” reaching Elisandra or Aithorn. I’m talking music.”

“What, you want that harp guy to make you a guitar?”

“Don’t need him to.” Noah held out his hands, and an illusory guitar appeared. “Due to my wealth of life experience, I’m quite fluent in almost every instrument, and thanks to my magic, I can conjure copies of them from memory. I figure I could back you up with a keyboard, drums, or—”

Daniel grabbed Noah by the shoulders with a stern look on his face. “Noah, I’m going to ask you a very dire question, and I need you to answer me honestly.” He paused. “Can you can play bass?”

The illusory guitar in Noah’s hands went from five strings to four. “You bet your ass I can play bass.”

Daniel gained the widest smile. “Oh, hell yes! We’re getting funky up in this house tonight!”

Cyrilo was confused. “Funky? What does that mean? Is it gross? Because it sounds gross.”

“It’s a genre of music,” said Noah.

“It’s a way of life,” added Daniel.

That evening, Valia left her home, riding on Shannon’s back.

“You know I trust Lord Noah completely, but pray to tell, why would he invite us to a brothel, of all places?” Shannon asked squeamishly.

“I honestly don’t know. The answer is either really good or really weird. He’s had a strange connection to the Knight’s Sheath since he first came here. It’s a big part of why we had to leave the country in the first place, and it’s had a surprisingly powerful influence on Colbrand these past couple of years. Now that he’s back, I can’t help but wonder what’s going to happen.”

They journeyed across the city, arriving at the Knight’s Sheath, where Alexis was waiting for them outside. “Lady Zodiac! Welcome!”

“Alexis! So this is where you work. Who would have thought a brothel would be the source of the Age of Information?” After Valia slid off her back, Shannon assumed her human form. “Alexis, this is Shannon. Shannon, Alexis Veres, my most dedicated student.”

“Noah told me about me all about you. It’s nice to meet you,” said Alexis.

Shannon bowed her head. “The pleasure is mine.”

“Please, come inside. We have a table prepared for you two.”

She brought them into the parlor, but it was surprisingly dark, with candles burning low in colored glasses, providing just enough light to move around without tripping, while the whole back of the room was kept in total darkness. Almost every table was packed, with people wondering what was going on. Normally, the Bard of Rock would do his evening concert, but there was no sign of him. Was it canceled? Their attention was drawn to a magical beam of light shining on the stage, revealing Madam Cyrilo. Valia and Shannon took their seats as she began to speak.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we have a special gift for you tonight. An old friend has made his way back to the Knight’s Sheath, a legend in his own right, here to join the Bard of Rock onstage. He arrived here on the back of a dragon. I’m not kidding; he was riding the dragon that was seen circling the battlefield yesterday. It is my great pleasure to introduce Noah, the Wandering Spirit!”

Madam Cyrilo transformed into a cat and hopped off the stage as more beams of magical light ignited, shining on the back of the stage and revealing Noah and Daniel, each holding their guitars, both real and phantasmal. There was a brief moment of shock and disbelief in the crowd, and then a wave of cheering and clapping swept through the Knight’s Sheath. Valia, Shannon, Alexis, and Sophia looked around with awed smiles, unable to believe the joy and excitement. Noah hadn’t even begun to play, yet he was already getting a standing ovation.

“Good evening, patrons of the Knight’s Sheath!” Noah announced, bringing down the fervor so everyone could hear him talk. “You know, the last time I was on this stage, I wasn’t making music, but it was quite the noisy affair.” Laughter bounced off the walls. “I can tell that my friend Daniel has been taking good care of you folks.”

“Man, I’ve been spoiling them rotten,” said Daniel, acting out the banter they had prepared and inciting more laughter. “But you know, I’m not sure I could ever fill your shoes. When you left, the world got a little bit bleaker. You really are amazing. No man could ever come close to doing what you’ve done, your incredible accomplishments. I could go on and on.”

“Oh, you dirty bitch! Work the shaft!”

“Excuse you?!”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I like to dirty talk when someone is sucking my dick.”

In the back, Shannon loudly snorted, and Valia choked on her drink from laughing. Sophia threw back her head, and try as she might, not even Alexis could keep a straight face. Everyone else was struggling to breathe and had aching ribs.

“Ok, that’s enough jokes,” said Noah. “I think these people want some songs. What do you say, Daniel?”

“What do I say? I say play that funky music!”

Noah began to strum his illusory guitar, filling the Knight’s Sheath with thumping cords, with Daniel joining in. That concert was one no one would ever forget. It was one wild evening.

The following day, Noah made the journey to the knight academy. He was a gold-rank knight, so it’s not like anyone would stop him, but he still used his invisibility to infiltrate the premises. There was nothing quite like visiting the old alma mater. There were still a couple of weeks before the end of the year, and cadets were hard at work, honing their skills under the tutelage of their superiors. He could see the sword training class out in one of the practice fields, being taught by Valia’s replacement. No matter who took over, it would be a downgrade, but it wasn’t their fault. Who could possibly compare?

A significant difference he noticed was several new buildings being constructed rapidly, courtesy of a combination of magical and physical labor. With all these new dorms and barracks, the admittance rate would double. If this growth continued, the academy could eventually churn out knights by the battalion. With the threat of the Profane, the country couldn’t afford to be choosy, yet after building the arena, it was a wonder the city could afford to be so accommodating.

He made his way to Elyot’s lecture hall beside the library. His lessons were mostly over, and he was helping cadets with their magical dissertations. While they were busy working on their projects, he stood at the front of the room, answering questions. Noah watched as a young woman approached.

“Excuse me, Sir Elyot, can you help me with this? No matter how many times I rework the formula, it refuses to activate.”

Elyot received her scroll and looked it over. “This is for a fire spell, right? Everything appears to be in order, and you’re using the correct parchment. Tell me about the ink.”

“It’s a mixture of welmer dew, silver frog saliva, skull falcon blood, and twister ashes.”

“Interesting choice.”

“The twister ashes are likely clashing with the frog saliva,” said Noah, standing in the doorway. “I recommend mixing the ashes in a pulma flower broth, boiling it down, and then drying it in early morning sunlight.”

A bitter smile crossed Elyot’s face, and he shook his head. “Noah, the Wandering Spirit. I never thought I’d see you in my hall again.”